This Was His Last Time Telling Me "this Is My House!!!"...

PeaceLover said:
2 years and train engineer.
Click to expand...

Yikes, couldn't he have killed somebody? Unintentional or not, you can't drink on that kind of job.

Please take care, I recalled you second-guessed this fiance at one point in spite of the beautiful ring. 25 is too young to settle, a lot of people wish they could go back to 25 and do it over because it's prime time for picking what you want, especially if you're hot. I don't want them to get under your skin. Sometimes people know how to pick at your insecurities and put you in a bad situation because it benefits THEM. Take care.
 
hopeful up in here preaching...that sermon!!!!!

:amen: OP you have so much in life to look forward to .....like so much...dude seems lame as fluck on so many levels

sometimes i read stuff on here and wonder why? why don't YOU feel you deserve more!!!

this thread is for all ladies on LHCF dealing with this..most dont post because they dont want to hear the full unPC truth or dont want to be judged for dealing with this..imho i rather hear the harsh truth than nothing at all....whoever is reading this and going thru this same scenario...please LOVE yourself and kids to want more happiness..more love..more respect..more nurturing...MORE! :rose:


hopeful said:
You will have to figure out why you have stayed. I do believe the answer is in your screen name -- PeaceLover. You will need a bigger toolkit to maintain the peace you want for you and your daughter. Right now the tools you have aren't enough: be nice, be accommodating, be trusting, be kind, don't rock the boat, put other people's needs before your own, always always be compassionate, be loyal, consider others feelings, study hard, etc. These things are all well and good BUT you will need a lot more in order to be successful, happy, and at peace.

You will need to face your past and how you were raised. You will need to read more about abuse, codependency, sexism, misogyny, feminism, power, etc. You may need therapy.

You will have to get clear about who you are, what kind of life you want for you and your daughter, and what you need to get it. You will have to learn how to be stronger, how to be a B when necessary, how to protect yourself and your daughter, and how to establish better boundaries.

You are still young. Your entire life is ahead of you. Leave this blood sucker behind. *** him and his mama. Your focus has to be primarily about you and your daughter, period. And you must move FORWARD! You can do it.
Click to expand...
hopeful said:
Also, there is a thread on here called Relationship Lessons Learned. Check it out. One of my posts in there said:

"Also when not sure about a guy, focus on the bad he is doing vs trying to balance things out between the good and bad. If he's cheating but is very generous it doesn't matter. If he is a great lover and emotionally unavailable it doesn't matter. If he lies a lot but has a really sweet personality it doesn't matter. See where I'm going with this? The good stuff is the hook to keep you hoping for more. Unhook yourself. You are not a fish."

And finally, listen to Beyoncé's Sorry on repeat until you really get it and believe it. *** being a nice girl only and all of the time.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Browndilocks said:
His mama is actually a bigger enemy to you than he is. I've been down that road OP. The mama wants someone who will be good for her son, not even considering whether her son will be good for you. Inconsiderate self serving b++ch. Not giving AF about your daughter or your own well being in order to raise her with a sound mind. She wants you to mess up your life for the benefit of her son. Please don't take any more calls from her. Please be strong enough to be done with the both them and vulnerable enough to believe that you can and will do better. The devil is not in your future. Instead it's all up in this mess that by the grace of God you're getting out of. The Lord ALWAYS provides a way of escape, and clearly God has opened the door for you and your daughter.
Click to expand...


:clap: I agree with all of this...especially the bolded part.
 
OP, when you're a little further removed from the situation, you will see that he was not a "great man". I promise you that. You still have your love-goggles on right now.

I know what it's like to wonder what kind of crack you were smoking that allowed you to put up with foolishness as long as you did. Don't beat yourself, but do some serious self-evaluation. I know for me, a lot of my relationship mistakes came from my daddy issues. I attracted men just like him- emotionally and at times physically unavailable. After being in love with said type of man for 4 years of my life and ending up with literally NOTHING to show for it, I'd had enough. I knew I couldn't do this to myself again. I haven't yet really had the chance to put what I learned into practice, but I'm confident that no one will ever be able to get over on me like that again.

