He hit her, but she deserved it, your thoughts?
- Thread starter justNikki
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treybaby2005
Well-Known Member
Ok,I'm catching up with the post I didn't read.I had to take a break to attend to my patients!
Anyway,I agree with this post.And most people don't even care what the woman did to the man but because he hit her as someone else said earlier.I agree.But some women out there do provoke those men.Then you see those same women pressing charges then going to see them in jail.
Ok,I'm catching up with the post I didn't read.I had to take a break to attend to my patients!
Anyway,I agree with this post.And most people don't even care what the woman did to the man but because he hit her as someone else said earlier.I agree.But some women out there do provoke those men.Then you see those same women pressing charges then going to see them in jail.
Because its illegal. He should not be putting his hands on a grown woman. If she can provoke him to that he is stupid. Yall have got to be kidding me up in here making hit women out to be in the wrong
Wow. Do you have daughters? Sons?erplexed
I hope not. If so, God bless em.
treybaby2005
Well-Known Member
Yes it is illegal.I'm saying once the man does do the illegal deed,and they put their man in prison,some women will be going to see him after they put him in jail.I was being smart in saying how some type of women who do these things are.Because its illegal. He should not be putting his hands on a grown woman. If she can provoke him to that he is stupid. Yall have got to be kidding me up in here making hit women out to be in the wrong
I am not condoning violence in any way shape form or fashion whether it be a man or woman.
treybaby2005
Well-Known Member
I think I'm going to stay out this thread.I am in no way saying it is ok to hit a woman.But the more I keep talking,the more it seems like I'm making it ok for a woman to get her arse beat when I am not saying that at all.
For the record,I am not getting my arse beat and making excuses for it!Nor am I looking for a controlling n*&^% to PUT me in my place!
For the record,I am not getting my arse beat and making excuses for it!
Nor am I looking for a controlling n*&^% to PUT me in my place!Re: He hit her, and I understand why, your thoughts?
Most of yall are so hype, yall can't read right, I guess. Please calm down. Let's state the obvious...
1) It is NEVER excusable for a man to hit a woman or a woman to hit a man
2) Any man/woman that puts her hands on her mate deserves to be punished to the full extent of the law
Now that this is out of the way, please stop turning this into a "you think men have the right to abuse women" thread or "you think a man has the right to check a woman because of what she says" thread. That's not what this is about AT ALL.
This is about women taking responsibility for our own actions. Women realizing that men are not like women, so, we have to deal with them like they are men. Realizing that you have to be careful to not PUT YOURSELF IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS. Controlling yourself is JUST as important as a man controlling himself. Stop waiting until the deed is done and then crying foul.
This thread is not about men who beat women, PERIOD. This thread is about women who verbally abuse men and set themselves up for some potential harm. Can we stick to that subject?
I changed the title of the thread to reflect better what I'm saying. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying sometimes, I can understand why some things happen.
Yes, there will always be men who are just abusive and a woman doesn't have to do a darn thing to provoke such a reaction, this topic ain't about them. Can we leave them out of this convo, please?
Thanks.
Most of yall are so hype, yall can't read right, I guess. Please calm down. Let's state the obvious...
1) It is NEVER excusable for a man to hit a woman or a woman to hit a man
2) Any man/woman that puts her hands on her mate deserves to be punished to the full extent of the law
Now that this is out of the way, please stop turning this into a "you think men have the right to abuse women" thread or "you think a man has the right to check a woman because of what she says" thread. That's not what this is about AT ALL.
This is about women taking responsibility for our own actions. Women realizing that men are not like women, so, we have to deal with them like they are men. Realizing that you have to be careful to not PUT YOURSELF IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS. Controlling yourself is JUST as important as a man controlling himself. Stop waiting until the deed is done and then crying foul.
This thread is not about men who beat women, PERIOD. This thread is about women who verbally abuse men and set themselves up for some potential harm. Can we stick to that subject?
I changed the title of the thread to reflect better what I'm saying. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying sometimes, I can understand why some things happen.
