Is dating a white man a "step up"?

[matuncks]

As for me, I date white men. Why? Because that is what I am attracted to.

Do I feel that I am dating up? Please, if he doesn't come with certain criteria already met, I won't waste my time, regardless of color. That includes psychologically(cause there are some crazy people out there), physically, right personality, and financially (as I have my own investmanet plan going). I lead a very stress free life, and I'd like to keep it that way. I have no issue with being alone at times. I always find something to do, a new class, a new hobby, volunteer work, or just bum out and watch Star Trek.

Do I care what other people think and that I get stares from black/white/in-between and everything else when I am out on dates? Hell no! They don't feed me! Last time I checked, I did that myself, so what do I care! I cannot be responsible for other people's thoughts and feelings when it comes to my happiness. Damn that! As long as they don't invade my space then "erryting cool" as we say on the island. Besides, I have more important things to think about, like growing my hair long and healthy! And, I respect everyone's preference, especially when they are happy!

 

[Valerie]

Yes, it would say it is a step but for the white man, he has got someone, absolutely gorgeous, when a white man is dating or married to a black woman, she is usually very educated, very attractive and very intelligent. So I think the white man (the decent ones) are so grateful.

 

[Annakei]

No, I don't think that a white man is a step up in any sense of the word. I do think that there is a shortage of GOOD black men who have their stuff together (ie-no baby mamms, degree with a 5 year plan), and even so some of them just act simple. Still, I could never view white man as a step up for me, NO WAY. My fiance is darker skinned than I am and I couldnt imagine ever thinking that any man, heck let alone a white man is better than my chocolate heath bar.

Furthermore, there are some BLACK women that do think this way. It is a pervasive school of thought even within the black community. I am fairer skinned than the rest of my family and than most of the men Ive dated. MY last BF's family thought it was such a step up for him to be dating a light skinned woman. LO and behold I visit them down in southern VA and ALL of his siblings are LIGHT SKINNED or white partners. I felt like I was on display or something and they admitted to having a color complex, talking about how nice and bright our children would be. Needless to say my stomach turned after that.....we broke up shortly afterwards.

Being from Jamaica where we live with white folks harmoniously, I never had that view that they were better, just another person on the street. When we moved here and as I grew older I realized how important skin color became for the people around me. Its sad because our black men are in a state where they need help to get back to where they should be...strong MEN...and meanwhile you have sistahs who have given up in search of the white light. I dont knock anyone's decision to seek the lighgt, just know that you are doing it for the RIGHT reasons and not because they are somehow better.

 

[Blossssom]

Yes, it would say it is a step but for the white man, he has got someone, absolutely gorgeous, when a white man is dating or married to a black woman, she is usually very educated, very attractive and very intelligent. So I think the white man (the decent ones) are so grateful.

I know... I never see a stellar white man with a tow up black woman. NEVER!

I sometimes see stellar black men with raggedy white women, though. Not often but once in a while.

 

[brownhaired_bonanza]

I sometimes see stellar black men with raggedy white women, though. Not often but once in a while.

I agree with that statement 100%. I have no prob with a black man dating a white lady, but for heaven's sake, don't scrape the bottom of the barrel! I know a white lady throwback (as in the white guys pass her over) when I see one.

 

[yourleoqueen]

I agree with that statement 100%. I have no prob with a black man dating a white lady, but for heaven's sake, don't scrape the bottom of the barrel! I know a white lady throwback (as in the white guys pass her over) when I see one.

I am in central AR and I see this so much it ain't even funny. And most of these throwbacks are veterans of the Negro rodeo. Going around the circuit from one black man to another. Dating this one this month and that one next month and so fourth. White men don't even want em cause it's well known they been bumping brothers. And if they do get with a white man, he's usually more busted than the brothers, but he gets a check the first of the month.

WHY would ANY man wanna be with a woman who was with his homey last month. Community booty I call em, cause anyone can get it and just about everyone has.

 

[brownhaired_bonanza]

WHY would ANY man wanna be with a woman who was with his homey last month. Community booty I call em, cause anyone can get it and just about everyone has.

That's too funny.

 

[Blossssom]

WHY would ANY man wanna be with a woman who was with his homey last month.

Because he has no CHARACTER!

 

[esoterica]

I know... I never see a stellar white man with a tow up black woman. NEVER!

