SelahOco
Well-Known Member
That's beautiful. I hope that my own children say the same one day.
Why is it wrong for the wife to stay home.
- Thread starter IntoMyhair
- Start date
That's beautiful. I hope that my own children say the same one day.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Surely you must have some type of mental issues because she worked.
i know right
even though she was always the mother on every field trip, baked cookies for every sleepover I had, was the carpool mom for softball practice and drove and picked me up from school everyday til she made me get a car and license when I turned 16.... she worked, so she must have suffered from time unavailability, leaving her children lost and neglected
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
i know right
even though she was always the mother on every field trip, baked cookies for every sleepover I had, was the carpool mom for softball practice and drove and picked me up from school everyday til she made me get a car and license when I turned 16.... she worked, so she must have suffered from time unavailability, leaving her children lost and neglected
Chester the molester must have missed you cuz he always gets the kids whose momma's work.
ETA: I applaud all the mom's like yours! They are true superwomen! Bring home the bacon (turkey) and fry it up in a pan.
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InsertCleverNameHere
Well-Known Member
Whether you work at home or work outside the home, if you are a member of this board, it's likely you spend a lot of that "working" time on LHCF...so we all end up here regardless...damn near the same 
Ramya
New Member
Whether you work at home or work outside the home, if you are a member of this board, it's likely you spend a lot of that "working" time on LHCF...so we all end up here regardless...damn near the same
.......barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Chester the molester must have missed you cuz he always gets the kids whose momma's work.
ETA: I applaud all the mom's like yours! They are true superwomen! Bring home the bacon (turkey) and fry it up in a pan.
superwoman for real!!! thats funny because thats exactly what her friends call her!
I couldnt do it the way she does
She spoiled me and made me self-entitled... I'm determined to give my children the same life I had but I permanently demand someone else to pay the bills if I marry them...I'm gonna work but from home and only because I'm paranoid
I refuse to have children with someone where I HAVE to work. Nope, I'mma do it because its something I feel passionate about and gives me time to cater to the kiddies and harrass the other pta moms and teachers at their schools lmao 
Te'TahHead
New Member
superwoman for real!!! thats funny because thats exactly what her friends call her!
I couldnt do it the way she does
She spoiled me and made me self-entitled... I'm determined to give my children the same life I had but I permanently demand someone else to pay the bills if I marry them...I'm gonna work but from home and only because I'm paranoid
Well, you have peeps up in here saying that a woman being superwoman (and being proud of it) is the slave mentality .
I just wanna be lik eyour mommy when I grewed up.
Te'TahHead
New Member
Whether you work at home or work outside the home, if you are a member of this board, it's likely you spend a lot of that "working" time on LHCF...so we all end up here regardless...damn near the same
I let Noggin visually molest my child by being on here. Shame on me!
Ramya
New Member
Well, you have peeps up in here saying that a woman being superwoman (and being proud of it) is the slave mentality .
I just wanna be lik eyour mommy when I grewed up.
I think people are trying to say that being "strong" and "working to the bone" is valued in our community to a fault. How strong is too strong and when is it ok to take care of yourself? I mean people have been eluding to the idea that the SAHM must be able to juggle everything in the home, her kids and her husband without help b/c she's not working outside the home. The idea that a woman MUST work herself 20 hours a day is crazy. The idea that a woman who is educated HAS to work, the idea that one shoud be consumed in housework and finger paint and the idea that a SAHW is lazy and doing herself a disservice shows that people qualify work as something that brings home a paycheck.
I respect everyones choice to be a WM or SAHM/SAHW but I don't have MORE respect for the superwoman types. IMO they've made their choice and shouldn't get accolades for doing what they have to do anyway (work and take care of home). It's like raising a child as a single parent, there's no special reward at the end. Both parties can end up with a normal/exceptional child or could end up with screwed up kids. Being a WM or a SAHM is just a means to the same end. Why working yourself to death gets more respect is beyond me and something I just can't wrap my mind around.
Te'TahHead
New Member
I think its societal/of Western culture and people love fairy tales. People like to honor hardwork and devotion because to them, it shows a pay off and it parallells the "American way" of life ideal that hardwork=rewards. Look at common folk lore and fairy tales where everyone worked hard and became propserous in the end; we are reared with the beliefs from childhood. I don't think it has anything to do with anyone NOT rewarding laziness. I think it really ruffles people feathers because people seem to think that a hardworker/supermom feels a sense of entitlement. No one was saying that a "workhourse" should be valued over a "lazy" person. I think people's own insecurities took it there. Usually if you feel that a person thinks they are all of that.. YOU think they are all of that<--Kinda like that phenomena.
I think I said that if you want to live a "leisure" life than do it, no one is knocking you for it. You don't have to try and defend your values over and over again because ultimately is is your choice and I probably won't change my mind about yours. I'm just trying to ask you to understand that being "strong" and "working to the bone" is not excusive to one race and/or class (ie. poor blacks). Just because one ideal is unfavorable to another, does not make it wrong or sickening. Just because one groups gets a round of appluase; it doesn't imply that the other group should be boo'ed. I's just a recognition for one group, not a disdain for the other.
