♥~♥ SINGLE MOTHERS SUPPORT THREAD! ♥~♥

shortdub78 said:
He probably told her you keep their daughter away, or that you still want him... Now I have never heard of that. I thought the father has to sign off on that. Do you have a child support order?
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I can file for it if it has been no contact for at least six months. They will try to locate him. And of course they will not find him. Just like they didn't find him when an order of protection had to be served and when child support had to be served. They have dismissed my child support case.

This young lady should know better than that but I think he is abusing her like he abused me or worse. One day she told everyone at work that I had an argument with her boyfriend on the salesfloor. Of course he lied and told her this but she should have asked me. I have been nothing but pleasant to her and even trained her myself. We met way before she started working at my job and I tried to comfort her when she started balling at the bus stop while my child's father watched her cry.

I even had no issues with her being around my lil one and thanked her for showing her so much care. I even told her about some clearance things she could buy for her son.

My issue mainly was why would you even think of working the same place I work. Both of them knew for a fact I worked there. She set herself up on that one. Now she knows Who I really Am. If she chooses to be delusional about it that is on her from now on.
 
snugglez41685 said:
I can file for it if it has been no contact for at least six months. They will try to locate him. And of course they will not find him. Just like they didn't find him when an order of protection had to be served and when child support had to be served. They have dismissed my child support case.

This young lady should know better than that but I think he is abusing her like he abused me or worse. One day she told everyone at work that I had an argument with her boyfriend on the salesfloor. Of course he lied and told her this but she should have asked me. I have been nothing but pleasant to her and even trained her myself. We met way before she started working at my job and I tried to comfort her when she started balling at the bus stop while my child's father watched her cry.

I even had no issues with her being around my lil one and thanked her for showing her so much care. I even told her about some clearance things she could buy for her son.

My issue mainly was why would you even think of working the same place I work. Both of them knew for a fact I worked there. She set herself up on that one. Now she knows Who I really Am. If she chooses to be delusional about it that is on her from now on.
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They didn't give you a default judgement? In my state, you don't show up for court, the judgement usually goes in favor of the plaintiff. i got an order of protection before since the person refused to show up for court
 
IronButterfly said:
I'm sorry to hear that. I guess I'm blessed I don't have to go that route for the time being. One of the many perks of having a physically handicapped child. When life gives you lemons...hell...we opened our own lemonade stand! lol However sending him to school allows someone else to split his cares with me and that is a welcome reprieve.
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Girl I just hand them my paycheck over.
 
sigh. i swear to god its just not meant for me to be comfortable anywhere doing anything. even living!

got a notice in the mail from the landord regarding a meeting for tenants. very cryptic. took some detective work but i found the reason online: the city will be reconstructing this entire area. tearing it down, buidling a new gentrified district: condos, homes, a new mall, the whole thing. they will begin in one year.

the rents outside this 'ghetto', idk if i can afford! i was looking and like... 2 bedrooms for 2k+?!

either i will have to figure out a way to buy, or.... idk.

construction starts in a year so there's some time, i guess :(
 
DarkJoy said:
sigh. i swear to god its just not meant for me to be comfortable anywhere doing anything. even living!

got a notice in the mail from the landord regarding a meeting for tenants. very cryptic. took some detective work but i found the reason online: the city will be reconstructing this entire area. tearing it down, buidling a new gentrified district: condos, homes, a new mall, the whole thing. they will begin in one year.

the rents outside this 'ghetto', idk if i can afford! i was looking and like... 2 bedrooms for 2k+?!

either i will have to figure out a way to buy, or.... idk.

construction starts in a year so there's some time, i guess :(
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I am Sorry to hear that. This seems to be happening alot, especially in NY.

They are trying to push lower income folks out of a lot of area.
 
shortdub78 said:
They didn't give you a default judgement? In my state, you don't show up for court, the judgement usually goes in favor of the plaintiff. i got an order of protection before since the person refused to show up for court
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I didn't get one. My case was on behalf of social services for Medicaid and myself. Maybe they gave up. At this point I want nothing from him. I just feel for my daughter asking for him. My SO has been like a dad to her but it is not the same.

I do know when finally gets and on the books job he won't see a tax return for a very long time. I was told by another mother that child support said just wait till the father dies and the social security would go to the child/children. That is sad but reality, smh.
 
