2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

feferity said:
So after a year of dating my bf broke up with me :cry3: I’m pretty devastated right now because i should have broken up with him first. He’s been acting shady the last couple months and I’m almost positive he was cheating too :(
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:-( I’m sorry to hear this. (hugs)

As you’re going through the process remember:

He broke up with you so let him go and don’t seek him out for closure. Let him come to you after realizing that he made a stupid decision because the grass is alway brown on the other side.

A year of spending time together....he will come back begging. Just wait and allow the process to take place. No one can tell you whether or not you should take him back, but between the both of you, just don’t be the first to come back to the table.

Now if you have facts that he was cheating, he wasn’t the one for you anyway. You’re above that mess.
 
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Ya’ll I had to cut him.

So The Gem and I were facetiming and talking last night. My gut moved me to ask him a random question.

Question: Gem tell me something...anything you want me to know about you that I wouldn’t even know to ask.

This ninja says: Anything, huh...Well I used to be an international fugitive.

Wait what?!

BABY!!!! I didn’t even give time to process this end to end. :lol: But my first response was “that paints a completely different picture of who you said you were professionally and personally...I just don’t have time to figure out if you’re joking or lying. This isn’t going any further.”

Blocked. He’s called several times since (I can see on my block app)....

My time is like a $2 bank account balance, I have to spend it wisely because once it’s gone...it’s gone.

Ya’ll think he was joking?
 
007PMP said:
Ya’ll I had to cut him.

So The Gem and I were facetiming and talking last night. My gut moved me to ask him a random question.

Question: Gem tell me something...anything you want me to know about you that I wouldn’t even know to ask.

This ninja says: Anything, huh...Well I used to be an international fugitive.

Wait what?!

BABY!!!! I didn’t even give time to process this end to end. :lol: But my first response was “that paints a completely different picture of who you said you were professionally and personally...I just don’t have time to figure out if you’re joking or lying. This isn’t going any further.”

Blocked. He’s called several times since (I can see on my block app)....

My time is like a $2 bank account balance, I have to spend it wisely because once it’s gone...it’s gone.

Ya’ll think he was joking?
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If it's true it wouldn't be too hard to look him up, I'd imagine. You know his last name and all that? Hopefully it's not a really common name.
 
I had another date with MFT last night and we ended up having another emotionally vulnerable conversation. We're starting to get more comfortable with each other physically. I shared some things with him that I've never shared with anyone, not even my therapist yet. I don't know what it is about him but he sees me. We both are glad we're taking things slow physically though he admits he wants more. (I do too.) But he says with his past of jumping in head first physically, he thinks its good we're moving slow. It was past midnight when our date was over and he didn't want to leave me. But I figure better to leave him wanting more. :look: Another date next week. :p
 
007PMP said:
:-( I’m sorry to hear this. (hugs)

As you’re going through the process remember:

He broke up with you so let him go and don’t seek him out for closure. Let him come to you after realizing that he made a stupid decision because the grass is alway brown on the other side.

A year of spending time together....he will come back begging. Just wait and allow the process to take place. No one can tell you whether or not you should take him back, but between the both of you, just don’t be the first to come back to the table.

Now if you have facts that he was cheating, he wasn’t the one for you anyway. You’re above that mess.
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That's one thing I'm really trying to stick to... part of me wants to call him but the other part jumps whenever my phone rings/pings hoping it's him :(
 
Le sigh...idk why this bothers me but it does and I’ve acknowledged it. So beta beau calls and apologizes for blowing up on me for not answering his call.

I wasn’t upset because I knew it was him acting out as a result of not getting his way (me). He acknowledged that he’s having a hard time dealing with our breakup and that its been hard on him because he feels like he’s forced to settle. I heard him out and said although that’s not my problem I still can empathize. Doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t want to be with him.

So here we are talking and I asked him if he thinks he should just jump in and move on 100%, as I think he should. He says he already has but the woman is married....

Ninja what?!!! :lol:

He said she’s going through a divorce. I said does she have a lawyer (like do you know for a fact)...he cuts me off and says “it doesn’t matter I just feel like I’m settling”..

Begro you are?!!! Like you think I’m going to even reconsider when you’re running around with someone elses wife?!!! WTF does that?! wow, wow, wow, wow....don’t get caught up buddy.

I appreciate the transparency but this mess right here hit a darn nerve with me.
 
On a much better note my domican republican hottie is getting super spicy so he finally offered a date this weekend. He was a touch and go with phone calls so I let it breath hoping that would shift because he seems like an interesting person and we have a lot in common. So him taking the initiative for a date is good. We shall see.

I have 2 other dates this week : 1 is a first date (this guy is poly so that will be interesting), the other is a second date.

