OMG This is Freaking Me Out!!!

[Sosoothing]

So I talked to him about it again and he said he has no control over his dreams. He said Im way finer than her and he looks at her like a sister cause he has known her for 5 years as well. He agrees that he should have just kept it to himself but the dream bothered him. Oh and he said maybe I am jealous of her and that's why I am accusing him of things. He is not used to me acting like this. I just won't say sh*t else about it and stop digging for a problem. I am not jealous of her.

I'm sorry to say but the fact that he is making you feel like you might be the one with jealousy issues tells me he is most likely attracted to your friend. He sounds like one of those guys that tries to distract you from the issue by making you question yourself. I mean, how on earths name would you not be bothered, even a little by your man having a sex dream about your friend? That has nothing to do with jealousy.

 

[mischka]

That is a dream I would have kept to myself

 

[intergalacticartist]

So I talked to him about it again and he said he has no control over his dreams. He said Im way finer than her and he looks at her like a sister cause he has known her for 5 years as well. He agrees that he should have just kept it to himself but the dream bothered him. Oh and he said maybe I am jealous of her and that's why I am accusing him of things. He is not used to me acting like this. I just won't say sh*t else about it and stop digging for a problem. I am not jealous of her.

Are you sure you are not jealous of your friend because of any other reason? I know some bffs sometime have an unspoken rivalry. Do you think this is why the dream is making you uneasy?

How come he have to say you might be jealous of her? Wth does that have to do with anything? He could've left that out. Otherwise I like his explanation. But the you might be jealous is bs -- Negro you said you had a dream about trying to have sex with my best friend! How in the heck is that not going to be bothersome?

I think OP may be jealous but that's understandable. I think him saying that is because, like many other posters said, he trusts you. I understand it being bothersome but it's just a dream.
Maybe your BF is a freak? I'm not even saying that in a negative way, I'm just saying some people are very sexual and enjoy sex

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't care how close you are, he should have NEVER told you that. That is one of those dreams you DO NOT tell. I'll bet he's regretting ever opening his mouth.

 

[MissYocairis]

I'm sorry to say but the fact that he is making you feel like you might be the one with jealousy issues tells me he is most likely attracted to your friend. He sounds like one of those guys that tries to distract you from the issue by making you question yourself. I mean, how on earths name would you not be bothered, even a little by your man having a sex dream about your friend? That has nothing to do with jealousy.

Agreed. Your jealousy to such a dream is a natural reaction, imo. And, a man that loves you shouldn't be highlighting your potential jealousy over such dream if he cares about your feelings. I know you guys are really close but this is further troubling for me that he would even suggest or try to point out your jealousy. ANYONE getting news like that shared with them, even though it's a dream, should have a right to feel somekindaway for a little while. Two insensitive moments. 1) telling you about the dream. 2) telling you maybe you're jealous. bad move.

 

[mischka]

I'm not even gonna read this thread. Did somebody advise her to break up with him yet?

 

[LovinLea]

I think that if it was something that you really had to worry about, he wouldn't have told you. It's just a dream. He was just being open with you, but sometimes it isn't best to share everything.

 

[Ladybelle]

I say keep your eyes & ears open, dream or no dream. Be cool about it and dont turn into a nutcase about it. Trust your gut, and also know IF (big if) he's doing anything it will come out sooner or later. Til' then appreciate his candor & honesty.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100

 

[ambergirl]

To answer the 3some question: he has asked me in the past would I ever do something like that. We've been together for 5 years so there is very little we have not talked about. We have a very good sex life and talk about freaky stuff all the time. however he knows I am not into girls or threesomes and I don't think he would want me to do one.

Men typically don't bring up sexual stuff they wouldn't consider and darn near every man fantasizes about being with two women at the same time.

That said, doesn't mean he necessarily wants to pull one off. If it is a dream it may just be a manifestation of his fantasy.

And *boo* to him for saying you're jealous... WTH....You want to see jealousy? Tell him...in detail..about the dream you had about sexing his best boy.