You'll be alright. Just STAY AWAY. There is nothing tying you to this "man", which is a blessing.
 
Last edited:
luckiestdestiny said:
This is from another thread posted by Op. I was catching everyone up. He is using his savings but is not looking for work (sure he's suspended but he can work somewhere else until then). She was already worried about that and some posters mentioned if he doesn't go back to work, everything would fall on her and urged her not to sign for the house ( which from her post she didn't because from what she is telling us he signed. We just didn't know the rest of the story...).


Because of his ample free time: He is staying home, critiquing her cooking, giving her crap all day while she watches the kiddos, etc and he does nothing but impregnate other women. Oh and I guess tell her to get out his house.
Click to expand...
See and some folk in the other thread tried to read me about advising her to not go in on the house and counting his coins yadda yadda. It wasnt about counting coin. It was abput poor decision making and shtty planning. And i was right because only a poor decision-maker shows up to work drunk and buys a house when his job sitch is shaky. Like wtf.

OP, you will see he was working way out of his league with you and knew it. It takes time to emotionally (and physically) extricate yourself from a narcissist or other disordeted type person. Dont be super hard on yourself for what happened and what you feel now. You've learned and grown from this. In the long term, you will gain much wisdom from this experience.

:bighug:
 
Last edited:
PeaceLover said:
His mama keeps calling me trying to pray so the "devil" won't ruin our future. I don't want to be mean, but she won't leave me alone even though I asked nicely. :confused:
Click to expand...

BLOCK

I am going to assume that you were dickmatized and that shyt was sooo good you couldn't even see straight. If this is the case you will be dying for some more of that at night I have two recommendations. Buy a toy or sleep with your thighs squeezed together.

You really have to cut him, his family and friends off cold turkey even if that involves changing your number. DOn't let him know where you are staying. If he already knows that you are staying with your Dad tell someone who can't keep their motuh shut that you are moving.

Think of this relationship as the things YOU DON'T WANT IN A MAN.

Hold your head up and move on. It's not your fault he is a scumbucket.
 
Be motivated and empowered to move on....

His kind is the type that wants to bring people down with them. He has lied and manipulated you into guilt to hang on to his worthless behind.... HE HAS BRAIN -WASHED you. Stop drinking that damn Kool-aid. Put that glass down now!!! Don't you take another sip. Not even a swalla.
 
The biggest thing my Mum and I always disagree about is the Pray and Fix It mantra when it comes to men. She knows that my martyr quota is dead. Even if I have 10 kids or I'm 90 yrs old and it takes me an hour to get from the couch to the main door, I'm leaving. I don't care if her friends will talk about me. I will not be miserable so that the family can save face in front of our community. The weird part is that men are not subjected to the same nonsense. If the wife acts up, there are people on standby with replacements waiting.

My Uncle is on some serious BS and has been for the last 15 yrs and my Aunt has a lawyer on retainer and is stacking her chips. My mother was like where are you going after several kids and 20 + years ? My Aunt is in her 50s and is gorgeous. She is so fly, very feminine with a bubbly personality and a kind heart. She's any man's dream woman. I bucked my mother when she was complaining about my Aunt leaving. She has no idea coz my Dad though not perfect has never mistreated her and called her out her name ever. She never seems to get it when people leave even after 40 yrs. Sheeitt , life is short and I'm trying to die happy.
 
OP, I have fingers, toes and eyes crossed, hoping that you can distance yourself from this dude. He ain't ****, for real. Like, no redeeming qualities, at all. He doesn't want to "lose" you, b/c who would take a guy seriously if he has 3 kids by 3 different women? lol. He is looking horrible in the dating department. He knows he needs you to stay, but he does not value you or your own life. Please, please do not listen to him. Break ups are the hardest thing, when you're emotionally connected to someone. It's either choosing you and your daughter's well being and happiness, or him. End of story. I truly do wish you the best. This sucks man.
 
