***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

[MzLady78]

all i need is a hug and i can't even get that. smh. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't hurting.

I'm sorry.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

It's crazy that you posted this, I'm feeling the same way today. I guess maybe because this is the day me and T were supposed to hang, but instead I'm here watch "The Temptations" for the 1,874,400th time. I know I'm saving myself a lot of frustration in long run by leaving that situation alone, however, I still feel a little disappointed.

But you are not defective, so get that thought out of your head immediately! The dating world just sucks. I mean, we're on opposite sides of the globe and running in to the same bs, that's saying something.

You are fabulous, and don't ever believe anything different.

I guess by defective i meant something about me, my personality, could be my weight is turning guys off (i'm about 20lbs heavier than i should be), my attitude, something is not appealing. Maybe i have some working on myself to do. It just sucks you know?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

MzL what state are you in?

 

[MzLady78]

I guess by defective i meant something about me, my personality, could be my weight is turning guys off (i'm about 20lbs heavier than i should be), my attitude, something is not appealing. Maybe i have some working on myself to do. It just sucks you know?

Yeah, I hear you. I have a different problem, though. I get approached plenty, I just can't seem to keep a guy's interest for too long.

MzL what state are you in?

I'm in MA. You're in CA, right?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Dang! You allll the way over there. Shoot! I think a trip to somewhere nice is in order even if just for the weekend.

 

[frostydoll]

all i need is a hug and i can't even get that. smh. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't hurting.

That is seriously a horrible feeling

 

[chocolat79]

I'm lonely. I'm so tired of having no real prospects. I'm not understanding why everyone else in my immediate circle is maried or about to get engaged etc. I have been single for eight years. Maybe I am truly defective. I see no other reason at this point. I must be the problem. I'm feeling pretty defeated today. I know that I am attractive to guys here and there but if I'm not ever approached what difference does it make? This sucks.

Trust me, it's not you! I can't really offer any other words of wisdom without coming off as patronizing, because I'm single and sort of in the same boat and USED to feel the same way. But I refuse to believe it! There can't be this many beautiful, Black women who are single and me believe that it is us, it's them (men). So just hang in there, fill your calendar with as much stuff as you can and have fun doing things YOU want to do. I know how you feel. Anymore of this post and I'm going to get on a soapbox. You're gorgeous and a WORTHY man will see and appreciate that.

 

[chocolat79]

I guess by defective i meant something about me, my personality, could be my weight is turning guys off (i'm about 20lbs heavier than i should be), my attitude, something is not appealing. Maybe i have some working on myself to do. It just sucks you know?

I'm sorry, one more thing and this came from Bunny77, so I can't take ANY credit. But someone was saying something similar to what you said and she said that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with her. And that statement was the watershed for me. When I'm feeling some kind of way about being single, I just remember that statement and I'm good. There is only so much "working on" one can do. I'm not "working on" myself anymore. Yes, there are things to tweak and I can improve on, of course, but not in the sense of completely changing. It's not me and it's not you either! You're in Cali, MsLady78 is in MA, and I'm in ATL, and we've all had the same problems or are having them now, so it can't be that. OK, I'm done. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you.

And trust me, 20lbs is not holding you back. Ok, I'm really done now. LOL

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Thank you choclat .

So where does this leave us single women that are in our situation? Just waiting and waiting. I am afraid that at this rate I will look up and be 45 and be in this same slump.

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

What's the ratio of women to men in Los Angeles?? I'm seriously thinking it's 5 to 1. Every man I know, has 4-5 women they are in relationships and those women are all faithful to them..

 

[abcd09]

 

[Lynnerie]

When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.

 

[chocolat79]

Thank you choclat .

So where does this leave us single women that are in our situation? Just waiting and waiting. I am afraid that at this rate I will look up and be 45 and be in this same slump.

LOL...actually good question. My friend in NJ and I discuss this ad nauseum. Trust me when I tell you that, LOL. But, I think the short version we came up with is kind of a combination of things and they can be done simultaneously, linked, or however you want to do it.

1) One thing we decided is change the game a little.

2) Find another way around to get what you want and do what others are not. This post will be too long to post here. But let's just say one of my patients (married WM) tried to hook me up with one of his associates. I'll PM the rest, if you're interested, just let me know.

3) Be ok with being single (even if just for now). Now, I KNOW that's not what you want to hear. But sometimes you have to be thankful for what you do have. Ex. I have a GREAT single life. I have friends (male and female) who care about me and would do anything for me. I have a great family, home, job and life. I can travel when I want, go where/when I want, buy what I want, and do what I want to do when I want to do it without excess drama or worrying about someone else. Yes, I'd like to be married or in a LTR, but I REALLY am ok with being single. I'm still looking, but I'm still ok single. My mom (who's been married 35 years) basically said that you can be happy, single or married, and you can also be unhappy, single or married. It just depends on what you choose and how it works out for you. So right now, I'm choosing to be happy and single until happy and married comes along. I won't settle for unhappy and married or single for that matter.

4) Be open. Expand your dating pool. Not only with regards to race/ethnicity, but also perhaps with age or whatever you THINK you want. A lot of times, mates do not come in the packages we envision.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'd love to hear the rest of what you have to offer Choclat. I will pm you this evening.

