Men That Hit Women (Past, Present, Future)

deltadreamland

deltadreamland

Well-Known Member
I was chatting with a guy and he admitted that he has hit a woman that he was dating before...hard. That made me feel some kind of way and not in a good way. :ohwell:

Could you date a man that admittedly is not opposed to hitting a woman or has hit a woman?
 
deltadreamland said:
I was chatting with a guy and he admitted that he has hit a woman that he was dating before...hard. That made me feel some kind of way and not in a good way. :ohwell:

Could you date a man that admittedly is not opposed to hitting a woman or has hit a woman?
Click to expand...

Coming from a home where I saw my dad beat my mom on so many occasions, I would not be able to do it. In fact I don't even think we could be friends after he admitted something like that to me.
 
My parents got divorce because dad abused mom. I absolutely do not tolerate it and there's nothing a man can say or do to convinced me why he did it. So yeah, that's a no on dating someone like that.
 
I think he was kind of surprised that I asked him because when I asked the question, he paused for a few seconds. Then he answered yes. And that's not even a question I ask all men, but it was just something in his tone that prompted me to ask him that question...out of the blue. :ohwell:

My mom was beat by my step dad when I was a little girl too. I could never entertain being with someone that is not opposed to hitting a woman.:nono:
 
I've had this feeling about a guy before, he was really fine. I never asked him but I had the feeling and I got out of there.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
 
I volunteered at a safe house and a shelter for a year. After this experience I would never be with a man that has hit a woman. There are behaviors that usually lead up to this action. Also, men that do this usually look for a certain type of woman. I must say that I am suprised this person was honest about it.
 
lushlady said:
I volunteered at a safe house and a shelter for a year. After this experience I would never be with a man that has hit a woman. There are behaviors that usually lead up to this action. Also, men that do this usually look for a certain type of woman. I must say that I am suprised this person was honest about it.
Click to expand...

I would've never thought he would admit something like that.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
 
No, no and no.

Just outta curiosity - Did he seem ashamed or remorseful or was it more like a public service announcement "I'll hit a chick that steps out of line"?
 
Last edited:
deltadreamland said:
I was chatting with a guy and he admitted that he has hit a woman that he was dating before...hard. That made me feel some kind of way and not in a good way. :ohwell:

Could you date a man that admittedly is not opposed to hitting a woman or has hit a woman?
Click to expand...

Never again (I was his first victim, so no one knew he was an abuser yet, even though when I look back there were non-violent red flags and he probably verbally abused his exes but made them sound horrible). Unless he did it in self defense (general warning: a lot of them will try to make it sound like they were the victim or the actual victim somehow deserved it, so be careful!) I would not.


deltadreamland said:
I think he was kind of surprised that I asked him because when I asked the question, he paused for a few seconds. Then he answered yes. And that's not even a question I ask all men, but it was just something in his tone that prompted me to ask him that question...out of the blue. :ohwell:

My mom was beat by my step dad when I was a little girl too. I could never entertain being with someone that is not opposed to hitting a woman.:nono:
Click to expand...

Your gut was telling you something. A lot of abusers are good at hiding it at first so something about him was already off.
 
B_Phlyy said:
My parents got divorce because dad abused mom. I absolutely do not tolerate it and there's nothing a man can say or do to convinced me why he did it. So yeah, that's a no on dating someone like that.
Click to expand...

B_Phlyy :yep: THIS!^^^^ I hope that someday, my DD and DS both will hold the exact same sentiment because it was domestic abuse that broke up our family and caused me to divorce their father. And, I have told my DD and DS this in plain words so that they understand it.

Someone posted a yt clip on my son's wall, it was one of his friends...anyway, it was of a man beating his girlfriend during an argument and his friends were all haha-keekee-ing and my son shut them down by telling them "don't post mess like this on my wall. Domestic violence breaks up families. Not funny at all." :cry: But it's true. And, I'm hoping they carry the lesson. Glad you did.

To the OP...absolutely, unequivocally not. Especially at my age. I'm too old to be gambling that a man has changed. (41). And marriage gets too thick to be able to predict what a former beater will do.
 
Also....in my domestic violence training for the shelter I volutneer for, it is taught, based on stats, that men who hit and go through therapy....will have to go through many, many rounds of batterer's intervention and personal therapy before they ever can be thought of as "cured". It's not a safe bet.
 
I was a victim of abuse many years ago. I would not date a man who hit a woman. But I have also learned the voice and language of a man who is abusive and I wouldn't date them either even if they have never hit a woman.
 
deltadreamland said:
I think he was kind of surprised that I asked him because when I asked the question, he paused for a few seconds. Then he answered yes. And that's not even a question I ask all men, but it was just something in his tone that prompted me to ask him that question...out of the blue. :ohwell:

My mom was beat by my step dad when I was a little girl too. I could never entertain being with someone that is not opposed to hitting a woman.:nono:
Click to expand...

