So..are you in an OPEN MARRIAGE? Would you get in one?

[SelahOco]

My husband is the only person on earth I've ever heard refer to relations as "smashing" -- now there are two.

As for the open marriage, thing. Heck Nawl. With all the NASTY, LIFE THREATENING diseases and STDs floating out there in the general population? You ain't bringing those statistics into my bedroom. If you have an appetite for multiple partners then, let me know upfront because we can't do business. But . . . I do give them credit for being honest and open, because I guess even worse than that is folks who know that's how they are (sexually needy/selfish) and STILL try to marry someone who isn't on that same wavelength. Then they just cheat all willy nilly.

The only thing open in our marriage would be a can of whoop a$$.

Smashing is something my husband says all the TIME. Rubbed off I guess

 

[against all odds]

i do have one married friend who has an open relationship. i've asked her to explain it to me on several occasions but she can't or won't.

This is where I get concerned. IF you can't explain something chances are it's because you're afraid it won't make sense to others because deep down it doesn't make sense to you...

Right. The first thing I thought was, she knows he's cheating, she's not leaving, and instead of ignoring it, she calls it an open marriage.

Seems to me, if she can't or won't explain, she knows it doesn't make sense/knows she's getting short changed (like you said).

I know I can't/won't explain to you (or anyone) anything that makes me look silly/stupid.

 

[prettypuff1]

Interesting. What do you do if you really love your spouse. You may have been married for 10 years. But you have been celibate for the past 6 years. I have recently read that there is a HUGE percentage of marriages where celibacy is practiced. Would this be a reason for an open marriage?

I dont understand this idea here

Isnt one of the main perks of getting married getting some nookie..

 

[prettypuff1]

i'm not in one either and i'd never be in one because it doesn't fit in with my personal definition of what marriage entails. regardless, i agree with your post. not everybody in marriage is following the christian/[insert other religion here] definition of marriage or even the one that is the norm in western society. i don't really care what other people do so long as they are not harming anyone.

however, i do think things become complicated if children are involved, adults are equipped to deal with living this kind of lifestyle but i'm not sure what effect it will have on their children if they know everything their parents are in an open marriage. with that said, it may not even have a negative effect at all.

Most people arent equiped with how to deal with it. At some point ,whether we want to admit it or not, someone starts to want more if it is the outsider or the other partner. It always happens and it usually can;t be controlled. This leads to feelings of being used and resentment follow shortly there after. As much as people want to be open minded and try to have more than one person, when there is comittment involved it is hard to do. Not to mention you will have to have a serious handle on yourself and jealousy to do it.

I have seen it work well and I have also seen it run RAMPANT and ruin a relationship.

To answer the question, yes i would do it. I would have one man and one woman.

 

[tocktick]

It's not a marriage therefore, I wouldn't be a part of it.

It affects others, because of the negative message that's being presented that this lifestyle is okay and it's not okay. The message is, marriage is not sacred neither respected. It's open to anything no matter how damaging it is.

Anyone who accepts it as such, whether they participate in it or not, has put it out there in their marriage, the suggestion to their spouse that 'they' can try it and get away with it and that you will accept it.

In this weak and foolish society, you can't afford a lax attitude; better yet, you can't afford a cracked door or window in your mindset about this. It's going to be something that you may have to face someday and be totally unprepared to handle it.

It's nothing to justify or see innocense in. I don't care who's doing it, that doesn't make it right and it never will.

i think that i can accept that some people choose to lead "alternative lifestyles" and that it doesn't compromise my own beliefs. if believe they do not harm other then i don't take issue with it. if that makes my attitude "lax" and that's an issue with some people then i accept that they just have a different mindset to me.

i would never be in an open marriage because it goes against what i believe a marriage to be, i could not raise children in that envrionment and i could not have a sexual or emotional relationship with more than one man at a time. if i marry a man who knows my views and believes that i've opened the door to us being in an open marriage then i've married a stupid man and one i wouldn't want to be with.

imo, there are other issues destroying our society that i pay much more mind to than this one. i do not think that the image of an open marriage is so prevalent in our society that it's doing mass damage to people; i believe that unsuccessful monogamous marriages are doing more to destroy the image of marriage than open marriages ever will. how many people know those in poor open marriages as opposed to those in poor traditional marriages? i'll bet that's it's the latter as opposed to the former.

we see people disrespecting the monogamous traditonal marriage all day long. so for me, those in open marriages that are going along fine are not of a concern to me. i don't look to them as inspiration for marriage or as my guide for morality, so it doesn't make marriage seems less sacred and important to me.

 

[Qetesh]

I feel that for some people it can work.

I personally doubt i could ever be one of those people because I can not have a sexual relationship with someone with no feelings involved and thus i could not be married to a man and have emotional feelings for another man so the open marriage wouldnt work for me...

I feel that humans in general are not made for monogamous relationships esp men. The only way this type of marriage could work in my eyes is if both partners were VERY secure in their relationships with one other AND they were able to have meaningless sex and keep their priorities straight regardless of who they were sleeping with... and of course both partners must want this and be 100% secure in it. I feel that a very small percentage of the population could honestly do this.

 

[freshlikemoi]

That's an OXYMORON to me.

--In other words my answer is HAles NAW

 

[facets]

No 'nanks, I can be 'open' by on my own.

 

[JOI]

Definitely NOT!!!! Why get married if you wanted to cheat. That will never go down with me and My DH it's me and him For life. Been with him for 13 years, Married for 10 and we have a 9 year old daughter.

 

[wannabelong]

Heck no!!!! I don't want to share my husband with anyone.

 

[Lebiya]

No that’s not the kind of marriage I want nor will agree too. I’d just date openly IF I wanted such a lifestyle. Everyday a new disease is discovered, I will not risk my health.

 

[Ramya]

I just watched a program on WeTV about this. The secret lives of women series. EWWW it's certainly not something I could do. They explored it from just swingers, polyamarous (sp?) relationships and such. Like one chick had a girlfriend and 3 boyfriends and they all knew about each other. (ick!) Another was married and was a swinger and the other was in an open marriage in the traditional sense yet what I found odd was that the couple always opened their marriage to women and not men. I think she is delusional...

 

[NYAmicas]

No.....what happens to the security?
What's to stop either party from jumping ship if they become enamored with someone else?

 

[peacensoul]

So I am disturbed that this is even questionable.. Marriage to me is ever lasting.. now why wouldnt that person stay in an open relationship... now that in itself is even sketchy... seriously the reason y some ppl dont get married is because they cant commit... which is understandable.. man if my future husband who doesnt exist yet asked me to think about an open marriage i would take my hand with th ring he bought me to give him the B!tch slap of his life.. he would live to regret that day.. that would be th last time he saw me or the ring. at least he would have the imprint of the ring to hold onto for a week until the mark disappears.. some1 tell me y they would be okay wit this plz... need 2 know im prolly ol skool even though im only 22..

 

[DivaD04]

to answer OP's ?...He// naw, I wish my hubby would stroll up to me and fix his lips up about an open anything. To "spice it up", that will only take a few minutes to the store. I can't handle another person in my home, in my bed! I'll propably flip out and catch a case!