Ok, ladies I hope this story makes you laugh because it tickled the heck out of me.

A few weeks ago I call myself calling back one of the nurses from Children's Hospital on her private line.

A woman answered, a bit irritated: "Hello?"
Me: May I speak to Tiffany?
Woman: Who???
Me: Tiffany.
Woman: There's no Tiffany here. Who is this? (more irritated)
Me: Ohhh...this isn't Children's Hospital, is it? I'm sorry...I dialed the wrong number.
Woman: No it isn't! (shrieking) LEARN HOW TO DIAL THE PHONE!!!!

I hung up.

An hour later my phone rings waking me from my nap.

Me: Hello?
Woman: Is this (insert my name)?
Me: Yes.
Woman: You were trying to call Children's Hospital?
Me (groggy and thinking it's CH calling me back): Oh yes. Yes.
Woman: I want to know how you got MY number when you were trying to call CH!
Me (pause, clearing thoughts): Wait a minute. Are you that crazy woman I accidentally called before?
Woman: You're the one that's crazy!!
Me: You need to get some help!
Woman: YOU NEED TO GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!

At which point I hung up. lol The curse of caller id. Aint' that a blitz? Good day!
 
Ok, ladies. Here's another story that had me in tears...I laughed so hard afterwards (but truth told, I was a little shaken by it initially). Let this be one of those cautionary tales of why you don't just meet anyone from an online dating service without, at first, speaking with them for some time over the phone.

Yesterday I decided to phone one of the black men I'd briefly chatted with on a dating site. He looked a bit different than most of the black men from my area in the fact he had a great smile, he was tall and fit and his profile read like someone who understood the mechanics of the english language. He said he was a screenwriter and was working on his MFA. His emails to me were short but pleasant and not peppered with a bunch of frivolous "how ya doin's". So I thought maybe he was truly one of those guys who is a better speaker than writer. So I called him. The following was our conversation (edited of course, but you will get the gist of it). Oh, his name is Charles.

Man answers phone (gruffly): Hello?
Me: Hi! Is this Charles?
Charles: Yeah. (pause)
Me: How are you doing?
C: Fine. Who's this?
Me: This is (my name) from (dating site).
C: Oh.
(pause)
Me: Are you busy?
C (snapping): What?
Me: Are you busy?
C: I just got in.
(pause)
Me: Where did you just get in from?
C: Work!
(pause)
Me: Ok. Where do you work?
C: Look! I don't want to talk about my work. When I leave work I want to leave it behind me because I hate it!
Me: I can certainly understand that.
(big pause)
Me: Is this a good time for you?
C: Yeah, I told you I just got in!
Me: Well, you asked me to call, so I'm calling--
C: You know (my name), I'm just gonna come right out and say this. People do not know how to communicate these days! They just don't! They have lost the art of communication and I'm sick of the bullsh*t!

At this point is goes on this tirade of how people are full of ish and he can't be bothered to communicate effectively while being vague and repetitive at the same time.

Me: I certainly understand. Social media--
C: It has nothing to do with social media! People are rude and don't know how to communicate...
(insert another tirade of other people's ineffective communication skills)! Another thing I'm sick of is (dating site) and ppl with their fake a** profiles!
Me: Oh, so you had some bad experiences on (dating site)?
C: No, I ain't had no bad eperiences on (dating site)! I'm sick of ppl and their fake sh*t! Can't nobody communicate these days! I'm trying to make something of myself and I can't be dealing with fools trying to bring me down.
Me: Wow! Did you have a bad day today?
C: It's not about my day! ALL PEOPLE ARE CRAZY AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE. See, I'm a laid back kinda guy...most people are rude...blahblahblah...!
Me: Well, I don't think all people are like that. I wasn't rude when I called you, was I? (why did I set myself up like that?? lol)
C: As a matter of fact (my name), I could SAY you were rude. Yes, I COULD say that! Maybe you wasn't aware of it. I can't really pinpoint it. May it's the tone of your voice or something, but Yes. You was rude!
Me: No I wasn't!
C: Yes you were!
Me: Ok then. It was nice talking to you.

Click!!

I hung up and immediately blocked him from everything!

