Thread for the heartbroken

I had a moment of weakness. I ended up unblocking my ex number...so anyway we got to talking that day & I ended up going over to "color"...*sighs* I'm pitiful. Anyway, while I was over there he was talking about how much he missed me and wants his family back. Then....wait for it....

He said "boo you should get off birth control so we can have the baby you always wanted. We can go get married at the courthouse tomorrow and have a wedding later. I want to give you everything you want an deserve"

Why did I even? Like...you have a newborn & want to knock me up too?

I am so dang foolish for this...I promise I'm going to get better. I am done for good. I cannot even take him (or me) serious anymore at this point. :(
 
So today is kind of a low day for me. All week I have done pretty good..Friday I did the color run 5k with Co workers and had a blast, I got out the house and walked on a nature trail by my house, did my hair, went to trader Joe's and bought some healthy meals..the week b4 last I had cried ever day..

So I feel like I made progress last week until today. It's my exes birthday..I wished him a happy bday..we texted back n forth for a couple mins.

But now I just feel so empty like wow He's really spending his birthday without me. Then I think about the fun we had last year.

I hate how something so small can get me emotional again..I was cool all week now here I am crying and feeling alone again..
 
And I went to a part last night with Co workers..at first I was excited to go and get out..but once I got there I was just ready to go home. I did drink and smoke which I haven't done in a long time...But it's like when the high wore off I just felt so lonely..and I know alcohol is a depressant.

So from here on out no more parties for me..or smoking or drinking.. my introverted self would rather stay home anyways..but when I'm home I get lost in my thoughts..

I really don't have a "best friend" but in this moment I wish I had a person like that to spill my heart to...someone older and wiser. I love my mother but I hate telling her things..

It's hard getting through this alone..

I'm done rambling lol
 
*sigh*

It was around this time in 2010 that I started seeing dude, and so the FB "On this Day" thing has been bringing up statuses that I wrote about him. It's crazy reading them (and a little sad) knowing how things turned out.

If I'm being honest, I'm starting to feel like I may never be 100% over him. Like there's always going to be a part of me that wishes things could have been different. I've done a good job of leaving him alone, we haven't even spoken in over 6 months (a new record) but I still think about him more than I'd like. And I know he ain't thinking about me, so I hate it. A lot of times, it's in passing but I don't want to think about him at all. It's been 2 years, for goodness sake! And that's just when we officially ended things, that doesn't even count the months and months that I knew he'd checked out, but I kept holding on.

I know that this chapter of my life had to happen because I'd been making terrible choices with men for years. I needed to hit rock bottom to see that something had to change, and that I had to try to fix whatever was broken inside of me that kept me repeating these negative patterns. But this has been SO. DAMN. HARD.
 
MzLady78 said:
*sigh*

It was around this time in 2010 that I started seeing dude, and so the FB "On this Day" thing has been bringing up statuses that I wrote about him. It's crazy reading them (and a little sad) knowing how things turned out.

If I'm being honest, I'm starting to feel like I may never be 100% over him. Like there's always going to be a part of me that wishes things could have been different. I've done a good job of leaving him alone, we haven't even spoken in over 6 months (a new record) but I still think about him more than I'd like. And I know he ain't thinking about me, so I hate it. A lot of times, it's in passing but I don't want to think about him at all. It's been 2 years, for goodness sake! And that's just when we officially ended things, that doesn't even count the months and months that I knew he'd checked out, but I kept holding on.

I know that this chapter of my life had to happen because I'd been making terrible choices with men for years. I needed to hit rock bottom to see that something had to change, and that I had to try to fix whatever was broken inside of me that kept me repeating these negative patterns. But this has been SO. DAMN. HARD.
Click to expand...
Girl, most of us have that "ex" that we always have a small twinge over. Don't beat yourself up. You have come so far and have accomplished so much. HIS LOSS!!!!!!
 
juliansmom said:
And I went to a part last night with Co workers..at first I was excited to go and get out..but once I got there I was just ready to go home. I did drink and smoke which I haven't done in a long time...But it's like when the high wore off I just felt so lonely..and I know alcohol is a depressant.