Yes, there will always be men who are just abusive and a woman doesn't have to do a darn thing to provoke such a reaction, this topic ain't about them. Can we leave them out of this convo, please?
Thanks.
I can see that there are a few ladies here who get what I'm saying, which is OWN YOUR OWN *ISH. Some women can become something else in the heat of an argument...something like a pitbull. In situations like that, if older women are around, they usually tell her to sit down, calm down, etc. Younger chicks a lot of times help to inflame the situation, because they just don't understand that "backing a man into a corner" thing. Such a sad, thing.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Be careful what you wish for...
Do you really picture a normal, loving relationship like this?
erplexed
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
Its too late Nikki! You aint nothin' but a condoner! Something is seriously wrong with you!You are crazy and you need to get professional help! You have unhealthy relationships if this is what you think! Do you have any children? I feel sorry for them, just sorry!
No woman deserves to get slapped upside her head!
I dont have to own jack ish! I wish a negro WOULD hit me! God is love and that is just not right. I'd get my brother and uncle and whoever to put their foot in his arse if even looked at me funny...blah blah blah LOLOL
I still stand by my original quote: "You CANNOT beat a man down with words and turn around be shocked he smacked the hell out of you"..That's just the way my cookie crumbles.
Good debate ladies! :Rose:
seraphinelle
Well-Known Member
Are you serious about life?
Evidently, Please see below post, and stop using my lines.
There are many things that women can use in an argument. Women are awfully creative and resourceful if need be, and know which buttons to push.
HOWEVER, if the man sees SHE is not backing down from the argument he should remove himself from the situation.
And since we're comparing grown ass people to children, I do recall a saying back in grade school:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
There should be NO reason why a man should EVER hit a woman and to think otherwise is disgusting.
And to insinuate that it was ok because older generations did is ridiculous.
Black people were whipped because they had to 'stay in their place' as per the white man.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
those things should lead your man to hit you and that's ok, seriously?
erplexed. if a woman is out looking for trouble then she needs to grow up and realise that she played a part in the reaction that ensured. however, does she deserve to be hit because this was her "punishment" or it "teaches her a lesson"? not at all. imo, a real man who is in control of himself will look for an exit and leave a crazy woman by her damn self. that means removing himself from the situation. if the woman is being physical then only then should be attempt to restrain her but not through violence (like hitting). if his woman is waving her hands in his face he can simply leave the room or the house.
a man who allows himself to stay in a situation where his woman is going off and then proceeds to hit her is dead wrong. he could have left before his anger escalated. imo, no-one deserves to be hit by their partner whether they are male or female. i personally find condoning such actions horrible.
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Energist
New Member
A woman never deserves to be hit. The man should just walk away and cool down. Now if she continues and that seems to be the constant theme in the relationship, he should be the bigger person and end it!I had an ex put his hands on me many years ago, and he surely got stabbed by me! So men really ought to think a long while before assuming that they will quiet a woman or have the upper hand if they try abusing her, because in my situation it surely was not the case.
I may look quiet and innocent, but I do have the capability of becoming a wild woman, especially under any such circumstance. My father taught me how to take care of myself when dealing with knuckle head men
Ivonnovi
Well-Known Member
I "had" a friend who this happened too.
He took in and provided for her & her 2 kids. The man worked his *** off. Even after damn near loosing his career for this "Club Rat".
She, wasn't "made" to work, constantly *****ed, (even to the point where she'd be on the phone talking about him IN HIS presence) and in front of the kids; she spent his money, basiclly emasculated the poor man at every turn.
During one of these escapades he snapped and hit her; SHE got mad at me 'cause I would not take her in after this abuse.
Me; I'd warned her several times that she should stop this behavior, or this would happen! I did what I could to "salvage" their marriage, but this event also strained our friendship. Hell there were times when I wanted to "Hit" her! :heated:
MizzBrown, good quote:
I have to agree, it's like watching a train wreck,
you don't want it too happen, can't "justify" it, but if one of them doesn't "change tracks" it's going to happen. Sorry.
