My Stay-at-home Wife Wants To Hire A Cleaning Person. Why Can't She Clean?

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Maybe she means deep cleaning because the cleaning services I know will not clean up after you. What I mean is paper, clothes, and general clutter would be overlooked but the floors, mirrors, windows, toilets, showers, and tubs would be cleaned. Furniture would be cleaned but if there was junk there then the cleaning might get ignored. So essentially you would have to move your junk first, if you want the full cleaning service.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

This reminds me I need to find a new cleaning lady.

 

[Theresamonet]

Maybe she means deep cleaning because the cleaning services I know will not clean up after you. What I mean is paper, clothes, and general clutter would be overlooked but the floors, mirrors, windows, toilets, showers, and tubs would be cleaned. Furniture would be cleaned but if there was junk there then the cleaning might get ignored. So essentially you would have to move your junk first, if you want the full cleaning service.

Most cleaning services will do whatever you want, you just have to pay extra for it.

 

[hothair]

She can have some one come in once a week to deep clean and do laundry and then she can maintain just the kitchen during the week. The kid is in pre school for at least 4 hrs in the morning. Even men with money like to see a little wife skills once in awhile. Having a chef is nice but cook for him at least once or twice a week. It will get you very far. You have to lie your way into creating value in his eyes. Otherwise some useless chick with nothing to offer will lie her way into creating value in his eyes.

Then let him go please.

Most men I know that grabbed second wives those wives get benefits the first can only imagine including help at home.

I proudly outsource everything I can.

Dh loves to see me domestic I can pick up after him if he joins in and I make the meals but prep has to be done for me. He knows I can do housework but I'm not spending all my time keeping house when I detest house chores and can afford to give someone employment.

When we married his sisters and mum tried to make a fuss that I had a steward.

His mother was a housewife for 3 decades whose husband married a younger woman that cannot boil rice/ keep house so no thanks.

His sisters try with all the house stuff one's husband is notorious for sleeping with the sort of bum women you'd be shocked a man with sense would approach.

Sufferhead is not my portion please.

 

[OhTall1]

Maybe she means deep cleaning because the cleaning services I know will not clean up after you. What I mean is paper, clothes, and general clutter would be overlooked but the floors, mirrors, windows, toilets, showers, and tubs would be cleaned. Furniture would be cleaned but if there was junk there then the cleaning might get ignored. So essentially you would have to move your junk first, if you want the full cleaning service.

You're essentially describing the difference between a house cleaning service and having a house keeper.

 

[IslandMummy]

My cleaning lady got a full time job at Uber, I am looking for recommendations!

Check out Amazon

 

[IslandMummy]

Then let him go please.

Most men I know that grabbed second wives those wives get benefits the first can only imagine including help at home.

I proudly outsource everything I can.

Dh loves to see me domestic I can pick up after him if he joins in and I make the meals but prep has to be done for me. He knows I can do housework but I'm not spending all my time keeping house when I detest house chores and can afford to give someone employment.

When we married his sisters and mum tried to make a fuss that I had a steward.

His mother was a housewife for 3 decades whose husband married a younger woman that cannot boil rice/ keep house so no thanks.

His sisters try with all the house stuff one's husband is notorious for sleeping with the sort of bum women you'd be shocked a man with sense would approach.

Sufferhead is not my portion please.

Thank you. If all it takes for my husband to leave me is the fact that I don't want to clean then good day sir. I will go find a new husband. Bloodclaat.

 

[hopeful]

Then let him go please.

Most men I know that grabbed second wives those wives get benefits the first can only imagine including help at home.

I proudly outsource everything I can.

Dh loves to see me domestic I can pick up after him if he joins in and I make the meals but prep has to be done for me. He knows I can do housework but I'm not spending all my time keeping house when I detest house chores and can afford to give someone employment.

When we married his sisters and mum tried to make a fuss that I had a steward.

His mother was a housewife for 3 decades whose husband married a younger woman that cannot boil rice/ keep house so no thanks.

His sisters try with all the house stuff one's husband is notorious for sleeping with the sort of bum women you'd be shocked a man with sense would approach.

Sufferhead is not my portion please.

This was a lovely post. Women fall in love with men who can't fix cars or won't mow the lawn. And men love and appreciate women who can't or don't cook and clean. Cooking and cleaning are not automatic female or wife duties. It doesn't HAVE to be that way. It's 2017. All kinds of combinations work. It's really a matter of finding a good match for you.

