Perfexion
Well-Known Member
What's a unicorn? Does that mean not black? He's half black.
Update: I think I'm ready to leave him
- Thread starter Perfexion
- Start date
What's a unicorn? Does that mean not black? He's half black.
intellectualuva
Well-Known Member
Here is my issue with him staying home.....long run....if this leads to a divorce, you are setting yourself up for alimony payments. That is still a possibility if you make substantially more than him, but the stakes get higher if he can claim that he wasn't working because he was a house husband...which happened to my friend who married a low life. I am not lawyer....just seemed like things were easier for him in terms of dividing assets because he insisted upon being a house husband to save money.
I would certainly look into any legal and financial benefits offered by your job. They are usually called EAP...employee assistance programs. They also provide free mental health benefits.....outside of your insurance and off the books so to speak.
I would use all of my resources and devise a plan, preferably one that would need to take effect before he starts classes to have him out, see if i can get in some sort of debt consolidation program and focus on essentials only: housing, food, car, day care.
He can get counseling from a distance and you can work on your marriage...if he's who you want, when your partner has proved he wants to be a partner.
Whatever you do...don't do ultimatums and threats...its a waste of time. Never say you're going to do something and don't follow through.
I would certainly look into any legal and financial benefits offered by your job. They are usually called EAP...employee assistance programs. They also provide free mental health benefits.....outside of your insurance and off the books so to speak.
I would use all of my resources and devise a plan, preferably one that would need to take effect before he starts classes to have him out, see if i can get in some sort of debt consolidation program and focus on essentials only: housing, food, car, day care.
He can get counseling from a distance and you can work on your marriage...if he's who you want, when your partner has proved he wants to be a partner.
Whatever you do...don't do ultimatums and threats...its a waste of time. Never say you're going to do something and don't follow through.
curlycoquette
New Member
THIS. And he really doesn't even have to be smart, if you guys divorce, all he needs is a smart divorce attorney that will set everything up for him.
curlycoquette
New Member
Not to make light of your situation at all OP, but I swear this story is basically the script for the movie "Disappearing Acts".
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Not to make light of your situation at all OP, but I swear this story is basically the script for the movie "Disappearing Acts".
that movie was running through my brain as well! sounds just like it.
curlycoquette
New Member
Zuleika Here you go girl: http://www.1channel.ch/watch-17522-Disappearing-Acts (The putlocker link works).
If you watch it, be forewarned: you will get progressively angrier throughout the entire film.
Perfexion
Well-Known Member
Both of his parents are biracial. Also, I've never seen the movie either. I'm guessing it doesn't end happily ever after though.
@Zuleika Here you go girl: http://www.1channel.ch/watch-17522-Disappearing-Acts (The putlocker link works).
If you watch it, be forewarned: you will get progressively angrier throughout the entire film.
Thank you!
From the picture on the cover, you wouldn't think it would make one angry. They look so in love!! 
curlycoquette
New Member
Thank you!
You'll see.
Let me know your thoughts when you watch it.curlycoquette
New Member
mallysmommy
Well-Known Member
Yall suck. I just bought disappearing acts. #movienight
Perfexion
Well-Known Member
You should watch it through the link I posted.
Watching now...
starfish
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry you're going through this OP. He sounds quite smart to me. He got you to believe his lies about the kind of man he was and is, and he doesn't support and provide for you and your child. That's pretty smart in my book.
Your husband sounds like a manipulative liar. Don't believe anything he said about his past or what comes out of his mouth now. Enrolling in something means nothing about completion.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
mallysmommy
Well-Known Member
*CherryPie* said:
Yup cds too
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Zuleika Here you go girl: http://www.1channel.ch/watch-17522-Disappearing-Acts (The putlocker link works).
If you watch it, be forewarned: you will get progressively angrier throughout the entire film.
YES!! I watched it a few weeks ago. I totally forgot how pissed off I got towards the end.
Perfexion
Well-Known Member
I just finished watching it. That does kinda sound like my relationship, minus the singing/big dream thing. But they got back together. I wish there was a sequel to this movie because we've been through that "I made one small step towards getting my life together so take me back" thing before. And here we are.
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Perfexion
Well-Known Member
P.S. He walked in while I was watching it and basically made fun of the fact that I was watching it. He doesn't know what it's about but he said, "What dumb a**, corny, angry black woman, man hating movie are you watching now?" I kinda wish he would watch it with me so he can see how our relationship is but knowing him he wouldn't get it and would either make fun of Wesley Snipes or take it too literally like, "I have a high school diploma so that isn't like me at all!" At least I saw it. Thanks for the link!
I'm sorry but I don't think you're telling us some important things. If the bolded are his exact words, then something tells me that he is very good at mentally/emotionally manipulating you.