He took in and provided for her & her 2 kids. The man worked his *** off. Even after damn near loosing his career for this "Club Rat".
She, wasn't "made" to work, constantly *****ed, (even to the point where she'd be on the phone talking about him IN HIS presence) and in front of the kids; she spent his money, basiclly emasculated the poor man at every turn.
During one of these escapades he snapped and hit her; SHE got mad at me 'cause I would not take her in after this abuse.
Me; I'd warned her several times that she should stop this behavior, or this would happen! I did what I could to "salvage" their marriage, but this event also strained our friendship. Hell there were times when I wanted to "Hit" her! :heated:
MizzBrown, good quote:
I have to agree, it's like watching a train wreck,
you don't want it too happen, can't "justify" it, but if one of them doesn't "change tracks" it's going to happen. Sorry.
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prettypuff1
New Member
Bint Yusef
New Member
Consider your sources. Some quick searches on other threads dealing with relationships and it all becomes clear. Some people's track record speaks for itself.
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
I "had" a friend who this happened too.
He took in and provided for her & her 2 kids. The man worked his *** off. Even after damn near loosing his career for this "Club Rat".
She, wasn't "made" to work, constantly *****ed, (even to the point where she'd be on the phone talking about him IN HIS presence) and in front of the kids; she spent his money, basiclly emasculated the poor man at every turn.
During one of these escapades he snapped and hit her; SHE got mad at me 'cause I would not take her in after this abuse.
Me; I'd warned her several times that she should stop this behavior, or this would happen! I did what I could to "salvage" their marriage, but this event also strained our friendship. Hell there were times when I wanted to "Hit" her! :heated:
MizzBrown, good quote:
I have to agree, it's like watching a train wreck,
If my girlfriend called me with that mess that "he hit me" after doing all those things that your friend did then i'd hang up on her. I aint calling no police or tellin her "I'll come get you girl! pack yo stuff".
Nah, i'mma leave her there to deal with it just like he had to deal with her stuff. She can call another friend or call 911 herself.
Don't call me and ask me to help you hurl a brick through your man's car, or put arsenic in his food, help you sell his clothes, and call me talking ish about him and his family and making other threats and then call me to come get you cause he snapped and hit you.
THAT is the epitome of the kind of woman i was talking about.
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Bint Yusef
New Member
If all of this is going on, they need to just end the relationship. Aint no amount of hitting and smacking that will rectify this situation. Since when has hitting someone, been the solution to putting folks in their place? All of that screams bigger problems. I get what you are saying as far as women who go to far and not expect a man to be a human and respond in a brash manner, but you need to rewind that tape and fix whatever it was that got them to that point. By the time he is mad enough to hit her and she is dumb enough to accept it things have gone way too far.
I cannot set my man's stuff on fire, clear out his bank account, throw his child out on my front porch, show up at his job fussin' and make him lose his job, throw bleach all in his car, etc. etc.
I cannot do all that and not expect a GRAND REACTION. And its stupid to think women can do said things and then stand there with hands on hip saying "And what!? What you gonna do about it?"
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
Agreed. They need to end the relationship. And what's sad is the relationship ender for some ladies has been the result of getting a black eye or worse.
Some folks get the grand reaction a lot worse than others.
Ms. Plain Jane
New Member
Be careful what you wish for...
Do you really picture a normal, loving relationship like this?
To some people dysfunction is a family tradition that shall be maintained at all costs.
Ms. Plain Jane
New Member
Sorry. Please don't hit me, even though I deserve it. 
BillsBackerz67
Well-Known Member
a mess
erplexed I hear about stories like this all the time. I dont think men should hit women...but at the same time Im not suprised to find out that the girl got blazed across her face. i know some women that actually get turned on from that thug lovin BS.