Babygirl @PeaceLover don't be so hard on yourself...we've all been foolish...me at 21.22.23.25 and I've learned. There's some real good advice in here...take it and move on. You're young, beautiful and smart and one day you will be looking back at this & giving someone else advice on what not to do. Mistakes/Broken Hearts are for us to learn and be stronger people.
 
frogkisses said:
Damn. OP everyone gave you nice advice.
But you just tell me his address and I'll have him gone by tomorrow morning :look:

This man has taken to much of your time. Time to move on and actually love your life again! Have you been a hoe yet? Start your new hoe life :lachen:
Click to expand...

@frogkisses: Ms. Bride-to-Be: Please maintain your composure for your wedding day! We want to see you in one piece. Ok, send the hit men. :)
 
naturalmanenyc said:
What the entire hell!!! Were you really trying to be a sister wife at 25? Why?
And it reads like he's a deadbeat if he's on forced child support (based on tax refunds being seized).
Click to expand...

His tax refund wasn't seized for child support. It was seized for not paying his taxes when he was an independent contractor...Not that that's any better because he's still irresponsible.
 
hopeful said:
You will have to figure out why you have stayed. I do believe the answer is in your screen name -- PeaceLover. You will need a bigger toolkit to maintain the peace you want for you and your daughter. Right now the tools you have aren't enough: be nice, be accommodating, be trusting, be kind, don't rock the boat, put other people's needs before your own, always always be compassionate, be loyal, consider others feelings, study hard, etc. These things are all well and good BUT you will need a lot more in order to be successful, happy, and at peace.

You will need to face your past and how you were raised. You will need to read more about abuse, codependency, sexism, misogyny, feminism, power, etc. You may need therapy.

You will have to get clear about who you are, what kind of life you want for you and your daughter, and what you need to get it. You will have to learn how to be stronger, how to be a B when necessary, how to protect yourself and your daughter, and how to establish better boundaries.

You are still young. Your entire life is ahead of you. Leave this blood sucker behind. *** him and his mama. Your focus has to be primarily about you and your daughter, period. And you must move FORWARD! You can do it.
Click to expand...

I ordered that Boundaries book by Henry Cloud that you discussed in the other thread! I'm going to dig in soon. I might do counseling if I can find some at a reasonable price around here.
 
hopeful said:
Also, there is a thread on here called Relationship Lessons Learned. Check it out. One of my posts in there said:

"Also when not sure about a guy, focus on the bad he is doing vs trying to balance things out between the good and bad. If he's cheating but is very generous it doesn't matter. If he is a great lover and emotionally unavailable it doesn't matter. If he lies a lot but has a really sweet personality it doesn't matter. See where I'm going with this? The good stuff is the hook to keep you hoping for more. Unhook yourself. You are not a fish."

And finally, listen to Beyoncé's Sorry on repeat until you really get it and believe it. *** being a nice girl only and all of the time.
Click to expand...

I read something similar to this on the baggagereclaim website yesterday. This makes so much sense now.
 
God_Favor said:
He was drinking at work ? Did he get sloppy on his job?


This is a very broken and sick guy. He needs help , counseling by himself. No way a person this sick should be focusing on being a couple with anyone.


You can't save him.
Click to expand...

No with his job he was on call 5-6 days a week. One Friday night after he got off our neighbors were having a cookout. We went over and had a few beers/wine. We ended up coming back in the house around 12am and he got called at 6. They always have a lot of random drug/alcohol testing and that morning he was tested. He blew .03 and you can't have ANYTHING in your system(.02 is what he should have blown) so he was suspended right then.

Agreed.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Leave this man alone! He was never a great man. I've read nothing in your posts that backup this guy being great.

He has 3 babies with 3 different women. To me that shows he is irresponsible.

He criticized your Black features and treats his mixed daughter better than his Black son. To me that shows he doesn't like being a Black man and he'd never be able to have a positive influence on children who look "too Black".