On another note - He has pulled back through. i'm just going to sit back and see what his next move is.

 

[gabulldawg]

Ugh. I am really not in the mood for an attitude.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Can't wait for Mr. Deliciousness to come back from Cali...






And then it'll take me at least several weeks AGAIN before I can even be bothered to look at or deal with another man again... UGH!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Sooo...about 15 to 16 years later, you suddenly think I'm hot and would love to take me out when you get back to the states?

Um...nah, not so sure about that. Especially since you're one of the MAIN DUDES responsible for giving me my issues about men in the first place!

 

[hopeful]

I'm lonely. I'm so tired of having no real prospects. I'm not understanding why everyone else in my immediate circle is maried or about to get engaged etc. I have been single for eight years. Maybe I am truly defective. I see no other reason at this point. I must be the problem. I'm feeling pretty defeated today. I know that I am attractive to guys here and there but if I'm not ever approached what difference does it make? This sucks.

There is nothing wrong with you. We all have areas in our life where we don't excel or feel successful. This your problem area. Most people have a problem that they can't seem to fix. I hope things work out for you eventually but trust me my dear, you are fabulous.

 

[BellaLunie]

I feel like crying but can't. I finally was going to put my guard down for you. Is everything you said a lie? You haven't changed at all. I don't even want to talk to you or see you when you get in town. Lose my number I'm done with you

 

[kandake]

Oh my (Sorry so long)

So this morning as I'm walking from the train to my office building a guy approached me. He said hi how are you and I responded. We were walking in the same direction so we continued to walk and talk.

Anywho, as I get to my building he asks for my number. I say no. He persists, but I'm still a little apprehensive. I ask him for his card so that I can get to work cause I was already late. He doesn't have a card so he asks me to take his number. I'm getting more irritated, but I just take the number so I can go.

When I get upstairs I start to think about it some more and decided that I don't have any prospects because I'm always turning down men for random reasons. So... I give him a call hoping that his voicemail picks up so I could make sure he had my number and suggest that he give me a call sometime. Strange I know, but I wanted to put the ball back in his court.

Looooong story short. I just got a text from this fool that says "Hello sexy tea lady how u feeling @ this moment baby... n thanks for the number" I'm so disgusted right now and regretful that I actually gave that fool my number. I should have followed my first mind. What's wrong with men these days.

Oh and the tea reference was because I had some sweet tea from McDonalds.

Thanks for reading

 

[CarolinaGal]

I now completely understand what is meant by "he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing." When a man is ready, he will actively pursue finding a wife. So, to my prince charming, I'm glad that we have reconnected after all these years. We'll see where this goes....

 

[Dee_33]

I'm loving my dating life these days . Finally over the ex that I thought I'd never get over . Loving talking to and spending time with the new prospects .

 

[HoneyA]

I refuse to give my number to anyone else. I end up being stalked. Tell me why he has called me like 20 times since I gave him my number on Thursday and showed up at my door unannounced. He lives really close. That's it, I'm going into shut down mode now. I start off semi attracted and in a few days, they kill it for me. Stop calling me, leave me alone.

 

[KPH]

So ladies, i told you all abou hog maw man... (to bad, he's such a nice looking guy and worked for NASA, retired now). He calls me Sunday with another menu offer
him: hey kph
me: yes
him: you eat fish
me: yes
him: well, i got some fish i'm gonna cook with some beans (forgot what kind because they didn't go with fish) and some rice
me: i'm working on an assignment, i'll call you back

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Kph what is wrong with how maw man? Fill me in. He sounds nice.

In other news mr man and I had a great convo yesterday so we are just taking it day by day

 

[daydreem2876]

Dear, Dear R,
Get over yourself, hun. I know you are feeling a little insecure but the man likes you. LET HIM. I know you are a wash and wear kind of girl and he is definitely a pretty boy, but he keeps calling and wanting to go out with you. So buck up, buy a dress and some lip gloss (keep the flip flips and the irish nachos) and enjoy thie ride

Luv ya,
daydreem

 

[DayStar]

Its not even two whole months and we are talking about marriage seriously. I have a skroooooonnnng feeling I will be wed soon

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

There is nothing wrong with you. We all have areas in our life where we don't excel or feel successful. This your problem area. Most people have a problem that they can't seem to fix. I hope things work out for you eventually but trust me my dear, you are fabulous.

Thank you Hopeful

I guess i'm just trying to get a handle on why i'm still single after almost 8 years. Is it what i'm working with? Is it the men in the area? Where is the disconnect. I don't get it.

I wish i had a way to get out more and meet folks. I need to get in to some type of hobby.

 

[yeahisaidit]

**Jazmine Sullivan voice**

I'm in loooooovvvvveeeee with someone else... And I'm so sorry.

 

[LivingDol1]

I have a date tonight. I haven't had a decent date in years. I'm kind of excited about it. wasn't exactly expecting to be going on a date. it's hard out there to meet nice guys so I've had low expectations and uhhh... yeah, just living life and working on myself.

what the hell am I gonna wear??