.....and what's surprising about this thread is that the majority of women (some of you got it, some of you really do understand the point, thank goodness), that as a woman, you can do things that can take a situation too far and in the heat of the moment, just like you're flying off the handle with your weapon (words) he could fly off the handle with his weapon (and what if his weapon isn't words, what if it's strength)?
Most of this thread is further evidence that most women don't really understand men too well. And this is why I'm witnessing the trainwreck coming right now with one of my friends. She just won't stop constantly pushing.
And all of this "he should just leave" stuff...comon', let's keep it real, most of the time (FOR THE SITUATION I'M TALKING ABOUT) the man THINKS she can't push him that far, he THINKS "I don't hit women" so he THINKS he will never do it, until she goes too far one night and he goes too far too...
Funny how it's virtually impossible for women to accept responsibility in our actions. You CANNOT DO AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN in a relationship with a man. It's your responsibility to NOT GO TOO FAR because you could end up in a situation where you bring harm on yourself. No he shouldn't hit you, but you also shouldn't disrespect him to the point where he can't control himself, for your own sake.
If you're a woman who is in an abusive relationship, this ain't about you. You should get the hell out. Actually, I have a pretty good instinct that some women in this thread have pushed those buttons with men who would never have hit them if they hadn't pushed him, but I think only one woman owned up to it.
Most of this thread is further evidence that most women don't really understand men too well. And this is why I'm witnessing the trainwreck coming right now with one of my friends. She just won't stop constantly pushing.
And all of this "he should just leave" stuff...comon', let's keep it real, most of the time (FOR THE SITUATION I'M TALKING ABOUT) the man THINKS she can't push him that far, he THINKS "I don't hit women" so he THINKS he will never do it, until she goes too far one night and he goes too far too...
Funny how it's virtually impossible for women to accept responsibility in our actions. You CANNOT DO AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN in a relationship with a man. It's your responsibility to NOT GO TOO FAR because you could end up in a situation where you bring harm on yourself. No he shouldn't hit you, but you also shouldn't disrespect him to the point where he can't control himself, for your own sake.
If you're a woman who is in an abusive relationship, this ain't about you. You should get the hell out. Actually, I have a pretty good instinct that some women in this thread have pushed those buttons with men who would never have hit them if they hadn't pushed him, but I think only one woman owned up to it.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
you make it seem as if people "not getting" your point means they're in the wrong and you're in the right. this is not the case; people have a difference of opinion on this issue and that's to be expected. i'm sure people are "getting" your point, even those who say that a woman shouldn't be hit under any conditions. they are just not agreeing with your point.
i agree and understand that a woman should not think she can push and push because she thinks she's "untouchable" (not just in the physical sense but untouchable in the sense that she can't be left or reported etc) or wants to test a man's limits. a real woman with self-respect, who is in control of herself, does not stoop to this childish level. however, a real man who is in a relationship with such a woman does not result to violence even if he wants to give her a slap across the face or punch in the mouth just to "teach her a lesson". in fact, he spots that she doesn't have a grip on her temper and moves the hell on.
grown adults need to know when to exit a situation before it results in hands being waved in front of someone's' face, neck rolling and "yo momma" taunts. if it does get to that point then people can still leave the situation. is it easy? nope but many rational people do this when they know they're about to fly off the handle.
losing your cool so much that you do damage to your partner, your supposed love one, is inexcusable. accepting a slap from your man because you know you deliberately pushed his limits screams out, "dysfunctional relationship!" to me. both people should go into therapy and anger management as far as i'm concerned. even if a woman hasn't been hit but thinks that her man would be within his rights to slap her because she ran her mouth off is disturbing to me and i wonder what this person grew up seeing. this is not rational behaviour, imo and i can't even understand why some are trying to normalise it.
unfortunately, i was thinking this too.
I, as a grown woman, have never been hit by a man nor have I been with a man who I felt buttons could be pushed to hit me. If thats the case he is NO MAN. He is a child that can be controlled and manipulated, and I am uninterested in a relationship with a person like that. Send him back to his mammy.