I’m really enjoying going on dates and keeping my options open because I really don’t know what I want. The bad side is the sx...I miss human touch in that capacity :lol:
 
My divorce was final as of last week Wednesday. To celebrate, Foreigner took me to a nice dinner. We spend every weekend together and this past Saturday we had a date at the zoo. It was very relaxing and fun. Sunday he helped assemble some of my new furniture. I like that he never tells me no when I ask for his help, but I like it even more that he is the type to volunteer his assistance before I even think about asking for it.

Overall, It is going well with him, but his views and politics are the complete opposite of mine. We've had a few serious arguments and disagreements, which I'm not used to at all because I never had even one argument with my ex-DH in our 15 year relationship. I don't know if I could ever have an arguement free relationship again though, so I guess I'm just hoping to have fewer arguments in the future while dating different personality types.

I admit I kind of like his angry persona that comes out after a passionate argument. We have good make up chemistry. :blush2: And after we had a discussion on why we think things escalate so quickly into shouting matches between us, we haven't had another fighting argument since so I think the discussion worked. I used some tips from those femininity threads.
 
I like MFT but I’m still open to dates from other men. Especially since I detect some hesitation from him. Not about me but where this is going. He’s been hurt before so I know it’s a self protective move. I’ve realized we both are incredibly sensitive and slow to make a move. Maybe but that’s what I need but I need to find out. All I know is I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who is unsure.

Cute Engineer is out. I haven’t heard from him but even if I do, I’m not really interested anymore. Of the wannabe peasants who’ve sent me messages on OKC recently, two sound promising so I sent responses. Let’s see.
 
feferity said:
I live in OKC to my pickings are so slim lol. I met my ex while we both were on vacation last year in Puerto Rico. It was such a chance meeting that in my mind I was convinced it was fate :(

I may have to become a JetSet Babe :look:
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As in Oklahoma City?? If so, how did you end up there? Lol!
My bestfriend lived there for 4 years when her husband was in the military. The way she describes it, the only reason to be there is school, the military or a really, really good and well paying job. I got the impression apart from that, there wasn't much to the city.
 
Sosoothing said:
As in Oklahoma City?? If so, how did you end up there? Lol!
My bestfriend lived there for 4 years when her husband was in the military. The way she describes it, the only reason to be there is school, the military or a really, really good and well paying job. I got the impression apart from that, there wasn't much to the city.
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I've pretty much lived here my whole life :cry3: I went to school here and am currently working in my field/family business. I try to get out of town 1-2 weekends a month but pickings are sooo slim around here :(
 
@Zaynab and @PretteePlease can y’all help me out? I was looking at a SheraSeven video and she was talking about how men learn and through challenges. Therefore they only love a girl that is a challenge. They like the easy girls too but as soon as they meet their conquest they will be on to the next girl that was a challenge. I thought about it...as it relates to dating I’m easy.

If you call. I will answer.
If you text it might not be definite but I will text you in 1-3 hours.
I’m naturally easygoing and pleasant. I’m sweet with a touch of sarcasm and playfulness.
How do you make it a challenge.
How do you change the game to make them feel like they’ve won this prize that is very hard to get?
 
fluffyforever said:
My divorce was final as of last week Wednesday. To celebrate, Foreigner took me to a nice dinner. We spend every weekend together and this past Saturday we had a date at the zoo. It was very relaxing and fun. Sunday he helped assemble some of my new furniture. I like that he never tells me no when I ask for his help, but I like it even more that he is the type to volunteer his assistance before I even think about asking for it.

Overall, It is going well with him, but his views and politics are the complete opposite of mine. We've had a few serious arguments and disagreements, which I'm not used to at all because I never had even one argument with my ex-DH in our 15 year relationship. I don't know if I could ever have an arguement free relationship again though, so I guess I'm just hoping to have fewer arguments in the future while dating different personality types.

I admit I kind of like his angry persona that comes out after a passionate argument. We have good make up chemistry. :blush2: And after we had a discussion on why we think things escalate so quickly into shouting matches between us, we haven't had another fighting argument since so I think the discussion worked. I used some tips from those femininity threads.
Click to expand...
Take this advice with a grain of salt because you didn’t ask for it but from Fascinating Womanhood and Ro I learned to Remember it takes two people to argue. When I see an argument brewing that is not really important....I deflect and move on to the next topic.

Most political stuff is not important to the relationship. I mean it’s important to YOU but this will never come up as an issue in your relationship so why bother. Lol.