So from here on out no more parties for me..or smoking or drinking.. my introverted self would rather stay home anyways..but when I'm home I get lost in my thoughts..

I really don't have a "best friend" but in this moment I wish I had a person like that to spill my heart to...someone older and wiser. I love my mother but I hate telling her things..

It's hard getting through this alone..

I'm done rambling lol
Click to expand...
You have US!
Ramble on. That's what we are here for.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
Girl, most of us have that "ex" that we always have a small twinge over. Don't beat yourself up. You have come so far and have accomplished so much. HIS LOSS!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks.

Yeah, there's no denying that life has greatly improved the last 2 years. It's just crazy because while we had our issues, he was one of my biggest cheerleaders when I was trying to get myself together, always supportive and always pushing me. I wanted nothing more than to get back to work so I could move out of my mom's house, I vented to him about those things all the time. I just never expected that he wouldn't be here for any of it. But, maybe if he had still been in the picture, things wouldn't have worked out the way they did.
 
MzLady78 said:
Thanks.

Yeah, there's no denying that life has greatly improved the last 2 years. It's just crazy because while we had our issues, he was one of my biggest cheerleaders when I was trying to get myself together, always supportive and always pushing me. I wanted nothing more than to get back to work so I could move out of my mom's house, I vented to him about those things all the time. I just never expected that he wouldn't be here for any of it. But, maybe if he had still been in the picture, things wouldn't have worked out the way they did.
Click to expand...
I agree, great point. Sometimes we hold on to something so hard but it's really holding us back!
 
How do I get over my first love? I'm not handling it very well :( I'm trying no contact but he's an older guy so I'm pretty sure he'd realise if I messaged him after a month. So I'm not gonna message him at all and move on (and hope that he messages me a few times at somepoint even though I shouldn't). 2 days in and he hasn't yet. I'm surprised I got through the first day. I just feel so used. I'm not coping well but I'm proud for getting past day one of moving on.

I'm not good at coping with rejection and have issues which I'm working on. So I always contact him first because I get lonely. Even though it's me who starts the arguments due to his questionable actions. This no contact is new to me.

What he did the other day made it very clear that he doesn't want us to be together yet I still want him. And he goes back and forth on the idea so I get confused. I just feel like I was stupid to think that a man would actually love me.

Please don't quote. I know this post reeks of self pity. I'll get over him. I'm a strong person. Its just hard and I feel really rejected so I've been crying a lot. I've shed way too many tears on this man these past 6 month. The worst thing out of this whole mess is that I'm losing a really good friend.
 
I talked him up. He text me yesterday.

I think that I've been in denial about how much resentment I have towards him. I don't show it at all when we talk. But the more time that passes and the biggest point of contention between us doesn't change, the more I realize he was probably lying to me about it from the very beginning. It doesn't matter now, it's over and done, but I can't say that it doesn't make me feel really foolish and naive.
 
Last edited:
We haven't broken up yet but I feel deep in my gut that he is ghosting me slowly. I've always had reservations about the relationship even during the happy times. We dated previously when we were kids and he broke up with me out of the blue. It hurt me so badly and I'm not sure I ever fully got over it. We remained friends through the years having contact every couple years or so and started dating again seriously last year. The relationship is long distance as he is living in another country for 3 years.

He just lost a parent earlier this year and he has been pulling away ever since. Now that he is slowly coming out of his funk, he still seems to have no time to text me to see how I'm doing. I did agree to give him space but I suddenly realized that he has time to post on Facebook and he had a female friend visit him while was having a 2 week course for work (which I also found out because of his post and the replies on Facebook). I have never met this friend and I am so uncomfortable with this. I know for sure he would not be comfortable if the roles were reversed. I'm not sure if she stayed with him or not but I know they went sightseeing together. I'm so disconnected from his life that he couldn't tell me about this? How can you talk about marriage and children and tell a woman you have plans for the future with her and think it's ok to not even mention this friend was visiting. She is also making plans to visit next year apparently. I just feel I've been so understanding but this distance has really made me go over all the things he's said and how the plans for our lives together keep changing. The worst part is I know this time we won't be able to be friends again. He is no longer my safe place.
 