I immediately called my great aunt in California and we had a good laugh. So basically this man just verbally attacked me for no reason at all. The whole time I kept my tone pleasant and neutral, like you're supposed to if you work in a call center. This man was extremely agitated, even yelling at me at times. If anyone fit the "angry black man" stereotype, this dude was it. I wonder if I was being punk'd! lol This is why I treat everyone on this dating sites like they are potential nuts...because they are! lol
Good day!
 
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I feel so overwhelmed lately. Between my lil one being waitlisted for public school and childcare for her while she is not attending school is getting to me. Her last day of daycare was the 31st because I was going to have my mother watch her after school while I worked. Now I have my mother watching her during the hours she is not in school starting next week when I start classes.

This is very stressfull. So now I have to pay my mother around $90 up from the $70 I usually pay a week. I think the only reason this bothers me is I keep thinking about the $5,000-$6,000 that my mother spent in 2005 of my student loan money to pay her bills when she lost her job and didn't tell me. I will never forget when I asked her for the rest of the loan money to pay them back because they started contacting me to start repayment and she told me she spent the money to pay bills and credit cards. I had already withdrew from school because I had trouble dealing with being raped on campus. I wonder if my mother would have ever told me were the other half of the loan money went,lol,smh.

I keep saying to myself when will all this stop. When will I be able to get away and live my life. I calculated childcare for last year when I started paying my mother. I have approximately paid her over $3,500 in childcare expenses. I only made around $9,000 last year.

I am just counting down the months till I graduate in May. I will apply to hospitals upstate and out of state. I want to be at least 2hrs away from my family. I need my space.

Sorry for the long post. This has been bothering me since last week.
 
I miss my lil one. On my way to pick her up. It has been too days two long. Nursing school schedule is killing me combined with lil one being waitlisted for Kindergarten. And working the rest of the week. And a girl needs to wash her hair, lol. But all of this is for a good cause!
 
My boy had his first swim lesson last night...and...after the initial panic attack...really liked it! He even tried doing the crawl with his arms. Man, I was so proud, I was almost teary-eyed. He didn't care for basketball, baseball, track or tennis, so I'm hoping swimming will stick. He needs as much exercise as he can get!

Today was his first day doing some alternative holistic therapy. What...a...trip! The therapist was doing some hands on stuff with him...just pressure techniques...and you would have thought she was sticking him with hot pokers they way he carried on. Screaming and scooting away from her, rubbing his snotty nose on my clothes. Crying buckets and buckets of tears. Good grief! I was thinking: What in the hayle have I gotten this child into??? Around the last 20 minutes or so he started to calm down and just sort of relaxed with it. Then instead of running from the therapist, whenever she moved to re-adjust her body, he grabbed her arm to pull her back.

My child is possessed. lol

So we go back tomorrow and depending on our funding, we will explore holistic medication as well as this "touch" therapy. My hope is it will prompt my kid to finally start using his words. He'll be six in 2 weeks and hasn't uttered so much as a single word except "GO!" lol
 
snugglez41685 said:
I feel so overwhelmed lately. Between my lil one being waitlisted for public school and childcare for her while she is not attending school is getting to me. Her last day of daycare was the 31st because I was going to have my mother watch her after school while I worked. Now I have my mother watching her during the hours she is not in school starting next week when I start classes.

This is very stressfull. So now I have to pay my mother around $90 up from the $70 I usually pay a week. I think the only reason this bothers me is I keep thinking about the $5,000-$6,000 that my mother spent in 2005 of my student loan money to pay her bills when she lost her job and didn't tell me. I will never forget when I asked her for the rest of the loan money to pay them back because they started contacting me to start repayment and she told me she spent the money to pay bills and credit cards. I had already withdrew from school because I had trouble dealing with being raped on campus. I wonder if my mother would have ever told me were the other half of the loan money went,lol,smh.

I keep saying to myself when will all this stop. When will I be able to get away and live my life. I calculated childcare for last year when I started paying my mother. I have approximately paid her over $3,500 in childcare expenses. I only made around $9,000 last year.

I am just counting down the months till I graduate in May. I will apply to hospitals upstate and out of state. I want to be at least 2hrs away from my family. I need my space.

Sorry for the long post. This has been bothering me since last week.
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Just wanted to give you an e hug!
 
