Ladies who haven't cheated - are you ever tempted?

[DarkVictory]

OT (but relevant): Do you think that the "added appeal" for some of these guys is that you are married/in relationships? I mean, some of my married friends say there are guys that seem to relentlessly pursue married/attached women the same way some women pursue married/attached men!

Definitely.

 

[blazingthru]

No I never wanted to cheat on my husband. I knew what was out there, no love. we had love and I had relationships before and there was no love and there was a difference to me. I SHOULD HAVE CHEATED, No I am glad I didn't I wouldn't want that burden on me. I been separated for 16 months and haven't cheated.

 

[Vinyl]

I thought I'd bump this thread with an update - I'm with a new person now, and I only have eyes for him. The thought of cheating hasn't ever crossed my mind... It's an interesting experience. It tells me that for me, personally, if I'm looking at other men it means I'm not happy in the current relationship.

 

[mama22]

No, im never tempted to cheat and i have been with my husband for 6 yrs. You may ask why, well because you can cheat and loose the best thing that ever happened to you thinking that the grass will be greener on the other side, when you can go through the same problems with the next man or worse no to mention being at risk for HIV( you know we are #1 right now and over half dont know it!) I just say that im not goona risk loosing my 80% for 20%!

 

[SelahOco]

When I first married I took every precaution not to be tempted. I never looked an attractive man in the eye, etc. But now after 4 years, I have found myself tempted a couple times. Not as much as my DH though...I think men and women are just different that way. And DH and I talk about it all the time -- the more open we are the less likely we are to fall.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

I have never cheated on my bf, even though I have encountered some FINE men...I have been cheated on before and the feeling of finding out is so crushing that I wouldn't want to do that to someone else ever. Have you seen "Why did I get married?" by Tyler Perry? That 80/20 rule sums it up. Don't leave something for 20% of enjoyment, when you already have 80% at home.

 

[BlueNile]

I cheated in my first marriage because I was going through horrible mental and physical abuse and this was the only way I felt I could get even. But, I felt horrible during and afterwards. I hated it. There was no enjoyment in it whatsoever for me.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I think most people are tempted somewhere along the line in a long relationship. But the question is if you act on it or not.
I have never been unfaithful to anyone and I'm not starting now.
It's all about the golden rule...

I second that. I don't think I have it in me, even in horrible relationships I haven't had been tempted...

 

[LovinLocks]

I think everyone is tempted at one time or another.

Not Bible thumping but the Bible says to, "flee from temptation".

he says "flee" from it. Staring it in the face while it's kissing on your neck and whispering sweet nothings in your ear while you stand there saying "no no no" is not the way to go.

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!

Don't know what "Bible thumping" is but what you wrote above is straight from it and wisdom personified. I am glad you wrote it.

Remember the account of Joseph and Potiphar's wife?????

 

[MissYocairis]

I cheated in my first marriage because I was going through horrible mental and physical abuse and this was the only way I felt I could get even. But, I felt horrible during and afterwards. I hated it. There was no enjoyment in it whatsoever for me.

But you know what? Thank you and to the other ladies who have cheated and admitted it in this forum. And, nobody can judge you for what was going on between you and your husband at the time. Because no one knows exactly the dynamic at play between the two of you.

I think at least 15% of those who say they haven't cheated in this forum actually have. Don't women cheat more than men? (studies show?) Women are just waaaay more sly and protected about it. They won't even tell their bff let alone a message board.

I was married and neither my exH nor I cheated during the marriage. We had other issues that were major but infidelity wasn't one of them. BUT...I DID cheat on boyfriends prior to being married when I was very young. And, I just don't regret it. It was what it was.

 

[facets]

seriously no. This is my second marriage and my FH was a sumb*tch & I never cheated then. Definitely wouldn't now w/DH.

I'm not blind & do notice nice-looking and or charismatic guys and get 'crushes'. Dh teases me abt Anthony Bourdain, Kobe, Vincent Cassell etc. I tease him abt Muriel Hurtis, that Floetry gal, or whoever but it's nothing deep.

My parents were the same way only it was Valerie Coleman and Marcus Allen or Sean Connery.

 

[LovinLocks]

Mostly, naw, 'cause I'm just too lazy; don't wanna be bothered with another one!

 

[Blessed_Angel]

Never say never...lol.