Last edited:
Well it's done. I hurt so much that it's indescribable. He actually said he thought we were already over based on previous conversations and that I was dating someone else. What?! Gas lighting me now?! The whole time we're talking I'm crying and realizing I never knew this man. He never really wanted a future. He said we were being unrealistic after he assured me of our future. I resisted in the beginning saying I wasn't the one for him especially as being my mom's caretaker and she lives with me. He assured me that he understood and still wanted to be with me. Talked about seeing me in September and still calling me pet names. I didn't want to be angry but I am! We've know each other 15 years and this is how I'm treated. I just blocked him on everything and erases text messages and Facebook messages. I feels so stupid because I'm crying and he is looking at me with a blank face basically admitting to me that he checked of the relationship without saying the words. No tears. No nothing. And telling me he loves and will always love me. Like how you love all your exes and you've spoken poorly about them. How do you treat people you love like that? I feel like the woman I was when we started is gone and I told him so. How can I open myself up again? How can I risk feeling all this anguish again?
 
I've been so numb for the past couple of days. I really can't believe that I was with someone so self-centered and hurtful.

Every time I think I'm mentally and emotionally in a good place, he pops back up in some form.

His birthday was on Friday. We have not communicated much at all, and the times that we have, it has been very hostile on my end. I do not want to be friends with this man. So of course, I didn't bother to wish him a happy birthday nor did I care.

Well, later that night, I received a text from an unknown number, and it was him. When I asked him why he was texting me, he responded, "my birthday." I guess he thought/expected me to go out of my way to acknowledge his birthday when I don't even want to acknowledge his existence. The ONLY reason he texted me was probably because he thought that maybe I had been trying to find a way to reach out to him to say something nice on his day. Nope.

Furthermore, to make matters worse, I found out that he was back with his child's mother...the person that he swore he hated when we were together, and that ruined his life. He swore that she was ratchet and had low self-esteem, and that she purposely got pregnant to trap him. I was always very uncomfortable with their "co-parenting" relationship because there were times when they would "hang out" when the kid wasn't even around, or go out together as if they were family. I definitely didn't like her because she didn't seem to respect me or our relationship, and just seemed to act like she was better than me. Their relationship was a HUGE reason why we broke up.

She posted a picture of them all together on social media with captions insinuating they were in a relationship again and one big, happy family. That really hurt me more than anything he's done since we broke up, and I am more than certain that he was cheating on me while we were together. The realization just made me feel so numb. I put up with a lot, but that did the most damage. I have never felt more hurt and hate for someone before in my life as I do him.
 
hot_pepper96 said:
Well it's done. I hurt so much that it's indescribable. He actually said he thought we were already over based on previous conversations and that I was dating someone else. What?! Gas lighting me now?! The whole time we're talking I'm crying and realizing I never knew this man. He never really wanted a future. He said we were being unrealistic after he assured me of our future. I resisted in the beginning saying I wasn't the one for him especially as being my mom's caretaker and she lives with me. He assured me that he understood and still wanted to be with me. Talked about seeing me in September and still calling me pet names. I didn't want to be angry but I am! We've know each other 15 years and this is how I'm treated. I just blocked him on everything and erases text messages and Facebook messages. I feels so stupid because I'm crying and he is looking at me with a blank face basically admitting to me that he checked of the relationship without saying the words. No tears. No nothing. And telling me he loves and will always love me. Like how you love all your exes and you've spoken poorly about them. How do you treat people you love like that? I feel like the woman I was when we started is gone and I told him so. How can I open myself up again? How can I risk feeling all this anguish again?
Click to expand...
:bighug: you'll be just fine. He doesn't know what love is. He wouldn't do that to someone he loves. Breaks and space unless initiated by the woman is usually the end of the relationship. Some men just don't know how to break up properly. So sorry youre going through this!!
 
Last edited:
@hot_pepper96
You will be fine. Just keep moving forward. Learn your lessons as best you can and every morning say *** him until you can dismiss him from your mind. Don't let his stupid, cowardly, passive aggressive self keep you from real love. One day you will look back and not believe you gave him the time of day.
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
Question: do you guys make yourself date even if you don't want to? Ugh I just have zero romantic interest right now.
Click to expand...

