This Was His Last Time Telling Me "this Is My House!!!"...

naturalmanenyc said:
WTF? Jobless, 3 kids by different 3 women and a cheater on top of all of that.

Being single at 25 with a baby is not a death sentence. You don't need to settle for this loser in order to save face.
OP, what in the entire hell is going on in your mind? This isn't rhetorical. I really want to know since I've often wondered how these loser arse men get new women.
What exactly attracted you to him and why did you try to make this loser your husband?

ETA: And this is the same guy who didn't like your Black features and treats his mixed daughter better than his Black son. GTFOOHWTBS.
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It wasn't like this when we met. I swear he was a great man, but it went downhill a few months after we started living together. I was really hoping that things would get back to normal, but they didn't. Then the baby situation popped up...after the DNA test...that was it. I left.
 
This sounds really terrible. Everything. I am/was so darn foolish. Y'all are shredding him to peices and it's funny, but it's really sad because I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed.

It was a great relationship at one point...

How/why did I even stay?

Idk what to feel. I'm just...speechless. This thread is crazy. I should've been wrote this story down. I look ridiculous now that I read over it. :cry3::mad::mad::mad:

I want to go burst his windows out. I still have his account I want to steal all his money. I don't wanna go to jail. I kinda want revenge but it's not worth it. I really want to punch him. But I need to punch me first. This thread makes me feel stupid. Y'all are letting me have it lol...

I feel like laughing, but I feel like setting the new house on fire at the same time. :dazed: I'm getting really mad. This situation sounds sooooo bad when y'all put it like this, but it is bad.

If he keeps blowing me up crying I'm going to screenshot him some of these comments and tell him I'm not the only one that thinks he ain't s*** (just kidding).
 
intellectualuva said:
How is he buying a house and taking care of her so well without a job??

Sweetie, you're beautiful and smart. Read and reread this thread every time you feel tempted to talk to that clown.
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This is from another thread posted by Op. I was catching everyone up. He is using his savings but is not looking for work (sure he's suspended but he can work somewhere else until then). She was already worried about that and some posters mentioned if he doesn't go back to work, everything would fall on her and urged her not to sign for the house ( which from her post she didn't because from what she is telling us he signed. We just didn't know the rest of the story...).


Because of his ample free time: He is staying home, critiquing her cooking, giving her crap all day while she watches the kiddos, etc and he does nothing but impregnate other women. Oh and I guess tell her to get out his house.
 
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*Sighs* I also want to add that we went to couseling and this ww told me that "the only thing that is real is what's happening now/in front of you and nothing else matters" when I told her the situation. That pisse me off. I asked her "so is the baby that's growing in this girl's stomach that could possible be his real or not?" We stopped going to her a**:mad:

She told me his bad decisions are a result of his PTSD and I need to understand his condition and that he can't help some if his decisions. I told her that PTSD doesn't make you cheat and she told me I didn't understand. We stopped going to that ******! Then he told me "we stopped going because she didn't tell you what you wanted to hear" I told him she was just stupid. She mostly talked about PTSD and not our relationship.

Idk how we ended up with her out of all couselors...she had me thinking I was being unreasonable for a minute. I wanted to ask y'all, but I knew what y'all were going to say...everything was a mess.
 
PeaceLover said:
*Sighs* I also want to add that we went to couseling and this ww told me that "the only thing that is real is what's happening now/in front of you and nothing else matters" when I told her the situation. That pisse me off. I asked her "so is the baby that's growing in this girl's stomach that could possible be his real or not?" We stopped going to her a**:mad:

She told me his bad decisions are a result of his PTSD and I need to understand his condition and that he can't help some if his decisions. I told her that PTSD doesn't make you cheat and she told me I didn't understand. We stopped going to that ******! Then he told me "we stopped going because she didn't tell you what you wanted to hear" I told him she was just stupid. She mostly talked about PTSD and not our relationship.

Idk how we ended up with her out of all couselors...she had me thinking I was being unreasonable for a minute. I wanted to ask y'all, but I knew what y'all were going to say...everything was a mess.
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Ha! I bet neither of them would deal with his crap! A man that sick has no business procreating or getting married then. Such extreme PTSD that he can't help cheating? And you are just supposed to put on blinders and pretend you aren't with a man you can't trust? What kind of sense does that make? None at all. Keep moving forward dear! No man is worth all of that heartache :nono:.
 
PeaceLover said:
This sounds really terrible. Everything. I am/was so darn foolish. Y'all are shredding him to peices and it's funny, but it's really sad because I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed. I have no clue why I stayed.

It was a great relationship at one point...

How/why did I even stay?

Idk what to feel. I'm just...speechless. This thread is crazy. I should've been wrote this story down. I look ridiculous now that I read over it. :cry3::mad::mad::mad:

I want to go burst his windows out. I still have his account I want to steal all his money. I don't wanna go to jail. I kinda want revenge but it's not worth it. I really want to punch him. But I need to punch me first. This thread makes me feel stupid. Y'all are letting me have it lol...

