Are you in a sex-less marriage? Would you stay in a sex-less marriage?

[Alexis87]

No, I couldn't, I was in one for seven years and I prayed that I could be out, so when he said 'He no longer wanted to be married anymore'. I was upset, but I thanked God, I was free and I realised that I deserved better!

If you don't mind me asking, what was his reason for not wanting sex that long? Was he getting sex outside the marriage, was he gay, or was he just not interested in sex during that time?

 

[cocoberry10]

I've also heard that for many women who lose their desire to have sex that it may be due to hormonal imbalances, especially once those women have had children. Also, it can be emotional (i.e. feeling guilty about sex, believing sex is "dirty", possible childhood trauma such as sexual abuse, etc.)

I suppose with men, the loss of drive is either physical (i.e. impotence), emotional, or may be due to his cheating. However, I think there are men out there who aren't cheating or gay, but also lose their drive. Some men become addicted to porn and even though they aren't having sex with another woman, this prevents them from connecting sexually with their wives!

 

[Chameleonchick]

Nope couldn't do it.

 

[FlowerHair]

My dh and I do this regularly, about every two to three weeks, its SO FUN. We got cheap takeout, a bottle of wine, its like you're doing something naughty.

Funny story, the hotel we always go to, we're all up in there with our wedding rings, I told dh I bet they think we're like cheating on our spouses...well we saw the front desk clerk at the gas station once, he was like like WOW those cheating married people are out, I said "hey we are like married"

Everything needs work. I'm amazed at all the things women will put energy into, their hair, their clothes, their kids school performance, their spiritual growth, whatever..but if you say "put work in your sexual relationship" Some women will balk at it. Its very defensive for some.... its like "What!?" That's not important-love is-I shouldn't have to do that-dh should love me for me-and not force me to work on something I don't have to-and if he cheats on me because I don't ever have sex, then he's a dirty dog.

I mean really to me, its like any other aspect of life-you get what you put into it. I

I agree, but sometimes it's the man that doesn't want sex. Then what should the woman do in the OP's example?

 

[Alexis87]

Thanks for all of the responses. Anyone else want to comment?

 

[Mortons]

You obviously don't care about me if you are not going to try to pleasure me at all. So I would have a real problem with him. They would probably wish I would divorce them I would give them so much attitude.

 

[Alexis87]

Thanks for the replies. I want to give my girl some support, at least to let her know that there are others that go through this too and that she is not alone. I think other underlying issues and stress are affecting husband and wife and the lack of intimacy is the result.

 

[Chromia]

I just caught the end of a story about this on Inside Edition. They said that 1 in 5 marriages are sexless. According to the story 65% of these husbands say that their wife isn't adventurous enough in bed and 38% of husbands say that their wife gained a significant amount of weight. I don't know how that survey was conducted or how accurate it is.

The story featured a married couple who weren't having sex, but they've been working on it and they recently started having sex again.

 

[Hot Chocolate]

I was talking to a friend who has recently been having issues with her husband. One of the surprising issues is that they are not intimate. After talking with a few more folks, I am finding out that some married folks are more celibate than the single folks. I even heard from a married woman who has not had sex with her husband for over 2 years (and this is not due to a medical condition).

I know sex isn't everything, but if your spouse saw nothing wrong with holding out, would you continue with the marriage? What if you really like sex...how long would you stay in a sex-less marriage? 1 year, 2 years, forever if every thing else was going ok?

What would happen if she started some action with him e.g. seductive dress and flirting?

 

[hurricane]

Wow. I'm not married yet but I would pull out the lingerie, the karma sutra, whatever I could to spice it up. Then if no response we need to go to counseling and get down to the truth.

There are alot of women who have never had the big O. So that could be part of the problem. As for men, he's probobly out there messing around.

 

[RockCreak]

For me that would depend. There must be some underlying reason as to why the relationship is sexless. Is it a medical issue, depression, mood swings, not getting along, lack of interest in other half...what is it.

Communication is key people....talk to the other half....find out what the issue is, add some spice, try new things...it has to be something.....trust and believe that it's not going to be sex-less for no reason.

What's really going on?

Truthfully speaking, I go thru spells of just not wanting any for weeks at a time, but I also respect the wants and needs of my husband. It's a give and take thing....but we also have that communication where I can just tell him straight up what's going on. He has that understanding that certain things may effect the situation...He respects me for that...that communication puts him at ease....

 

[HWAY]

I would suggest the wife make an apointment with DH's doctor and have testosterone level checked. The husband may be depressed and/or stressed out. I went through a short spell like this when my husband was severely depressed. In addition to visiting his doctor, I made scheduled dates for us and made sure we kissed and teased daily. I let him know how much I missed being intimate him sexually and nonsexually. Think about what makes the husband happy and encourage him in those pursuits. If he likes sports, buy tickets to a game. When he watches a game on tv, cuddle with him.