I've been tempted here and there. When I get really mad at DH, I be wishing that I had a man on the side to sex me up. But in reality, I know that I couldn't do it. I do feel the temptation when we haven't spent much time together; and I miss the attention. But I know that I couldn't do it; and then come home to him. So instead of thinking those thoughts; I just focus on making our relationship better and better.

 

[doll-baby]

I have never cheated on my boyfriend, and honestly have never been tempted until recently. A very attractive man started flirting with me and wanted to exchange numbers. I told him that I was in a relationship and of course he didn't care. I told him that I do not give out my number but that I would take his. I felt guilty just by doing that. I actually considered calling him but then I thought about my SO and what we have together (6 yrs / 3 kids). I love him and I would not risk tarnishing our relationship over a pretty face .

 

[Hot40]

Never say never...lol.

I've been tempted here and there. When I get really mad at DH, I be wishing that I had a man on the side to sex me up. But in reality, I know that I couldn't do it. I do feel the temptation when we haven't spent much time together; and I miss the attention. But I know that I couldn't do it; and then come home to him. So instead of thinking those thoughts; I just focus on making our relationship better and better.

Love this answer

 

[lexi84]

I was tempted before I fell in love with him. In the beginning I had wandering eye syndrome. Now I dont see anyone else when he's around.

 

[chelsea1]

I think it's part of human nature to have feelings of stepping out on your spouse/SO for what ever reason.

Like someone else said, it only becomes a problem if you decide to act on it.

I have been married for 10 yrs. and at about the 5yr. point I was tempted, but never acted on it (thank god)! It doesn't even cross my mind now a days...... I have a good life, why complicate it with someone I'm not going to leave my husband for anyway.

Not only that, I'm to afraid of catching something from someone....I love myself, my husband and my children to much!

 

[Transformer]

Heavens Yes!

It confirms I'm still alive! I like being tempted...gets the pulse rate up above 60! I wonder what those 3 minutes would be like and then remember I would regret it for more than that. Plus, I imagine the hurt and pain my spouse would endure...then I forecast the humiliation I would feel over succumbing to flattery...I'm worth much more than that NOW!
Look spouse and I was broke as hell when we first got married, so flattery was all he had. Nowadays, I holding out for "an indecent proposal" worth big, big, bucks (minimum price $10 million) and doesn't come with a sexual transmitted disease AND my self-respect! Quite a tall order.

If only that Australian guy( I was mesmerized by his accent) had offered a bit more than....

 

[JustKiya]

Sure. I've seen some fine men walk by and I've thought "hmm...I wonder what he's like". And I've been at dinner with friends of my co-workers and thought "wow, now that's an attractive man with a good head". But that's about as far as it goes.

Commitment for me isn't about NOT being attracted to other people. It's the conscious decision that what you stand to gain by cheating is a lot less than what you stand to lose in your current relationship.

I don't want to be with someone who's so blinded by me they don't see anyone else. I want someone to CONSCIOUSLY choose me and vice versa.

Oh I get tempted alright. Ooooh Lawd! But I haven't done it. I feel that if I want to cheat, then it's time for me to re-evaluate my relationship & decide if I want to stay or not. I'm an all-or-nothing type of dater. Either I'm with you, or I'm not. Simple as that.

Exactly. I'm tempted on a daily basis. I'm married, not blind. Men are gorgeous, and lord, lord, there are so many lovely nuggets of fineness wandering around the world. Esp. since my preference is dark chocolate and I'm married to a eggnog latte? Shhhhhhhhoooooot. There's been many a man I've idly wondered about, and if I wasn't married, may have tried to sample.

But, I am. And I would never do anything that would even begin to risk the love, trust, dedication, devotion, etc, etc, etc, I have waiting for me at home.

And despite knowing that I'm good enough to not get caught - it's just not worth it. At all. If it ever comes to a point where I actually have to even CONSIDER if it's worth it, it better be somebody on my list, or DH and I need to sit down and seriously re-evaluate our relationship.

 

[MD_Lady]

I think it's part of human nature to have feelings of stepping out on your spouse/SO for what ever reason.

Like someone else said, it only becomes a problem if you decide to act on it.

I have been married for 10 yrs. and at about the 5yr. point I was tempted, but never acted on it (thank god)! It doesn't even cross my mind now a days...... I have a good life, why complicate it with someone I'm not going to leave my husband for anyway.

