2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

fluffyforever said:
He's a foreign born white guy from Russia. He voted for Obama twice, but then Trump because of his strong nationalist agenda. He truly believes Trump is what this nation needs.
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Kinda off topic, but it always confuses me when foreign born people strongly identify with an American nationalist agenda. How does that work? If this nation were truly nationalist, they wouldn't be here, right?
 
PrissiSippi said:
@Zaynab and @PretteePlease can y’all help me out? I was looking at a SheraSeven video and she was talking about how men learn and through challenges. Therefore they only love a girl that is a challenge. They like the easy girls too but as soon as they meet their conquest they will be on to the next girl that was a challenge. I thought about it...as it relates to dating I’m easy.

If you call. I will answer.
If you text it might not be definite but I will text you in 1-3 hours.
I’m naturally easygoing and pleasant. I’m sweet with a touch of sarcasm and playfulness.
How do you make it a challenge.
How do you change the game to make them feel like they’ve won this prize that is very hard to get?
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I just always mentally think and lead with I'm the prize and I don't like being like everyone else. Therefore you're gonna have to work to get me. I don't know how to tell you to do that because it's really just a mentality. Have standards and make men meet them without even telling them. I told you, I don't reply to texts in the initial dating phase at all. Period. You want to talk to me call me. And don't say it. Just don't reply. When they call don't stay on the phone for hours. Don't allow men to make life as still minute plans. Don't allow a man to not date you, e.g let's hang out. No. Also make them be on your schedule not theirs, you don't have to always be available. You have your own life
 
feferity said:
I've pretty much lived here my whole life :cry3: I went to school here and am currently working in my field/family business. I try to get out of town 1-2 weekends a month but pickings are sooo slim around here :(
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Yeah, those weekend get aways are your best bet. I have heard enough to know OKC isn't among the best cities for young singles looking for relationships. But you never know.
 
PrissiSippi said:
@Zaynab and @PretteePlease can y’all help me out?
How do you make it a challenge.
How do you change the game to make them feel like they’ve won this prize that is very hard to get?
Click to expand...

I will tell you something I learned as a substitute teacher.
You start out firm and soften up. They respect your authority.
You can never start out nice then get firm. They will continually challenge your authority.

You are the master of your time. Don't be a door mat.
The easiest thing I did was decline dates by telling men that I already had a date.
It puts them on notice that I am not sitting at home waiting on you to ask me out.
If you want my time you need to prioritize and ask me in advance.
We can be spontaneous but I'm not an afterthought.
Be selfish put yourself and your feelings first.
If you don't you will grow to resent yourself and your man.
 
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So I was kinda right but I hate this part about the dating scene. DR hottie expressed that he only dates exclusively even at the start of meeting someone and said that he doesn’t like the fact that I’m “dating” instead of focusing solely on getting to know him.

So I told him that he’s asking for something that I am not willing to give and unfortunately we can be friends but nothing romantic. He declined and said he doesn’t do that and it’s all or nothing.

:ohwell:

My dating life is becoming like the stock market. The dow is down 500 points today.

Anyway, two dates this weekend. So we will see. I do suspect that DR hottie is just upset right now and will come back around...door is open but only on my terms.
 
Dates went well but I don’t have a favorite :lol:

Poly guy is fine as hail but he’s super super nerdy and very hippy. He showed up in hiking sandals with a fist full of flowers and chocolate for me. We had a good time...he’s extro and I’m intro so the balance was good. He enjoyed dragging me to all the spots he had on his first date list. I enjoyed calling time out and scooting him to a quiet place for us to talk without a noisey crowd. After fours spots, I had to call it good. He was sad but understanding.

Before I could drive off he had already sent a text outlining the dinner plans for next weekend. I’m like dam let me process today’s events.

The second guy, we’ll call him healthcare guy was great but not interesting. He might be too vanilla and too young for me. I could tell he was really going out his way to impress me but it seemed unauthentic. He said he’s dated older women (he’s 35) but you can tell he really may not me that experienced with dating a 40 year old. IDK it seemed like he was fun but still a little “young minded”.

I miss beta beau...ughhh and he knows it.
 
Ladies dating:

How do you feel when a man asks you “what do you do”?

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who hates being asked this question. Not because I’m not professionally successful or proud of my accomplishments, but it makes me feel some kind of way (still processing); especially if its the second question asked after what’s yoir name.
 
007PMP said:
Ladies dating:

How do you feel when a man asks you “what do you do”?

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who hates being asked this question. Not because I’m not professionally successful or proud of my accomplishments, but it makes me feel some kind of way (still processing); especially if its the second question asked after what’s yoir name.
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I always say "What do you mean?" or "Why does that matter?" Then move them to the bottom of the list or off of it entirely.
 
007PMP said:
Ladies dating:

How do you feel when a man asks you “what do you do”?