I sometimes see stellar black men with raggedy white women, though. Not often but once in a while.

I've noticed this too.

 

[AceH]

I think it depends on the man you choose to date. My husband (who is white) wasn't much to look at in the eyes of my co-workers. He wasn't rich, didn' t have the "looks" that some guys in the so could get it post. What got me was the heart in the man. He wasn't rich, but did what he could for others and is known as a person who cares. He won me over with this and my family too. My theory is when a black woman finds the right man, it is a step up. Don't care about the media, what others say... if we left it to them to decide who we date, we'd all be a bunch of unhappy women! His grandparents were unhappy- old school italians, but he said I'm marrying you, not them. If they don't like it, too bad..... Gotta love a man that loves you back and let's no one stand in the way of your happiness. Go for it, sistsa. Especially if he is THE one!

Co-signing

 

[LDebagoria]

I think it depends on the social-setting.

Poor whites, trashy whites, rednecks and RURAL whites, tend to get heated when they see blacks with whites.

On the other hand, there are some whites who would ordinarily show a brother/sister no time, until they found out that the SO is white. All of a sudden, the brother/sister is worthy to converse with....

This is true. In the city I'm from, people are indifferent. Near my boyfriend's hometown, you get a few more looks than necessary, but still no one has anything to say aloud. Even if they do- f'em

 

[aqualung]

My mom was complaining that she doubts I'll bring a black man home.

She says that black women who marry outside of the race tend to marry someone who will bring them up -- someone whose career and financial position will supplement theirs. You might find a black male surgeon who married the white waitress from IHOP (Ex: Montell Williams marriage to a white stripper), but black women are more strategic when selecting a mate of a different race.

 

[ms jadu]

Okay, I think my comment may be a little OT, but I think some black women think it is a step up when they date a white man. I have several family members/friends who exclusively date white men and act helluva saddity. They feel that dating a white man gives them an advantage over other women who choose to date black males.They not only tear down black men (and women who choose to date thenm) but feel that they have more class, more etiquette, and are "more knowledgeable." Why is this?

Also, Like another poster stated, it too bothers me when white men(like my brother in law) makes sexuality the focus of why he chooses to date black women. When he discusses his "interracial experience" or if asked why he loves black women I don't hear, "She's intelligent" or "She's sweet" or "She's strong" it's more like " I love her body" "black woman have this or do this." This of course bothers me deeply.

 

[Blossssom]

Okay, I think my comment may be a little OT, but I think some black women think it is a step up when they date a white man. I have several family members/friends who exclusively date white men and act helluva saddity. They feel that dating a white man gives them an advantage over other women who choose to date black males.They not only tear down black men (and women who choose to date thenm) but feel that they have more class, more etiquette, and are "more knowledgeable." Why is this?

Also, Like another poster stated, it too bothers me when white men(like my brother in law) makes sexuality the focus of why he chooses to date black women. When he discusses his "interracial experience" or if asked why he loves black women I don't hear, "She's intelligent" or "She's sweet" or "She's strong" it's more like " I love her body" "black woman have this or do this." This of course bothers me deeply.

It oughta bother everybody who reads this... I so agree with what you stated, Ms. Jadu.

What I've noticed a lot about black women who have "crossover" appeal, they seem to think they are better than black women who do not have that "something-something".

The fact that they are able to attract a white man, puts them "heads and shoulders" above the rest that cannot. They feel PROUD to be with a white man.

In a sense, it's the same way black men feel when they are with a white woman... back in the day, that is. Back in the day, if a black man was with a white woman, that meant that he had accomplished something. Usually a fancy education, a good career or a lot of money.

Nowadays, though, even the brokest black man can secure a white woman. Of course, not the "cream of the crop" white woman, but for those black men who only want a white woman, any type will do

And again, not only do the stereotypes run roughshod through the black community, as you pointed out white men seem to get off on being with a black woman, especially if she is not a "crossover" black woman. Meaning, her hair ain't long, she ain't skinny, and she's not necessarily light.

I've seen a FEW, not many, but just a FEW white men with black women who are more ethnic. But for the most part, when I see white men with black women, the women are "Americanized". I'll just leave it at that. Same goes for Asian women, too. "Suited and booted" Jim likes a black or Asian Susan... MOST OF THE TIME!