 

[ladysaraii]

Thank you. If all it takes for my husband to leave me is the fact that I don't want to clean then good day sir. I will go find a new husband. Bloodclaat.

This was a lovely post. Women fall in love with men who can't fix cars or won't mow the lawn. And men love and appreciate women who can't or don't cook and clean. Cooking and cleaning are not automatic female or wife duties. It doesn't HAVE to be that way. It's 2017. All kinds of combinations work. It's really a matter of finding a good match for you.

Thank you!

Any guy who gets his jollies off watching his wife clean is not the man for me, plain and simple

 

[sgold04]

I've always wondered why Americans (in general) are opposed to women/mothers having help. In the Caribbean (countries I've lived in anyway) it seems to be more common for middle class + to have house keepers than not have them, no matter the wife's employment status. And let's not talk about having a nanny, you'd think U.S moms were abandoning their kids at gas stations by having an extra pair of eyes and hands around.

 

[movingforward13]

That wasn't agreed upon before her deciding to become a sahm though. I still don't see why she can't do some regular cleaning with one child and I think that's what her husband is seeing too. $65-$100 weekly is clearly not a drop in the bucket for them though they can afford it. I could afford to buy lunch everyday but I don't *shrug*

Yeahhh, I agree--- why pay $100 per week if you don't need to. I can find other things to do with $400 a month.

However, I can't say too much because my adopted mom has a housekeeper that comes twice a week. They can afford it, they do it, and she works VERY part time on various boards non profits and is more or less a "socialite" (they are white). Her kids are grown, which is part of the reason why we met, and the grandchildren don't live close. She "could" clean but she doesn't. I don't know who officially pays the housekeeper but I think she does.
So I just see both POVs. As long as the husband and wife are in agreement- then whatever. They aren't in agreement- they need some counseling (in my opinion). He is picking out things to be resentful about and that's where it starts.

 

[movingforward13]

I need more information. They didn't have a cleaning lady when both of them were working full time. I can see why adding an expense for something they did themselves could be an issue.

I agree- maybe if she paid the cleaning lady herself with whatever money she makes then that could shut him up.

 

[movingforward13]

This is why I will be sure to let any prospects know up front that we're getting a cleaning service.

I am following your lead. I want a house cleaner my damn self now.

 

[movingforward13]

I probably wouldn't ask to have someone deep clean every 2 weeks or so. Shes probably making it look easy and he thinks she wants to be lazy.

Part of me thinks when men squabble like this sometimes it's because they are dipping out or stepping out with a career woman, so his wife's requests are a nuisance. The type that would yell....well when you earn the money you decide what we do with it as his money is for what he values. He clearly doesnt value her contributions or he/his type wouldn't minimize them.

We are here ><
When men start cheating- everything you DO is wrong. You can't even breathe correctly... But Susan though--- she is so different

 

[C@ssandr@]

This was a lovely post. Women fall in love with men who can't fix cars or won't mow the lawn. And men love and appreciate women who can't or don't cook and clean. Cooking and cleaning are not automatic female or wife duties. It doesn't HAVE to be that way. It's 2017. All kinds of combinations work. It's really a matter of finding a good match for you.

True. My brother is the primary breadwinner and family cook. His wife doesn't have to work, but runs a dance company. They have two toddlers. This has been working for them. Idk who cleans but their "non traditional" arrangement works.

 

[Curly1908]

Her child is 4-years-old, not an infant or a toddler. And she has only one. He's an attorney, not Bill Gates. She sounds extremely lazy. She either needs to get back into the working world or fulfill her SAHW duties.

 

[PrissiSippi]

She's a sahm though not only a sahw. Secondly I don't see why she cannot do regular cleaning. Is he making a boatload of money? Are the living on a mansion? Simply affording to do something doesn't necessarily mean that one should budget it in. At the end of the day they are living in a one salary household with one able bodied spouse at home. I can understand her having someone to deep clean a couple times for the year but I'm sure she should be able to handle regular maintenance.

The perk of having a wife stay at home is that you have someone home that can tend to it. Which is more important: her part time volunteer work or her home. Cleanliness is godliness and I feel if she is a stay at home mother the house will NOT be spotless because she has a preschooler but she should have at least 1-2 hours each day to devote to housework. Plus children pick up on what they see. Her children will subconsciously pick up on this bad habit. I would be mindful of this if I were her.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Why can't he clean when he gets home?

