My Stay-at-home Wife Wants To Hire A Cleaning Person. Why Can't She Clean?

[IslandMummy]

Re: laundry. Wow! That is such an interesting pov! I would rather spend the 4-5hrs doing laundry naked, in the comfort of my home. Cuz I can do other things, naked, while it's washing/drying like watch tv and stuff. Going out to do anything is the anti-laziness to me lol.

I drop off the stuff I trust them to wash on my way to Starbucks

If I’m feeling particularly lazy I use the pick up service

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

These are one time things. You don't have a plumber every month. Your car doesn't break down every month. The grass gets cut every two weeks. Maybe every week. You are not hanging up fans and changing out plugs every week. I don't know that many regular people who do the dry cleaning every week unless they are lawyers/specialty doctors. I think this just sounds good to make an excuse for the woman to outsource.

If you're a stay at home wife/mom many say you are on permanent vacation. Your husband was your retirement plan or whatever. But ain't no vacation bihh nurturing your home is your job. Maintaining a clean house is in that job description. It shouldn't take all day to clean. We talking on every hour a day. Any more than that and you have too much stuff. Throw some of that crap away. I don't think deep cleaning sessions outsourced are too muc to ask but weekly cleaning lady...give me a break. I feel if this was a white woman we would drag her for her "laziness". It's lazy. And if she feels like she NEEDS to have a cleaning lady she should privately pay for it from her own passive source of income. And preferably without her husband knowing.

The maid is coming every two weeks at most once a week. There're not many average Americans that have daily maid service.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

Apples vs oranges.

That's what I was pointing to earlier. This stuff sounds good as heck to make you say Yaaaaaaaaz hunny! *two snaps* But it's reaching to me.

Nobody reducing this chick just because it's my opinion she should keep her house maintained. In her free time she could be a philanthropist. Famous painter. World traveler. Marathon runner. (But these are usually who she is not why she chose to stay at home) I just believe her house and family comes first above all no matter what. And that's the point of staying at home. Like what other reason is there other health reasons?

To answer your question though: take off One day? No he is not. But if he takes off EVERY week (like we're talking about getting a cleaning lady EVERY week) and there is nothing wrong with him. Yes. He is lazy.

This is likely where our disconnect lies. I don't agree with your reasoning here for a plethora of reasons, and I think you're so set in your own reality that a spirited debate won't fly. So agree to disagree. Whatever works for your household.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

that explains a lot.

 

[qchelle]

I drop off the stuff I trust them to wash on my way to Starbucks

If I’m feeling particularly lazy I use the pick up service

Yea, the pick up service makes sense to me. That way, I don't have to leave my house. If I have to leave my house, there is no way whatever I'm doing can be classified as lazy lol.

 

[qchelle]

Yes. I did not do shot visits. Ever. After the first one???? Issa no. I learned my lesson. Never ever happened after that. I go to well check ups and sick visits. DH adjusts his schedule accordingly.

I am not now, nor have I ever, been staying home to be a maid or cook or to run the house. I’m staying home to be here for his children. That’s it. They get sick in the middle of the day? I’m here to get them. Need a ride to tutoring, tennis or mandarin? I’m your girl.

Do I do other household things? As I please and because I please. If staying at home no longer benefits me, then I’m going to work. What’s the point of being here if I’m supposed to be Cinderella with the mice and singing birds.

1st bolded: I was going to respond to Prissi's comment about 'if the dad is a better speaker at doc apps then should the dad go instead of mom' with: well yes, he should lol. If he's better at it..then why shouldn't he?

2nd bolded: This is what my perception of SAHM has always been. To primarily enrich the kids' lives with experiences that couldn't happen if both parents worked. I'd want my kid to spend all day playing (learning) so like be outside looking at/playing with plants, doing science experiments with dirt and water, going to museums, building things, traveling to different cities/countries and experiencing others' cultures, just Super Exposure that cannot take place if both parents are working. And when the kid naps, that's when I would relax (read, watch tv). That would be my break from my work of Super Exposing. Not doing household chores. If I was a SAHM I'd def have a cleaner.

If I was a SAHwife, I'd also have a cleaner. Because I have never heard of a man who wants a SAHwife and expects her to do household chores. The SAHWs I know, here in DC, are socialites

 

[movingforward13]

Do you feel like learning to properly outsource/delegate things you don't want to do is an important/valuable skill to teach children?