Not only that, I'm to afraid of catching something from someone....I love myself, my husband and my children to much!

Too true. I've never cheated on anyone and have never been tempted, but from what I've seen others go through, the is a MAJOR difference between reality and fantasy... and people find that out when it's too late.

ETA: Thank you for being honest. This is real talk and marriage/relationships IRL aren't like the movies. IMO, more people would stay married and have happier marriages if they knew this up front.

 

[MD_Lady]

Exactly. I'm tempted on a daily basis. I'm married, not blind. Men are gorgeous, and lord, lord, there are so many lovely nuggets of fineness wandering around the world. Esp. since my preference is dark chocolate and I'm married to a eggnog latte? Shhhhhhhhoooooot. There's been many a man I've idly wondered about, and if I wasn't married, may have tried to sample.

But, I am. And I would never do anything that would even begin to risk the love, trust, dedication, devotion, etc, etc, etc, I have waiting for me at home.

And despite knowing that I'm good enough to not get caught - it's just not worth it. At all. If it ever comes to a point where I actually have to even CONSIDER if it's worth it, it better be somebody on my list, or DH and I need to sit down and seriously re-evaluate our relationship.

More real talk. Thank you for being honest.

 

[GlossMeUp]

Of freaking course! Who hasn't LOL....

 

[PanamasOwn]

This is a very current situation for me... Been with SO for 4 years...but 3 of those years have been bull$h!t that I had to deal with... During those those times...never thought about entertaining, messing with or even talking to another dude...

Now he is just starting to get right after ALL that junk and an old high school flame has popped up (6 years later) confessing his feelings for me. I have been entertaining it for the past few days and know that it is wrong so I told him we had to chill out with all the flirting (we are in different states so it wasnt anything too bad)

I have NEVER cheated on a bf before, but i guess I got tired of feeling like the one who was ALWAYS faithful and always by his side so I entertained the advances of another...

I am glad I put a stop to it (on today) he was trying to come and visit his folks and they live in the same city as me...there is no telling what would have gone down

 

[PhoenixRose360]

Been with SO for almost 5 yrs and the last couple of years has been a lot of bullsh*t. I've put up with it, but been getting tired of it. Now I've been hanging out with an ex, that could so get it, and he knows it. But I'm trying to stay away, lol!!!!

 

[Lucie]

Been with SO for almost 5 yrs and the last couple of years has been a lot of bullsh*t. I've put up with it, but been getting tired of it. Now I've been hanging out with an ex, that could so get it, and he knows it. But I'm trying to stay away, lol!!!!

Totally OT, you're not working today?

 

[sxyhairfetish]

Yea I too am not blind and encounter gorgeous men on a daily basis.... so the temptation comes, but then I think about all the bullsh** that comes along with cheating and it quickly goes away... complete TURN OFF lol I have complaints about my relationship, but not enough to cheat.

ETA: And if he ever cheats on me, id rather kick his **s and kick him out, or kick his *ss and then forgive him (least of the two likely) than play the revenge thing.... that only makes thing uglier and I end up looking just as bad as him or worse.

 

[Lucie]

I've cheated. And the person I cheated on knows.

 

[Lovestyr]

i do beleive in an monogomus relationship or marriage but , at the same time.....there are so many fin emen out there.......why cant you just have an open marriage...before you go bashing me .you have to realize that a big majority of men and women lets say 60 percent have cheated on one of their significant others before,,to squash the problems do it like will and jada and keep it real..

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I love my partner too much to even think about it. And i wouldnt disgrace myself by doin so. I have never been tempted, would never put myself in a situation where i would be tempted...but im very happy in my relationship and im the kind who keeps herself to herself so i guess thats understandable, even if i wasnt happy with my relationship i know i wouldnt be tempted.

 

[*5+5]

NEVER been tempted EVER! I wish I wasn't this way sometime...I've never cheated on any boyfriend I've had. I'm a Taurus and with that comes xtreme loyalty.

The most I ever did was when I was broken up with my current SO, I made out with a guy while on vacation with my friends in Puerto Rico. I had to force myself to do that, by the way the guy was sooooooooo gawjus, so that helped.

Like a dummy I told SO about it, and he still have nightmares about it erplexed