Cheating Husbands / Boyfriends

[miracle]

No.... It would be better if he would want to leave because I would make him miserable. I've taken back people in the past and it's never been worth it. Also these days it's just too dangerous to stay with cheating partners.

Very true!!!

 

[esoterica]

I just don't understand why it is ok for some men to risk throwing away a marriage but women don’t want to risk throwing away such a "good thing."

good point. i'd like to know too. men seem to be held to a lower standard, as though they are destined to cheat due to hormones or the male drive. whereas women dont need to cheat but may do so because they're wh0res.

 

[esoterica]

Also these days it's just too dangerous to stay with cheating partners.

exactly. wouldn't it be weird if someone had to use protection everytime they slept with their husband, due to the fact that he picked up an STD while cheating. realistically, some crazy women probably wouldnt even make their DH get tested after he cheated anyway. hence the passing on of AIDS and other STDs.

 

[jasmin]

It's scary. So whether married or not if I'm ok then I'm not going to risk myself even further to a disease that you can't get rid of or something that would straight up kill you. He's doing wrong and putting me at risk...not gonna do it.

 

[DigitalRain]

Husband/boyfriend, I don't care, if my man sleeps with another woman, we have to go our separate ways or divorce. After being cheated on in the past, I made it my mandate that if I marry and my husband cheats and I find hard evidence of it, I am filing for divorce that same day, kids or no kids. No explanations, no begging, pleading, tantrums,whining, why baby did you do it,counseling, blah, blah. I have absolutely no time for a man who is whoring around behind my back putting my life and health at risk especially when I know I'm a damn good woman. Marriage is death till you part, but God also allow for divorce in case of infidelity, and you better believe I'll make good use of that allowance if necessary.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I don't think there's one right answer, but if a woman stays, it's important the man is really committed and not a situation where he's learned to hide it better next time.

I work with mostly men and many cheat, some wives are really not bright, others are, but the cheaters are good.
One guy would let his wife catch him in what looked like inappropriate behavior only to have it turn out to be nothing in order to break down her awareness, so when he did go/do something with the other girl she would think "oh well it's probably nothing". Another had a homemade manual for cheating and having the perfect marriage at the same time.
I knew a woman that found out when they went to finance a car and she noticed a judgement for child support on his credit repor She took him back, did he cheat again? yes.

IMO, it takes a strong man to not cheat again after getting away with it, it's like candy, most will always come back for another if they can get away with it.

 

[Blossssom]

Depends on if we have children or not... it wouldn't be "back to business as usual", though.

Husband only... not boyfriend.

 

[CandiceC]

I don't think there's one right answer, but if a woman stays, it's important the man is really committed and not a situation where he's learned to hide it better next time.

I work with mostly men and many cheat, some wives are really not bright, others are, but the cheaters are good.
One guy would let his wife catch him in what looked like inappropriate behavior only to have it turn out to be nothing in order to break down her awareness, so when he did go/do something with the other girl she would think "oh well it's probably nothing". Another had a homemade manual for cheating and having the perfect marriage at the same time.
I knew a woman that found out when they went to finance a car and she noticed a judgement for child support on his credit repor She took him back, did he cheat again? yes.

IMO, it takes a strong man to not cheat again after getting away with it, it's like candy, most will always come back for another if they can get away with it.

A manual? Dangee

 

[esoterica]

I made it my mandate that if I marry and my husband cheats and I find hard evidence of it, I am filing for divorce that same day, kids or no kids. No explanations, no begging, pleading, tantrums,whining, why baby did you do it,counseling, blah, blah. I have absolutely no time for a man who is whoring around behind my back putting my life and health at risk especially when I know I'm a damn good woman. Marriage is death till you part, but God also allow for divorce in case of infidelity, and you better believe I'll make good use of that allowance if necessary.

thats exactly how i feel.

 

[SerenityBreeze]

I am going through this as we speak. I have been dating by BF for 4 years. He cheated on me a year ago and I forgave him. He seemed sincere, and I belived him.

I feel that everyone's situtation is different and if you decide to forgive, you really forgive and should let it go. Forgive and forget. That is what will make it work. (There are even books out there on the process of forgiving the unforgivable)

Now, in my case, I did forgvie and forget. Our relationship grew stronger and we began talking about marriage. However, just last weekend, I learned that he cheated AGAIN!

There is no way that I can justifying staying with this man if I love my self. I beleive that there are good men out there and while all the years we have been together, I wanted to get married, God knew he was just not he one for me.

After all I have been through, If I got cheated on again by the next man I date, would I stay and give him a second chance, probably not. But I wont say forgiving and it working out is impossible. Thru God anything is possible if you both feel and want the relationship to work.

Obivoiusly, my man was not on the same level as I. I thank God for him cheating now vs after my vows because I would have been devastated. All things happen for a good reason.

 

[esoterica]

Now, in my case, I did forgvie and forget. Our relationship grew stronger and we began talking about marriage. However, just last weekend, I learned that he cheated AGAIN!

it's unfortunate you went through that
this is exactly why i could never stay with someone after they cheated on me. what the man tells you he's gonna do, and what he actually ends up doing is usually 2 different things. no man will ever say "yeah baby, i think i might end up cheating on you again". they just say all the good stuff we want to hear. all the promises in the world won't stop them cheating in the future. talk is cheap, and often incredibly misleading.

