♥~♥ SINGLE MOTHERS SUPPORT THREAD! ♥~♥

A sounds delish Bklynqueen. Sorry about the hip pain. Oddly, I got similar pain yesterday too that radiated out to the hip from the very low spine. I know for sure its sciatica. Have you had sciatic pain before?

It requires that you sit less and stretch your lower back more. Best excercize for it is to lay on your back and pull your knees to to your chest. First one leg at a time then both while pressing the lower back into the floor. Motrin helps relieve inflammation around the sciatic nerve. Did it all last night and good to go today.
 
Bklynqueen and DarkJoy Thanks ladies. I often feel like I was born in the wrong family because everyone is just so "rough" and I'm just kind of chill. I hate drama. Guess that's the Libra in me lol. I'm a pescetarian/mostly vegetarian and my family are true carnivores. I'm still trying to get them used to me not eating the meats and it's been almost two years. Bklynqueen Sorry about the pain you're experiencing. Nothing like pain to muck up the works huh?
 
Youre welcome whosthatcurl.

Ugh...oan my parents are in their golden years and are starting to need assistance. I have no other family to help me since they cut ALL TIES when I was a baby. Have no idea who or where my family on either side are. My older sister is severely disabled, lives with them and needs help too.

I knew the day was coming. I suggested to my dad yesterday time to sell his house. Its a large house on a half acre lot on a hill which they cant even walk up anymore. Its falling apart. They bought it 40 years ago and have never done any capital improvements. So now the roof is falling apart and the plumbing too. Also they let the interior go and it needs a major clean.

My dads health is failing and i will have to start accompanying him to doc visits. Mom cant drive since she's legally blind.

Ugh

These people were beyond abusive to me with their beating, neglect and verbal assaults and now Im stuck with making their golden years comfortable ALONE since apparently I cant chose a man because I had zero guidance and in classic abusive household style, they isolated us from everyone else.

Life is jacked sometimes.
 
DarkJoy Damn boo, that sucks hot monkey balls. May God/Your Higher Power (I'm trying to be politically correct lol) gives you strength. I wish you had the funds to hire people to help your folks. Hopefully your dad takes your advice about selling the place. Parents can be so stubborn sometimes. My mom acts more like a teenager and the only person who really can help me is my granny and she's 70+ years old. I'm not really close to my Father or his side of the family (met him/them when I was 22 and pregnant. Long story). * hugs*
 
I've been thinking about going to see a therapist for my various issues, but I don't like talking about myself or my issues.
 
A sounds delish Bklynqueen. Sorry about the hip pain. Oddly, I got similar pain yesterday too that radiated out to the hip from the very low spine. I know for sure its sciatica. Have you had sciatic pain before? It requires that you sit less and stretch your lower back more. Best excercize for it is to lay on your back and pull your knees to to your chest. First one leg at a time then both while pressing the lower back into the floor. Motrin helps relieve inflammation around the sciatic nerve. Did it all last night and good to go today.
.

Thank you @ Darkjoy, I think it is sciatica as I've had sciatic pain before but never in my hip area. I'm going to do as you suggested, wish me luck! :)
 
DarkJoy, I feel your pain Hun, my father is not elderly but already facing major health problems ( 2 amputations), can't hardly see (he won't admit it) and damn near burning up his kitchen every time he cooks ( I'm ready to turn off the gas for the stove), the stress is unbearable! And you have 2 parents to deal with, smh. My father was very abusive to us growing up and I can't help feel like I'm still getting abused in some kind of way because he expects my sister and I to take care of him ( which we do). Why is it abusive people never, ever think they will get old one day? People have long memories and the things you do as a person come back to bite. Hell, my pops don't know it yet but my sis and I are actively looking into nursing homes because his day is coming! whosthatcurl, definitely go to therapy, with the right therapist you will definitely gain prospective of your life and make the positive changes that will benefit you.
 
Hugs Ladies!!!!!

Our Thanksgiving was chill, it was just the kids and me. My mom and I are on the outs as usual so I didn't go to her family gathering. I don't care for them at all.

My parents are still self sufficient so I have a while. My brother will be no help when its time so I am trying to get myself together to take on the responsibility.
 
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Hey ladies! Thanksgiving was great. Ds and I ate dinner with our cousins at their new place. The kids had a blast!

I'm at a crossroad in my relationship with so. I told him that I wanted to see him more often. As of right now we see each other every other week. Every once in awhile I may be able to get an extra day. It's kind of hard to see each other more often due to our schedules and kids. So I'm thinking of inviting him over for dinner during the week, but he'll be meeting Ds. Ds has never met anyone I've dated.

