Cheating Husbands / Boyfriends

esoterica

esoterica

New Member
Would you stay with your husband/boyfriend if he cheated on you?
Have you already done this? If so, what made you stay?
I would like to imagine that i would leave regardless of his reasons.
 
NO! NEVER. I hate to be disrespected. And if a man cheats that means he doesnt have respect for you or the relationship. If you let him cheat what's the next boundry he can cross?
 
I dont think I would do it, but my mom stayed married to my father after many affairs. One of the women used to take me on shopping trips and beauty salons when I was a little girl, that's how bold she and my dad were! I asked my mother why she stayed and she said she doesn't think that cheating is the end of the world because most of the time it's just sex and she felt he loved her most. They're divorced now, but he's still trying to reunite with her.
 
No, i wouldn't. It's disrespectful and just plain wrong. If someone could hurt me like that, then that means that he doesn't really care about me or my feelings. Besides that, the risk of bringing in STDs and having other women's children. Too many bad things.
 
NO!!! but I guess that's easy for me to say now! I'm not married but me and my boyfriend have been together for a long time! I would even hate to think about him running around on me, So far he's the best man ever! :up:
 
Yes I have stayed BUT NEVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN will I do it again. The first time he's disrespectful Im out because it will only get worse. The only reason I stayed is because I thought I was in love but in retrospect it wasn't really love and the relationship was not healthy. I was just stupid and only saw him like I wanted him to be instead of the reality. :(
 
I was in this situation last year. My boyfriend cheated and I stayed for about a year afterwards and I finally ended the relationship. He was physically and verbally abusive. Cheating is blatant disrespect and it doesn't just happen. I understand people change throughout the years and after getting caught, many men state they are very sorry and even change for the better. I'm just not willing to take that chance with my health or sanity again.

Both people in a relationship should have time with friends and time apart. If you can't trust the other person for whatever reason, during that time apart, then what is the point? Black women should focus on their own happiness and health. A REAL man will eventually come your way, you just have to be patient.

My two cents :).
 
sky_blu said:
Yes I have stayed BUT NEVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN will I do it again. The first time he's disrespectful Im out because it will only get worse. The only reason I stayed is because I thought I was in love but in retrospect it wasn't really love and the relationship was not healthy. I was just stupid and only saw him like I wanted him to be instead of the reality. :(
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Ditto!!! I am the some exact way
 
I hate a lying conniving cheater. I would leave him in the dust. I don't need an explanation from someone with no integrity. As Maya Angelo says "When someone shows you/tells you who they are believe them". Actions speak louder than words. There is no excuse for cheating except someone was waiting for the opportunity to present itself. It that were not the case the guilt would eat them alive and they would have to cough up the truth an suffer the consequences. I have been thru this and left with my child in tow. Yeah I knew I was losing alot but it was worth my self respect.
 
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Thankfully , now I know my self-worth and I would not stay with someone who doesn't respect my self- worth.
I try to look at things like this- if the shoe was on the other foot, would he stay with me? As Whitney would say ,'hell to the no!!!'
 
my ex cheated on me. afterwards we were still close but i refused to say that we were still together but it did feel like we were. (long story). i learned a lot from that experience and if a man ever cheated on me again i would leave. i think cheating is just wrong. my mother thinks if a guy cheats its ok as long as he's doing it behind your back and not making himself obvious by doin it in front of your face. to me that's BS. if you're faithful to someone y cant they be faithful too? and he's being disrespectful. me and my friends were talking bout this last night and i got the impression that they felt guys cheat all the time so they would stay because men cheating is normal. yes a lot of men cheat but that doesn't make it excusable. what if they bring you home an STD or HIV because you felt it was "normal" for a guy to cheat? i'm sorry but i have to care about my health and no man is worth jepoardizing that. some women are sooo desperate to keep a man and are scared to be alone that they will put up with a man's s***. and i don't care if we have children together either your a** is out. i wouldn't want my children to see their dad cheating on their mom and they grow up thinking it is ok. and if I can't ever find a guy that will be faithful and will treat me right then I will stay by myself. I deserve better. just my 2 cents.
 