I laughed because One of my friend’s husband would like me to date his friend. However his friend is a bum and so. My friend got soooo upset because the dude was like what’s wrong with my friend. She explained why and he was like he just needs a good woman to push him. She was like bruh that’s his mama job. BUT she doesn’t have to push him. So this issue won’t ever come up in their relationship. However an arguement often separates people even if for only a short amount of time. I try to limit arguements these days. Deflect deflect deflect. UNLESS it’s directly related to the relationship. Whether you support black lives matter does not affect your relationship. Whether women should be in the pulpit does not affect your relationship. You ain’t a minister lol. Forget that ish. Protect your peace.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Take this advice with a grain of salt because you didn’t ask for it but from Fascinating Womanhood and Ro I learned to Remember it takes two people to argue. When I see an argument brewing that is not really important....I deflect and move on to the next topic.

Most political stuff is not important to the relationship. I mean it’s important to YOU but this will never come up as an issue in your relationship so why bother. Lol.

I laughed because One of my friend’s husband would like me to date his friend. However his friend is a bum and so. My friend got soooo upset because the dude was like what’s wrong with my friend. She explained why and he was like he just needs a good woman to push him. She was like bruh that’s his mama job. BUT she doesn’t have to push him. So this issue won’t ever come up in their relationship. However an arguement often separates people even if for only a short amount of time. I try to limit arguements these days. Deflect deflect deflect. UNLESS it’s directly related to the relationship. Whether you support black lives matter does not affect your relationship. Whether women should be in the pulpit does not affect your relationship. You ain’t a minister lol. Forget that ish. Protect your peace.
Click to expand...
That's what I'm doing from Fascinating Womanhood! My girlfriends think I'm nuts for reading and following that book, but it sure is working. Handling my anger in a feminine manner, deflecting, and making myself as adorable as possible (for lack of a better word) really helps to stop his frustrations from escalating. He will literally pause mid rant and tell me how attractive I am while forgetting why he was getting upset in the first place.

Also because it takes two to argue, I use a lot of "I feel..." statements to describe what he does that gets me upset. So now he avoids or skirts around certain topics which we have opposing views because he doesn't want to upset me.

But yes, I know politics have nothing to do with my relationship, but his love for Trump feels like a personal attack. I'm mainly mad at myself for being with him, but I try to remember that Trump won't be president forever so this will pass.
 
The men who never deserve your dating time:

*we can make a running list*

1. Men with two jobs. Why? You will be available to them at their convenience but they won’t have the time to be available to really date you.

2. Men who are fresh out of a divorce. Why? Because he will date you like he is still married and expect you to date like a wife.

3. Men who are serial monogamist daters. Why? They will expect you to give all your attention to them and no one else.

4. Men who expect physical touch or “chemistry” on a first meet and greet. Why? They are looking to establish a physical connection before actually getting to know who you are as a person, which could lead to premature sexual interactions.
 
fluffyforever said:
That's what I'm doing from Fascinating Womanhood! My girlfriends think I'm nuts for reading and following that book, but it sure is working. Handling my anger in a feminine manner, deflecting, and making myself as adorable as possible (for lack of a better word) really helps to stop his frustrations from escalating. He will literally pause mid rant and tell me how attractive I am while forgetting why he was getting upset in the first place.

Also because it takes two to argue, I use a lot of "I feel..." statements to describe what he does that gets me upset. So now he avoids or skirts around certain topics which we have opposing views because he doesn't want to upset me.

But yes, I know politics have nothing to do with my relationship, but his love for Trump feels like a personal attack. I'm mainly mad at myself for being with him, but I try to remember that Trump won't be president forever so this will pass.
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He loves Trump?! He black? White?...
 
007PMP said:
The men who never deserve your dating time:

*we can make a running list*

1. Men with two jobs. Why? You will be available to them at their convenience but they won’t have the time to be available to really date you.

2. Men who are fresh out of a divorce. Why? Because he will date you like he is still married and expect you to date like a wife.

3. Men who are serial monogamist daters. Why? They will expect you to give all your attention to them and no one else.

4. Men who expect physical touch or “chemistry” on a first meet and greet. Why? They are looking to establish a physical connection before actually getting to know who you are as a person, which could lead to premature sexual interactions.
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I agree with your entire list but the bolded really hits home even though physical touch is my secondary love language. But I need an emotional connection first, meaning he has to get to know me. It makes me appreciate the guy I'm dating now aka MFT. :yep:
 
fluffyforever said:
That's what I'm doing from Fascinating Womanhood! My girlfriends think I'm nuts for reading and following that book, but it sure is working. Handling my anger in a feminine manner, deflecting, and making myself as adorable as possible (for lack of a better word) really helps to stop his frustrations from escalating. He will literally pause mid rant and tell me how attractive I am while forgetting why he was getting upset in the first place.

Also because it takes two to argue, I use a lot of "I feel..." statements to describe what he does that gets me upset. So now he avoids or skirts around certain topics which we have opposing views because he doesn't want to upset me.

