The 2011 Wedding Thread
- Thread starter Whimsy
- Start date
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Thank you! I just had it out with my son over this. He had a Sunday night wedding booked due to the price and I told him it was a NONE STARTER. Before anyone say anything--He's paying for about everything. The bride or her family can't afford to chip in. We're paying for the rehearsal dinner(about 60 people which includes out of town guest) the live band, the cocktail hour, and the open bar through out the reception. I need to be drunk.
ETA: Since I have demanded that he move the date, I will now have the "priviledge" of paying the premium for another date/time.
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Transformer
Well-Known Member
Evil Mother of the Groom Here--I also told his "fiancee" she need to get out here with her 6 tier cake and run on over to Publix where they do a cake for a set price.
Then I asked my son to pass to her parents that they already have 110 out of the 150 guests and they need to reign in their invites. Now in all honesty I don't need 40 invitations...but since I'm bearing part of the expense, I decided to flex some muscle.
Then I asked my son to pass to her parents that they already have 110 out of the 150 guests and they need to reign in their invites. Now in all honesty I don't need 40 invitations...but since I'm bearing part of the expense, I decided to flex some muscle.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
No offense but people get caught up a whole bunch of extra stuff that costs alot of extra money and has absolutely nothing to do with getting married. If your paying then everyone needs to be considerate of that, inviting 110 people and your not paying at all that's just taking advantage. The best way to save money is to elope in Vegas, or to have a small wedding of 75 or less people. Just inviting key family and friends, not work buddies, old BFF's from kindergarten, etc... The rehearsal dinner is just another unnecessary expense. You need to go to the venue and run through what's goings to happen and that's it maybe go to a restaurant and eat something if you want. It shouldn't be a mini-expensive wedding in and of itself.
It's not a real tradition just an expense wedding planners came up with for rich people. Cut that and it will free up some cash. Also skipping bachelor parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties makes sense if you're on a budget. The couple can register for the extra gifts they wanted to get @ the shower or just request cash gifts. ITA w/ Whimsy an early brunch/lunch time wedding is cheaper, evenings and peak wedding months June-August cost more to rent venues. IMO you should have a sit-down talk with the key players you, the future bride and groom, and lay out the realities of the situation.
The more people you invite the more money you spend on extras you don't need. There is a way to have a nice affair have it look classy and not overspend. it's really unfair that they are inviting 110/150 and not offering to pay even the ceremony, but then again it's easy to get carried away and invite tons of people if you're not paying.
To really get this under control just point blank start talking cutting peripheral guests, like High-school friends, distant out of town family who you hardly ever speak to yada, yada etc...then send picture announcement cards after the fact to the other 100 people they wanted to invite. That way the bride can still have a decent maybe 3-tier cake for example,if they give up on some guests, or other extras just figure out what's necessary for all of you and what's really not that important and balance that with what you can really afford. HTH
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/traditional-rehearsal-dinner-vs-extra-hour-at-the-reception
http://www.favorideas.com/learn-abo...dinner-its-your-party-to-plan-if-you-want-to/
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Transformer
Well-Known Member
Y"ALL I'm typing instead of choking the hell out of my son's fiancee. The banquet facility just called and stated that they can do a 1:30 pm wedding reception on the Sunday before Memorial Day for a premium fee....I agreed to pay. However, the church may not be able to accommodate a 12:30 wedding due to church services. The option is to have the wedding and reception at same location. This GIRL just said she "wants it all." She wants the church wedding and the reception at that particular venue on THAT date and the church needs to accommodate her.
My son actually wants to have it at one place for ease of transition. DS just saw how murderous I was looking and asked me if I was alright. The reception venue is really very nice but have a requirement that the wedding ceremony can only last 30 minutes...then 30 minute changeover/cocktail period with 4 hours for the reception.
Now y'all can see why I not thrilled about his selection--she didn't go to church or belong to a church until 5 months ago. This all seems a bit pretentious to me.
My son actually wants to have it at one place for ease of transition. DS just saw how murderous I was looking and asked me if I was alright. The reception venue is really very nice but have a requirement that the wedding ceremony can only last 30 minutes...then 30 minute changeover/cocktail period with 4 hours for the reception.
Now y'all can see why I not thrilled about his selection--she didn't go to church or belong to a church until 5 months ago. This all seems a bit pretentious to me.
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Transformer
Well-Known Member
The rehearsal dinner is for me. I have NO family members in the area...so everyone must come from out of town about 15-20 people. I prefer to host a dinner for the out of town guests instead of figuring out how to feed or transport them to different places. I extended this to her family members that are out of towners also. So the rehearsal dinner would be 20/60 --my invitees, wedding party 10/60 and 30/60 her family. I'm booking a Teppanyakki Room at a Japanese Steak house. Done--no dishes, beef chicken, or shrimp. I've told them that I don't need to attend the church rehearsal that I believe I can figure out how to walk down the aisle and be seated to the right.