For whatever reason he seems to want to put you off your game. May reflect other things going on in the relationshp. I agree with you, I would drop the dream issue, but you may want to think on it and see if there are any other unresolved issues or tensions that might be feeding this and see if you can clear the air.

 

[sonyablade]

I'm not even gonna read this thread. Did somebody advise her to break up with him yet?

Yup...lol smh.
First of all I have had sexual dreams about co workers or acquaintances I really despise or am repulsed by...maybe this says something about my psyche but I know I don't secretly want those people at all. Yes he should have kept it to himself but he obviously feels close enough to share something like that with you and trusted you not to take it the wrong way.
Second...most people in long term relationships that have a healthy sex life discuss fantasies and would you or wouldn't you, have you or haven't you. Its not disrespectful and it actually shows openness and trust of non judgement. If your man hasn't talked about this to you its because he fears judgement coming from you. 95% have fantasized about a 3some.

Third ...please don't leave this man over this...gshhhh

 

[fmnnity]

Yup...lol smh.
First of all I have had sexual dreams about co workers or acquaintances I really despise or am repulsed by...maybe this says something about my psyche but I know I don't secretly want those people at all. Yes he should have kept it to himself but he obviously feels close enough to share something like that with you and trusted you not to take it the wrong way.
Second...most people in long term relationships that have a healthy sex life discuss fantasies and would you or wouldn't you, have you or haven't you. Its not disrespectful and it actually shows openness and trust of non judgement. If your man hasn't talked about this to you its because he fears judgement coming from you. 95% have fantasized about a 3some.

Third ...please don't leave this man over this...gshhhh

A million times thanks. He shared so he's is conniving and trying to set her up for a threesome. He pays and compliment and acts like a gentlemen and that draws suspicion. Finally, he is asking her to own up to her discomfort and jealousy (caused by the situation) and that just makes him a low down dirty dog. Go talk to your man and let him know how you really feel. He shared with you how uncomfortable he was and now you should do the same. You two obviously have that type of communication (or at least you did). Get back to where you were don't let this mess drive you crazy. Good luck.

 

[tru4reele]

To answer the jealousy question again, no I am not jealous of Tammy when it comes to looks, men, or relationships. We grew up together and were always competitive when it comes to grades, school or games. Fun competition. I will admit that I am a little jealous that she has a better job, a brand new house and new car. I have a master's degree and can't land a good job. Oh and she was always REALLY skinny growing up but now she has a big butt. I wish mine were bigger. But I am happy for her success though. I am not jealous, I love my bestie.

 

[ambergirl]

A million times thanks. He shared so he's is conniving and trying to set her up for a threesome. He pays and compliment and acts like a gentlemen and that draws suspicion. Finally, he is asking her to own up to her discomfort and jealousy (caused by the situation) and that just makes him a low down dirty dog. Go talk to your man and let him know how you really feel. He shared with you how uncomfortable he was and now you should do the same. You two obviously have that type of communication (or at least you did). Get back to where you were don't let this mess drive you crazy. Good luck.

I don't hear people saying that. I hear people saying all of these things happening at the same time are odd.

It's more about deciding whether his dream confession and subsequent behavior mean anything. If not, move on.

 

[MissYocairis]

To answer the jealousy question again, no I am not jealous of Tammy when it comes to looks, men, or relationships. We grew up together and were always competitive when it comes to grades, school or games. Fun competition. I will admit that I am a little jealous that she has a better job, a brand new house and new car. I have a master's degree and can't land a good job. Oh and she was always REALLY skinny growing up but now she has a big butt. I wish mine were bigger. But I am happy for her success though. I am not jealous, I love my bestie.

You don't need to explain yourself. I think if anyone were jealous of this type of dream their man had, it would be perfectly natural. Don't worry about it. I just don't like that he brought it up to YOU. So what if you're jealous? And? Take a page from the Becky book and fabricate a dream about sexing his bff and see how it makes him feel. (no, not really...don't do that) But, I'm sure he'd be jealous too! It's ok.