But yes, I know politics have nothing to do with my relationship, but his love for Trump feels like a personal attack. I'm mainly mad at myself for being with him, but I try to remember that Trump won't be president forever so this will pass.
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Oooh Chile that’s hard. I’m logically telling myself this doesn’t matter but on the same token in the back of my head I’m like but why though. Lol. But yeah we have 986 days. 986 Days Lol
 
PrissiSippi said:
Take this advice with a grain of salt because you didn’t ask for it but from Fascinating Womanhood and Ro I learned to Remember it takes two people to argue. When I see an argument brewing that is not really important....I deflect and move on to the next topic.

Most political stuff is not important to the relationship. I mean it’s important to YOU but this will never come up as an issue in your relationship so why bother. Lol.

I laughed because One of my friend’s husband would like me to date his friend. However his friend is a bum and so. My friend got soooo upset because the dude was like what’s wrong with my friend. She explained why and he was like he just needs a good woman to push him. She was like bruh that’s his mama job. BUT she doesn’t have to push him. So this issue won’t ever come up in their relationship. However an arguement often separates people even if for only a short amount of time. I try to limit arguements these days. Deflect deflect deflect. UNLESS it’s directly related to the relationship. Whether you support black lives matter does not affect your relationship. Whether women should be in the pulpit does not affect your relationship. You ain’t a minister lol. Forget that ish. Protect your peace.
Click to expand...

See I disagree with this lol. I believe someone's political/religious views (or lack thereof) say a lot about you as a person. And can potentially come up and really matter in a relationship. Like why do you believe women shouldn't be in the pulpit? Because you have fundamental views about women that have influenced this. Views that may come up in our relationship...your (his) relationship with a woman. Etc.

The way I would protect my peace is to not date someone whose fundamental core beliefs don't align with mine.

Just offering a different POV :)
 
fluffyforever said:
opposing views because he doesn't want to upset me.

But yes, I know politics have nothing to do with my relationship, but his love for Trump feels like a personal attack. I'm mainly mad at myself for being with him, but I try to remember that Trump won't be president forever so this will pass.
Click to expand...

If it upsets you, then it has TONS to do with your relationship, no?
 
qchelle said:
See I disagree with this lol. I believe someone's political/religious views (or lack thereof) say a lot about you as a person. And can potentially come up and really matter in a relationship. Like why do you believe women shouldn't be in the pulpit? Because you have fundamental views about women that have influenced this. Views that may come up in our relationship...your (his) relationship with a woman. Etc.

The way I would protect my peace is to not date someone whose fundamental core beliefs don't align with mine.

Just offering a different POV :)
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Thank you for this. Overall I feel like politics and religion can be a fatal factor in some relationships, if the underlying reason for one person's views are a complete mismatch with ideals of the other person. People should connect on a fundamental core level at least or the relationship won't work out.

In my case, I understand and agree with some of the Foreigner's fundamental reasons for liking Trump's policies, even though I think Trump is abhorrent and going about things the wrong way. I just feel like all the good we have together far outweighs the differences in political views when fundamentally we want similar things.
 
qchelle said:
See I disagree with this lol. I believe someone's political/religious views (or lack thereof) say a lot about you as a person. And can potentially come up and really matter in a relationship. Like why do you believe women shouldn't be in the pulpit? Because you have fundamental views about women that have influenced this. Views that may come up in our relationship...your (his) relationship with a woman. Etc.

The way I would protect my peace is to not date someone whose fundamental core beliefs don't align with mine.

Just offering a different POV :)
Click to expand...

I can see both sides, especially when it comes to politics.

The question that first came to my mind as I read both perspectives is “how much true devine knowledge does a person really have in order to use effectively use that as a criteria to love or be loved by someone?” Because I think as a society we will take our core beliefs and attach them to a political party that we really don’t have all the facts and/or knowledge about. Which I think is due to the human need to belong or have membership to something as a form of self identification.

I ask people this all the time: who are you? they will often say “I’m a democrate, I’m a republican, I’m a liberal, etc etc” but are you really?

We can have our differences but when it affects human interfacing, that’s where the drawn line should be thought about. And if it can’t, what’s the justification for it.

My DR hottie and I just had the conversation because he asked what my politcal affiliation was for which he was shocked by my answer. However, what was beautiful was his ability to suspend judgement instead of saying I will never date nor associate with someone who is of XYZ party. Which is quite refreshing because it made me feel like he is more interested in my being than beliefs. (or he’s real trooper about getting some dating time :lol:).

I hope I’ve made sense....I’m a little mushy bc I just got flowers delivered:lol:

Carry on...
 
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