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My husband cheated on me while we were dating. Obviously I stayed because now he's my husband. I don't think you can judge an entire relationship on one incident. He was a caring, respectful, attentive guy for 99.999999% of our relationship. He made one stupid, insensitive, selfish decision. That is in no way excusing what he did but I chose to look at the big picture rather than focus on that one event. I would have left him if my trust in him had been destroyed but it wasn't. I probably would have also left if he hadn't agreed to go to counseling, but he did. We are now both in individual and marital counseling and it is helping a lot. You'd be surprised how many couples have dealt with the issue of infidelity and gone on to have happy, healthy relationships. I think the key is addressing the problems that led to the infidelity and not just expecting things to get better by themselves.
 
locabouthair said:
my ex cheated on me. afterwards we were still close but i refused to say that we were still together but it did feel like we were. (long story). i learned a lot from that experience and if a man ever cheated on me again i would leave. i think cheating is just wrong. my mother thinks if a guy cheats its ok as long as he's doing it behind your back and not making himself obvious by doin it in front of your face. to me that's BS. if you're faithful to someone y cant they be faithful too? and he's being disrespectful. me and my friends were talking bout this last night and i got the impression that they felt guys cheat all the time so they would stay because men cheating is normal. yes a lot of men cheat but that doesn't make it excusable. what if they bring you home an STD or HIV because you felt it was "normal" for a guy to cheat? i'm sorry but i have to care about my health and no man is worth jepoardizing that. some women are sooo desperate to keep a man and are scared to be alone that they will put up with a man's s***. and i don't care if we have children together either your a** is out. i wouldn't want my children to see their dad cheating on their mom and they grow up thinking it is ok. and if I can't ever find a guy that will be faithful and will treat me right then I will stay by myself. I deserve better. just my 2 cents.
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I have a friend that thinks the same way. She said that "at least I know that he loves me because he is trying to hide it from me" :eek: Well obviously he is not doing a good job if you know for a fact that he is cheating. And the thing that gets me is that he was cheating with her ex best friend. :mad:
 
I'm not married (I'm 23) but if the marriage is supposed to last till death, how can someone realistically expect a man (or woman) to be completely faithful after 20-30 years of just sleeping with one person? Times have changed and now women are throwing sex in men's faces so the temptation is ridiculous for them. I'm not condoning it. I've never cuaght a bf cheating, but if I've been married for 20 years, I have to assume that he got tempted or ran out once or twice.And, if I disvoered it, I don't think I'd throw my marriage away over a one time thing.
 
If my hubby cheated on me, yes I would stay, only if it heppened once. If I cheated on him, I know he would stay. We have come to far and have to much together to throw it all away.
Now boyfriends and fiance's are differenet stories.
 
I am actually in a situation now. I got with my sons father when I was 14 going on 15. He cheated on me, and when I found out I started to deal with someone else. His cheating lasted for a good while (we were off and on for a majority of it). The girl was absolutely psycho, we got into a fight at his house (I have a scar on my leg from being cut on his coffee table), she called and harrassed me at home and at work. This started in 97/98 and in 2001 I had to get an order of protection. That was the end of her. Unfortunately, I stayed and got pregnant. After my pregnancy, I found out about another girl...who claimed to have been with him for over a year (that would mean during my pregnancy)...He swears to this day that she is lying. I also cheated in the relationship, and my reason was because I was so unhappy. We finally broke up last year, and i've started to see him again. My parents (mainly my mom) and my family do not like him and have told me to leave him alone. So I think it's high time that I say goodbye for good. In the future, if I am blessed to be with someone else...would I stay if he cheated...I pray that I will have the courage to leave him.
 
A boyfriend would be history. A husband, well, maybe I would try to work that out - especially if there are children involved. No way in hell am I about to move to an apt and raise children all by myself and let some home-wrecking hoe slide up in here and have all my sh*t. Nope, nada, not happening.
 
Renee said:
A boyfriend would be history. A husband, well, maybe I would try to work that out - especially if there are children involved. No way in hell am I about to move to an apt and raise children all by myself and let some home-wrecking hoe slide up in here and have all my sh*t. Nope, nada, not happening.
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:lol: Just put him out to live with her! Let her handle his mess.

But seriously, boyfriends and fiances definitely would get the ax. If my DH cheated we'd try counseling first.
 