 

[brownhaired_bonanza]

I've seen a FEW, not many, but just a FEW white men with black women who are more ethnic. But for the most part, when I see white men with black women, the women are "Americanized". I'll just leave it at that. Same goes for Asian women, too. "Suited and booted" Jim likes a black or Asian Susan... MOST OF THE TIME!

What do you mean by the above statement? Curiously asking....

 

[Chivara]

It oughta bother everybody who reads this... I so agree with what you stated, Ms. Jadu.

What I've noticed a lot about black women who have "crossover" appeal, they seem to think they are better than black women who do not have that "something-something".

The fact that they are able to attract a white man, puts them "heads and shoulders" above the rest that cannot. They feel PROUD to be with a white man.

In a sense, it's the same way black men feel when they are with a white woman... back in the day, that is. Back in the day, if a black man was with a white woman, that meant that he had accomplished something. Usually a fancy education, a good career or a lot of money.

Nowadays, though, even the brokest black man can secure a white woman. Of course, not the "cream of the crop" white woman, but for those black men who only want a white woman, any type will do

And again, not only do the stereotypes run roughshod through the black community, as you pointed out white men seem to get off on being with a black woman, especially if she is not a "crossover" black woman. Meaning, her hair ain't long, she ain't skinny, and she's not necessarily light.

I've seen a FEW, not many, but just a FEW white men with black women who are more ethnic. But for the most part, when I see white men with black women, the women are "Americanized". I'll just leave it at that. Same goes for Asian women, too. "Suited and booted" Jim likes a black or Asian Susan... MOST OF THE TIME!

Uh-oh, you know you done started something!

 

[melodee]

It seems there is a wave of "white man love" threads. Is it a new trend to discuss white men?

I say this cause I've been on the forums for a while, and I've known we had a good deal of women with white husbands or boyfriends, but there was never the bruhaha.

Andyway, it's no step up or step down. I think there are plenty of attractive white men, as well as men from other races and backgrounds. And I would date any of those men if I weren't already married to the most georgeous man.

 

[rozlips]

That's interesting, because my experience is just the opposite. Most of the black women I see with white men tend to be medium to dark complexioned, and they frequently have natural hair. I'm not sure what you mean by 'Americanized' but I take it to me a chocolate dipped Barbie doll, and I really haven't seen that. Now, it could be a generational thing because most of the women I know are my age or older, but its interesting that our experiences are so different.

As for the rest of your statement, I must say I really haven't encountered that attitude too frequently either. I know a few black women who married white men, and have met many more on the message boards I frequent, and I simply haven't encountered an air of superiority. Of course, there are some confused or misguided folks, but I'd say most of the people I meet, whether OL or RL, just seem regular about their relationships. Have the people you've met been dating IR for a long time, or are they newbies? It seems to me that newbies tend to be the ones who seem to have the most issues (makes sense, newbies in almost anything tend to have the most issues) but after a while they settle down and start getting real.

I've seen a FEW, not many, but just a FEW white men with black women who are more ethnic. But for the most part, when I see white men with black women, the women are "Americanized". I'll just leave it at that. Same goes for Asian women, too. "Suited and booted" Jim likes a black or Asian Susan... MOST OF THE TIME!

 

[rozlips]

Okay, maybe I'm misreading your post, but it seems that if you asked most men why they love a certain type of women (a general question) you're going to get a reaction in the physical realm. After all, to a general statement, that's pretty much all they can answer. They don't know if the women within that group are intelligent or sweet or what have you. I mean, if he said black women are smart, what type of nonsensical statement would that be? Presumably there are women in all racial groups that are smart. But if he says that black women tend to have the body type he prefers, that's a reasonable statement. Now, if you ask him why he finds a particular woman, his wife for instance, attractive, and he responds with something physical, then yes, that's a problem.

Also, Like another poster stated, it too bothers me when white men(like my brother in law) makes sexuality the focus of why he chooses to date black women. When he discusses his "interracial experience" or if asked why he loves black women I don't hear, "She's intelligent" or "She's sweet" or "She's strong" it's more like " I love her body" "black woman have this or do this."

 

[EssentialGrowth]

To answer the orginal question posed:

YES, in some cases dating a white man is a "step up", depending on his social status. I find most black women out there are dating, or are married to the white man who looks white on the outside, but tries his hardest to "act black" and talk ebonics, and then there are those black women who date white men who are middle class Democrats, coming from an Italian, Russian or Jewish family.


