2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

So he's been casually bringing up our future. I know marriage it is a little ways off since there are still 2 hours between us. He's been hinting at me moving out that way, especially now that I've been laid off and he thinks I should focus on freelancing (I have no desire to remain in my current city as I moved out here for this job). He'd let me live in his rental property (it's on the same block as his house) rent free. Yea, it's technically shacking, but if I'm going to get serious about not returning to corporate America, this setup will help me jump right into self-employment. If things don't work out, I can easily strike out on my own somewhere else with all of the money I'd be saving :look:.

No decisions will be made just yet. We have a trip week after next and we'll be together for close to 2 weeks, so that will be the test :look:. I'm just praying and asking for guidance in all of this. Waiting on a sign.
 
@PrissiSippi

We’re on the same page with the ordering...I’m not use to ordering my food unless I’m dining alone—been this way since getting married. But as a divorced and dating woman, it’s been great at times and others not so great when it’s a man who isn’t use to this. The uncomfortable times consist of me racking my brain on what order, looking up at him in distress, and him looking back at me like an idiot, and then I settle with ordering what he ordered.

A couple men found it funny and “dainty” for which they would save me and then order for me. Of the me who didn’t jump to take over, looked clueless and then after I order, I would explain that I prefer a man to order for me. Some have opposed for reasons of discomfort (these are the guys I dont want) while others apologized and appreciated the fact that I let them know instead of dismissing them.

Same with the utensils and napkin—some get it and others are open for the training. But when I do this, they are shocked. Happy but taken back. Beta beau is the only man who would order for me and him, then scoot back in his seat and look at me like I’m ready for the placement (which I like).
 
FYI beta beau is visiting this weekend:look:

We’re going spend time talking about some “bumps in the road” and “misunderstandings” as he calls them. I’m all ears and ready with a short list of “what you’re not gonna do’s”. Pride aside, I’ve missed him....well we’ve missed each other.

I still have dates and people I’m interested so we shall see.

okay i’m out for real until sometime in June :lol:
 
Last night we talked about an JOP wedding with a small reception and potentially having one more child. I noticed on his work documents (he recently started a new job) he put down he had three kids (2 daughters and a son) and he didn't put step-son so naturally that made me feel good about their relationship. I know we've talked about marriage before in the past and he wasn't as open as he was last night. So I guess that means now he's ready. IDK, I didn't push the issue I just naturally flowed with the conversation. He even thought of what he would wear (which is an suite currently in his closet that I love). Either way I've just been enjoying our relationship. There's been no arguments, mini vacations and lots of good coloring.
 
I’m still seeing MFT. It’s weird, we’re moving slow but we’ve talked about weddings and having children. He knows I want a small wedding and 2-3 children.

This week was different because he had to cancel our date because of work related stress affecting his back. We’re having dinner on Monday night but we’ve talked on the phone and texted. Sometimes I wish I could spend the night at his place so we could talk all night lol. That won’t be happening anytime soon because he’s in the process of moving.

I missed him this week and I’m thinking of telling him so, which is big for me because it’s tough for me to tell someone what they mean to me. So I don’t.
 
007PMP said:
@PrissiSippi

We’re on the same page with the ordering...I’m not use to ordering my food unless I’m dining alone—been this way since getting married. But as a divorced and dating woman, it’s been great at times and others not so great when it’s a man who isn’t use to this. The uncomfortable times consist of me racking my brain on what order, looking up at him in distress, and him looking back at me like an idiot, and then I settle with ordering what he ordered.

A couple men found it funny and “dainty” for which they would save me and then order for me. Of the me who didn’t jump to take over, looked clueless and then after I order, I would explain that I prefer a man to order for me. Some have opposed for reasons of discomfort (these are the guys I dont want) while others apologized and appreciated the fact that I let them know instead of dismissing them.