I am just so damn tired of people lumping every idea as a race/class issue. I am sick of superior attitudes being in favor of perceived class that usually is denoted by the "white way".
I feel that you don't want to work.. that's okay. Really.
ETA: I really need to be doing my homework instead of writing dissertations on this board.
I think I said that if you want to live a "leisure" life than do it, no one is knocking you for it. You don't have to try and defend your values over and over again because ultimately is is your choice and I probably won't change my mind about yours. I'm just trying to ask you to understand that being "strong" and "working to the bone" is not excusive to one race and/or class (ie. poor blacks). Just because one ideal is unfavorable to another, does not make it wrong or sickening. Just because one groups gets a round of appluase; it doesn't imply that the other group should be boo'ed. I's just a recognition for one group, not a disdain for the other.
I am just so damn tired of people lumping every idea as a race/class issue. I am sick of superior attitudes being in favor of perceived class that usually is denoted by the "white way".
I feel that you don't want to work.. that's okay. Really.
ETA: I really need to be doing my homework instead of writing dissertations on this board.
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Okay- now I get why we're >>>here<<<< lol.
Priss Pot
Makeup + Bench Pressing
My Mom was (is) a working mom, and she was always involved in my life growing up. She was always available to help me with school projects, and she checked my homework EVERY single night from elementary to middle school. I didn't miss out on anything when it came to my parents and growing up, so it's a little hard for me to see how being a working mother is detrimental to the development of a child. My Mom was always there...even when I didn't want her all up in my biz, she was there 
.
I see both sides to the story. I know that I personally couldn't stay at home everyday for the REST of my life. Well, maybe in the beginning, but I'd have to get out and do something, especially when the kids start going to school. It would all depend. I'm indifferent towards the situation because I came out pretty decent. So I can't knock the working moms nor the SAHMs.
.I see both sides to the story. I know that I personally couldn't stay at home everyday for the REST of my life. Well, maybe in the beginning, but I'd have to get out and do something, especially when the kids start going to school. It would all depend. I'm indifferent towards the situation because I came out pretty decent. So I can't knock the working moms nor the SAHMs.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
People are mentioning about the mother struggling... what about the kids struggling.
Most of the children of stay at home mothers (permanent ones) that I've met in my life HAD to work for the things they had moreso than I did. They HAD to pay their own way through college, or take out a gazillion loans and had to work to get the amenities all I had to do was ask for during my highschool and college years. I cant mention how many times my peers have mentioned they wish they had the opportunity to have and do the things I did (that were the product of having a working mother and father). Had I had to do all of that as a result of my mother staying home and my family not having extra cash, no thanks-- I would have rather my mother gone to work and made my life simple so all I had to do was go to school do well, study abroad and have the the la-di-da life I have now.
Most of the children of stay at home mothers (permanent ones) that I've met in my life HAD to work for the things they had moreso than I did. They HAD to pay their own way through college, or take out a gazillion loans and had to work to get the amenities all I had to do was ask for during my highschool and college years. I cant mention how many times my peers have mentioned they wish they had the opportunity to have and do the things I did (that were the product of having a working mother and father). Had I had to do all of that as a result of my mother staying home and my family not having extra cash, no thanks-- I would have rather my mother gone to work and made my life simple so all I had to do was go to school do well, study abroad and have the the la-di-da life I have now.
Ramya
New Member
Both my parents worked and they make a very comfortable living. I went to private schools, vacationed twice a year, spent summers out of te country and was in every activity I could find. Growing up I had everything I could want but when I got to college I had to pay for it b/c that's just how they do things. I don't even get my trust until after I graduate. GREAT motivation
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
I think people are trying to say that being "strong" and "working to the bone" is valued in our community to a fault. How strong is too strong and when is it ok to take care of yourself? I mean people have been eluding to the idea that the SAHM must be able to juggle everything in the home, her kids and her husband without help b/c she's not working outside the home. The idea that a woman MUST work herself 20 hours a day is crazy. The idea that a woman who is educated HAS to work, the idea that one shoud be consumed in housework and finger paint and the idea that a SAHW is lazy and doing herself a disservice shows that people qualify work as something that brings home a paycheck.
I respect everyones choice to be a WM or SAHM/SAHW but I don't have MORE respect for the superwoman types. IMO they've made their choice and shouldn't get accolades for doing what they have to do anyway (work and take care of home). It's like raising a child as a single parent, there's no special reward at the end. Both parties can end up with a normal/exceptional child or could end up with screwed up kids. Being a WM or a SAHM is just a means to the same end. Why working yourself to death gets more respect is beyond me and something I just can't wrap my mind around.
I think you missed a few posts where it was implied, that a working mother was a bad mother.