MissGomes
New Member
Are we going to see her on an episode of Bridezilla? Just kidding. Sounds like all parents, b&g need to have lunch and chit chat about the reality of it all.
Both my fiance and I have very large families on both sides. We decided to do a destination wedding and set a # of invitees from each side. We expressed this to family/friends by letting them know we wanted a small intimate ceremony with our CLOSEST family/friends. Maybe you all could incorporate something similar. When we return from our wedding, we are having an AT HOME RECEPTION, which will basically be a big cook out for the children and any family/friends that did not attend the wedding.
Does your son have any quarms on his portion of the contributions?
Both my fiance and I have very large families on both sides. We decided to do a destination wedding and set a # of invitees from each side. We expressed this to family/friends by letting them know we wanted a small intimate ceremony with our CLOSEST family/friends. Maybe you all could incorporate something similar. When we return from our wedding, we are having an AT HOME RECEPTION, which will basically be a big cook out for the children and any family/friends that did not attend the wedding.
Does your son have any quarms on his portion of the contributions?
Transformer
Well-Known Member
No he doesn't but he has considered that he's trading quite a bit of cash for 4 hours of bliss. We also suggested a destination wedding but her family immediate family would be unable to attend. We've suggested the court house followed by a reception on another date and time.
My sister suggested my house, I suggested the common area of our neighborhood but I port-a -potties really killed that idea.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
MissGomes
Good ideas...taking notes....
Transformer
Maybe just a church ceremony and a champagne and cake toast or have the party later without the BIG expensive reception. Maybe you should ask them b&g ESP the bride if they want a big wedding blowout or do hey want to get married.
Good ideas...taking notes....
Transformer
Maybe just a church ceremony and a champagne and cake toast or have the party later without the BIG expensive reception. Maybe you should ask them b&g ESP the bride if they want a big wedding blowout or do hey want to get married.
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MissGomes
New Member
Transformer ~ Good morning! Just a suggestion... we too had to consider a couple of people in our immediate family that would not be able to attend for financial reasons... It was still cheaper to include them in the budget than to have a big wedding here. As a bride, I choked at the port-a-potties.. LOL I have an idea... encourage to the bride to tone it down so that there's more money for the honeymoon... I'm still cracking up on the 6 tier cake.... LOL
Transformer
Well-Known Member
We did...DH rarely talks to son about this. However, he requested that the "happy couple" hear him out about expense and trading future opportunities for 4 hours. She claimed that the wedding ceremony wasn't really important to her --we don't believe her.
MissGomes
New Member
I'm a CHEAP accountant!!! I want the bling without the bang to my pocket.... Definitely send her to any "how to do a wedding under $5k" sites. Where do you live? Are there any public places that are beautiful to have the ceremony? Does she want that church or does she want a particular minister? Maybe your DS has to put his foot down. My SIL was out of control when she was planning her wedding and we got sooo upset because my brother was paying for it ALL. One day he got upset and CUT the budget HARD! She improvised. She was upset and cried at first, but once she realized she didnt have the princess pockets to go with the princess ideas.... she was cool.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
The young lady became a member of ANY church just 5 months ago. She joined our old church. I thought it was interesting that she was insisting on a church ceremony but had never been a member of a church for 26 years...her father is a rabbi.
I just can't believe how foolish my son is being over all this--I shouldn't be angry with her...just his dumb butt...and he dated PLENTY of women before this one...so she isn't the first woman to have slept with him.
I just can't believe how foolish my son is being over all this--I shouldn't be angry with her...just his dumb butt...and he dated PLENTY of women before this one...so she isn't the first woman to have slept with him.
MissGomes
New Member
@ Transformer... I am cracking up!!! Sorry!!
Hopefully your DH can sit them down and talk some economic sense to them.
Uhm.. so off the topic.. but ... Her dad is a rabbi and she is persisting on (assumption here ---->) getting married by a Christian minister? Is the church of importance to your son? I'm just trying to understand the relevance... sorry to be nosey!
I can honestly say... that MOST of us can be foolish with the plans until we see it on paper! That's when the reality checks in. Have them do a preliminary budget and let them see how quickly things at up. If you need one.. PM me!
Good luck with the planning otherwise!
Hopefully your DH can sit them down and talk some economic sense to them.
Uhm.. so off the topic.. but ... Her dad is a rabbi and she is persisting on (assumption here ---->) getting married by a Christian minister? Is the church of importance to your son? I'm just trying to understand the relevance... sorry to be nosey!
I can honestly say... that MOST of us can be foolish with the plans until we see it on paper! That's when the reality checks in. Have them do a preliminary budget and let them see how quickly things at up. If you need one.. PM me!
