So I packed my siht and left.
I never thought it would be me. I never thought I would have these problems. I am emotionally-strong, attractive, smart. This could never happen to me...until it did. I want to start by saying I know I should've left a long time ago...when everyone on this board told me to "run" but I thought to myself "they are crazy and unreasonable".
Man, there were so many loop and twist to that relationship. I really could write a book. I'll just do a quick summary tho. He proposed on Valentine's day and when I uploaded it I started getting harassing phone calls 3 hours later telling me my "man" has someone else pregnant. I immediately told him and he said it was a lie. He say it may be an old flame who's upset and just trying to start drama. I told him "ok" but it didn't sit well with me because they knew too much about me. They knew I was a marathon runner, they knew what I did for a living, they knew I knew my friends. They just knew too much. When I asked him how they know his reply was "you talk about your career, school and hobbies on FB all the time. Maybe they got it from there.
Random numbers started texting me and my response was "I don't care" and they would reply "You will care when you marry him! You're about to be a "doctor" and we know he has a good job. When y'all file income taxes together that child support will come out of your money and that new BM will be sitting good". Dang. I was speechless...
He denied it. Until someone created a FAKE Facebook profile...added ALL of my friends, my parents, his friends, his parents, etc. I did not accept the request because I didn't know who is was. Plus the title was "Hometown Tea"...then one night I was laying in the bed around 9:3opm. My best friend started calling me back-to-back. Usually we don't talk at night so after the third call I jumped up and answered it. She says "We need to talk...go somewhere alone". I stepped outside and she tells me "Listen Tome (her son's dad) just sent me a screenshot of you attached to a pic of someone woman. He told me it was on a fake page so I just accepted their request. She told me to go look and report he page so FB can remove it. I accepted the request and they spent about 20 minutes talking about this love triangle that I was in and didn't even know about. They pic-stitched out engagement photo with a photo of the girl. They tagged her in it. It said "How do you feel about seeing him marry another woman while you're stuck with a baby? That's what you get for flunking someone else 's man". I was shocked. I took a screenshot of her page them reported the "tea" page so FB could remove it before anyone saw it.
Since I had her name I went in there to ask. When I stepped in the room he had the worst attitude with me. I asked to see his phone and he refused. I ACTED A DANG FOOL until he gave it to me. I looked in his contacts and there was her name. I sent it to myself and walked out the room. By this time he was acting crazy and storming out the house. I called her and said hey I know you just saw what I saw online and I just wanted to hear the truth. She was really nice, but she told me "that's something your fiance should tell you, not me." She I asked her are you even pregnant and she said yes I'm 7 MONTHS. I told her congrats and hung up the phone. I called him and told him to get his a** back home.
He walked in I told him "You have ONE chance to tell me if this is true". He started crying and said "I don't know" I told him to get out and I cried myself to sleep that night. After a few days I talked to him and he apologized and said "Boo it was one time and I don't know if it's mine" I DON'T KNOW WHY I let this man come home. I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night. We went on with our lives like it did not exist, but I told him a blood-test would determine if this engagement would continue...
Now, in between time I'm talking to my neighbor/friend (who is married to HIS best friend and they live across from is in the apartment complex-that's how I met her) and she says "I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you because my husband swore me to secrecy). I started asking her questions and she's answering. Do y'all know that the pregnant girl stays WALKING DISTANCE from us. Literally. She stays in the apartment complex next to ours. Her friend stays 3 doors down and some mornings she would be over there. She knew exactly who I was because I get up at 5:30 EVERY morning to run...around 6 there are kids outside at the school bus. When she put her kids on the bus from her friend house she waved at me EVERY SINGLE TIME. I waved at her friend EVERY SINGLE MORNING. YALL...EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. And some days I would stop and talk to the little kids whenever they had state assessments. Since I am a teacher in the district I knew when big test were going on during my morning runs I would stop and ask them "Are y'all ready?! You guys are going to do a GREAT job blah, blah, blah" and sometimes they were her kids...
I get home and asked him why didn't he tell me and he told me "Oh you didn't ask" I went crazy and told him he had 30 days to buy me a house because I did not feel safe anymore. He agreed and that's when we started house shopping...