Hey ladies! I'm alive and my kids are alive. That's all I got! Lol I'm off tomorrow and Monday. Hopefully I can get some order around here. My kids have had a crappy quarter this school year so far. Hopefully we can get back on track. Since we get home so late, reading and homework being completed is slacking big time. Getting them to prepare for the next day is taxing. I lecture the crap out of them before we walk through the door, and everything I said goes out the window. They tried to do better last night, so I didn't fuss.
 
shortdub78 said:
I just purchased an app for my phone that is suppose to help me help my kids with getting dressed and ready in the morning... I don't like it.
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I used a poster size wall schedule (below) for mine. Mine had columns for each day. Stickies needed to be placed to show an action was done. If any space was unfilled by Friday evening, they didn't get a treasure box prize.

It helped, but I still had to remind them to check the list instead of asking me what to do.

kids-morning-schedule-or-back-to-school-night-handout.jpg


daily_schedule.png
 
WhoIAm said:
I used a poster size wall schedule (below) for mine. Mine had columns for each day. Stickies needed to be placed to show an action was done. If any space was unfilled by Friday evening, they didn't get a treasure box prize.

It helped, but I still had to remind them to check the list instead of asking me what to do.

kids-morning-schedule-or-back-to-school-night-handout.jpg


daily_schedule.png
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I have something similar. I have a special place where all of their items needed for school are organized, ready for them to grab and go. They wear uniforms, so everything is set for the school week. They have a morning and evening routine and schedule posted.
 
So now my mother says helping my daughter with her homework is not her responsibility. I pay her $100 a week to watch her. I am confused? Nearly 75% of my paycheck goes to paying her to watch her just so I can work and finish nursing school. Guess I am asking way too much for a hundred dollars.
 
snugglez41685 said:
So now my mother says helping my daughter with her homework is not her responsibility. I pay her $100 a week to watch her. I am confused? Nearly 75% of my paycheck goes to paying her to watch her just so I can work and finish nursing school. Guess I am asking way too much for a hundred dollars.
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Girl...I'm telling you! These mothers! I'm sorry you have to go through this, but look at the brightside, at least you have someone to watch your child while you get your life in order. Just keep your eye on the prize. Maybe you can get your daughter some tutors or mentors or find a big sister organization. Just keep your eye on the prize. Keep your eye on the prize.

You know, I was just discussing with someone today how mother/daughter relationships seem to be either best friends or rivals. Sounds like your mother put herself in that rival position.
 
snugglez41685 said:
So now my mother says helping my daughter with her homework is not her responsibility. I pay her $100 a week to watch her. I am confused? Nearly 75% of my paycheck goes to paying her to watch her just so I can work and finish nursing school. Guess I am asking way too much for a hundred dollars.
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I get home very late and still have to do homework...so I understand.
 
I need to vent a bit today. Early this summer I took my son down to county with me. When the worker called us in her office, my son had a complete meltdown for no reason. He had been going thru a period of having these violent, unprovoked breakdowns where he would scream, cry, hit me and try to ram me with his wheelchair. He looked like Psycho Child! Anybody who has ever had their ankle bones rammed with a wheelchair knows that mess ain't no joke. We have gouges at home where he attacked the wall.
So, anyhoo, out of frustration, I got this idea to tie his hands up with satin scarfs so he would calm down. Well, that didn't work because he wouldn't keep his hands still; so I just loosely wrapped his wrists in a scarf and once his attention was diverted into taking the scarf off his hands his tantrum waned.
So, I do this little trick in the lobby of the County, because this child will not stop screaming and hitting and ramming with his chair. Mind you, the scarf is not tied to his hands, merely wrapped long enough for me to start pushing him and his chair into this woman's office. Less than 20 seconds later, my son has wiggled his hands free and has discarded the scarf on the ground; but now he's calm again. In any case, that was the last time I did that, because we went back to the behaviorial specialist and I discovered new ways to keep him calm for longer periods rather than just that short period.
Unbeknownst to me until yesterday, that slimy Asian bench social worker reported me to CPS! She told them I TIED up his hands! How convenient she left out the fact that he took the scarf off of himself! So now I have some woman coming to see me tomorrow to talk about "alternative ways" of handling the situation. Can you believe this ish? Since the CPS gave me the wrong date of the incident, I'm not copping to anything, but I am so pissed right now! The fact this fat, arrogant Chinese heiffer can sit behind her desk and make a phone call...while she does NOTHING for my child!!! And I'm thinking all these kids getting murdered on the regular and they want to put a probe in my behind????
Anyway, that's all I have to say. I swear to gawd, if I were the murdering kind, a short, fat Asian woman would have woken up this morning with a hammer wedged in her skull. Just saying...
 