Good luck with the planning otherwise!
Transformer
Well-Known Member
MissGomes
No..religion isn't an issue. Her father was a rabbi last year and this year. Before that he was Muslim. Catholic before that. Seventh Day Adventist and Mormon may have been in play for a few years. By the time of the wedding he could be Greek Orthodox. The grandmother is a Baptist minister.
My son states a church wedding is not important to him...so I admit it pisses me off that she wants one...to me it seems more for show than religious convictions.
She also stated that an engagement wasn't a big deal....well she has that single solitaire mounted on a PLATINUM ETERNITY BAND. Now my butt is knocking near 35 years and I don't have an eternity band. I think she she should sell it to pay for her Princess Wedding--Chinese Princess that is---it's a Chinese themed wedding.
No..religion isn't an issue. Her father was a rabbi last year and this year. Before that he was Muslim. Catholic before that. Seventh Day Adventist and Mormon may have been in play for a few years. By the time of the wedding he could be Greek Orthodox. The grandmother is a Baptist minister.
My son states a church wedding is not important to him...so I admit it pisses me off that she wants one...to me it seems more for show than religious convictions.
She also stated that an engagement wasn't a big deal....well she has that single solitaire mounted on a PLATINUM ETERNITY BAND. Now my butt is knocking near 35 years and I don't have an eternity band. I think she she should sell it to pay for her Princess Wedding--Chinese Princess that is---it's a Chinese themed wedding.
MissGomes
New Member
Cracking up at work!!!! Way too much for me!! Well, you have your sistas here to vent!! Venting is definitely a form of therapy!! LOL
Unfortunately... the bad news is...your son will probably do what she wants. My future hubby would... Keep us posted on the talk from the hubby!
Unfortunately... the bad news is...your son will probably do what she wants. My future hubby would... Keep us posted on the talk from the hubby!
Mrs. N Lugo
New Member
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Nope...not hardcore...that's really her father and her. But I admit I'm a bit tickled at the father always changing religions...and he's an educated man....more of the image of a Black Republican that is willing to change which fence he sits on if it gives him an advantage point or brings attention to himself. Apparently declaring yourself a Black Jew and a Rabbi abeit, is all the rage currently. I'm really looking forward to his religion announcement for 2011.
As to eloping--They aren't going to do that...it would bring me so much joy....and they can't stand that idea.
LongiLox
Well-Known Member
Seems to me like you're trying to ruin this girl's wedding day. This is a once in a life time kind of thing. You seem a little jealous of her based on your comment regarding her ring. You are not her and she is not you; just because you didn't get a nice engagement ring does not mean she should have to pawn hers to pay for the wedding. Let her have her day and be happy. A six-tiered cake is really not a big deal. Please let her be and try to be nicer to her. Be a better mohter in law to her. I'm sure she's telling her friends and family now about how her monther in law is making this wedding process very difficult for her.
greight
Well-Known Member
I don't know about this
. The fact that the bride is not paying the bill at all and is relying on the groom's parents should be a huge consideration with respect to her "dream wedding." The fact that the groom's parents can pay and hers cannot is the real crux of the issue. It's a blessing that she has a wedding. There are some people who can't afford a wedding and make do with what they have.If I were in the groom's mother position, I'd be resentful that someone is taking my kindness for granted and not acknowledging the finite resources that I have. People aren't owed weddings. And if it's family, as it'll soon be, you should try to meet half way and work it out. The engagement ring isn't really factored in this.
Nonetheless, there are two sides to every story, but at the end of the day, I know this: I would not demand more from my mother than what she can afford. You have to measure dreams with reality. If she wants to get married in a church, okay (even though she recently joined, she might be born again, who knows?), but compromise on something else like the date or the time. Invite less people. Offer to pay certain things to help alleviate the costs.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
........................................
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Ideeli's having sale on all things wedding for brides in budget. They also have 14 day return which is excellent if it doe sn't fit. I've bought other clothes (not wedding) from them w/o a problem.
the sale is going on for the next day (it says 22 hrs and counting).g
If you can't get it pm me with your email and I'll send you an invite(not sure if you need one from this site
ideeli.com
ex of sales:
$299 instead tf $995
also $s299 also Davinci
...
the sale is going on for the next day (it says 22 hrs and counting).g
If you can't get it pm me with your email and I'll send you an invite(not sure if you need one from this site
ideeli.com
ex of sales:
$299 instead tf $995
also $s299 also Davinci
...
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I think this post is absolutely hilarious. I actually do have a very, very nice investment grade solitare--but no I don't have an eternity band because honestly I find diamonds all away around the band a bit uncomfortable. When my DH of 34 years presented me THIS YEAR with another investment grade diamond the size of a large almond---I told him to take it back---that diamond did not signify anything about our marriage and I have no need for such a flashy, outward display. I don't need to convince anybody that I'm married. But I am one of those people that don't think you get an ETERNITY BAND at the engagement--save something for the tenth year. By the way, I actually got our diamond broker to find the stone for the little witch.