Ok fast forward, one random night we were just hanging around the house (we're still in the apartment) and I went for a evening run...I was focusing all my rage into running so I was going twice a day sometimes...I came back in because I felt like this car came just a little too close to me...It wasn't her, but I wasn't at peace. I told him I'm not sure if I can do this if the baby is actually his. He told me? "What kind of wife doesn't accepts a man's kids...you are selfish". I was stunned yall....oh but THEN he tells me "If you can't accept my kids, you can get out of my house." The tears were flowing and I started to pack my siht with rage. He was blocking me...begging me not to leave and do you know what my dumb a** did? I stayed. He apologized. See, he bought me all this nice stuff and gave me so much money, but I still wasn't happy. I couldn't sleep anymore. I was on edge. I was scared.
So, fast forward to this summer...she has the baby. He did NOT tell me. I called her 2 weeks after her due date and she told me "Yes, I had him...I told your fiance when I was in the hospital" I asked him why didn't he tell me and he said "I was scared to lose you. I was scared to make you mad. I did not want to argue" I told him we need a DNA test ASAP. I left for Florida and they had an appointment to get the test done while I was gone.
On Saturday, we found a house. He signed a contract. I was feeling guilty about making him sign (it's in his name only) when I wasn't sure if I could do it. Sunday morning came...I asked him. Have yall had the blood test yet? He says "Yes, I'm so sorry I didn't want to tell you...the baby is mine". I did not even cry. I was not shocked. I asked him "When did you find out?" He says "Three weeks ago"...I went into a tangent because he did not tell me. You have known for this long and didn't say anything? Oh. My. Gosh. Now, while I was going off I told him "You need to leave and get out of my face right now because I'm sooo mad"...This negro tells me "If you don't want to be here YOU leave...This is MY house!" I got silent then I started packing. I made it home to my parents house. He has called me so MANY TIMES crying...telling me how he know he has messed up and he wants to make it right.
Then he says you made me buy this super expensive house for you and you don't want to live here? That made me feel low. I kept pushing the house issue because I didn't want to live over there anymore, but at the same time I'm making him buy a house and now I won't be there. Now I talked to him today because I want to help him find a way to get out of the house contact. I'm not sure if it's possible. The only thing that we did was make an offer, when they accepted it he signed the contract and paid the earnest money. I think (I'm really hoping) that this process can be stopped. They hadn't did the home appraisal yet, home inspection, signed mortgage papers, etc. I'm not sure how it works, but I'm trying to figure it out (I'm happy it's not in my name (sounds cruel to say, but I really am) but it's unfair to put him in that position with a house he doesn't even want.
But yeah I've been reflecting the past couple days. That relationship was become emotionally abusive and I didn't even notice until someone said something. He was intimidating me by telling me "this is my house" and lying and just everything...
I stuck with him because I was tired of feeling like a failure in relationships...All of my friends are married and it put a little pressure on...I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm hiding out in my small town because I don't want my biological mom and some of the rest of my family to know I'm here. I've bragged so much on him that I'm going to look so stupid when everyone finds out. My mom makes it her business to tell the family my failures because she says I act like "I'm too much with my dad and step-mom" they will have a field day. I guess I will look stupid being a grown a** woman- 25 year old with a daughter living at home with my dad. I want to stay here and be bill free until I finish my doctorate in May. That will give me time to make a plan. My old bosses and central office staff told me to just come by the office tomorrow and they have the perfect job for me. I kinda just want to relocated to another state now. I don't know how to even get out of my current contract. I probably need to just get an apartment because I liked that area (I don't want to be near him tho). I just need to decide what to do. I have a couple of weeks to decide...
I'm not even crying tho...I don't know what to feel and it's weird...
But yeah...y'all told me to RUN last year and I did not listen. I've learned not to ignore the warning signs. There is always a warning before destruction. I never thought I would be so stupid, but somehow I stayed though all of that mess...I'm free. I guess I do feel a little better. I don't know I still kinda miss him. Despite all of the drama we really had great times together
. I think you need to focus on you and your daughter right now. Stay as long as your dad will have you to get yourself together. You don't have to tell anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart what is happening. This is a mess. Let him figure out the house situation by himself, it is his. Also, did you find out who made the facebook page about you? That's odd that someone would make a page so invested about you and know exactly who to add... for some reason, I believe it's family.
again:
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Did I miss this and HOW? He has three baby mamas? AND on top of that he told her twice to get out of his house? Plus he's a liar and a cheat.
and sat on his butt while Op watched his kids and hers (and cooks and cleans and works and studies)