I also like how he says that she has 'no professional responsibilities' other than some part time work. Apparently since she is a SAHW/SAHM , her value as a professional person went down in his eyes.

Man, she is taking care and nurturing your child. She should get anything that she wants that will help her do that. And I don't hear him talking about what he does when he is home to try to make her life easier. He should stay home with his child for a month and do the cooking and cleaning and everything else his wife does before he fixes his mouth to say that she doesn't need any help.

I assume that they talked about this before she got pregnant but maybe not.

If I was a man I wish I would clean up for you after working a long 9 to 5 AND giving you the luxury to stay at home and nurture our home. A person is beat down tired after work. Ain't nobody got time to go to work and do a full time job and then do another one when they get home. That's the reason why ole girl is staying home.

Dude works hard so she doesn't have to professionally speaking. I'm return she should keep the house clean. Maybe not spotless but at least clean.

Her value as a professional person didn't go down the drain but I do feel he works hard so she shouldn't have to BUT she should tend to her home including cleaning because that is her job.

My coworker's wife is a SAHW. They have no children. She does not clean, he always brings in salad and a tomato and smoked chicken to eat so I assume she does not cook and his clothes always wrinkled. I'm like dannnnng what in the world do you do all day. It takes literally 2-3 hours for me to cook, clean if it was already pretty clean before, wash a load of clothes, and then start my day. I feel it's a waste when you choose to stay at home AND not nurture your home.

 

[Ivonnovi]

It's hard to pass judgment on this (with out knowing how clean the house usually is). Unfortunately we don't know what the woman's skill levels are, and/or what their baseline idea of clean is. If for the most part the house regularly looks like the examples below with one Toddler, it's obvious that the wife(and or both) is very much disinterested in "chores"; translation...I mean NOT lifting a finger to keep the place up.

OR THIS

and she's saying that she's too busy taking care of the Toddler....THEN I AM 100% WITH HIM. Afterall there is no reason for the place to look like this everyday.

 

[andromeda]

I've always wondered why Americans (in general) are opposed to women/mothers having help. In the Caribbean (countries I've lived in anyway) it seems to be more common for middle class + to have house keepers than not have them, no matter the wife's employment status. And let's not talk about having a nanny, you'd think U.S moms were abandoning their kids at gas stations by having an extra pair of eyes and hands around.

Higher cost of living and standards for those doing the cleaning = more expensive to have house help. And for those of us who like to pretend like we're not classist, outsourcing certain things offends sensibilities.

I'm a single woman and there have been periods of time where I had a cleaning woman, so I don't see the problem. this man sounds insufferable

 

[Zaynab]

It's hard to pass judgment on this. Unfortunately we don't know what the woman's skill levels are, and/or what their baseline idea is. If for the most part the house looks like this:

OR THIS

and she's saying that she's too busy taking care of the Toddler....THEN I AM 100% WITH HIM. Afterall there is no reason for the place to look like this everyday.

I would pass out. My OCD can't take it

 

[fula97]

It's hard to pass judgment on this. Unfortunately we don't know what the woman's skill levels are, and/or what their baseline idea is. If for the most part the house looks like this:

OR THIS

and she's saying that she's too busy taking care of the Toddler....THEN I AM 100% WITH HIM. Afterall there is no reason for the place to look like this everyday.

No it's easy to pass judgement on that. It's straight up nasty, and unacceptable.

Do I think there is a baseline of cleanliness everyone should have, yes. Even with a cleaning service that doesn't mean you wallow in filth until they come. THere are things that are going to have to done daily by everyone in the house. but I don't like to clean and am not spending hrs daily doing it, and the bigger the house there is no way I'm mopping/sweeping a 3,4+thousand square ft house daily.

Kids can and should pick up after themselves. Nor am I picking up clothing you want to drop everywhere when you come in. It's just as easy to drop it in a hamper

You still have to cook, grocery shop, do things at kids school, take care of finances, exercise and when kids get older plan their activities and how they are getting there. Something needs to give. And if we can afford it we are getting a cleaning service

 

[Ivonnovi]

@Zaynab and @fula97

I will clarify myself in the earlier post and ...in this one too.

Y'all & I are >.< on the examples I provided.
I DID NOT MEAN to convey that I wasn't passing judgement on the pictures, I MEANT that I wasn't passing judgement on the guy with out knowing more about WHAT he's objecting too.

