***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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@nychaelasymone Oh, so it' Cali....so that's where I need to move.:grin: My ego has been pumped ever since. Hmm, so next vacation: Cali! :lol:

Yes, go on vacay for a 3-5 days and you will leave feeling like a new person. I'm planning to go for my Bday alone!!!! I always feel peaceful and happy there and the people there are simply refreshing.....I'm not on the market but if I was....Cali would be my first stop!!! Plus if you aren't closed to interracial dating...you will have a BALL!!!!! Cali..girl...it's Cali!!!!
 
Is it too early to text you? I know you're probably getting ready for work but I miss you!

Sent from my pretty red Inspire, excuse the typos!
 
I feel our bond strengthening as we talk about being husband and wife and what it means to us. I love how your started your text the other morning..."my lover, my best friend, my wife to be, my everything..."

I never told you but I floated on air the whole day...

I love how after a year or so, we can still get caught up on the phone for 5+ hours. I just love you.
 
Today is a bad day. :(

I miss him so much. The thought of never seeing him again makes me wanna cry, which I'm trying to keep myself from doing at this very moment.
 
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so, I've been questioning my experiences with guys when I have felt that we've had "chemistry." I rarely feel "drawn" to people-- but it definitely gives me pause to realize that the people I've been *most* "drawn to" in the past few years have turned out to be charmers and manipulators.
So, it can't just be "chemistry." I must be buying and responding to their charmer vibes, NOT being pulled by something magnetic... no, nothing magnetic. Just manipulation. But I don't know why I responded to those guys and not to the others who have tried. What is it about them? what was it about me in that moment?


Some days I think it's an incredible tragedy that I was so duped by my ex. I was so guarded before him, and being guarded kept me safe. With him, and with everything he used to tell me, I started doubting the need to be so guarded. He would tell me that things would have moved so much faster and smoother with us if I hadn't been so cautious. He saw my cautiousness as immature and irrational. He would say that I didn't have enough experience to know a good thing even when it was in front of me. I internalized those comments.

(Looking back, maybe my spirit was just resisting... I always had a slight unease and couldn't always put my finger on it.)


It's a tragedy to work so hard at opening up your heart to someone, and then to discover that while they were loving you, they were lying to you, manipulating you, etc. I doubted myself a lot while with him, and I still doubt myself now after him... and the reason is that I told myself that I wouldn't be so guarded anymore, believing what he told me about that being immature and irrational.

Yet, since we've broken up, being open with other people has made me feel unsafe. I think I spent a few months seeking out emotional affection from guys who would come into my life. I was doing that, believing my ex when he told me that, had I been more open in the beginning of our relationship, that his affection and commitment would have come quicker. But would it have been genuine? Lies.

I am so rambling right now. Aunt Flo is in town, and she makes me chatty.

I am happy to have reached this impasse. I am questioning "chemistry" as the driver behind my relationships, and looking more deeply at compatibility on other levels.
It's not enough to just be "drawn" to someone, and for that reason to agree to a date with them. I've been "drawn" to more jerks than good guys. That should tell me something.

I am realizing that it takes a while to get to know someone to even assess basic compatibility--- the kind of compatibility that would help me decide whether this is someone to even go out with in the first place.

One of my issues is that I don't call people out on their stuff quickly enough. I get the thought, but I don't voice it. But... maybe I don't have to voice anything. I should just disappear at the first offense or the first inkling of shadiness or manipulative charm and not say a word.
 
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Today is a bad day. :(

I miss him so much. The thought of never seeing him again makes me wanna cry, which I'm trying to keep myself from doing at this very moment.

It's going to get better. Just give it time. And I know that is easier said than done, but it really does get better. :hug2: If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since the two of you parted ways?
 
get a calendar and mark off each day that you get through. that helped me a lot.

Maybe I'll try that.

It's going to get better. Just give it time. And I know that is easier said than done, but it really does get better. :hug2: If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since the two of you parted ways?

Well, we haven't seen each other in a month, but about 2 weeks ago, we established that this situation isn't working. We've still been communicating, which is know is bad and part of the problem. So I guess we haven't technically parted ways yet, at least not completely.

I was hoping that if I just did what I said I was gonna do and just focused on myself and my goals that that would be enough and I wouldn't have to completely remove him from my life. But it's not working.

This is such a no brainer and it drives me insane that this is even an issue. But it's like he has some kind of hold on me. I've never experienced anything like this before.
 
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Maybe I'll try that.



Well, we haven't seen each other in a month, but about 2 weeks ago, we established that this situation isn't working. We've still been communicating, which is know is bad and part of the problem. So I guess we haven't technically parted ways yet, at least not completely.

I was hoping that if I just did what I said I was gonna do and just focused on myself and my goals that that would be enough and I wouldn't have to completely remove him from my life. But it's not working.