I don't hear people saying that. I hear people saying all of these things happening at the same time are odd.

It's more about deciding whether his dream confession and subsequent behavior mean anything. If not, move on.

I agree. I don't think he should have told her. Just because two people are really close doesn't mean everything needs to be shared. Sometimes, if something is harmless but could have harmful potential if shared, it's better not to share it, imo. Especially if she means nothing to him and he's head over heels for you.

As for sexual fantasies of threesomes....I think that's okay to discuss between two people who love one another as long as they both understand the other's position on it. If his position is he HAS to do this before he dies and will live a life unfullfilled until it happens....that's a problem. If it's just a fantasy (which, I think most men have) but he's clear it isn't okay with you whatsoever and he still stays with you, I think it's fine. He's willing to leave it in the fantasy realm and continue loving and building with you. Heck...some men have cuckolding fantasies too. You just have no idea until you discuss it.

 

[intergalacticartist]

I don't know why people are saying he shouldn't have brought this up?
Not talking about things doesn't make them go away or doesn't mean that they never happened. I really think it's good that he told you this, OP. You have a very open man.

 

[ladylibra_30]

OP, did your BF ever compliment your BFF prior to revealing his dream of sexing her?

 

[gn1g]

I've had dreams about men that I NEVER EVER even thought twice about, BUTTTTT after the dream I was very attracted to that person.

Dreams can come from many sources even the devil. I am told those type dreams have to do with creation, they were trying to create something.

 

[MizAvalon]

Years ago I had two sex dreams about a friend's boyfriend. I have no idea why because he was not attractive and I was in no way attracted to him.

Sometimes dreams are just dreams.

 

[fmnnity]

I don't hear people saying that. I hear people saying all of these things happening at the same time are odd.

It's more about deciding whether his dream confession and subsequent behavior mean anything. If not, move on.

Of course everything SEEMS odd and like it's happening at the same time because that's what she is focused on as a result of his revelation. That is absolutely normal as well as her uncomfortable feelings about ALL of it. I just don't think she was totally honest with her man about how it really made her feel. As a result she came off to him as nit picky and paranoid. If she is to ever move past it she will have to own her feelings.

OP, I want to apologize as I didn't mean to indicate that I think you are jealous. I do believe that you are terribly bothered and uncomfortable about the whole thing. The title of your thread says it all. But like someone else said, it is understandable given the circumstances. The thing is, if you don't feel like you can be upfront with him in a situation like this; rather its your not wanting to share or fear of his reaction then the dream is the least of your worries. Good luck.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I say, let it go for now, it was just a dream. I say, stop letting your single girlfriends hang out with you and your man until you feel more secure in this relationship. Men have wet dreams all the time, especially with the cute girlfriends of their gf/dw. Not really a big deal unless he starts to try to turn a dream into reality. I have had sexual thoughts about an ex's friend before. Would never have acted on it. The dude is attractive, a musician and had that edge.

Plan trips together and get on with your life. If it continues to bother you talk to him about it. But do encourage your gf to find a man.

 

[simone103]

I'm one of those people that analyzes and pays really close attention to the dreams that I have. I've had dreams about being intimate with men that are just friends and/or co-workers who I have absolutely no attraction to. Sometimes I think when you have dreams like that and are not attracted to the person at all you could be picking up that person's sexual energy/attraction to you subconsciously - and I have found out later on that that person was sexually attracted to me. I think in the OP's case that her boyfriend be it consciously or sub-consciously is probably attracted to her friend or vice versa or it could be a mutual attraction between the two.

 

[tru4reele]

To ladylibra i have never noticed if he has complimented her before. I know he has made a comment about her butt when trying to hook her up with his friend. That didn't bother me much since I know that's how guys talk to each other. "her face aight bruh but she thick...blah blah blah"