Your intuition was operating well for you! :yep: Nice going! I'm glad you caught him off-guard....he didn't have a chance to lie....and even if he did, you would have known something wasn't right.
 
Syrah said:
No, no and no.

Just outta curiosity - Did he seem ashamed or remorseful or was it more like a public service announcement "I'll hit a chick that steps out of line"?
Click to expand...

He tried to act as if he was ashamed, but at that point it didn't really matter to me if he was ashamed and/or remorseful. He said he hit her because she hit him first. :ohwell: He then went on to say that he shouldn't have done that. But then in the next breath this fool said that if a woman hits him, he feels he should hit her back. I believe him 1000 percent! :look:

Then he asked me if I'd ever been hit by a man and I told him NO, which was the truth. I went on to tell him that I don't deal with men that are violent toward women, not even playfully. Aside from that MAJOR deal breaker, he would have been a good catch. :nono:
 
PrettyBrownGirl86 said:
I would've never thought he would admit something like that.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
Click to expand...

I'm surprised he admitted it as well, but I started off talking about how I value honesty and loyalty in a relationship. After I went on about that for awhile and how deceitful it is to lie, I just popped that question out to him and he said yes. :look:
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
Your intuition was operating well for you! :yep: Nice going! I'm glad you caught him off-guard....he didn't have a chance to lie....and even if he did, you would have known something wasn't right.
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Absolutely. He was toast before I even asked him. I'm just surprised he told the truth. Over the past two days, his tone became a little rough around the edges (started using profanity here and there and referring to me as "woman" instead of my name-another deal breaker for me :nono:) and those are some things I'm NOT accustomed to hearing when dealing with men. So, yeah it really stood out as a red flag. Especially since he was so likable up until recently.
 
faithVA said:
I was a victim of abuse many years ago. I would not date a man who hit a woman. But I have also learned the voice and language of a man who is abusive and I wouldn't date them either even if they have never hit a woman.
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Yepppp, men prone to domestic violence exhibit signs. Shoot, there are some men who you can just look at and tell they pop off on their women, it's like you can pick up the vibe from just looking at them. A family member of mine's DH just looks like he'll beat her if she gets outta line. Oddly, people who don't even know her have looked at her FB pics of her and dude and just assume it. There are also men whose signs are far less pronounced, they could be really smooth and charismatic, but have a major sense of entitlement, terrible insecurity, controlling ways, verbally abusive, possessive, women bashers (lack of respect for women as a whole) and guilt inflicting. The signs are usually always there, we just have to heed them. I just don't get how a woman will be with a dude and then 'suddenly' he becomes terribly abusive out the blue, nahhhh those traits and inclinations were already there... it just finally catapulted into physical abuse :nono:. I'm not talking about a man who shakes you or grabs you tight one time and feels terrible afterwards, I mean a **** who will straight up two piece your arse and continue going :nono: that type of anger and lack of restraint finally came brewing to the surface :nono:.
 
NEVER.:nono:

And I don't care what his reasoning was or his age at the time that it occurred. That is unacceptable to me.
 
Brittster said:
There are also men whose signs are far less pronounced, they could be really smooth and charismatic, but have a major sense of entitlement, terrible insecurity, controlling ways, verbally abusive, possessive, women bashers (lack of respect for women as a whole) and guilt inflicting. The signs are usually always there, we just have to heed them. .
Click to expand...

You just described him. Especially the guilt inflicting. He tried to make me feel guilty for not getting in my car under the influence of medicine just to come out and meet him and his friends Sunday night. When he saw I was not going for it, he spent Monday trying to make me feel bad about it..still disregarding the fact that I was under the influence of medicine. I can't stand a selfish man. :perplexed

After I put him back in his little place and made him feel like the frog that he is, he calmed that mess down. But then, that is when he started in with the rough around the edges tone. Just a no no all the way around for me. He is officially blocked from ever contacting me again.
 
lushlady said:
I volunteered at a safe house and a shelter for a year. After this experience I would never be with a man that has hit a woman. There are behaviors that usually lead up to this action. Also, men that do this usually look for a certain type of woman. I must say that I am suprised this person was honest about it.
Click to expand...
He thought it was ok to be honest because it happened in his thirties. He said, "it happened a long time ago." He's now forty. Yeah, dude. Whatever.

Or maybe he thought I was some desperate woman that would be with a man under any circumstances. :look:
 
my ex told me he hit a woman before. Our relationship was very crazy. He was very mean an controlling. Men like this dont change.
 
I have uncles who hit women, I know a woman hater when I see, smell or hear one.

I wouldn't ever date someone I suspected was a woman beater. I can't even stand to look at them.
 
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