This is such a no brainer and it drives me insane that this is even an issue. But it's like he has some kind of hold on me. I've never experienced anything like this before.

:bighug: So sorry you're going through this.

The only way to get over someone who has a hold on you like that is to avoid all contact with them. It's really the only way to heal and move on. Trust me. I know. You'll get through this, though; nothing lasts forever, even when it seems like it.
 
:bighug: So sorry you're going through this.

The only way to get over someone who has a hold on you like that is to avoid all contact with them. It's really the only way to heal and move on. Trust me. I know. You'll get through this, though; nothing lasts forever, even when it seems like it.

I know. It's just so hard. He's been a part of my every day life for over a year now.
 
Went to lunch with Zdubs and two of his friends (both single) today. One was a math major and very cute and well spoken. :yep: Zdubs and I ended up having a 15 minute conversation while the other two got their food. He asked me (again!) if I've decided where I'm going to apply for professional school. I told him I hadn't and he told me to hurry up and choose before my parents kick me out! I asked him about what sports he liked to play and he asked about my family. I started to beg off with "it's kind of a long story" and he was like "I don't have anywhere else to go" which was kind of :ohwell:. I mean, you asked me. It was a chill convo but it still doesn't make up for the fact that I stinkin' hate him right now though because he has a better grade than me in biochemistry. :nono:
 
Since last week, I have been so excited to see him when he gets home from work. The same feeling I had when we first started dating where I couldn't wait for him to fly in for the weekend. Actually, now that I think about it, all of the feelings I had back then have resurfaced...butterflies in my stomach, the touchy feelyness, me wanting to crack jokes on him to make him laugh, jumping when he grabs my butt...this is weird.

Maybe it's my increased intake of chocolate milk that's causing all of this.
 
HAIRapy

Wait what happened? I wanted to respond but I was on this site on my iPad and still wasn't used to the typing. Hope you get everything figured out and do what is best for you =)
 
We had such a good weekend together. There were highs and lows but overall it was one of the best times we've had together. It was the perfect mix of being silly and being passionate of being active and just chilling. I thought I loved him on Saturday but I changed my mind.
 
I have a strong personality but your personality is even stronger. So much that it overwhelms me and I really dont know how to act. Why am I the older one yet I feel like a student? *sigh* I keep trying to be myself but you're making it hard. I don't know why I can't get comfortable around you. This is unusual for me.
 
Tonight, I went out with a male friend to grab some hot choc after work. It was strange, bc I didn't know the purpose of this meeting. We are former coworkers, and he was recently involved with a female coworker (whom I'm closer to, compared to him). They had a short, non-serious relationship, and decided to call things off less than 2 weeks ago.

Given some of the comments that my female friend has made in the past about me and him having a lot in common (and other uncomfortable statements like that), I wasn't sure what this sudden suggestion to hang out one-on-one would be about.

Well, it was very awkward. I let him bring up the fact that they'd broken up (he initiated it, according to him... but that's not what I heard:lol:). So, I was like: how do you feel? do you wanna talk about it?... Basically, I'm trying to figure out why he and I are in a coffeeshop together alone, without any of the other people we usually hang out.

Granted, he and I email fairly frequently sometimes... mostly sharing articles about topics that interest us both. And I do really enjoy getting his perspective on things, and he taught me how to fish and chop wood a few months back:lol:, but all this in the company of his girlfriend/our mutual friend, who did not partake in those activities.

Anyway, it could not have been a date in his mind. By those standards, it was a bad one:look: Was it to get to know each other better? If so, why? and even then, he wasn't driving the conversation enough. There were a few awkward silences, and I was thinking to myself: :confused: this wouldn't be like this if I knew why I'm here!:nono:

We talked about politics, long-term goals, and he offered to have me and my sister dine with him for Thanksgiving, and we talked about some other random stuff. All without a direction.

This is the 2nd such meeting with a guy in the past 2 weeks. I don't know what to make of this.
 
So I friend you on FB, and now you hug me every time you see me. Huh. I didn't know we knew each other like that, but apparently we do. *shrugs*
 
So that plastic surgery resident my friend was trying to hook me up with? no bueno :nono:

Turns out I didn't totally turn him off with my callous, heartless humor and we actually exchanged numbers, but I am NOT following up with him. I just thank God for my nosey and very investigative nature cuz I found out some really interesting things about him via my sources, and this dude has completely been downgraded in my mind. Like he is not even cuff buddy material :lol:

The funny thing is I think I could sense something because I never even saved his number even though he gave it to me. I just forgot lol. And I think I'm gonna leave it like that. He hit me up, but I'm not responding LOL. I'm just gonna let it die out.

But these guys are falling off like flies.... the way its going, it doesn't even look like anyone's gonna make it into the holiday season :lol:
 
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