I feel like laughing, but I feel like setting the new house on fire at the same time. :dazed: I'm getting really mad. This situation sounds sooooo bad when y'all put it like this, but it is bad.

If he keeps blowing me up crying I'm going to screenshot him some of these comments and tell him I'm not the only one that thinks he ain't s*** (just kidding).
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Girl no one is immune to playing the fool. Don't let your past get up stuck in permanent rut. Continue to move FORWARD..
 
PTSD can be and often is a real difficult diagnosis to deal with; whether you are the person with the diagnosis or the person that's dealing with the person with the diagnosis. BUT STILL.....

  1. OP, you are not responsible for fixing what you did not break. (my motto).
  2. When a person uses their diagnosis as an excuse to do "dirt"....RUN, run, run and KIM.
  3. Instead of being reasonable and open to improving......he's being manipulative, belittling, deceptive, and an out-n-out ARSE.
  4. Sounds to me as though his "PTSD" is triggered by his dayck, and his indecisiveness; BS!!!!
  5. His mamma is praying for the wrong devilish influences; she needs to pray for her son, his actions, and the possible seed of his loins.

KIM OP you dodged a bullet. If you accept this now, you're basically giving him the green light to push the envelope further in the future. Besides from what I read, the only thing he's willing to commit to is the house so LEAVE HIM with the house and his praying momma. The BM, the next chick, and the child(ren) will have to settle for the scraps of attention/sincerity he affords them....BUT U don't have to settle at all.

BTW,.....I feel highly qualified to speak on this because I too am managing PTSD.
 
PeaceLover said:
*Sighs* I also want to add that we went to couseling and this ww told me that "the only thing that is real is what's happening now/in front of you and nothing else matters" when I told her the situation. That pisse me off. I asked her "so is the baby that's growing in this girl's stomach that could possible be his real or not?" We stopped going to her a**:mad:

She told me his bad decisions are a result of his PTSD and I need to understand his condition and that he can't help some if his decisions. I told her that PTSD doesn't make you cheat and she told me I didn't understand. We stopped going to that ******! Then he told me "we stopped going because she didn't tell you what you wanted to hear" I told him she was just stupid. She mostly talked about PTSD and not our relationship.

Idk how we ended up with her out of all couselors...she had me thinking I was being unreasonable for a minute. I wanted to ask y'all, but I knew what y'all were going to say...everything was a mess.
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She said what's real is what's happening now?
OK, let's time travel back to that visit
Allow me to tell her what's happening now/in front of all y'all

He's sitting here pretending to care when he's just making sure he doesn't lose his future meal ticket (that's real)
He is not planning to stop the bull5hit (that's real)
He's hoping he can continue to manipulate Peacelover (that's real)
He knows that ho next door is carrying his child (that's real)
You, ywoman, don't know a damn thang about PSTD (that's real)​

That counselor got me thinking she's hoping to sign up for his services if she isn't already a "client"
You know her ancestors used to pine and dream about Zulu d!ck back in the day
That sh** could be genetic.

PSTD my a55
Someone needs to tell her PSTD does not stand for Powerless To Stop Dickfromenteringholesthatithasnobusinessin

ptsd-facts.png


What part of that explains his trifling behavior

@PeaceLover, you need to quit with the "I look ridiculous" regret nonsense
Because ain't no one focusing on that
You need to get with the program we all on
WE MAD AT HIM AND ROOTING FOR YOU TO SOAR
This ain't no time to look back (at the old you)
You need to keep your eyes forward to see where you're going
Because now you are in control of YOUR life
Be mad not sad
Then don't waste that anger on revenge
Use it to propel yourself to being a BADASS PhD holder and mom and human being
And to making a pact with yourself never to sacrifice your happiness for anyone else's
And never to second guess your instincts
If it feels wrong, it is.

You need to get out of Karma's way so the ***** can do her job
And she sure didn't waste time:
He lost a gem of a woman just like that. BOOM!
And reality hit him so quick that he done run-go-tell mama
Done convinced her too that the PSTDevil made him do it....
*sucks teeth* Girl, why are we even talking about him?! Ugh!
Dude's done taken up way too much time in your head and your life
It's your turn to kick him out YOUR "house"

Seriously, quit feeling embarrassed or bad because you ain't done anything wrong
Looking back at anything that happened before now (including this scumbag)
Will take your focus off the new journey in front of you and prize waiting ahead
Today is the first day of the rest of your life
NOTHING can stop you now

Fly, baby bird, fly
You is free!


4828.jpg
 
PeaceLover said:
His mama keeps calling me trying to pray so the "devil" won't ruin our future. I don't want to be mean, but she won't leave me alone even though I asked nicely. :confused:
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His mama is actually a bigger enemy to you than he is. I've been down that road OP. The mama wants someone who will be good for her son, not even considering whether her son will be good for you. Inconsiderate self serving b++ch. Not giving AF about your daughter or your own well being in order to raise her with a sound mind. She wants you to mess up your life for the benefit of her son. Please don't take any more calls from her. Please be strong enough to be done with the both them and vulnerable enough to believe that you can and will do better. The devil is not in your future. Instead it's all up in this mess that by the grace of God you're getting out of. The Lord ALWAYS provides a way of escape, and clearly God has opened the door for you and your daughter.
 