Same with the utensils and napkin—some get it and others are open for the training. But when I do this, they are shocked. Happy but taken back. Beta beau is the only man who would order for me and him, then scoot back in his seat and look at me like I’m ready for the placement (which I like).
Click to expand...
I’m still as comfortable as I would like with this. I’m going to make sure to push the envelope and keep pushing myself to let a guy order for me and trust his judgement. However I did let a guy order oysters for me last night. I’ve never had them before and they were soooo good. I was quite surprised!
 
I can’t wait until he comes back...I think I like him...or is this just a rebound crush? I turned him down twice to date, but I really want to heal from the last situation before I bring old baggage into something new. But at least he’s an upgrade from my last. I just hope he’s willing to wait until I’m ready to date again. What really turns me on about him is he has his own life and is stable...I like that I get to miss him.
 
sarumoki said:
@PrissiSippi @007PMP So are you telling him what you would like and then he relays that to the server when it's time to order, or he chooses something off the menu for you?
Click to expand...

Both. The degree of hottness varies between the two.

Like one of my date-guys (HotRod) will ask me what looks interesting on the menu and I’ll just name off some stuff, he’ll then order whatever from what I named off. He will pick the bottle of wine and I just drink it.

Another guy “Stingray” will order everything I named lol — he likes to brunch so the table will have all types of stuff for me to choose from.

“Dre” will just order my food before I arrive :lol: The last time I was late and so I walked up to a row of martinis (from oldest to freshest) and two different plates of food. He said the first one came out too fast and got cold so he ordered another. smh

As long as they order for me however they do it I don’t care. They provide, I partake.
 
That past weekend with beta beau was great but it really revealed to the both of us that there’s something deeper and uncontrollable going on between us. It’s been a long 2 year journey.

Sx was out of this world. We hiked and went to a comedy show. This man melts when I touch him and I like that I can rub his head in public and he just zones out or pinch is nipples when standing in line and he gets an instant erection. He did share that is talking with a couple women but hates it and was happy to cancel all plans with one when I said he could come visit. Like why ask to come visit for the weekend if you made plans? I feel bad kinda because he isnt over me...and I’m still indecisive but very aware of the “something chemical” that goes on between us. You can see it when he arrives, like he’s happy and excited, scared, but hates that he’s weak.

So yeah we had a good time, I still care deeply about him but I’m still having fun dating unattached. What I don’t like is how we have this much influence over each other.

Now for the FIRST time ever I think I may become a bonafide commitment phobic.

This past memorial weekend, I went boating with a date-guy (white) to Tybee Island. Beta beau blew the darn phone up to the point where I had to leave it behind. But two days of water play heaven....I needed. Back now going through jet ski withdrawals :lol:
 
So what do you do when he wants to see you all the time? Like he is constantly planning a new date. If he planned a date Sunday he will literally leave and call me with a plan for Monday. I try to say I’m busy, but I’m also torn but I like spending time with him as well.

But scarcity builds attraction right?

Maybe I need to say stuff to myself like I don’t owe him my exclusivity until he has made a solid committment. And a committment means engagement.

I’m still new to rotational dating.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So what do you do when he wants to see you all the time? Like he is constantly planning a new date. If he planned a date Sunday he will literally leave and call me with a plan for Monday. I try to say I’m busy, but I’m also torn but I like spending time with him as well.

But scarcity builds attraction right?

Maybe I need to say stuff to myself like I don’t owe him my exclusivity until he has made a solid committment. And a committment means engagement.

I’m still new to rotational dating.
Click to expand...

You tell him that you have plans...always making yourself available let’s him know there is no competition. Even if you don’t have a roster, still act like you do until it’s appropriate.

You are dating—-this is an action word which means you have dating activities with multiple sources. You are not sitting on a bench waiting to be dated.
 
@PrissiSippi

Also, an easy way to build a roster is group a small batch of prospectives into categories/buckets: 1) Hell yeah 2) Yeah 3) Maybe.

My categories are:

1) man-object: good for right now
2) man-prospect: long term potential
3) man-down: old recyclable men (like beta beau)

I try not to have too many #2’s.

