Spidergul
Well-Known Member
I've never actually calculated how much time I spend with my kids. That may not be such a bad idea.
Why is it wrong for the wife to stay home.
- Thread starter IntoMyhair
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I've never actually calculated how much time I spend with my kids. That may not be such a bad idea.
So very true.
As I was just saying in DLewis's thread about Status, I think that SAHM presents the wrong picture - it should be considering a WAHM, because anyone who has taken care of a child for any period of time knows that it's WORK.
And as most SAHM's aren't in the financial arena that would allow them to farm out the housework/home management - that's ANOTHER job, right there.
It's usually not even vaguely all about sitting on your butt, watching soaps, eating bonbons - some do, but most are working like you wouldn't believe.
I'm not belittling SAHM at all. BUT I do those things to, I manage a household including the money, take care of my kids and husband, cook, sweep vacuum mop and dust and keep the laundry done and folded (it's never really put away though
) and I work 2 other jobs.I must admit that most SAHM's I know are like the bolded but on the other hand I know a lot of wonderful sahm's.
a day.........
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
I'm not belittling SAHM at all. BUT I do those things to, I manage a household including the money, take care of my kids and husband, cook, sweep vacuum mop and dust and keep the laundry done and folded (it's never really put away though
I must admit that most SAHM's I know are like the bolded but on the other hand I know a lot of wonderful sahm's.
Oh, HELLS yeah, Dlewis - let me be clear, one of the main reasons that I do not want to be a WOHM is because I'm almost certain I don't have the drive/energy/determination/willpower/focus/timemachine/clones/whatever it is that keeps ya'll going.
Being a WOHM is like having TWO fulltime jobs - and I truly marvel at those of ya'll who are able to pull it off, and still have a happy marriage, and still have time for self.
Shheeeeeettt.
I'm being real with myself - I couldn't do it long-term, and I know that I would be the one getting the short end of the stick, and that would make me a less effective mother and wife.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
sounds just like my mother... she stayed at home a few years before I was school-aged then she created her work hours around my school schedule.
So from 8am-3pm when I was in school she was at work...then she or my dad picked me up. They took me to every after-school activity and went on every field trip. Either way I saw both of them for most of the time I was not in school til bedtime
My kids are at home 1 hour before I get home from work and they are to do their homework during that time.
Spidergul
Well-Known Member
I'm not belittling SAHM at all. BUT I do those things to, I manage a household including the money, take care of my kids and husband, cook, sweep vacuum mop and dust and keep the laundry done and folded (it's never really put away though
I must admit that most SAHM's I know are like the bolded but on the other hand I know a lot of wonderful sahm's.
Sounds like my day. I work late hours, so when I get off work, 1 hour drive home, help with homework for 1 sometimes 2 kids, start dinner if the homework is not too hard, clean kitchen, sweep and mop if needed. Get clothes from day before out of dryer, fold and put away, out another load in the washer. Feed the cats and empty litter box. Make sure kids have feed and watered the dogs. Make sure husbnad has clean uniforms for work, if he forgot to take them to job to be cleaned. Put kids to bed and do once over of house get a couple of minutes of me time watching a little tv, and surf. Bed at midnight. and wifey duties if husband is still awake.
Sounds like my day. I work late hours, so when I get off work, 1 drive home, help with homework for 1 sometimes 2 kids, start dinner if the homework is not too hard, clean kitchen, sweep and mop if needed. Get clothes from day before out of dryer, fold and put away, out another load in the washer. Feed the cats and empty litter box. Make sure kids have feed and watered the dogs. Make sure husbnad has clean uniforms for work, if he forgot to take them to job to be cleaned. Put kids to bed and do once over of house get a couple of minutes of me time watching a little tv, and surf. Bed at midnight. and wifey duties if husband is still awake.
Girl I'm tired just reading it.
We need to work on them kids getting some chores.
SparklingFlame
New Member
Sounds like my day. I work late hours, so when I get off work, 1 hour drive home, help with homework for 1 sometimes 2 kids, start dinner if the homework is not too hard, clean kitchen, sweep and mop if needed. Get clothes from day before out of dryer, fold and put away, out another load in the washer. Feed the cats and empty litter box. Make sure kids have feed and watered the dogs. Make sure husbnad has clean uniforms for work, if he forgot to take them to job to be cleaned. Put kids to bed and do once over of house get a couple of minutes of me time watching a little tv, and surf. Bed at midnight. and wifey duties if husband is still awake.
You mean you dont wake him up?
Ramya
New Member
ITA. Kudos to those who do it! But I know myself well enough to know that it would never work with me working full-time and being the mother and wife that I want to be. Something would suffer
. I can't be superwoman and be balanced and I accept this.
Spidergul
Well-Known Member
Girl I'm tired just reading it.