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who hates being asked this question. Not because I’m not professionally successful or proud of my accomplishments, but it makes me feel some kind of way (still processing); especially if its the second question asked after what’s yoir name.
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I only lurk in this thread but I just had to post about this because you are not the only one. I absolutely hate it and I still don't even know why. My ex told me that it was normal to ask this. I disagreed with him because I don't usually - people always volunteer the information. And like you it isn't because I'm not successful but I'm private and I don't want to talk about my work. Not in the beginning at least because it doesn't even matter. And even those reasons don't fully explain why I don't like the question from men. If you approach it the way @sarumoki suggests (which I actually think are good ways to address it and have used before) then you risk running into an argument and you look like the one with the problem. So like she said they usually move to the bottom or off the list entirely. What I've started doing is just telling them, change the subject and mentally move them to the back of the line. I'll be watching for other thoughts on this.
 
@LdyKamz

Glad to know I’m not the only one. This guy I just met seems really cool, very attractive, and right in my age bracket. He’s a corporate professional based upon his appearance and the way he approached me. Okay great start....

I give him my number, he text this evening and the first question was so what do you do? My response was “I work for X company (which is well known) and I’m in technology project management. Thanks for asking but I prefer to talk less about my career and get into title swapping, as I much rather get to know you as a human being”.

No reply back. :lol: I know that’s very passive aggressive of which I intended it to be but he hit a nerve. If I were to text him or any man and the first question I ask is what do you do, I’d be labeled a gold digger.
 
007PMP said:
Ladies dating:

How do you feel when a man asks you “what do you do”?

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who hates being asked this question. Not because I’m not professionally successful or proud of my accomplishments, but it makes me feel some kind of way (still processing); especially if its the second question asked after what’s yoir name.
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007PMP said:
@LdyKamz

Glad to know I’m not the only one. This guy I just met seems really cool, very attractive, and right in my age bracket. He’s a corporate professional based upon his appearance and the way he approached me. Okay great start....

I give him my number, he text this evening and the first question was so what do you do? My response was “I work for X company (which is well known) and I’m in technology project management. Thanks for asking but I prefer to talk less about my career and get into title swapping, as I much rather get to know you as a human being”.

No reply back. :lol: I know that’s very passive aggressive of which I intended it to be but he hit a nerve. If I were to text him or any man and the first question I ask is what do you do, I’d be labeled a gold digger.
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When asked what I do? I simply say “I solve problems”or “I’m in XYZ field”. They usually get the hint that I’m not getting into specifics. I don’t get offended as I think it’s a get to know you question. I think only men should be asked that question IMO.
 
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LostInAdream said:
Depending on how they ask determines whether I feel they are just gett

When asked what I do? I simply say “I solve problems”or “I’m in XYZ field”. They usually get the hint that I’m not getting into specifics. I don’t get offended as I think it’s a get to know you question. I think only men should be asked that question IMO.
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I’m going to use the “I solve problems...” perfect shut down in a nice way.
 
007PMP said:
Ladies dating:

How do you feel when a man asks you “what do you do”?

I’m wondering if I’m the only one who hates being asked this question. Not because I’m not professionally successful or proud of my accomplishments, but it makes me feel some kind of way (still processing); especially if its the second question asked after what’s yoir name.
Click to expand...
I don't like it either. If it's asked too soon, it's like they're sizing you up to see if you're worthy of their time and almost always asked by guys obsessed with status and flossing=guys I don't particularly care for. Or they're cheap and trying to see if you have your own. I usually just say I work at [my company] and leave it at that
 
Maybe I need to sit on @hopeful couch :lol:

Poly dude has been cut....since our date Sunday this joker has sent me a litany of texts and facetime requests. Like he went from sensible to overdose...6:30 am text from him: call? 8:30am you up?? 9am have a good day. Afternoon: lunchtime call? on and on.

I already told him the next date will be next weekend because his this upcoming saturday’sh itinerary conflicts with my schedule and I’m not having dinner so late to where I need to stay the night...his response was more about “helping me” integrate my personal plans with his itinerary for us instead of accepting the following weekend.

so...I blocked him :look:

And no real cares are given accept for wondering if I’m becoming more and more emotionally available. On paper he is a good catch but that neediness is a no go!

le sigh...maybe I’ll regret it when I’m 60.
 
007PMP said:
Maybe I need to sit on @hopeful couch :lol:

Poly dude has been cut....since our date Sunday this joker has sent me a litany of texts and facetime requests. Like he went from sensible to overdose...6:30 am text from him: call? 8:30am you up?? 9am have a good day. Afternoon: lunchtime call? on and on.

I already told him the next date will be next weekend because his this upcoming saturday’sh itinerary conflicts with my schedule and I’m not having dinner so late to where I need to stay the night...his response was more about “helping me” integrate my personal plans with his itinerary for us instead of accepting the following weekend.

so...I blocked him :look:

And no real cares are given accept for wondering if I’m becoming more and more emotionally available. On paper he is a good catch but that neediness is a no go!

le sigh...maybe I’ll regret it when I’m 60.
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What does Poly mean?

What you described here to me did not sound like neediness. He sounds controlling and manipulative. It sounds like he just wants his way and can’t understand why you won’t let him take control and you just fall in line.

Him saying that he wants to help you integrate your personal plans with his itinerary instead of accepting the following weekend wreaks of disrespect to me. I know some women might read it as interest or eagerness but that’s not how I’m seeing it.