Not sure but it keeps the economy going.
I just know my butt is too frugal to pay for a lot of things. I rather have money in my bank account versus paying someone. Regarding this topic though- I would pay for someone to clean my house out my own pocket (reasonable compensation) and as long as hubby was on board, I don’t see any issues. Hubby isn’t on board, then there is a problem and the decision shouldn’t be made without him. Why- well I want my husband to feel like he is heard and have some say. Most men will usually go along with their wife’s wants so if he isn’t, there is more going on than what we know.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Not sure but it keeps the economy going.
I just know my butt is too frugal to pay for a lot of things. I rather have money in my bank account versus paying someone. Regarding this topic though- I would pay for someone to clean my house out my own pocket (reasonable compensation) and as long as hubby was on board, I don’t see any issues. Hubby isn’t on board, then there is a problem and the decision shouldn’t be made without him. Why- well I want my husband to feel like he is heard and have some say. Most men will usually go along with their wife’s wants so if he isn’t, there is more going on than what we know.

This is my sentiments as well.

 

[Supervixen]

but why? Housework is tedious drudgery. Why waste time on it?

I utilize a cleaning service and wash and fold laundry. And $5 meals from my favorite Jamaican spot when necessary.

Her husband never has to worry about taking a sick day, has the convenience of being able to put in all the hours needed to advance his career, never has to worry about school or activity pick up for his child, no surprise doctor’s visits in the middle of the work day. Nada. He gets to come home, pat the kid on the head and KIM.

How are you going to quibble over $200 when her staying home allows him to utilize his time how he sees fit? Even if they don’t need a cleaner, it’s something she wants.

If he’s quibbling over $200 that his wife wants to spend on someone doing the deeper weekly or bimonthly cleanings then she can go back to work and he can figure out how to assist in running the kid to and from preschool, and everywhere else.

Wow!!!!!

I'm stressing myself out here. DH wants me to pay for/outsource whatever will make my days with the princesses easier. I'm the one being cheap and trying to manage them, cleaning and cooking.

Y'all just gave me an *aha* moment!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

 

[PeaceLover]

Ahh this is usually the guys that grew up with a very high level of respect for their mother who did "everything" with a smile on her face. They make that the standard and you will always be compared to it. I have even seen situation where the super mother will side with the husband and call the wife lazy.

These guys will feel some kind of way and lose respect if you need help.

I avoid these types lol. I like when men have a good relationship with their Mom but not the whole idolization thing because it ends up filtering into their romantic relationships some way/some how.

If anyone saw the thread in the relationship forum where Jamaican men were surveyed about why they married their wife. Every answer was about keeping the home well and cooking for them etc... Nothing about compatibility or love. For some men of certain cultural and religious backgrounds, seeing their wife holding down these tasks is extremely important to them.

This is so true for so many men and sadly I think DH has some of these tendencies. He’s always bragging on stupid stuff about the women in his family. Like I remember once he said “My mom is so strong. She worked, cooked, raised us, ran the store with my daddy, gardenened & everything” and I was like damn she was an endentured slave to your Daddy & he still doesn’t appreciate her. He was pissed at me lmao. He often says how his Daddy doesn’t do x,y,z for his mom & she deserves because she did so much for him.

I love her, but she’s so self-sacrificing its ridiculous. He loves his mom & she preaches treating me right because she resents his dad so much it’s painful to watch. I think that’s the reason he tries so hard, even though those tendencies are still there.

Y’all he made me mad a couple weeks ago. We ran into his cousin & she was asking how’s the pregnancy going & we were chatting with her & playing with her baby. He gone announce to me all proud “yeah I remember when she worked 2 jobs when she was pregnant. She worked right up to the day she had him” and I replied “oh that’s so sad smh no woman deserves that while she’s carrying a man’s baby” he was like “she chose to do that because she didn’t want being pregnant to slow her down” and I was like “ehh well I’m glad I don’t gave that problem. I never had to work 2 jobs and I’m darn sure not working if I don’t want to because I have a whole husband”

Anyway, he staycalling me a pampered princess because I will tell him in a second “Oh I’m not able to do all that” lol

 

[caribeandiva]

A man who can afford to make his wife's life easier but refuses is useless, imo.

Agreed. I’m gonna be a stay at home mom and wife too, NOT a maid!