Girl, I have started, but my daughter and dishwashing is just not going to good. When she empties the dishwasher, I can't find a damn thing!
and don't ask about hand washing....
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SparklingFlame
New Member
Girl, my oldest 2 children are 7 and 6 and I have them mugs trained.Girl, I have started, but my daughter and dishwashing is just not going to good. When she empties the dishwasher, I can't a damn thing!
They mop and sweep floors, clean mirrors, load the dishwasher, clean up their rooms and more household chores. I aint playin! They gotta take some of the load offa me. I'd be insane up in here doing all that plus all the other stuff on my plate.
Train her. Its hard at first, but it gets better.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
ITA. Kudos to those who do it! But I know myself well enough to know that it would never work with me working full-time and being the mother and wife that I want to be. Something would suffer
Good post!
Cinda2503
New Member
@bolded - I kind of think she might have a reason. Maybe she was abused and/or knows someone who was abused while Mommy was at work.
perplexed
erplexed And by judging from her siggy she might have a child now and be very protective and sensitive over her.
Cinda2503
New Member
ITA. Kudos to those who do it! But I know myself well enough to know that it would never work with me working full-time and being the mother and wife that I want to be. Something would suffer
Yup me too. There is no way I'm doing it all. I would crack under the pressure. I have babysit my 3 nephews for the weekends at times and I wouldn't be able be a working mother outside and inside the home.
BillsBackerz67
Well-Known Member
so? a lot of the other ladies do to. There was no excuse for her to come at me like that...and then had the nerve to say I hate kids. please..@bolded - I kind of think she might have a reason. Maybe she was abused and/or knows someone who was abused while Mommy was at work.
Its one thing to take issues to heart but another to come off like ur an angry bothered individual. take ur anger elsewhere. no need for it.
SleekandBouncy
Well-Known Member
Also and not to oversimplify the issue this is why women need to be critical in looking at who they are marrying/having children with. If I marry a man it is because evidence and instinct makes me confident (as much as anyone outside his brain can be) that his character binds him to certain behavior. His actions show a code of ethics that jive with mine. True character doesn't just up and change. Folks just fail to recognize it in the beginning. We've come together not simply because I need a bed warmer, but to work towards a goal. That requires trust and a partnership. If you can't trust your partner, business or romantic why go into business? Ideally even if we did separate we'd work together for the best interest of the children or at least w/ some mutual respect affording me an easier transition back into the work force. And sweet words aside, women have to be gangsta. Set up your own account just in case, etc.. Make fairy tale meet Judge Judy.
My point being, of all the reasons not to be a SAHM it should not be because I can't trust my DH not to leave me dry. I should be able to make solid decisions that benefit our family without mistrust being the deciding factor. That's like going grocery shopping and being uncertain that DH's CC will cover the bill. Ninja why am I with you!? I need to swipe and be CERTAIN!
Disclaimer: The above is not about fearing the loss of identity or autonomy that's an understandable concern.
My point being, of all the reasons not to be a SAHM it should not be because I can't trust my DH not to leave me dry. I should be able to make solid decisions that benefit our family without mistrust being the deciding factor. That's like going grocery shopping and being uncertain that DH's CC will cover the bill. Ninja why am I with you!? I need to swipe and be CERTAIN!
Disclaimer: The above is not about fearing the loss of identity or autonomy that's an understandable concern.
Cinda2503
New Member
so? a lot of the other ladies do to. There was no excuse for her to come at me like that...and then had the nerve to say I hate kids. please..
ITA!.... I didn't read the post where she came for you....at first I thought her post was for me....
carry on....
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I pity any woman who has been so damaged, so broken inside, that she cannot even love her own children. My god. What did you have kids for if you hate them so much? I dont' think I'd even kill George Bush if I had to live with him. Let alone my own kids...
Peace huh? The irony.
There goes the enlightening and mature dialogue we were engaging in until the thread got into the 20+ pages
This is precisely why I said the main reason for the debate is NOT the $$$ status- it's the hurtful insinuations from both sides implying that "my idea of motherhood is superior to yours" for whatEVER reason. Forget about the actual fingerpointing that's now occurring where ppl are actually saying which mother "loves" her children more and which mother is more willing to "sacrifice" for her children? Are you even really serious?
I don't even have words for it. It's unfortunate that an intellectual discussion was turned into this shallow ignorant straight up BS. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that we were even able to get as far as we did before this turned south. In either case it's immature to make some of the ugly accusations about motherhood superiority
rolleyes, sacrifice, and even molestation y'all- for real? Are you so bullheaded that you feel that your way is the best and you can't even fathom why other situations work just as well? That speaks to the limits of your own intellect. Grow your brain. Read a book.And though I quoted the extreme examples- I'm not just talking about these two posters either. Others have made sideways comments as well, which even further proves/validates my point. SMH.
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Blossssom
New Member
LOL! Thank you!