I'm certainly don't find it necessary to defend myself am I'm not trying to ruin her and my son's day because I'm paying 1/2 the bill. But I find it disingenuous of her to say---"the ring doesn't matter" and "the wedding doesn't matter but then cry and say she "just had to have the PLATINUM ETERNITY BAND and have a guest list of 125 people with a Chinese stage production. I think this is a side of her personality that he will live to regret once he stops stargazing. Many of the decisions I've told her that she and her mother needs to make and that I have no opinion....but it would certainly go a long way if her family was paying the bills....especially the one for the "cupcakes in the chinese take-out boxes." Why the hell do you need cupcakes when you're serving a 6 tier wedding cake.
I guess I am trying to "ruin" her wedding because I politely and firmly refused to make her wedding dress after she came into my alterations studio and begged. I wasn't about to pay for the affair and also act as the hired help catering to Bridezilla's demands.
And yes I thought she should have held off on the engagement ring of that caliber and most certainly the eternity band---because that dumb *** son of mine had just PAID CASH for her a Jeep---I think he has lost his damn mind.
kayte
Well-Known Member
I never thought a wedding thread could be unpleasant
If you have this much resentment,Transformer...why not just make it a loan to them?
it's certainly not a gift...they are paying in other ways
your hatred for the bride...is kind of shocking
it's too bad....for everyone...I feel the sorriest for your son.
I hope that comment about how your son slept with many women and so why should this one be different ..was not shared with the couple...he sounds head over heels and
very much in love with her...
It's painful to read this thread......so so sad
If you have this much resentment,Transformer...why not just make it a loan to them?
it's certainly not a gift...they are paying in other ways
your hatred for the bride...is kind of shocking
it's too bad....for everyone...I feel the sorriest for your son.
I hope that comment about how your son slept with many women and so why should this one be different ..was not shared with the couple...he sounds head over heels and
very much in love with her...
It's painful to read this thread......so so sad
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I guess everyone interprets a post using their own perceptions.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
LuckiestDestiny,
I think dress number 4 is the most flattering to most body type. Although I think a lot of new brides reject this style because it reminds them of a "cake topper." I hear it referred to that a lot.
I think dress number 4 is the most flattering to most body type. Although I think a lot of new brides reject this style because it reminds them of a "cake topper." I hear it referred to that a lot.
LongiLox
Well-Known Member
I don't know about this
If I were in the groom's mother position, I'd be resentful that someone is taking my kindness for granted and not acknowledging the finite resources that I have. People aren't owed weddings. And if it's family, as it'll soon be, you should try to meet half way and work it out. The engagement ring isn't really factored in this.
Nonetheless, there are two sides to every story, but at the end of the day, I know this: I would not demand more from my mother than what she can afford. You have to measure dreams with reality. If she wants to get married in a church, okay (even though she recently joined, she might be born again, who knows?), but compromise on something else like the date or the time. Invite less people. Offer to pay certain things to help alleviate the costs.
From what I read, it seems like the groom is paying for the wedding, not his parents. I also haven't read anything that makes it seem like the bride wants something exorbiant. Also, it seems that the bride and groom were trying to make things cheaper by getting married on a Sunday, which I consider compromising in order to make things work for their budget. But the mother-in-law is the one that wants it on a more expensive day and thus has to pay the difference in the price herself.
LongiLox
Well-Known Member
That statement pretty much solidified her hatred for the woman. Why would you want your son to continue to be a womanizer and not treat someone right?
HairBarbie
Well-Known Member
I don't know about this
If I were in the groom's mother position, I'd be resentful that someone is taking my kindness for granted and not acknowledging the finite resources that I have. People aren't owed weddings. And if it's family, as it'll soon be, you should try to meet half way and work it out. The engagement ring isn't really factored in this.
Nonetheless, there are two sides to every story, but at the end of the day, I know this: I would not demand more from my mother than what she can afford. You have to measure dreams with reality. If she wants to get married in a church, okay (even though she recently joined, she might be born again, who knows?), but compromise on something else like the date or the time. Invite less people. Offer to pay certain things to help alleviate the costs.
They're not footing all the bills, from what I read, it sounds like the groom is paying for the overwhelming majority of it with his parents giving him a little money.
Either you help someone out or you don't. No point in trying to control their entire lives and wedding because you gave them a little cash. Let the bride and groom plan their wedding as they see fit and if you don't like it then get your money back.
But complaining and trying to run the show is not the way to go and bragging about your son being a whore and not understanding why is wife to be is so any different from the previous women is just wrong on so many levels.
I feel bad for the fiancee, can't imagine what she's going through.Similar threads
