Why Don't Women Put As Much Effort Into Finding A Husband As They Put Into A Career?

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

Southernbella. said:
No I agree with you but there is still work to do on our end. Women have to be available and worthy of being found, and that doesn't necessarily happen by chance, especially if you ate going for a certain type of man.
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Happens for white women all of the time. Even when they aren't looking, their chances of becoming a rich housewife are about 98% greater than mine.

Anyway, how exactly does one go about putting effort into finding a husband? I'm in grad school in one of the whitest places in America. How do I find someone that I am attracted to with the qualities I want when I run in very few circles where I'm meeting successful, intelligent black men who are interested in dating a black woman pursuing a PhD?
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

SelahOco said:
Cause we don't want to be thirsty and be accused of 'looking for a man.' I like to think of it as being 'good at' living a fulfilling life as a marriage minded, unmarried woman.

That man is gonna find you while you're living life and enjoying people. He can't find yo arse if you're always covered in deep conditioner and perched under the steamer!!! :lachen:

I met DH on black planet between writing papers cause I never did anything but that. If I actually stepped outside....hell I coulda found me a white man or something. :look:

:lachen:
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I think I love your posts most of all in these dating threads :lol:. There's always some ray of positivity laced with jokes. And then there is yardy posting her articles, :lol:
 
mech said:
i'm not discouraging activism. all i'm asking for is tact lol. i think we can all agree on that.
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Indeed. Don't go out there like that old cartoon where the desperate ugly girl would say " AH MAN!!!!!" And her feet would flip and her heart jumped out her chest, lol.
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

SelahOco said:
Cause we don't want to be thirsty and be accused of 'looking for a man.' I like to think of it as being 'good at' living a fulfilling life as a marriage minded, unmarried woman.

That man is gonna find you while you're living life and enjoying people. He can't find yo arse if you're always covered in deep conditioner and perched under the steamer!!! :lachen:

I met DH on black planet between writing papers cause I never did anything but that. If I actually stepped outside....hell I coulda found me a white man or something. :look:

:lachen:
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lmao :lol::lol:
 
ellebelle88 said:
Happens for white women all of the time.

Anyway, how exactly does one go about putting effort into finding a husband? I'm in grad school in one of the whitest places in America. How do I find someone that I am attracted to with the qualities I want when I run in very few circles where I'm meeting successful, intelligent black men who are interested in dating a black woman pursuing a PhD?
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You may have luck online. If you're on facebook, I can give you a link to a black phd group I'm a member of. There are several black male phds and grad students on there...I can't speak to their quality:lol:, but they are at least on your level professionally.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

greight said:
I think I love your posts most of all in these dating threads :lol:. There's always some ray of positivity laced with jokes. And then there is yardy posting her articles, :lol:
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Yeah she's like a burst of sunshine around here :lol::yep:
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

EverythingOldIsNew said:
She quoted me verbatim. I take no issue with the way the op is stated.
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You seem upset because you maybe you feel I'm unfair? However, the only context I had was what was posted in this OP. I assume you wrote more in your post for that other thread? I had no such contextual info. As for the other posts in that thread I never read, I have no clue about the tone of it all. Shrugs. That's why I think you should take up issue with the OP in this one because of how it appears - at least, to me. I only knew what was posted here...not the larger picture and maybe it was taken a bit out of context? So, you've explained it. I understand...but calm down a bit. I'm not pursuing you.

ETA: I don't know who you responded to and what they wrote...simple as that.
 
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Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

EverythingOldIsNew said:
That's cool. As long as you are willing to play the odds. Honestly? I wasn't the gambling type.
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finding a wife is not my #1 priority. In the top 10 but not #1 at all right now. maybe when I'm in my late 20s or beyond i will reconsider but not right now.
 
auparavant said:
You seem upset because you maybe you feel I'm unfair? However, the only context I had was what was posted in this OP. I assume you wrote more in your post for that other thread? I had no such contextual info. As for the other posts in that thread I never read, I have no clue about the tone of it all. Shrugs. That's why I think you should take up issue with the OP in this one because of how it appears - at least, to me. I only knew what was posted here...not the larger picture and maybe it was taken a bit out of context? So, you've explained it. I understand...but calm down a bit. I'm not pursuing you.
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I'm calm. Just a bit confused when I see people discouraging the young folk. Yeah maybe reading the other thread would make this one clearer to you.
 
Mortons said:
finding a wife is not my #1 priority. In the top 10 but not #1 at all right now. maybe when I'm in my late 20s or beyond i will reconsider but not right now.
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You know you aren't playing on the same field as those looking for husbands. You can wait until you are 80 and still find a good wife, lol.
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

EverythingOldIsNew said:
I'm calm. Just a bit confused when I see people discouraging the young folk. Yeah maybe reading the other thread would make this one clearer to you.
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Well, I wasn't discouraging anyone...again, my first introduction was that blunt statement presented like it was....no context means no understanding. No one has suggested which thread it is. Shrugs.
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I always just thought that I would meet someone in a completely spontaneous way like in the grocery store, at church, or at least in college ffs. All my friends ho have mates just "found" them somehow. I think it's apparent that that just isn't going to be my reality. No viable candidates have just fallen into my lap. Now that I have my daughter and am inside most of the time, the chances are even slimmer. I'm done thinking that I will just be out somewhere one day and the perfect man will just appear. For some reason, it just has not worked out for me like that. I am almost 25 and have not had even one serious relationship. I want to be married by 30. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I am determined. :lol:
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

ellebelle88 said:
Happens for white women all of the time. Even when they aren't looking, their chances of becoming a rich housewife are about 98% greater than mine.

Anyway, how exactly does one go about putting effort into finding a husband? I'm in grad school in one of the whitest places in America. How do I find someone that I am attracted to with the qualities I want when I run in very few circles where I'm meeting successful, intelligent black men who are interested in dating a black woman pursuing a PhD?
Click to expand...

Oooh, this is tough. But I would go online too. Or do you have any networking or conferences that you can hit up?

That's the one thing about graduate school. I will be looking at the location first if I'm not engaged by that point. I need to be in a city with many different colleges and options of going out and socializing, but small enough that it won't be an NYC with too many options/needle in the haystack.
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

EverythingOldIsNew said:
That's cool. As long as you are willing to play the odds. Honestly? I wasn't the gambling type.
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...or at least if you're going to gamble, at least play the games with the odds in your favor. And me thinks linear thinking "first career than family" is NOT in your favor ...
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

Honestly I think SOME women don't want to put effort into anything and think things will just fall in their lap. Jobs, hair, men, etc.


JMO
 
Fear of failure and lack of faith. A lot of women don't want to ”work” to find a man and still end up empty handed.
 
Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

RocStar said:
Honestly I think SOME women don't want to put effort into anything and think things will just fall in their lap. Jobs, hair, men, etc.

JMO
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I think some women shirk the idea of effort because they internalize that as meaning they needed "help" or "an advantage".

People will try urine therapy before they admit to being proactive about a man...
 
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