So my question is how did you introduce your child to your so?
Darjoy
 
Hey ladies! Thanksgiving was great. Ds and I ate dinner with our cousins at their new place. The kids had a blast!

I'm at a crossroad in my relationship with so. I told him that I wanted to see him more often. As of right now we see each other every other week. Every once in awhile I may be able to get an extra day. It's kind of hard to see each other more often due to our schedules and kids. So I'm thinking of inviting him over for dinner during the week, but he'll be meeting Ds. Ds has never met anyone I've dated.

So my question is how did you introduce your child to your so?
Darjoy

I'm at the same stage as you. We both want to move forward and that means meeting children. Luckily I don't work Fridays so I go to his work for lunch. The kids are away every other weekend and the other weekends I've managed to get babysitters for things we got tickets for. We now want to include the kids in our days out.

I've invited him round once their in bed but that's quite late, esp with work the next day.

Once my 12yr old son heard the door open and rushed down the stairs. Luckily I had already talked to him about SO and he said he wanted to meet him. SO said hello abd shook his hand and then I ushered him back upstairs! That was 2 weeks ago and ds keeps asking to meet him again. My 5yr old dd hasn't met him yet but I mention SO's name in passing so she's aware I have a friend.

SO and I plan to take my kids out to a Christmas market in a couple of weeks time. His kids live far away but he'll be having them over the holidays so I guess I'll meet them then. All our kids are around the sane age.
 
Bublin, how long have you two been dating?

This whole thing is different for me. Growing up I never met any of the men my mother dated. She never remarried and died alone. I don't want to devote all of my free time to my child. I want a love life but I have no idea on how to move forward.
 
aprils13

My daughter met my SO when she was 3yo. We went to a Children's Museum, dinner and walk in our downtown area. I don't remember how I explained it to her but I thought it would be easier to make in a fun outing. It went well.
 
Bublin, how long have you two been dating?

This whole thing is different for me. Growing up I never met any of the men my mother dated. She never remarried and died alone. I don't want to devote all of my free time to my child. I want a love life but I have no idea on how to move forward.

Ha it's only been a month but we've seen each alot during that time. Mainly because my parents were visiting (they live abroad) and I had babysitting on tap.
Tbh it is a bit early but I'm already exhausted by the 'ducking and diving' and even if they spent just 1 day every now again with him around (I don't want overnight stays just yet) it would help. They are both asking about it so I have planted the seed in their head.

Ive dated a few guys in the last 3 years I've been single and only 1 if them met my dd for a day (we took kids to a museum) and dd never asked about him after that.

This guy IS very different from the ones Ive met before.....and we ARE officially boyfriend/girlfriend....I don't know...he feels right enough for him to meet my kids officially. You just have to go with your gut instinct. Like DarkJoy has mentioned before there are merits to having your SO meet your kids sooner rather than later.

Oh, SO did tell me he briefly dated a woman whose 13yr old son hated him being around. The boy asked him to leave one evening and his Mother didn't stop him. He offered to talk through the problem but the Mother didn't seem to care. Seems like the son had behaviour issues anyway and probably took after the Mum!! He said she once cooked dinner and she invited him round. When he got there, they had finished eating and she said there wasn't any for him. Lots of little incidents like that to make him feel like an outsider so I think concerns are to be had on both sides of the fence.
 
aprils13

My daughter met my SO when she was 3yo. We went to a Children's Museum, dinner and walk in our downtown area. I don't remember how I explained it to her but I thought it would be easier to make in a fun outing. It went well.

An outing with the kids sound like a good idea. He has a daughter same age as ds. I'll bring it up and see what he says.
 
I'm not at this stage yet but I like the idea of some kind of outing for the kids to meet a SO if they are younger. Mine are 17,15 & 9 so I dont know how we would do it if I get to that stage with the guy I'm dating.

He has a 12 year old daughter and we are both conservative when it comes to this. I told him I'm not even sure when I would feel comfortable....and he said around 6 months. I think if you have adequate time to see each other there isn't a rush but if putting it off is making it hard to spend time then it becomes necessary to introduce them. I'm fortunate in that even though our custody weekends are opposite, mine are with their dad a week at a time so we are able to get in weekday dates.
 
My teens pretty much can tell when I meet someone new. I usually tell my girls bc no matter how much privacy I seek they stay being nosy.