There is no way she could love her kids if she went to work.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
I think people are trying to say that being "strong" and "working to the bone" is valued in our community to a fault. How strong is too strong and when is it ok to take care of yourself? I mean people have been eluding to the idea that the SAHM must be able to juggle everything in the home, her kids and her husband without help b/c she's not working outside the home. The idea that a woman MUST work herself 20 hours a day is crazy. The idea that a woman who is educated HAS to work, the idea that one shoud be consumed in housework and finger paint and the idea that a SAHW is lazy and doing herself a disservice shows that people qualify work as something that brings home a paycheck.
I respect everyones choice to be a WM or SAHM/SAHW but I don't have MORE respect for the superwoman types. IMO they've made their choice and shouldn't get accolades for doing what they have to do anyway (work and take care of home). It's like raising a child as a single parent, there's no special reward at the end. Both parties can end up with a normal/exceptional child or could end up with screwed up kids. Being a WM or a SAHM is just a means to the same end. Why working yourself to death gets more respect is beyond me and something I just can't wrap my mind around.
I respect your opinion, but I do! I would never have anything in common with a SAHM.
Everyone has to do what's best for them and their family in the end. 
SparklingFlame
New Member
My Mother was not a SAHM and my dad and her both had good jobs but I still had to take out student loans.
Ramya
New Member
I think you missed a few posts where it was implied, that a working mother was a bad mother.
I read those too but I can tell that there are personal issues coming through. Those have been responded to by others and I'm not touchin'em
. I don't think one has to be a bad mother b/c one chooses to work or has to work. There are many factors that can make one a bad mother including those who stay home. 
Bint Yusef
New Member
I dont think its hardwork people have a problem with, the discussion was about where and how that hardwork was expended and how we choose to prioritize what is important, which again negates this idea of "leisure", because the convo never was about SAHM living leisurely and working moms being the only hardworkers. The convo was about initially how that work was expended and on whom whether it was doing all the chores in the home or expending it on your kids. To polarize the convo into leisure vs hardwork is regressive and says that one of the options is less work than the other and I thought we all said we didnt want to go there. I dont think anyone is insecure about not being a "workhorse" when the vast majority of women, including you, have made some indication on wanting to work up out of that scenario which imho is the default and arises out of necessity for a vast majority and not desire. All of us if we wanted to could be doing every single thing in the house, raising kids, tending to dh/so, and taking 4 night classes if we wanted to, so I dont understand why anyone would be insecure about that? I dont know anybody doing all of that because they really really really deep down want to, imho its usually a means to an end for a perceived improvement in their situation that is equated to a pay off of doing less of "that" eventually, so again Im still trying to find out why folks would be insecure when most folks have already said they dont want that for themselves. A woman who is doing that should no doubt feel proud of her accomplishments and that she is achieving something at pace she has set, but to project that as folks feeling insecure...I dont think so.
My mom SAHM'd earlier in my life and worked when my brother and I were older and I went to 3 private universities and never took a dime in student loan money. That's neither here nor there because most people have parents that work and most people graduate with some debt. If anything 2 incomes on the FASFA will take you out of the "free money" line and into the loan line faster than folks with lower incomes.
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Ramya
New Member
HELLO. Ditto to the rest but I just had to bold this right here! Free money you say? Where might that be found
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locabouthair
Well-Known Member
I didnt read all the responses but I do agree beaing a mom isnt easy. It a tough job. I dont have a problem with SAHM. But for myself, I would want to know I have my money coming. I'd probably do a work at home job or something.
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
while I didn't come from a two income home, my mother made too much money for me to qualify for fiancial aid. If never met a woman who found great pleasure in being a "workhorse". I really find this concept hard to understand. When I was growing up in Haiti and my mother worked I had a maid and a nanny to take care of the things that she was unable to do. The idea of rushing home to clean and cook and do homework is just not appealling to me. All women that I know who work outside of the home would hire some help if they were financially able to.
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blkbeauty
Well-Known Member
I think it is great. Also, not knocking hard working parents and hopefully this won't be interpreted wrong, but I believe that children grew up to be more responsible adults when 1 parent was home full-time.
Personally, I agree with Aiesha. I would do it during the formative years, but I have already set my career goals and have ambitions on achieving them...therefore I have to work.
Personally, I agree with Aiesha. I would do it during the formative years, but I have already set my career goals and have ambitions on achieving them...therefore I have to work.
Bint Yusef
New Member
Yeah I remember the threads we had discussing the American vs the rest of the world's view on help.
eta:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=256817&highlight=hired+help
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=203453&highlight=hired+help
locabouthair
Well-Known Member
I agree........
Bint Yusef
New Member
That is how I feel about it personally as well.
Anyway Im done with this thread. I feel Ive said all I can say on this topic, if what Ive said has been misunderstood, oh well such is life. I hope nobody walks away with any hard feelings based on the opinions I expressed.
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barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Yea I can't get down with the bolded at all.... doing a bunch of housework is never a good look. My grandmothers and my mother have all had to hire housekeepers, even if it was part-time. Home or not home, I aint cleaning-- I'm doing maintenance to keep it neat til the cleaning lady comes back. Matter of fact, I'm unmarried and childless now (and I also dont work; even though i go through activie periods where I freelance research; used to volunteer as a mentor) and have had hired cleaning help when I was really busy.
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