I actually have these categories on my dating profile and I ask men to “pick one so I can know how to treat you right”... :lol: and most do it and message me. One guy after we exchanged numbers wants me to give him and update (aka like performance review) on which category he’s in.
 
There's a guy that I grew up with who I recently ran into again. At first we did the usual "What have you been up to?" kind of catching up then he started to get weird. Texting me every single day, sending question marks when I didn't reply (I HATE THIS), asking to see me when I have a boyfriend, etc, so I blocked him. That worked for a few months, then he found me on Whatsapp. I blocked him there. Next day he tried to call me on Skype. Blocked him there too. Then he found me on Facebook. o_O Can't you take a hint?
 
PrissiSippi said:
So what do you do when he wants to see you all the time? Like he is constantly planning a new date. If he planned a date Sunday he will literally leave and call me with a plan for Monday. I try to say I’m busy, but I’m also torn but I like spending time with him as well.

But scarcity builds attraction right?

Maybe I need to say stuff to myself like I don’t owe him my exclusivity until he has made a solid committment. And a committment means engagement.

I’m still new to rotational dating.
Click to expand...

Can’t you actually have something to do?

I don’t buy into the whole “treat every man the same”, but if you want to be too busy to see him all the time, be too busy. From your avi it looks like you like to get fancy and look pretty. I don’t know about y’all, but that takes time for me. I personally like to schedule my beauty appointments during the week. Less crowded and gives me more time on “fun” (off) days for actual fun and not maintenance.
 
sarumoki said:
There's a guy that I grew up with who I recently ran into again. At first we did the usual "What have you been up to?" kind of catching up then he started to get weird. Texting me every single day, sending question marks when I didn't reply (I HATE THIS), asking to see me when I have a boyfriend, etc, so I blocked him. That worked for a few months, then he found me on Whatsapp. I blocked him there. Next day he tried to call me on Skype. Blocked him there too. Then he found me on Facebook. o_O Can't you take a hint?
Click to expand...

Me, too. It burns me up! :hot:
 
GreenEyedJen said:
Can’t you actually have something to do?

I don’t buy into the whole “treat every man the same”, but if you want to be too busy to see him all the time, be too busy. From your avi it looks like you like to get fancy and look pretty. I don’t know about y’all, but that takes time for me. I personally like to schedule my beauty appointments during the week. Less crowded and gives me more time on “fun” (off) days for actual fun and not maintenance.
Click to expand...

ITA — if we put ourselves, our goals, and our happiness at the center of our lives it will be easier to not let another person dominate our lives. You can be busy or unavailable because you have another date scheduled, going shopping, doing your hair, reading a book, going to the movies, paying bills, cleaning, getting a massage, sleeping, doing nothing at all. Any reason that is important to you is your business. And it just being too soon is ok too. You have the right to have no reason as well. You are not obligated to explain why you can’t or don’t want to go out with someone on a particular day. I would rather go out next weekend instead is enough. We don’t have to explain ourselves to anyone, especially if they are not our best friend, our husband, our boss, etc.
 
PrissiSippi said:
...
But scarcity builds attraction right?
...
Click to expand...

I think it’s much more complicated than that. Someone having a life is attractive. And ultimately you are trying to build a relationship, trying to see if you are actually interested in him or not, if he is compatible with you, your son, your life or not, if you are attracted to him or not beyond “chemistry,” while always maintaining your identity and essence.
 
hopeful said:
I think it’s much more complicated than that. Someone having a life is attractive. And ultimately you are trying to build a relationship, trying to see if you are actually interested in him or not, if he is compatible with you, your son, your life or not, if you are attracted to him or not beyond “chemistry,” while always maintaining your identity and essence.
Click to expand...
That’s what crossed my mind last night in my sleep. In my last relationship I completely lost myself. I got into the relationship and slowly didn’t do things purely for me. I need to make sure that NEVER happens again because self love is key to being able to give love to the world around us. Ima take time back and spend time with the girls, exercise, and more.
 