I do. A guy that I can't get out of my life just left this weekend and I've already planned for 2 dates. It's complicated with him, but I need to move on even though we are on good terms.

I use other men to help me get over the current one. It does work for me even though I tend to lack the energy at first.
 
I'm doing a lot better...I joined a crossfit gym, went paintballing with Co workers..just staying busy. My ex does text me every now and then to hold a pointless convo.. And almost every time He drops off our daughter he texts me later saying something a long the lines of "you looked beautiful" or "it was nice seeing you today". I refuse to read too much into it but he said I wasn't good enough for him but yet he sends me these pointless dumb text messages. I'm at the point now where I have just stopped responding.

Overall as an introvert I like being alone..but the hardest thing for me about being single is at night..I just miss having sex and a warm muscular body to curl up next to..lol.. I just hate the loneliness I feel at night..and the craving sex and intimacy..I have a pretty strong sex drive so it is becoming annoying...
 
I hate that whenever I see my ex he says things like "guess I can't have a kiss" and the random how was your day texts..I'm like dude u said I wasn't good enough for you...so why tf are you bothering me? I hate to ignore him and be mean since we have a child together but this man needs to know he is out of line..

But anyways how soon is too soon to date?..especially when you have kids..this guy from my job asked me if I wanted to go to the movies..and a couple other guys have been pursuing me ever since finding out I'm single

Theres this part of me that says I shouldn't date because I have 2 kids and have already failed at relationships at this point. I feel like I should wait a couple years b4 I even entertain men or dates again or maybe even just be content with staying single forever...but on the other hand I LOVE being taken out and going on dates..idk
 
@juliansmom it's ok to be cold toward your ex. He's disrespecting your boundaries. Flat out tell him to stop with the good morning texts and the flirtatious comments. He is cruel and enjoying toying with you. He's not adjusting his behavior out of respect for you or because you're the mother of his child.

Of course you should date again. Why shouldn't you? The main thing is trying your best to learn whatever it was you needed to learn from the last relationship first. If not, it will be very easy to fall into the same type of relationship again and then have baby #3. Whatever bad things your ex did was not your fault. He owns all of that. But the signs you missed or ignored, the mistakes you made, the healing you need to do is your responsibility. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take your time. You will figure things out.
 
@hopeful thanks for your reply. I will continue to ignore my ex. All he is trying to do is play with my emotions but I refuse to budge or give him any satisfaction.

And for some reason I just feel guilty for wanting to date again. I'm not even really sure why I feel this guilt. I feel like the root of allowing myself to get into the same situation twice with a man..having his baby..not married goes back to me having low self esteem. The funny thing is the moment I began to stand up for myself and found my voice was when the relationship went south. Once I began to do some deep inner work and love myself was when the man left me smh.. I was no longer his puppet or a woman he could walk all over.

The last couple months I have learned a lot about myself. And just trying to find some direction..career wise..purpose wise. I've been contemplating what exactly my purpose is on this earth? that has always been a huge thing that has got me down or feeling depressed. feeling like I don't belong you know..

But I think for now I'm just gonna chill and continue to explore and get better at my hobbies (yin yoga, crossfit, photography)..then hopefully everything will fall into place..and hopefully I will finally meet the right man for me when I least expect it and just stop worrying so much about my life in general..

so I'm definitely rambling now but I'm done lol
 
juliansmom said:
@hopeful thanks for your reply. I will continue to ignore my ex. All he is trying to do is play with my emotions but I refuse to budge or give him any satisfaction.

And for some reason I just feel guilty for wanting to date again. I'm not even really sure why I feel this guilt. I feel like the root of allowing myself to get into the same situation twice with a man..having his baby..not married goes back to me having low self esteem. The funny thing is the moment I began to stand up for myself and found my voice was when the relationship went south. Once I began to do some deep inner work and love myself was when the man left me smh.. I was no longer his puppet or a woman he could walk all over.

The last couple months I have learned a lot about myself. And just trying to find some direction..career wise..purpose wise. I've been contemplating what exactly my purpose is on this earth? that has always been a huge thing that has got me down or feeling depressed. feeling like I don't belong you know..