RARELY do I see black women dating the upperclass, WASPY-white-collar, golf-playing Republican-Brooks Brothers type doctor/lawyer/business man/CEO or Wall Street mogul making the big bucks.


Why is this the case? Can we go only so far when it comes to dating and marrying white men of a certain caliber? Are all white men attainable, no matter what their socioeconomic status, or political viewpoints? Can you honestly see yourself dating a white-collar Republican despite your contrasting views, lets say, on the race issues of this country ?


ETA: If it was ever the case of seeing a black woman with the type of white man that was aforementioned, for the most part it is a black woman who can easily assimilate into the white American culture when it comes to political and social viewpoints, her educational background, and of course her physical appearance.....similar to Condelezza Rice, only lighter-skinned.

 

[rozlips]

This is so funny, we just had this discussion over in another forum and were speculating on why so many of us have had conservative white men approach us. I was telling them that I get hit on primarily by three types of white men, artsy/creative types (my preference), radical/political (like too) or conservative business types (yucky). For the life of me I can't figure out the attraction that a white man who listens to Rush Limbaugh would have for me, but it happens more often than I'd like. Dh is very much a WASPY golf player who owns his own business. I don't know how you'd define big bucks, but we're doing pretty well.

I've gone out with a few conservative Republicans, and needless to say it wasn't exactly a love connection. I also know some black women who are married to the type of white guys you describe. Most of those black women are also conservative. That would make sense, I suppose. I'm guessing that the reason you don't see many conservative white men with black women, is that there are fewer conservative black women. And I'm not talking about conservative on a social agenda, there are plenty of those, but when you get to race and whatnot, most black women skew into a more liberal mindset.

RARELY do I see black women dating the upperclass, WASPY-white-collar, golf-playing Republican-Brooks Brothers type doctor/lawyer/business man/CEO or Wall Street mogul making the big bucks.


Why is this the case? Can we go only so far when it comes to dating and marrying white men of a certain caliber? Are all white men attainable, no matter what their socioeconomic status, or political viewpoints? Can you honestly see yourself dating a white-collar Republican despite your contrasting views, lets say, on the race issues of this country ?


ETA: If it was ever the case of seeing a black woman with the type of white man that was aforementioned, for the most part it is a black woman who can easily assimilate into the white American culture when it comes to political and social viewpoints, her educational background, and of course her physical appearance.....similar to Condelezza Rice, only lighter-skinned.

 

[mizbizzyb]

It oughta bother everybody who reads this... I so agree with what you stated, Ms. Jadu.

What I've noticed a lot about black women who have "crossover" appeal, they seem to think they are better than black women who do not have that "something-something". Yeppers!!!

The fact that they are able to attract a white man, puts them "heads and shoulders" above the rest that cannot. They feel PROUD to be with a white man. I personally know to many women like that!!!!! Always talking about what the man is doing for them, makes me sick....cause my king is doing for me just the same and it doesn't have to be topic of discussion, because it is supposed to be that way!

In a sense, it's the same way black men feel when they are with a white woman... back in the day, that is. Back in the day, if a black man was with a white woman, that meant that he had accomplished something. Usually a fancy education, a good career or a lot of money.

Nowadays, though, even the brokest black man can secure a white woman. Of course, not the "cream of the crop" white woman, but for those black men who only want a white woman, any type will do ....My friends and I, just had this discussion...so true!!

And again, not only do the stereotypes run roughshod through the black community, as you pointed out white men seem to get off on being with a black woman, especially if she is not a "crossover" black woman. Meaning, her hair ain't long, she ain't skinny, and she's not necessarily light.

I've seen a FEW, not many, but just a FEW white men with black women who are more ethnic. But for the most part, when I see white men with black women, the women are "Americanized". I'll just leave it at that. Same goes for Asian women, too. "Suited and booted" Jim likes a black or Asian Susan... MOST OF THE TIME!

 

[ms jadu]

Okay, maybe I'm misreading your post, but it seems that if you asked most men why they love a certain type of women (a general question) you're going to get a reaction in the physical realm. After all, to a general statement, that's pretty much all they can answer. They don't know if the women within that group are intelligent or sweet or what have you. I mean, if he said black women are smart, what type of nonsensical statement would that be? Presumably there are women in all racial groups that are smart. But if he says that black women tend to have the body type he prefers, that's a reasonable statement. Now, if you ask him why he finds a particular woman, his wife for instance, attractive, and he responds with something physical, then yes, that's a problem.