NYKittin said:
I'm not married (I'm 23) but if the marriage is supposed to last till death, how can someone realistically expect a man (or woman) to be completely faithful after 20-30 years of just sleeping with one person? Times have changed and now women are throwing sex in men's faces so the temptation is ridiculous for them. I'm not condoning it. I've never cuaght a bf cheating, but if I've been married for 20 years, I have to assume that he got tempted or ran out once or twice.And, if I disvoered it, I don't think I'd throw my marriage away over a one time thing.
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Well just because times have changed doesn't mean the sanctity of marriage has to. IMO, if he stands up in front of all our friends, family, and most importantly God,promising to forsake all others then thats what I expect for him to do. I personally don't have a problem with being with one person for the rest of my life and having sex with one person until one of us dies. Its just not that hard for me especially if I loved that person. I think its realistic because thats what I expect. I lay it out on the table when he walks into the relationship and if he can't handle it I give the option to leave before feelings get involved. Maybe my idea of marriage may change once I get married but my views on cheating will not no matter how long we've been together. If you not happy leave, if all we had left was time (the years we been together) in the relationship I dont think thats enough to stay especially if theres no love. But hey thats just me. :ohwell:
 
Brownie said:
If a person feels that way, he/she shouldn't take the wedding vows and get married. The solution seems simple to me; if you can't commit to one person, don't get married. A marriage is supposed to last, until death, and IMHO that is easier to do without bringing other lovers into the mix. Look what happened with Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, President Clinton, and need I mention Magic Johnson.



Times have not changed. There has always been tempation, and there has always been a way to resist it. Men are not children. They are responsible for their actions, and all they have to do is say "No thank you, I'm married. I'm not going to have a hamburger in the streets when I can have a steak at home. I've been with my spouse through thick and thin and he/she's stood by my side through the years; you just want me for one reason. Why would I throw away all I have for someone who doesn't really know me, someone who's just passing through my life?"



Just a little one time thing? What if he gave you AIDS from his "one time thing?" That insignificant "one time thing" would look like a really big thing then, wouldn't it? Monogamy and cheating don't go together. If one wants to continue sleeping with others, don't get married because a marriage is built on love, trust, and commitment. Marriage binds two people together into one person, and if you loved someone as much as you loved yourself, you would prefer your mate more than anyone else, and you would never want to hurt that person and temptations would not sway you one bit because your eyes would be focused on the future you are building and maintaining with that one person you pledged to love, respect and share yourself with for life. BTW, I am married and have been for a while.
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i agree with everythin you said especially the AIDS part. very well said.
 
Renee said:
A boyfriend would be history. A husband, well, maybe I would try to work that out - especially if there are children involved. No way in hell am I about to move to an apt and raise children all by myself and let some home-wrecking hoe slide up in here and have all my sh*t. Nope, nada, not happening.
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That's exactly how I feel. My ex and I just broke up a month ago because I found out he was cheating on me. I told him it would be different if we were married but since that's not the case I had to leave him alone.
 
What I wrote isn't necessarily my view, I'm just playing devil's advocate since it seems like 95% of men cheat at some point. I'm trying to put things in perspective. Like, I said I have never caught anyone cheating on me and at this point in my life I wouldn't stand for it, but I have known older couples (friends of the family) who have gone through it and survived it. If you've ever watched that show "Diary of an Affair" it's a look at real life couples who have committed adultery. Some of them decided to stay and work on their problems and they came out stronger for it. It's just a matter of personal choice.
 
I think that there is a difference between whether the man is a boyfriend or a husband. I also think that there are levels of cheating, was it just a one night stand or was he in a long term relationship (months or years) with the person. This being said, the person, the situation and my feelings at that time, would impact my decision on whether to leave or stay. But I would definitely not stay after forgiving the first time.
 
LiqueXX said:
I think that there is a difference between whether the man is a boyfriend or a husband. I also think that there are levels of cheating, was it just a one night stand or was he in a long term relationship (months or years) with the person. This being said, the person, the situation and my feelings at that time, would impact my decision on whether to leave or stay. But I would definitely not stay after forgiving the first time.
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YUP I agree.
 
missbobbie said:
That's exactly how I feel. My ex and I just broke up a month ago because I found out he was cheating on me. I told him it would be different if we were married but since that's not the case I had to leave him alone.
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I agree with Phoenix - every situation is different. I think the relationship has to be examined and what was going on during the "cheating". I don't believe you can just say "leave him" without knowing the issues surrounding it. Good people make mistakes. As for myself...I've been cheated on and stayed...I've also stayed in relationships where I wasn't cheated on but should have left sooner than I did for other reasons.

I am a little confused with this comment that several ladies here have agreed with. Why would it be forgivable for your husband to cheat, a person who has made a vow in front of family and friends in the true spirit of what marriage is "supposed" to be but not for your boyfriend who, I believe, has less to be accountable for. What I am saying is.....the level of commitment in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is lower than that of husband/wife so why would the bar be lower for your husband than for your boyfriend? Just wondering...
 
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