Honestly, look at your situation, he is really good at it.
He knows you're not happy with the relationship and honestly I don't think he gives a F***. He'll do enough to not upset his gravy train, but you're the one who'll end up making the major comprises where you will never really get the life and relationship you desire.
Marriage is not a prison. It's okay to admit you made a mistake and rectify it at an early stage w/o to much damage. However, if you want to wait five to ten years (playing the SBW holding down her misunderstood BM) hoping and praying this man will mature and be want you truly want, that's okay too.
No complaining or crying if it still ends up not working out. Many women have tried it and most failed. This man has shown you very early on (which you should be thanking God for) his true character. He's in his 30's, his character and attitudes are basically set. Nothing you do is going to change it.
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Maa Maa omo mti
New Member
I Have a feeling if they break up he will land on his feet and do something with his life. No man is that lazy without a reason excuse etc. and if his newborn child or wife is not a good reason its not going to get better.
This is all I have to say about this. A man that was a provider previously would NOT allow his baby to sit in the cold and dark, he'd show up at the Home Depot at 6AM and get those day jobs like I see the Mexican laborers hustling.
OP I'm really sorry. I think you over looked alot of red signs in the beginning, got caught up in a whirlwind romance, and probably fictionalized something because you wanted to--And that's what women do. But now it's time to leave.
I wouldn't say anything else about it, I'd make a plan and leave and/or have a plan in place. There is no reasoning with this type of man.
Zaynab loved any advice please
OP You've said what you've needed to say to him so dont repeat yourself and keep focus on the baby
if lights do cut off/he still doesnt do anything, then I'd suggest going to your parents. No need on telling him..when he sees your actions and how serious you are, hopefully he will step off. No need or "nagging" anymore. He knows the deal.
See above. I wouldn't say anything else at all to him. Men respond to actions not words. I'd b0unce FelaShrine
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I don't feel like the program or the certification is the issue. A man that would say you and your baby can sit in the dark, taking his check to a check cashing place...money isn't the issue, his character is. I wouldn't let him stay home to save money on daycare. I don't know that I would pay for the program either. His approach is not a man that you can work with. I think if you get through this hump, you're going to be there over and over again. His mentality is not that of a man that WANTS to take care of his family.
OP, I really sense from your posts that you want to work this out and you seem hopeful. I just don't want you to be blinded by who he really seems to be. I don't think you need to keep "working" with him. I know this is a second marriage and there's your baby involved but he's pulling you down w/o helping. There is no way your baby should need anything and he goes to a check cashing place to cash his check? To willingly NOT give you money? This just baffles me. I would have him move out, why let him stay there? He's not doing anything for you? I would support him emotionally through his program and let him SEE this is his chance to show you show you who he really is. These kind of men don't change, I promise. I'd cut my losses.
Perfexion
Well-Known Member
I've tried to throw him out before, several times actually. I had the cops escort him out and everything. But he moved to this state to be with me so if I throw him out, he's homeless. I mean, he's a bum but I don't want him to literally be on the street. He can't just crash on a couch while he gets back on his feet. He doesn't know anyone here. I do still have feelings for him, even though I agree at this point that he is just dead weight in my life. I want him to man up, but I don't hate him. That's why I said it would be easier if I moved out because at least I have family in this state. I know I shouldn't, but I'd feel bad for bringing him to this state where he has no friends or family and then tossing him out, even if he does deserve it. I know I am the victim here but I don't want to be a heartless ***** about it either. He doesn't deserve to be with me but I don't know if homelessness is a proper punishment.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
greenandchic
Well-Known Member
Why did the cops have to throw him out?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Guys do find a way to survive. I swore my ex-husband was going to be homeless when I left him in an apartment that was being evicted on (his fault), but he never slept one night without a bed. He found a way.
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
Plane ticket back where he came from. The end.
But he said you and the baby could sit in the dark
. You can't care about him being homeless on the street and it's the dead of winter. That's just wrong on so many levels and it can't be an anger issue-him saying something hurtful yes I could see but that sounds like..IDK a man that doesn't GAF. The comments you posted hurt MY feelings for YOU, if that makes sense. But I appreciate your candor and if you read it back as if someone else was telling you, you'd agree.I don't think he's going to man up. I honestly never feel sorry for a man on the streets because men IMO have it made in the world, when I see a man that's homeless or carless, I think he must really be sorry because men do not at all have the burdens we have, and they have the ability to go out and work 3-4 jobs, sleep in a car and get back up and do it all over again.
IF you let him stay there, get a plan together and get your heart out of it. I don't care, he would be out, if I had to change the locks. I know that's easier said than done. I think him getting a certification is going to work for him and not you. Good luck OP.
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