 

[Jewell]

If my boyfriend cheated, I would leave him. I have been through hell and high water with my ex recently and to add cheating on top of that would be too much. If my husband cheated, I would forgive, but I would say it warrants a divorce. I'm surely taking God's allowance for divorce in the case of infidelity. I would not put my life at risk or my childrens' (if there were any) by allowing a cheating husband to bring home HIV or any number of other STD's.

 

[esoterica]

@ Jewell
so you would forgive him and then still get divorced anyway?

 

[Naijaqueen]

I am going through this as we speak. I have been dating by BF for 4 years. He cheated on me a year ago and I forgave him. He seemed sincere, and I belived him.

I feel that everyone's situtation is different and if you decide to forgive, you really forgive and should let it go. Forgive and forget. That is what will make it work. (There are even books out there on the process of forgiving the unforgivable)

Now, in my case, I did forgvie and forget. Our relationship grew stronger and we began talking about marriage. However, just last weekend, I learned that he cheated AGAIN!

There is no way that I can justifying staying with this man if I love my self. I beleive that there are good men out there and while all the years we have been together, I wanted to get married, God knew he was just not he one for me.

After all I have been through, If I got cheated on again by the next man I date, would I stay and give him a second chance, probably not. But I wont say forgiving and it working out is impossible. Thru God anything is possible if you both feel and want the relationship to work.

Obivoiusly, my man was not on the same level as I. I thank God for him cheating now vs after my vows because I would have been devastated. All things happen for a good reason.

Oh wow, u sound so strong yet I'm sure u must be hurting. I hope time is a factor here and that you find healing and peace within.

 

[shalom]

This is a tuff one. I've been cheated on before and I went back to him after several months, the relationship was better than ever, but I found myself unable to trust forgive or forget it drove me crazy I drove him crazy ultimately the relationship tanked. I'm not down with cheating.

 

[andreab]

Would you stay with your husband/boyfriend if he cheated on you?



No way! I have stayed before and I can honestly say that infidelity in a relationship ruins things.... and ultimately ruins the betrayed person's self esteem.... It just isn't right!

This would be my issue. I have a health level of self-esteem but if he disrepected me by cheating I am not sure I would be able to stay and not feel unattractive

 

[esoterica]

This would be my issue. I have a health level of self-esteem but if he disrepected me by cheating I am not sure I would be able to stay and not feel unattractive

i agree with this. staying is condoning the behaviour. almost as if you think he was justified in cheating. if a man is willing to risk losing me, then i'm straight out the door!

 

[NapturalGlory]

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[Divine Inspiration]

Good thread...

 

[MzTami]

Okay..Here I am with my Opinion..First of all, I despise cheating PERIOD!

I don't know why you ladies are giving your husband passes and not the boyfriend or fiance? To me, cheating is cheating! I think it's worst if a husband cheats as opposed to a boyfriend or fiancee. Husbands should hold much much more respect and commitment toward their wife than anyone!

I've been cheating on before in the past.. I stayed because I was young, dumb, and full of _____. In other words I was DUMB as a door knob. Now, if you fool me once, shame on you, if you fool me twice shame on me! I really feel sorry for my husband if he were to EVER cheat on me. Oh he will not get a pass, just because he's my husband, investments, finances, kids, time, he's sorry, baby I love you and I'll never do it again, I was drunk, she made the first move, you were always working and not spending enough time with me, I was bored, It's a man thang, and etc.. He better run like his arse was on FIRE!

Okay..I'm calm now, NO I will not stay with a CHEATER!

 

[esoterica]

Oh he will not get a pass, just because he's my husband, investments, finances, kids, time, he's sorry, baby I love you and I'll never do it again, I was drunk, she made the first move, you were always working and not spending enough time with me, I was bored, It's a man thang, and etc.. He better run like his arse was on FIRE!

Okay..I'm calm now, NO I will not stay with a CHEATER!

i really hate that excuse. as though every man will just accpe what is thrown in their faces. though, i suppose most men are willing to take whatever is offered on a plate...

 

[comike]

If a boyfriend cheated....NO. If it was my husband....it all depends on what happens afterward...how he acts, reacts or does not act. I realize that sometimes we yield to temptations and we do things that we should not do that jeopardize the relationships that are most important to us. We all become vulnerable at certain points in our lives. I've never cheated on anyone and I can't imagine doing so but never say never. And, if I happend to fall into that situation, I would want the same courtesy given to me. If I felt that my husband was truly sorry for what happened and sincerely wanted to remain in our relationship and do what it took to rebuild what he tore apart, I would definitely give it a try.

 

[Summer_Rain]

is there anyone here who thinks their current SigO/husband is incapable of cheating?

My question has always been: Would you really want to know...if your mate cheated to begin with?