AS IN IF his house looked like the examples I provided, it would be clear to even Stevie Wonder that his DW isn't even trying; hiring a cleaning person would be (IMHO) akin to enabling laziness and neglect.
If this is the way the house looks on the regular with one Toddler, it's obvious that the wife(and or both) is very much disinterested in "chores"; translation...I mean lifting a finger to keep the place up.
​

 

[LiftedUp]

I've always wondered why Americans (in general) are opposed to women/mothers having help. In the Caribbean (countries I've lived in anyway) it seems to be more common for middle class + to have house keepers than not have them, no matter the wife's employment status. And let's not talk about having a nanny, you'd think U.S moms were abandoning their kids at gas stations by having an extra pair of eyes and hands around.

I agree, we had a housekeeper and nanny growing up and will hire them myself because I intend on continue working. But to be fair, my both parents worked. The only situations I know where the wife is a SAHW with a housekeeper is if it's an elderly couple or they're extremely rich not just "can afford". I grew up in a middle class household and nowhere have I seen a SAHW/M with a housekeeper. Maybe with more than 1 child she may have a cleaning service or an ironer otherwise . Oh we had a driver for school pick ups too

 

[andromeda]

I'm a fan of at home with Nikki and somehow ended up on design on a dime's channel on her cleaning routine video (I think she's a sahm with 2-3 kids). That ish was exhausting to watch. And she was keeping it lite at 1 hr/day. Nah. Nope.

 

[momi]

My wife stays home with our preschooler and is a great mom to her. Other than some part-time volunteer work, she has no professional responsibilities although she was an attorney like me before. Now she wants to get has hired a cleaning person.

Who gone check me boo?

This is why all SAHM(W)'s should have full access to all household funds. While he may be the only one leaving the home to work her contribution allows him to work carefree and unencumbered - so essentially when he goes to work she does too. #teamwork

 

[Fine 4s]

Why do I hear women say I cook, clean, put it on him and keep the kids clean. It sounds like there are women out there making it seem like it's possible and even easy to do?
I'm too lazy to do any of this with or without a kid but I'm just saying...somebody's lying


ETA

This was a lovely post. Women fall in love with men who can't fix cars or won't mow the lawn. And men love and appreciate women who can't or don't cook and clean. Cooking and cleaning are not automatic female or wife duties. It doesn't HAVE to be that way. It's 2017. All kinds of combinations work. It's really a matter of finding a good match for you.

So again, why do I hear women still trying to make them self seem like the exemplary wife because they can cook and clean? It seems like women are buying into this narrative and men are just sopping it up like a biscuit.

 

[SurferBabe]

The perk of having a wife stay at home is that you have someone home that can tend to it. Which is more important: her part time volunteer work or her home. Cleanliness is godliness and I feel if she is a stay at home mother the house will NOT be spotless because she has a preschooler but she should have at least 1-2 hours each day to devote to housework. Plus children pick up on what they see. Her children will subconsciously pick up on this bad habit. I would be mindful of this if I were her.

Considering that she was a career woman before she decided to switch gears and become a SAHM, her volunteer work might be very important in her eyes. It could be the one thing she has left that provides her with a mentally stimulating break from typical wife/mother duties. If she needs to reenter the workforce, she has something to put on her resume. I'm sure that the transition from career woman to SAHM isn't easy for all women, and having an outlet to be around other adults, network, and still use some skills outside of housekeeping is probably the only thing keeping her sane right now.

 

[ladysaraii]

Considering that she was a career woman before she decided to switch gears and become a SAHM, her volunteer work might be very important in her eyes. It could be the one thing she has left that provides her with a mentally stimulating break from typical wife/mother duties. If she needs to reenter the workforce, she has something to put on her resume. I'm sure that the transition from career woman to SAHM isn't easy for all women, and having an outlet to be around other adults, network, and still use some skills outside of housekeeping is probably the only thing keeping her sane right now.

Exactly! If her home wasn't important to her, she would just leave it a mess and not GAF.

 

[SurferBabe]

Exactly! If her home wasn't important to her, she would just leave it a mess and not GAF.

And assuming this preschooler is 4 years old, then she waited 4 years to even ask for a cleaning person. She left behind a career that she spent close to a decade preparing for to become a "great mother" (husband's words) and dedicate all of her time to her family. Now all she wants is a cleaning person (that the husband says they can afford) so that she has a little time to herself while their daughter is at school. She might be volunteering in that time or maybe hitting a few law books to keep her skills fresh in case she's itching to reenter the workforce. Who knows? But the request seems fair to me.