He was suspended from work for drinking, which could be related to PTSD. However, he never looked for work during his 6 month suspension leaving you to handle the household while he depleted his savings. That shows he isn't a provider and will look to you to pick up the bills instead of doing everything he can to support the 3 kids he created as well as you and your daughter. To me that shows he isn't dependable and isn't concerned about financial stability.

He gets upset when you want some free time alone and instead wants you to babysit his kids and his niece/nephew while your daughter is away with her dad. That shows he isn't family oriented. If he was suspended from work, and had his kids for their break/weekend, why did you need to give up your free time? He should spend any moments he can with his kids since he is only a part-time dad. To me that shows he isn't a great father.

And let's not forget making you feel insecure by cheating with the neighbor such that you asked him to buy a house away from that apartment complex. The DNA test only postponed the inevitable. You already knew he cheated before the DNA confirmed the baby is his.

By the way, what war was he in to have PTSD? I don't recall that info from prior posts.

Block him and his mama! It's partly her fault he's such a POS anyway.
Click to expand...

He fought twice in Iraq and once in Afgan while he was active in the Army. Once he got out the army he went back to Afgan twice as an independent contractor.
 
Nyssa28 said:
@PeaceLover How is it going?
Click to expand...

It's going:perplexed:

I was considering staying with my dad, but I can't get out of my job contract for the school year. So I have to get an apartment here. I came back today to apartment search and get the rest of my stuff because he'll be gone until Monday. My parents are coming to help get the big stuff tomorrow. It's weird being back. He told me he would be gone by 8am, but when I made it a 10am he was still here. :( I can't lie...I got a little emotional seeing him and thought about it...he seemed really sincere...the expression on his face was pitiful. And I still kinda love him...

Then I came back here to read this thread, talked to my step-mom/dad, read the list of s*** I wrote down that he put me through and listened to some Beyonce:spinning: So I'm like F*** HIM lol

I just can't handle seeing him again. It's hard when I look at him...I blocked him on SM but not on my phone yet because I need the rest of my stuff...

Oh and I told him that it's not too late for him to turn around on the house buying project (don't kill me I know I shouldn't have)...This dude said "I can't turn around now...I gave them my word and I'm a man of my word"o_Oo_Oo_Oo_O Since when did he become Mr. Honest and keep his word? I got mad because you can't even keep your word to me BUT you have to keep it to some strangers? TF!! I hate I told him. I wanted to slap him when he said that. I resisted. He said he's praying the Lord works on "US" and he know he will answer his prayers. So until then he's going to work on the house so it will be perfect for me. This n****! I think he's delusional.

But yeah...hopefully I'll be in an apartment next week!
 
Last edited:
PeaceLover said:
Oh and I told him that it's not too late for him to turn around on the house buying project (don't kill me I know I shouldn't have)...This dude said "I can't turn around now...I gave them my word and I'm a man of my word"o_Oo_Oo_Oo_O Since when did he become Mr. Honest and keep his word? I got mad because you can't even keep your word to me BUT you have to keep it to some strangers? TF!! I hate I told him. I wanted to slap him when he said that. I resisted. He said he's praying the Lord works on "US" and he know he will answer his prayers. So until then he's going to work on the house so it will be perfect for me. This n****! I think he's delusional.
Click to expand...
This dude got nerves. Suddenly he is Mr Honest. He is praying the Lord works on you, not him. Apparently the Lord wasn't around when he was cheating on you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

tru4reele
OMG This is Freaking Me Out!!!
2
Replies
51
Views
2K
tru4reele
tru4reele
Leylu
He Left The Country Without Telling Me
4 5 6
Replies
151
Views
5K
PrissiSippi
PrissiSippi
PeopleTalkDaily
Okay this man is really testing my patience
Replies
15
Views
315
caribeandiva
caribeandiva
Bmack
Is this fool is straight tripping?
2
Replies
31
Views
749
MrsAriannaAmbers
MrsAriannaAmbers
Bmack
SPINOFF:Men only understand SILENCE/NO COMMUNICATION- WHY IS THIS?
2
Replies
53
Views
3K
Ladybelle
Ladybelle
Back
Top