You will have to figure out why you have stayed. I do believe the answer is in your screen name -- PeaceLover. You will need a bigger toolkit to maintain the peace you want for you and your daughter. Right now the tools you have aren't enough: be nice, be accommodating, be trusting, be kind, don't rock the boat, put other people's needs before your own, always always be compassionate, be loyal, consider others feelings, study hard, etc. These things are all well and good BUT you will need a lot more in order to be successful, happy, and at peace.

You will need to face your past and how you were raised. You will need to read more about abuse, codependency, sexism, misogyny, feminism, power, etc. You may need therapy.

You will have to get clear about who you are, what kind of life you want for you and your daughter, and what you need to get it. You will have to learn how to be stronger, how to be a B when necessary, how to protect yourself and your daughter, and how to establish better boundaries.

You are still young. Your entire life is ahead of you. Leave this blood sucker behind. *** him and his mama. Your focus has to be primarily about you and your daughter, period. And you must move FORWARD! You can do it.
 
Also, there is a thread on here called Relationship Lessons Learned. Check it out. One of my posts in there said:

"Also when not sure about a guy, focus on the bad he is doing vs trying to balance things out between the good and bad. If he's cheating but is very generous it doesn't matter. If he is a great lover and emotionally unavailable it doesn't matter. If he lies a lot but has a really sweet personality it doesn't matter. See where I'm going with this? The good stuff is the hook to keep you hoping for more. Unhook yourself. You are not a fish."

And finally, listen to Beyoncé's Sorry on repeat until you really get it and believe it. *** being a nice girl only and all of the time.
 
@PeaceLover - Sorry to hear what you are going through. If no appraisal has been done yet, I believe there is a certain amount of time, usually 7-10 days depending on the contract, that you can cancel your offer and receive the earnest money back. And by the way, you do not need to help him get out of the contract. He can READ for himself. I know it's easier said than done but just leave him alone and let him be. Don't feel guilty about suggesting to move into a house. You two ARE NOT married so you are not obligated to do anything for him. Let him and his sidepiece with the new baby figure it out.
 
@PeaceLover

I know I don't know you, but I do know that you don't deserve this, and he surely doesn't deserve you. Do yourself a favor and be done with him (in every way possible). You don't need to go through life with all of this nonsense. There's something out there much better suited for you. You just have to wait for it.
 
Plainly putting it , you've been in a abusive relationship. you are going through tons of emotions that are not logical because of the abuse. You may even be feeling guilty and reflecting on what you did "wrong" to the abuser. And the next moment you may be mad as hell about how he treated you and what you accepted from him. A roller coaster of emotions.


Not his momma or anyone else had to live in this toxic mess. Stop worrying about others feelings. Take care of you. Your mental health is much bigger than them saving face.

Keep this thread going . Come write and vent when you are feeling confused, find yourself thinking about going back , having a great day or good moments ... Going back and reading what you wrote is going to help you so much in this journey.

Don't let fonts with strong opinions stop you from sharing or make you feel less than. Believe it or not this hits home for a lot of people here. And you are helping them shift their lives.

We truly care about you and we want you to win. You have a genuine group of sisters fighting along with you. This will get easier.
 
PeaceLover said:
It wasn't like this when we met. I swear he was a great man, but it went downhill a few months after we started living together. I was really hoping that things would get back to normal, but they didn't. Then the baby situation popped up...after the DNA test...that was it. I left.
Click to expand...

Leave this man alone! He was never a great man. I've read nothing in your posts that backup this guy being great.

He has 3 babies with 3 different women. To me that shows he is irresponsible.

He criticized your Black features and treats his mixed daughter better than his Black son. To me that shows he doesn't like being a Black man and he'd never be able to have a positive influence on children who look "too Black".

He was suspended from work for drinking, which could be related to PTSD. However, he never looked for work during his 6 month suspension leaving you to handle the household while he depleted his savings. That shows he isn't a provider and will look to you to pick up the bills instead of doing everything he can to support the 3 kids he created as well as you and your daughter. To me that shows he isn't dependable and isn't concerned about financial stability.

He gets upset when you want some free time alone and instead wants you to babysit his kids and his niece/nephew while your daughter is away with her dad. That shows he isn't family oriented. If he was suspended from work, and had his kids for their break/weekend, why did you need to give up your free time? He should spend any moments he can with his kids since he is only a part-time dad. To me that shows he isn't a great father.

And let's not forget making you feel insecure by cheating with the neighbor such that you asked him to buy a house away from that apartment complex. The DNA test only postponed the inevitable. You already knew he cheated before the DNA confirmed the baby is his.

By the way, what war was he in to have PTSD? I don't recall that info from prior posts.

Block him and his mama! It's partly her fault he's such a POS anyway.
 
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