In my mind I could almost see him trying to wrangle control of the relationship from you. I think he feels challenged by you but not necessarily in a good way. I don’t like people going back and forth with me. I said what I said. Accept it or leave me alone. He has chosen door number three: change her mind.
 
gimbap said:
I don't like it either. If it's asked too soon, it's like they're sizing you up to see if you're worthy of their time and almost always asked by guys obsessed with status and flossing=guys I don't particularly care for. Or they're cheap and trying to see if you have your own. I usually just say I work at [my company] and leave it at that
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I don’t normally mind being asked but you’re absolutely right re: the status and flossing. Every guy who’s made a big deal about my profession has made me feel like I was good for his “portfolio” instead of really interested in me.
 
So a friend of mine I know from college just graduated with his PhD this past weekend and I flew there for the graduation.

Backstory. I was dating one of his friends in college and that’s how we met. We both liked each other but couldn’t pursue anything since I was dating his friend. We’ve remained friends all these years (going on 10)...even after I stopped dating his friend and left Atl after college. Whenever we visited each other’s cities we would spend time together.

So long story short, while I was out there for the graduation he was so attentive towards me. He told me everyone kept asking if I was his girlfriend. he eventually told me that he still likes me and wants the two of us to date exclusively to see where it leads. I still like him too so I agreed to it, especially since he said he will start applying to jobs where I live.

Soooo yeah. We will see what happens.
 
I have a date with MFT tonight but we spoke on the phone for 3 hours last night... about everything. I'm getting ready to study for the bar and we talked about ways we can still see each other while I'm focused on that. We also discussed what we've told our families about the other. We're looking forward to introducing our families even though that's a ways off. The sexual tension is starting to increase on my end. :look: The last hour we spoke, I was having dirty thoughts. :hide:
 
007PMP said:
So I was kinda right but I hate this part about the dating scene. DR hottie expressed that he only dates exclusively even at the start of meeting someone and said that he doesn’t like the fact that I’m “dating” instead of focusing solely on getting to know him.

So I told him that he’s asking for something that I am not willing to give and unfortunately we can be friends but nothing romantic. He declined and said he doesn’t do that and it’s all or nothing.

:ohwell:

My dating life is becoming like the stock market. The dow is down 500 points today.

Anyway, two dates this weekend. So we will see. I do suspect that DR hottie is just upset right now and will come back around...door is open but only on my terms.
Click to expand...
Man they try to act sooooo hard. Baby they will come back around.

Dude #1 - I didn’t hear from him for a MONTH. He added me on Facebook. Weird. Then he called talking about why didn’t I hear from you or see you on my birthday. I hit him with a Oh I didn’t want to disturb you line and went silent. Here he comes flipping reciprocals talking about Priss I really want to see you. Can I take you XYZ.

Dude #2- he said I wasn’t holy enough. I listen to too much trap music. Boy please. Get youna chick that can do both. He came back around talking about I really miss you can I buy you XYZ. Yup you can. And then I went missing just like he went missing on me.

Dude #3- Sams situation as you. He doesn’t date people that are going with more than one person. I said I understand honey. Two weeks go by and he calls talking about I miss your little cool beautiful self. Next week we were out on a new date. He also said some stuff about what he won’t do for a girl. We gonna see what’s his talking about but he’s flipping like reciprocals. He asked me could he buy me a plane ticket to universal studios and take me camping and on some Las Vegas trip. I thought you don’t “trick” on girls? Boy you make six figures it ain’t tricking if you got it. If they like you, they like you.
 
I’ve been trying some new stuff.

I’m trying to learn how to not order my own food. Let him do it. That shows that A. I’m not going to pay B. Shows some respect to the man. So instead of ordering my food I will have a convo before the waiter comes and say, “Could you order me XYZ?” And surprisingly they ever say go ahead and order it then. They just turn to the waiter and order it for me. Weird.

I’m trying to build on the evolution of touch. With one guy the first date was a hug. Second date was a peck on the lips. Next date was a peck on the lips a big hug where you pick them up and a back rub. We’ll see how this keeps going.

I still do that little trick where I lay out their silverware and napkin before they are served or as they’re sitting down. They’re so used to fumbling and looking for a fork...it works. Now I did have one guy that did not say thank you for me doing this. I exed him out of the picture quickly. He had NO gratitude at all. I will never forget it bevause I said maybe I’m over-exaggerating but some white dudes saw me carry some fruit on a plate to him and had his silverware out and they were like man you are so lucky I wish that was my girl. They turned to me and said you are so sweet and thoughtful for that. Dude still just sat there like...I’m the prize. I deserve this ish. After that I was like yeahhhh ole dude doesn’t deserve it and I’m worth more than this.

Using male vouchers- my dad is a POS but I claim that oh he used to always spoil me as a child. Or my brother calls me every night to make sure I’m in the house safely. Kinda automatically I create this fantasy that I am the prize and it’s always been this way with my daddy, my brothers, my mama. I dunno I’m trying to learn how to guard my reputation with my life.

This stuff is kinda hard for me though.
 
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