I guess it is really all about envirionment too that plays a factor. But in response to your question, whether it be general or specific, sexuality seems to be among the first things that these "white men" acknowledge about black women. You see here where I am from, you have some white men who try to mimic black men(i know whatever that means) and go for black women as some type of approval from Tyrone or RAy RAy. When you ask him why makes him atrracted to so and so, he mentions something related to her body or sex. This is What I HATE. If you are aren't color blind, its okay. But if you look at people as SEXUAL OBJECTS or FINANCIAL SECURITY as reasons for dating one group exclusively than you are lame.

 

[rozlips]

They date black women to get approval from black men? Wow! That's interesting, I've not encountered this, but as I've said before in my generation being black wasn't the in thing, so I rarely met any wannabes. I'm just speculating here, but I wonder if its a hip-hop thing? I mean, most of the young white males I see seem to be big into hip-hop and that seems to be the reason 'acting black' is so fashionable. And, of course, we know that hip-hop has a strong emphasis on the sexual, so maybe they think that's part of 'being black.' Of course, we know its idiotic, but I'm just wondering. I'll have to ask this question over at MK's. It's a new one on me.

You see here where I am from, you have some white men who try to mimic black men(i know whatever that means) and go for black women as some type of approval from Tyrone or RAy RAy. When you ask him why makes him atrracted to so and so, he mentions something related to her body or sex. This is What I HATE. If you are aren't color blind, its okay. But if you look at people as SEXUAL OBJECTS or FINANCIAL SECURITY as reasons for dating one group exclusively than you are lame.

 

[Blossssom]

What do you mean by the above statement? Curiously asking....

Meaning, they are educated, very beautiful, enjoy golf and tennis. They get along well with white people. I've never noticed a "colorism" factor, either. The white men seem to appreciate dark or light black women.

 

[Blossssom]

Uh-oh, you know you done started something!

WHY?! LOL!

Oh well, what ELSE is new!

 

[Blossssom]

I'll have to come back later and finish this duscussion...

Have a good day, folks!

 

[BronzedGoddess]

I think ANY black woman could date a white man as long as she's open to it. There is no type per say. I've seen white men with all types of black woman.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think ANY black woman could date a white man as long as she's open to it. There is no type per say. I've seen white men with all types of black woman.

So have I. I've seen white men with light skinned, biracial black women as well as dark skinned women. Attraction is the first step, and beauty comes in all shades. And to my knowledge, mostly black men seem caught up on the whole "my woman has to be lighter than a brown bag" tip.

Then, it comes down to personality, which has to do with the environment in which you were raised. It's not hard for me to believe that a black woman with a certain level of education, who likes "WASP-y" things, who has conservative views, who has been around white people, etc, has just as much in common with a white man as Becky or Heather.

 

[Chivara]

I guess it is really all about envirionment too that plays a factor. But in response to your question, whether it be general or specific, sexuality seems to be among the first things that these "white men" acknowledge about black women. You see here where I am from, you have some white men who try to mimic black men(i know whatever that means) and go for black women as some type of approval from Tyrone or RAy RAy. When you ask him why makes him atrracted to so and so, he mentions something related to her body or sex. This is What I HATE. If you are aren't color blind, its okay. But if you look at people as SEXUAL OBJECTS or FINANCIAL SECURITY as reasons for dating one group exclusively than you are lame.

I think black women have just been viewed as some sexual exotic creature for a long time by other races. We are normally viewed as having rhythm, wider hips, and bigger behinds and chests, so I think other races wonder what it's like to be with something different when they think about being with a black woman IMO. Back when slave masters were sleeping slaves, what reason did they have except for let me try that out and see if they are more sexual? I mean what would their reasons be for sleeping with slaves?

Even black men often say something about sleeping with a white woman b/c they are loose and sexually uninhibited. I know it was discussed on another thread how a lot of black men will sleep with a white woman but would never take one home to mom.

And of course there's the myth that black men have bigger sexual organs and have rhythm, so that's what attract other races to them. Now, the white man, I haven't really heard anything about them yet. Well there really isn't a sexual stereotypical view of them out there I don't think.