PrissiSippi said:
That’s what crossed my mind last night in my sleep. In my last relationship I completely lost myself. I got into the relationship and slowly didn’t do things purely for me. I need to make sure that NEVER happens again because self love is key to being able to give love to the world around us. Ima take time back and spend time with the girls, exercise, and more.
Click to expand...

Yes :yep: and notice that thought crossed your mind while you were sleeping in your bed at your home. This is why it’s important that you have your own physical space and time to think. I think it’s why some men press for so much of your time. They are trying to override you making the best choice for you, override you holding onto you. They cloak it in I like you so much, I just want to be with you so much.
 
So “curious george” (white guy) has submitted the request to start buying me shoes and panties...we have not slept together yet.

I told him I wanna think on it because I’m not property and of course he asks again today...if I’ve made a decision.

I think I’ll make him wait for my answer a little longer and tell him at our Saturday’s date.

Either way my decision is “no” for right now...but it’s something we can work towards as our dating matures. My heels cost on upwards of $800. So nope, not falling for creating a false sense of “obligation”. However paying for dinner, activities, and him getting a little weekend time is where I want to keep it. Like bruh...it ain’t that easy. :nono:

I give him props for trying me with such a smooth manipulation tactic.

:giggle:
 
Last edited:
I had dinner with MFT on Monday like we planned. After a full day of studying it was needed. The restaurant was playing the Warriors-Houston game which was amazing (GO WARRIORS!) and we caught up with each other what we didn't share over text before. It was good to see him and laugh and de-stress. He said he wants to see me more than once a week and hinted at us becoming an official couple and that made my anxiety spike briefly. I like him but I'm not ready to make a decision as long as I'm doing bar prep. After I take the bar, then we can have that conversation.

On Tuesday night we spoke on the phone. His back is still hurting and he knows it's work-related stress at this point and he's going to have to cut back although he doesn't want to. He asked me to look at his astrology chart because he knows I'm into that. Little does he know I'd been observing his chart since I met him and got his information. :look: Anyway everything he's going through is no surprise and is a precursor to what he's about to go through over the next couple years which is what I've just come out of and it can totally re-make his life and personality. It's not really a time to get into new relationships. Right now he's more into me than I am into him, which I know is a plus around here. I know I like him, I just don't know if we have a future together or if we're supposed to teach each other some lessons. :look:
 
I hate the 6 am messages...like I get you were thinking about me (flattering yawn) but can you hold those thoughts for a couple hours...I’m either sleep or laying thinking about my day — but to you I’m sleep.

This is why I use to have my dnd on from 10-7...then folks complained but no back on.

Dates:
Tonight with Dre: Bowling, beer and burgers at the new outdoor bowling alley. Super excited.

Friday- Movie night with me. This is my treat day for working hard all week. Cinebistro.

Saturday with Curious George - early morning hiking then he suggested trying out the new bowling alley (me: great idea Ive been wanting to go :giggle:).

Sunday Date 1- Brunch with StingRay.
Sunday Date 2 - Early dinner with HotRod (he’s pissed that he has been pushed out to Sunday evening).

Next week I’m only seeing 1 guy: a new addition. Everyone else will get the “sorry I’m out of town for work—go have some fun for me will ya?”
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

okange76
2017 Relationship And Dating Thread
29 30 31
Replies
922
Views
31K
sarumoki
sarumoki
summertimewine
2016 Relationship And Dating Thread
27 28 29
Replies
866
Views
30K
hopeful
hopeful
ScorpioBeauty09
Zuckerberg Announces Facebook Dating App
Replies
18
Views
446
chassiecrane
C
Serenity_Peace
What exactly is a "casual relationship"? And am I being unrealistic? [long]
Replies
19
Views
520
sunshinebeautiful
sunshinebeautiful
MizzBrown
Do You Have A Dating/Relationship Time Limit?
Replies
9
Views
266
imstush
imstush
Back
Top