That's why so many women are tired and worn out... who wants two full-time jobs? Hell, I wouldn't!
There is nothing wrong with working in the home and caring for your children if your husband can afford for to do that... housework is hard work, sh**!
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
Peace huh? The irony.
There goes the enlightening and mature dialogue we were engaging in until the thread got into the 20+ pages
This is precisely why I said the main reason for the debate is NOT the $$$ status- it's the hurtful insinuations from both sides implying that "my idea of motherhood is superior to yours" for whatEVER reason. Forget about the actual fingerpointing that's now occurring where ppl are actually saying which mother "loves" her children more and which mother is more willing to "sacrifice" for her children? Are you even really serious?
I don't even have words for it. It's unfortunate that an intellectual discussion was turned into this shallow ignorant straight up BS. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that we were even able to get as far as we did before this turned south. In either case it's immature to make some of the ugly accusations about motherhood superiority
And though I quoted the extreme examples- I'm not just talking about these two posters either. Others have made sideways comments as well, which even further proves/validates my point. SMH.
MrsHouston
Well-Known Member
I actually don't think it's frowned upon. I love staying home with my son and not having to deal with the pressures of work-life right now. It's a great life!
Te'TahHead
New Member
That's very, very true - and I don't think anyone is knocking a woman who has to work in order to provide her children the necessities of life.
Of course, I've always held that the gov't would rather that we not take care of our own kids, because then it's easier to shape them into little drones and clones of each other, used to marching to some 'authority' figures drum, without the time or freedom to do their own thing and learn to think for themselves...... but that is a different thread, I suspect.
But for the women who don't have to work...... well, that's a different story.
I say that because in attempting to do what's best for your children, if the country has to pay for it, you should probably get a job. The ability to stay home/work outside of home cannot be considered without looking at your finances. if your finances afford you to do one, do it, if it doesn't...it is just too bad. We can't all get what we want. Why would a woman need subsidized care is she was TRULY looking at "spending optimal time" with her child? It's basically saying you want tax payers to pay for your child to be away from you, while you not work. Does not compute.
You are right society does not value "parenting", especially at the expense of its' taxpayers. That's just how it is.
Te'TahHead
New Member
That poster sounds like she has rooted issues with her decision and she wants some company.so? a lot of the other ladies do to. There was no excuse for her to come at me like that...and then had the nerve to say I hate kids. please..
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
My point is that we, the taxpayers, are paying for it either way - whether it's partially paying for daycare so mom can work, or paying for the foodstamps so mom can stay home.
I completely agree that it's a decision that cannot be made without looking at finances, and that if you have to work outside of the home - hey, you have to. Can't get around that.
Te'TahHead
New Member
Te'TahHead
New Member
Ohhh okay. I see what you are saying. It's crazy how a lot of chicken heads do things down here. They won't get a job, so that they can get medicaid, stamps and child care. LET THAT I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH GOVERNMENT aid. I TRULY BELIEVE IN IT FOR THE POOR/STRUGGLING. It just bothers me that people use it to sit on their tail and not do nothing. And trust me, It DOES happen.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay, I feel you - we are coming from two different angles, at the same issue.
Yeah, some people seem to be trifiling with the free money.
But how fine is the line between refusing to not get a job and being at home with your kids, and choosing to not get a job so that you can be at home with your kids?
Hrm - I guess that would show in the children, eh?
Te'TahHead
New Member
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay, I feel you - we are coming from two different angles, at the same issue.
Yeah, some people seem to be trifiling with the free money.
But how fine is the line between refusing to not get a job and being at home with your kids, and choosing to not get a job so that you can be at home with your kids?
Hrm - I guess that would show in the children, eh?
The latter I respect.. its the women who use their kids as government checks to not work. For some reason it boils my skin.
But, if the children are raised to be well-adjusted people, who am I to complain?
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
i'm actually glad my mother ended up working...
although she was a SAHM for my formative years, I lived a very cushiony life and attended very good private schools (as did my brothers) and everything else in between because I had two working parents. She made her career around her children, so the fact that she had large amounts of time for her children in addition to monetary funds made my childhood wonderful in every way.
Hell, I still have everything I want, have no debt and have the option of not working while I'm in grad school because of my parents. I love my life and had a perfect childhood.
I want the same for my children. So using the claim "SAHMs are able to provide better mothering" is not always the case. It can go both ways.
although she was a SAHM for my formative years, I lived a very cushiony life and attended very good private schools (as did my brothers) and everything else in between because I had two working parents. She made her career around her children, so the fact that she had large amounts of time for her children in addition to monetary funds made my childhood wonderful in every way.
Hell, I still have everything I want, have no debt and have the option of not working while I'm in grad school because of my parents. I love my life and had a perfect childhood.
I want the same for my children. So using the claim "SAHMs are able to provide better mothering" is not always the case. It can go both ways.
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