Put a Ring on It

[Crystalicequeen123]

Mmm....

I know I'm a bit late in this discussion (so I haven't read all the responses yet), but I think that men pretty much KNOW what "type" of woman they would want to marry, and so THEY choose (on some subconscious level) which women they want to open up to, "connect on a deeper level with" and eventually commit to. Some women can "Surprise" men yes...and end up being that woman that they wanted all along, but in general...I think men pretty much know from jump whether or not they could see themselves with you for the long haul, or wether you're just a play-thing.

I think women kind of know too on some level with SOME guys....not always though. Some men can surprise you.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Interesting how almost all of these points refer back to the fact that so long as a woman is sleeping with a man, he will lie, deflect, obfuscate, make empty promises, etc. to keep his sexual status quo in order. It doesn't say as long as a man enjoys her companionship or their emotional connection. Has anyone known a situation where a woman wasn't sleeping with a man, and he still insincerely dragged things on?

Why do we insist on trying to play the game like a man instead of being true to our feminine values, goals and ideals?

GREAT question! I'd like to know the answer to that as well.

Great comment by the way. Totally agree with the bolded.

I used to LIVE on askmen. com! There's tons of great advice on that board and some I don't care for.

YES!!! Same here! That was one of my staple boards! I loved that board. The men will definitely tell it to the women STRAIGHT on that board. Straight....no chaser. Don't expect ivillage.

That's where I have gotten a lot of the male POV on certain issues....that and also guy friends, male co-workers, books, etc. Let me tell you, they are telling women the TRUTH! Everything they've said has been confirmed by other men pretty much.

 

[Spiffy]

Well I am stating my intention through my actions. I'm not having sex until I'm married. That's one action. That's MY thing. Not something I'm recommending to others but I know that filters guys out.
I realize there's another type of guy that attracts but I know how to sniff them out because I've had enough experience with the guy who wants the inexperienced girl as he runs around with a million people. That type instantly gets filtered. But that leaves another type who is really genuinely interested in being with ME. A

Guys know from the moment they hear that that if they want to be my boyfriend, they aren't getting any. They're in a serious mindset if they go forward because they know this isn't a relationship to just have sex and play house until the next person comes along. They have to end up connecting with me on a deeper level. I think once a guy does that it's easier to be honest with them. I think guys are used to running, like society tells them to run away from commitment. But I do believe when they connect with someone it's different. There is of course non commital guy but I've already ran him off when he says he wouldn't wait for a woman and I say bye bye now! So I've already filtered out noncommital guys from the beginning. And of course any guy who HATES marriage, or doesn't want marriage for a million years won't be interested in a girl whose waiting till they're married to have sex. I'm the least interesting lady ever to them. Which is fine by me because they are instantly filtered.

Of the guys interested in a serious commitment: Faced with a girl who won't play that b.s game they usually are shocked in a good way. For instance I tell them I want to get married (in a playful but serious way), but that doesn't mean it will be them. That usually intrigues them. It's true. I mean I'm not anxious to get a ring on it, or I would've had that opportunity before.

I'm wanting a ring on it with the right person. So they are just auditioning. And I've jokingly seriously said that to someone before. If a guy stays on at this point (which I've never had one turn away when you're the girl who is confident in your decision, and they know that they're just auditioning) then they are there to connect with you in a deeper way. They are in a serious mode already. I think the get married thing freaks a guy out, but that's only IF it wasn't followed by the whole but that doesn't mean to just "any" guy thing. So then that defense mechanism fades away. Because guys are trained to think every girl wants to marry them. So their ego is bruised a little, and they have to step back and think who is this lady? What does she mean it might not be me? But I thought that's what women want? And then they come at the relationship from a ego (less) standpoint because they can't roll with that assumption that I'm waiting with baited breathe for THEM. And then they usually know because my facebook pming and sometimes emails or a phone message will be from exes trying to get back with me that I've turned down (proposal). These are not people I email or call so I'll just delete it. But if my SO's around it'll be like: whose that? And I'm just like oh that's so and so.... And they know I've been proposed to before so I'm intriguing to them because I won't just marry just any guy. This takes away the male belief fallacy that women are running after THEM and will commit to just any guy that asks them. I am NOT that woman. I will also say there's the type of guy that's ready to settle down already, but even he isn't going to be interested in a desperate woman. He's going to want a woman that is selective in who she wants to be with. That she isn't just going to say yes cause he's a MAN but because she loves him. Either guy though, I feel will step up and be interested because their defense mechanism doesn't go up with "desperate woman!".
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I'm like a mix of traditional and nontraditional: I want to get married, but I'm not desperate to, I'm patient to find the right one. I stress patience in a different way: I'm not patient to have a relationship for years with one guy, but I'm patient enough to go through as many guys as necessary to find the love of my life and that includes cutting off those who do not meet that when necessary.

I stress that I don't do this in a serious way. It's not a conversation with a serious stare down way and intensity. Just you're together, he's your boyfriend (, and you're having a conversation...like month two or three. The guy knows your feeling on that subject and then it's on to something else.

They usually present a moment themselves. They'll ask if I want to get married, or some variation. Or even a more cock one like, For instance GUY: If we were married, but don't get excited, I'm just saying IF" and I'll laugh and say "Oh really? What makes you think it'll be you? I'm looking for the RIGHT guy and I don't know if that's you or not." And then they'll be like "Wait a minute? What's wrong with me?" and I'll say "nothing, but that doesn't mean we're RIGHT for each other. We'll see. But I do know that there's a time when it should be obvious and if it's not, we should move on." To which they'll say "Really...how long is that" and I'll go into the whole if I'm not getting the vibe that we should move on to the next step after a year or so then it's a wrap and that's IF I believe we should move on. Because just because a guy thinks we should get married, doesn't make it necessarily so. It's about BOTH people feeling it's right. And I just take things day by day and see how it goes.

This usually leaves them in deep thought and then I'm on to another subject.

I had been looking for your post all morning. I knew I came across it but could not remember where. I was trying to explain something similar to the bolded to someone. Thanks is not enough!