A note: To those saying you do not condone violence in one breath then say, well she pushed his buttons, in the next you ARE excusing male violence. No ifs ands or buts about it.
ticktock, I think that people aren't getting the point because I've somehow been reduced to accepting voilence from men and condoning abusive relationships, etc. I read pretty well and I have a pretty sharp mind, I know what I'm reading, but thank you.
And re: the bolded...THIS topic is about a woman's responsibility to NOT go too far so that the latter part of the bolded statement happens. It's not about should you stay with your man after he hits you or anything like that. I haven't once discussed what should happen AFTER he flies off the handle, I'm talking about women not contributing that recipe for disaster...period. I, as the OP (and I can't speak for all in the thread), haven't once said a man gets a pass for beating on a woman or hitting on a woman. I'm sure most of us have experienced some dysfunctionality in a relationship, however, I have never experienced physical abuse or having a man threatening to hit me. Maybe you haven't either, maybe you aren't the type of chick that will push to that point, but if you are, just so you know you're gambling everytime you "go there."
ETA: I don't expect everyone to agree with me, I just wish we could stay on topic. I've seen where someone actually responded (NOT AGREEING) but it was at least related to the topic.
kismettt
Well-Known Member
um, i dont ever want to be afraid of my SO the way i am of my mom. if i nag him/whatever & he hits me because he doesnt like what is coming out of my mouth, then yes, that is making me afraid of him like i am of my mom. not acceptable, ever. like someone else said, i am not a child needed to be "put in my place". i dont think a man owns me so therefore, no he has no right to beat/hit me into submission. sorry. the first time will be his last time, because if he hits me once, he will do it again & even if he doesn't, i will be scared that he will. (ive seen too many abusive relationships to take even a smack lightly)
for other women, if you think you deserve to be hit once you start mouthing off, thats you. stay in that relationship & be happy with it because you 'got what you deserved'. im sorry, i cant play like that.
for other women, if you think you deserve to be hit once you start mouthing off, thats you. stay in that relationship & be happy with it because you 'got what you deserved'. im sorry, i cant play like that.
Millahdoowop
Well-Known Member
Oh nooooooo a woman should not get hit by a man because of that.
Now if she thinks she is big and bad and wants to throw down with him like she's a dude, I wouldn't be surprised. Still doesn't make it right though. Grown folks really should not be hitting on each other out of frustration. Male or female.
Millahdoowop
Well-Known Member
Well call me a hypocrite.
No but really everyone has their breaking point, and a woman is just as wrong as a man if she is placing her hands on him even though she does not/can not do it with the same force as a man. I would hope that a man gets out of a relationship with a woman who does spit like that (nagging and following, hands in the face). I think I'd knock the spit out of somebody too, but I guess I got a little leeway because I'm a woman.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
oh, you're totally welcome, dear.
im not talking about what happens after about someone gets hit either. i'm talking about leaving before that crap even happens, not after it. the end result of a woman running her mouth off doesn't always have to be her getting hit but it can be a man being mature enough to know he isn't going to stand some old bullish and leaving. i'm trying to show that when someone becomes very rude, there is no need to stand around getting red in the face until you lash out.
just like a woman is gambling every time she goes "there", a man is gambling by remaining in the same room as an enraged woman or even staying in the relationship period. you don't always have to react to craziness and stupidity with more of the same. a real man does not react by hitting back, a real man rationally assesses if the relationship is healthy and reacts accordingly. reacting accordingly and in a healthy manner isn't standing around until reaching boiling point and/or lashing out on your woman.
the issue is that by turning a blind eye or thinking a man was within his rights to hit a woman who continually mouths off ignores the fact that there are still underlying issues in the relationship that simply wont be resolved in many cases by one smack in the mouth. the woman may well mouth off again and more hitting ensues.
the woman was wrong to mentally/emotionally abuse the man with words and the man was wrong to psychically abuse her by striking out even from that every first time. he doesn't get a "first smack" pass or more understanding because his woman mouthed off, imo. neither party deserved their abuse but should have had the sense to move on from the first incident.
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