All things considered, I think their are more women who have been cheated on, than those who have not. That being said, I'd have to be in the situation to say exactly what I would do. I'm not one to say "I would never!" Because lo and behold, thats exactly when you find yourself in that exact situation. Thats part of the reason why I never judge another woman on the decisions she makes in her relationship...i can't say what i would do in her shoes

 

[dlewis]

I have always told my husband that if I find out in 10 years that he cheated 15 years ago, I'm gone. I don't have room in my life for that. I watched my mother, aunts, cousins and friends be cheated on most of my life. I will not tolerate that.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

I had a boyfriend that i 'knew/suspected cheated on me...and i cowarded out and never asked him the question cause i was afraid of the answer. We were still together but i prepared my mind mentally to stop looking at him as 'my man' and just started seeing him as just someone who is in my life right now and is soon to exit. (which is not healthy) As i am older, i'd like to think that I would be a big enough woman and call him out and kick him to the curb. as a matter of fact, i know i would...AIDS aint no joke, neither is deadbeat dads, neither is some sorry *** selfish man smiling all up in yo face. As a married woman, i'd say that this is my biggest fear because i'd carefully selected my hubby and he has proven to be one of the very few faithful guys that are still around. So i would want to divorce him but how do you know if the marriage is worthy of being salvaged? I dont know...good question.
But yesterday my hubby came home from the gym yesterday and he was like 'baby u is sooo lucky, you have got a good man'. which shocked me and i was like, yea i know that honey. and he told me the story of one of his gym friends who is married was telling him 'yea i met the lady and we supposed to be meeting at the club and the beautifl thing is that she is married to, so its gon be all good." He said the guy made him sick to his stomache because he sounded like he was boasting. So my hubby felt the need to tell me that i aint ever ever ever gotta worry about him stepping out. I believe him, he aint did it when we were dating so he has proven himself faithful and so have i!!! Heck, i should be more worried about him cheating on me with is business and his stock trading, than with another chick...

 

[naijamerican]

Mizani_Mrs, I'm really happy for you that you have a such a great marriage and a faithful husband. That man that he was talking about makes me sick! I'm so disappointed by how standards for marriage have gone down to the point that people would boast about cheating. Is it really that deep? I truly admire people who stay with their partners or spouses, but as someone so eloquently stated it, since God permits divorce in the case of cheating in a marriage it is a pass card I will use. Honestly, I might consider working it out in a marriage, but since I'm nowhere near that allow me to focus on dating.

If my boyfriend cheated on me, he's out! But to be quite frank with you, there are some factors that would prevent me from adhering to that stance:

1. Crack: If I was as high as Whitney, then I probably would stay. That's the only way my judgement could be impaired in such a way.

2. If he's the only source of food in the entire world: I would stay. I really like to eat, and if there was no other way in the world for me to do so, I would stay with him...and then knock him out and roast him over a fire!!:angeldevi

 

[blueabyss333]

Mizani_Mrs, I'm really happy for you that you have a such a great marriage and a faithful husband. That man that he was talking about makes me sick! I'm so disappointed by how standards for marriage have gone down to the point that people would boast about cheating. Is it really that deep? I truly admire people who stay with their partners or spouses, but as someone so eloquently stated it, since God permits divorce in the case of cheating in a marriage it is a pass card I will use. Honestly, I might consider working it out in a marriage, but since I'm nowhere near that allow me to focus on dating.

If my boyfriend cheated on me, he's out! But to be quite frank with you, there are some factors that would prevent me from adhering to that stance:

1. Crack: If I was as high as Whitney, then I probably would stay. That's the only way my judgement could be impaired in such a way.

2. If he's the only source of food in the entire world: I would stay. I really like to eat, and if there was no other way in the world for me to do so, I would stay with him...and then knock him out and roast him over a fire!!:angeldevi

You know you ain't right.

 

[Candy_C]

i told my man if he ever cheated on me, and i found out i would dissapear..."poof* gone...number changed etc, he wouldn't be seeing me again! i have no time for players....and theres PLENNTTYY of men out there!

 

[naijamerican]

You know you ain't right.

Yeah, I know... and ole boy will find out too if he cheats!

 

[Jas123]

Well just because times have changed doesn't mean the sanctity of marriage has to. IMO, if he stands up in front of all our friends, family, and most importantly God,promising to forsake all others then thats what I expect for him to do. I personally don't have a problem with being with one person for the rest of my life and having sex with one person until one of us dies. Its just not that hard for me especially if I loved that person. I think its realistic because thats what I expect. I lay it out on the table when he walks into the relationship and if he can't handle it I give the option to leave before feelings get involved. Maybe my idea of marriage may change once I get married but my views on cheating will not no matter how long we've been together. If you not happy leave, if all we had left was time (the years we been together) in the relationship I dont think thats enough to stay especially if theres no love. But hey thats just me.

ITA!!
People (men especially) need to understand new sex will turn into old sex..then what? On to the next?
To me cheating is not neccessarily about sex, it's about either issues with the person who's doing the cheating or issues in the relationship (which boils down to issues with the person doing the cheating ). I will forever know that monogamy is possible whether 100 years ago or in this current environment we live in.
I don't think there is anything better (or sexier) than the intimacy of being with one person and the life you've built together (with the ups/downs)