The guy I dated last year had two older kids and they knew he had a gf bc he told them as well.

I will continue to keep it that way but eventually they would meet him.
 
My girl is young. I have brief meets if I think it may be serious early on. I know many non single moms (and some single ones) believe kids should not meet a SO until a ring. I think that could be disastrous. Say you invested 2 years and the kid/s hate him or vice versa? What if he is just not great around children? What if after marriage you find he is abusive to kids? We read it in the news all the time :nono:. Also, he could be great around HIS kids but those are his flesh and blood. But what of potential stepchildren?

And on the flipside, what if you and his kids (if he has any) hate each other from jump but didn't realize tht until you met them a year or two down the road?

Irl, ive seen it played out both ways...

Matter of fact the teen across the street asked to live with her father last month whom shes been indifferent to and doesn't really know because she doesn't like moms new man (but she adores her dad's new live in baby mama :perplexed:)

Anywho, if things are successful, early meets may make the marriage and blended household transition easier since lots of kinks may already have been ironed out over a year and a half for example.

My kid's like or dislike of an SO will make or break the relationship with him. So best to do the assessment early and in short bursts (for me). If I am still unmarried when she's a teen I'd still handle it the same.
 
My girl is young. I have brief meets if I think it may be serious early on. I know many non single moms (and some single ones) believe kids should not meet a SO until a ring. I think that could be disastrous. Say you invested 2 years and the kid/s hate him or vice versa? What if he is just not great around children? What if after marriage you find he is abusive to kids? We read it in the news all the time :nono:. Also, he could be great around HIS kids but those are his flesh and blood. But what of potential stepchildren?

And on the flipside, what if you and his kids (if he has any) hate each other from jump but didn't realize tht until you met them a year or two down the road?

Irl, ive seen it played out both ways...

Matter of fact the teen across the street asked to live with her father last month whom shes been indifferent to and doesn't really know because she doesn't like moms new man (but she adores her dad's new live in baby mama :perplexed:)

Anywho, if things are successful, early meets may make the marriage and blended household transition easier since lots of kinks may already have been ironed out over a year and a half for example.

My kid's like or dislike of an SO will make or break the relationship with him. So best to do the assessment early and in short bursts (for me). If I am still unmarried when she's a teen I'd still handle it the same.

Yes, I feel the exact same way.
 
My girl is young. I have brief meets if I think it may be serious early on. I know many non single moms (and some single ones) believe kids should not meet a SO until a ring. I think that could be disastrous. Say you invested 2 years and the kid/s hate him or vice versa? What if he is just not great around children? What if after marriage you find he is abusive to kids? We read it in the news all the time :nono:. Also, he could be great around HIS kids but those are his flesh and blood. But what of potential stepchildren?

And on the flipside, what if you and his kids (if he has any) hate each other from jump but didn't realize tht until you met them a year or two down the road?

Irl, ive seen it played out both ways...

Matter of fact the teen across the street asked to live with her father last month whom shes been indifferent to and doesn't really know because she doesn't like moms new man (but she adores her dad's new live in baby mama :perplexed:)

Anywho, if things are successful, early meets may make the marriage and blended household transition easier since lots of kinks may already have been ironed out over a year and a half for example.

My kid's like or dislike of an SO will make or break the relationship with him. So best to do the assessment early and in short bursts (for me). If I am still unmarried when she's a teen I'd still handle it the same.

Good points DarkJoy. I'm not as extreme as waiting for an engagement ring, even though I'd prob love to hold off as long as possible, I know it's not practical. I think there is a happy medium somewhere in there for me.

As far as what if they don't get along, relationships can change over time, sometimes a stepfather or boyfriend is introduced and things go well until adolescence, or things start out rocky and get better as the child matures...also depends on what role that person is going to play in the child's life, fill in dad? Fellow disciplinarian? Friend/Uncle like role? I've seen it play out in diff ways in blended families.
 
Question....would you buy a gift for children you've never met?
The mother of SO's kids is being extremely difficult and is making contact almost impossible for him. He is praying that he gets to have them for a few days over the holidays but it's not certain. He really wants me to meet them if he has them.

Should I buy gifts (token ones)? They are twins aged 9 - boy and a girl.
 
^Is he buying gifts for yours?

I would ask him how he feels about it and be sure it's something they would like.
 
^Is he buying gifts for yours?

I would ask him how he feels about it and be sure it's something they would like.

Not sure...he hasn't said. I guess I could always wait and get something if I need to. I was just thinking/wanting to be prepared.
 
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