But I think for now I'm just gonna chill and continue to explore and get better at my hobbies (yin yoga, crossfit, photography)..then hopefully everything will fall into place..and hopefully I will finally meet the right man for me when I least expect it and just stop worrying so much about my life in general..

so I'm definitely rambling now but I'm done lol
Click to expand...

@juliansmom I agree with @hopeful. It is perfectly ok to start dating again but only when you feel like you're ready. I love that you are enjoying different hobbies and continuing to live your life inspite of what he did to you. I hope that I can get to the space you are in. I feel slightly better than I did last weekend but I'm still struggling. You've made such great progress and that inspires me.
 
I hope these posts help somebody. They helped me when i was in lots of pain and nursing a broken heart
1.
http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/06/learning-to-be-open-how-to-open-up/

2.
If you’re single, you should aim to begin living an amazing life that you would enjoy even if you had to do it alone – for the rest of your life.

Waiting around for someone else to show up and add spice to your life is the sure way to stay single.

Start having the body you want NOW. Start having the career you want NOW. Start experiencing satisfying emotions YOURSELF, NOW. Start building incredible relationships with friends and family. Start looking for ways to give back.

When you focus on enhancing these levels of your life as a single person, when an ideal potential lover meets you, they will look at what you’re doing and they’ll want to ride the train to where you’re going.

Waiting to find someone to do this stuff with is a waste of your life and counter to what you believe, waiting actual repels the person you’d want to do this stuff with, away from you.

The talented people who are kicking ass in life are IN DEMAND – as friends, as business partners, and as lovers. This is why if you want to attract a mate, one of the best ways to do this is to make your life INCREDIBLE – a story that other people want to be a character in.

3.image.jpg
 
biznesswmn said:
I hope these posts help somebody. They helped me when i was in lots of pain and nursing a broken heart
1.
http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/06/learning-to-be-open-how-to-open-up/

2.
If you’re single, you should aim to begin living an amazing life that you would enjoy even if you had to do it alone – for the rest of your life.

Waiting around for someone else to show up and add spice to your life is the sure way to stay single.

Start having the body you want NOW. Start having the career you want NOW. Start experiencing satisfying emotions YOURSELF, NOW. Start building incredible relationships with friends and family. Start looking for ways to give back.

When you focus on enhancing these levels of your life as a single person, when an ideal potential lover meets you, they will look at what you’re doing and they’ll want to ride the train to where you’re going.

Waiting to find someone to do this stuff with is a waste of your life and counter to what you believe, waiting actual repels the person you’d want to do this stuff with, away from you.

The talented people who are kicking ass in life are IN DEMAND – as friends, as business partners, and as lovers. This is why if you want to attract a mate, one of the best ways to do this is to make your life INCREDIBLE – a story that other people want to be a character in.

3.View attachment 374975
Click to expand...

Yes! Finally realizing all of this!
 
KiSseS03 said:
(((Hugs))) Love and Light to all of you ladies healing from heartbreak. This thread was such a huge help to me 7 months ago, when I was going through my break up. I promise it does get better, you will feel joyful again.
Click to expand...

I came in here to say the same thing. I understand how you ladies feel. I felt so sad, lost and pitiful 7 days a week/24 hours per day. Crying constantly through out the day. I thank the LORD that I was able to even keep my job. I never thought that I would be able to resist my ex if he wanted to be with me again. He texted me a few days ago saying he doesnt want another minute to pass by without me in his life and us being together. I simply replied that I do no want to be in a relationship. No feelings attached and no second thought. I dont want to go back to being mierserable. Find happiness ladies. Dont let these men drag you down.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

crimsonpeach
First Year Of Marriage Support Thread
2
Replies
40
Views
2K
summertimewine
summertimewine
I
Innerbonding: An excellent community for inner healing, esp breakups!
Replies
3
Views
131
Innocent_Kiss
I
DarkJoy
*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*
1042 1043 1044
Replies
31K
Views
811K
lavaflow99
lavaflow99
MzLady78
The Official Sexy and Single Thread
7 8 9
Replies
240
Views
5K
determined_to_grow
determined_to_grow
Smiley79
Codependency Support Thread...breaking The Cycle
3 4 5
Replies
136
Views
4K
Farida
Farida
Back
Top