Sorry @IronButterfly. I hope that mess passes quickly.

@snugglez41685 your mom is complaining but is she refusing to watch her at all? Complaining and not doing isnt the same. However even if family, we dont want folks watching our kids who dont really want to :nono: its hard when you're in a bind. I dont have anyone trustworthy unless I want to call her father. Bleh.

@shortdub78 long days are the worst! We get home about 6. i drop her off quarter to 8 mornings to sit in traffic 1.25 hrs. Same in reverse. Ugh. Long days for both of us. Luckily her after school program has homework time. Most times its done, occassionally not. we take 15 min to spot check and correct while dinner warms up. The teacher is open to email so i msg hom if she didnt finish and he oks for weekends. But thats only been twice (she was sick).

Are yours in a care program that allows 30 min homework time at least? Maybe change programs if not? Can you communicate with the teachers regarding extensions if necessary?
 
Well, I met with the caseworker today, and even though I didn't like the idea of someone reporting me like that, things went pretty well. I advocate very well for myself. The case worker said she would write up her report, recommend no future action and close the case. She also commended me on my accomplishments as a single mom of a special needs kid. She said she completely understood my position and was impressed I was actually a groundbreaker for special needs equipment in my area. And, for good measure, my son showed out a little bit so she could see just what a Pain he can be. lol She also said there obviously was no need for concern since this "anonymous" ***** waited FOUR months to report anything. Apparently she didn't think the child was in imminent danger. Since I know who the rat is, I hope they wise up and replace her as my go-to person when I go get my gas card. I have no intention of ever making her comfortable in my presence again.
 
I am getting so tired of being judged for the color of my skin and the type of card I swipe. I work in customer service and most places I frequent regardless if it is a grocery store or clothing store the service is poor. I was judged today and my transaction cancelled because I was using an EBT card (aka foodstamp /cash assistance ) I was told I couldn't purchase a metrocard with my cash portion. I told the woman kindly I have been doing this here for over a year so yes I can do this. She called a manger and acted so nonchalant and snobb. I was finally able to swipe my card. I spoke with the manager about it and she said she was the one Who spoke to her and never heard of this. I explained to her this money is for me to get back and forth to work and school. I said I have been doing this here for awhile and she must be new. Said she wasn't, whatever lol. So she was judging like I was trying to purchase liquor or Newport 100's with it( I also told the manager this). Lmao. That Stop and Shop is now banned. Never received this treatment at my predominantly black Stop and Shop. Mostly whites and Spanish work at this one.
 
snugglez41685 said:
I am getting so tired of being judged for the color of my skin and the type of card I swipe. I work in customer service and most places I frequent regardless if it is a grocery store or clothing store the service is poor. I was judged today and my transaction cancelled because I was using an EBT card (aka foodstamp /cash assistance ) I was told I couldn't purchase a metrocard with my cash portion. I told the woman kindly I have been doing this here for over a year so yes I can do this. She called a manger and acted so nonchalant and snobb. I was finally able to swipe my card. I spoke with the manager about it and she said she was the one Who spoke to her and never heard of this. I explained to her this money is for me to get back and forth to work and school. I said I have been doing this here for awhile and she must be new. Said she wasn't, whatever lol. So she was judging like I was trying to purchase liquor or Newport 100's with it( I also told the manager this). Lmao. That Stop and Shop is now banned. Never received this treatment at my predominantly black Stop and Shop. Mostly whites and Spanish work at this one.
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Girl, I feel you! And some of these idjits they have working as cashiers....OOOHHH! They will try to tell you your card is jacked up when they don't know what they are doing...and just looking at you like, Oh well. I don't even try to be nice any more. I just tell them to get the manager. I'm not wasting breath explaining what I know to be these here truths. In fact, I dismiss them like they are beneath me.

On a side note, went to Popeye's chicken yesterday and the cashier (Mexican) acted like he couldn't read the coupon I had. Granted the print was light, but you could still read it. I am not a fool! He was talking 'bout "I don't see 14 piece chicken..." SCREECH "Go get your manager! Aintgottimeforthis!" Manager had no problem reading it.
 
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