He hit her, but she deserved it, your thoughts?

[justNikki]

ticktock, I actually agree with you.

 

[NYAmicas]

you make it seem as if people "not getting" your point means they're in the wrong and you're in the right. this is not the case; people have a difference of opinion on this issue and that's to be expected. i'm sure people are "getting" your point, even those who say that a woman shouldn't be hit under any conditions. they are just not agreeing with your point.

i agree and understand that a woman should not think she can push and push because she thinks she's "untouchable" (not just in the physical sense but untouchable in the sense that she can't be left or reported etc) or wants to test a man's limits. a real woman with self-respect, who is in control of herself, does not stoop to this childish level. however, a real man who is in a relationship with such a woman does not result to violence even if he wants to give her a slap across the face or punch in the mouth just to "teach her a lesson". in fact, he spots that she doesn't have a grip on her temper and moves the hell on.

grown adults need to know when to exit a situation before it results in hands being waved in front of someone's' face, neck rolling and "yo momma" taunts. if it does get to that point then people can still leave the situation. is it easy? nope but many rational people do this when they know they're about to fly off the handle.

losing your cool so much that you do damage to your partner, your supposed love one, is inexcusable. accepting a slap from your man because you know you deliberately pushed his limits screams out, "dysfunctional relationship!" to me. both people should go into therapy and anger management as far as i'm concerned. even if a woman hasn't been hit but thinks that her man would be within his rights to slap her because she ran her mouth off is disturbing to me and i wonder what this person grew up seeing. this is not rational behaviour, imo and i can't even understand why some are trying to normalise it.



unfortunately, i was thinking this too.

I, as a grown woman, have never been hit by a man nor have I been with a man who I felt buttons could be pushed to hit me. If thats the case he is NO MAN. He is a child that can be controlled and manipulated, and I am uninterested in a relationship with a person like that. Send him back to his mammy.

A note: To those saying you do not condone violence in one breath then say, well she pushed his buttons, in the next you ARE excusing male violence. No ifs ands or buts about it.

ITA with both of you ladies entirely! There is no misunderstanding on my part, I dont think a woman deserves to be hit. I dont care how little she told him his thang was.

 

[RubyWoo]

No but really everyone has their breaking point,

Everyone's breaking point doesn't equal violence nor should it. If violence and the intent to cause physical harm to someone is one's breaking and they lack self control then they are the the one with the problem(and they need serious professional help); not the other party. No matter how verbally abusive a woman is to a man, he has so many choices in how to deal with her; one of which is getting the law involved.

OP, I think most people understand what you're saying, they just don't agree. And to address your original question, NO none of those scenarios warrant physical violence. Violence is never okay and I don't believe anyone ever deserves to get hit.

 

[filthyfresh]

Re: He hit her, and I understand why, your thoughts?

Most of yall are so hype, yall can't read right, I guess. Please calm down. Let's state the obvious...

1) It is NEVER excusable for a man to hit a woman or a woman to hit a man
2) Any man/woman that puts her hands on her mate deserves to be punished to the full extent of the law

Now that this is out of the way, please stop turning this into a "you think men have the right to abuse women" thread or "you think a man has the right to check a woman because of what she says" thread. That's not what this is about AT ALL.

This is about women taking responsibility for our own actions. Women realizing that men are not like women, so, we have to deal with them like they are men. Realizing that you have to be careful to not PUT YOURSELF IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS. Controlling yourself is JUST as important as a man controlling himself. Stop waiting until the deed is done and then crying foul.

This thread is not about men who beat women, PERIOD. This thread is about women who verbally abuse men and set themselves up for some potential harm. Can we stick to that subject?

I changed the title of the thread to reflect better what I'm saying. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying sometimes, I can understand why some things happen.

Yes, there will always be men who are just abusive and a woman doesn't have to do a darn thing to provoke such a reaction, this topic ain't about them. Can we leave them out of this convo, please?

Thanks.

ITA. No one deserves to be abused, but things happen when people cross that line. And even the most self-controlled person has a line that you just don't cross.

 

[DeepBluSea]

This convo reminds me of the aftermath of the Juanita Bynum situation. Lots of men (and women) were saying she shouldn't have followed him and kept baggering him.

 

[Millahdoowop]

Everyone's breaking point doesn't equal violence nor should it. If violence and the intent to cause physical harm to someone is one's breaking and they lack self control then they are the the one with the problem(and they need serious professional help); not the other party. No matter how verbally abusive a woman is to a man, he has so many choices in how to deal with her; one of which is getting the law involved.

OP, I think most people understand what you're saying, they just don't agree. And to address your original question, NO none of those scenarios warrant physical violence. Violence is never okay and I don't believe anyone ever deserves to get hit.

And you are totally right. That same thing should be applied to a woman if she feels the need to put her hands on a man. The no violence sounds nice, but I'd be lying if I said I never felt like I wanted to beat a **** before (speaking outside of relationships, but speaking of violence in general). Like other posters have stated I would hope a man would walk away from a situation if it does get to that point.

 

[Millahdoowop]

This convo reminds me of the aftermath of the Juanita Bynum situation. Lots of men (and women) were saying she shouldn't have followed him and kept baggering him.

I get what they are saying... kind of, but that doesn't mean she should have gotten hit or beaten at all. I don't understand why someone would want to keep following a person talking s*** knowing the person is mad. Maybe they get off on that...erplexed

 

[FlowerHair]

Consider your sources. Some quick searches on other threads dealing with relationships and it all becomes clear. Some people's track record speaks for itself.

I didn't want to go "there", but I agree with you 100%...

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept physical violence and later find yourself in a violent relationship.

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept whatever life throws your way whether it may be multiple marriages, children left and right, men cheating on you and you taking them back, men who do all kinds of **** and then say they have turned to Jesus and you forgive them everything etc.

I realize that some people can't imagine a relationship without physical violence or cussing out eachother etc so it's hard to understand for such a person that it can actually be calm and peaceful in the home 24/7. But if only one of you realized that, that's one life changed...hopefully!

 

[Ramya]

I didn't want to go "there", but I agree with you 100%...

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept physical violence and later find yourself in a violent relationship.

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept whatever life throws your way whether it may be multiple marriages, children left and right, men cheating on you and you taking them back, men who do all kinds of **** and then say they have turned to Jesus and you forgive them everything etc.

I realize that some people can't imagine a relationship without physical violence or cussing out eachother etc so it's hard to understand for such a person that it can actually be calm and peaceful in the home 24/7. But if only one of you realized that, that's one life changed...hopefully!

ITA!!! And yeah I was going to leave it alone too. I honestly believe that some of these "grown" women do not know what a healthy relationship is and their track record shows it. SMH I take that back, they can have all of the sorry men that they're with, even the ones who beat women, so that there will be one less stupid, weak man for the real ladies to have to weed out.

 

[Ramya]

Re: He hit her, and I understand why, your thoughts?

ITA. No one deserves to be abused, but things happen when people cross that line. And even the most self-controlled person has a line that you just don't cross.

No things do not just "happen." People choose every action. A man hit a woman b/c he chose to and wanted to. She did not hold a gun to his head and say HIT ME. She was just nagging and being annoying.

 

[mshoney2u]

ticktock, I actually agree with you.

But my thing is that it is a shame that she even had to break it down like that after that post you made, cause if you read most of my posts and some of the other ladies that is the EXACT same thing we were saying. It was common sense and you basically insulted us saying we didnt understand like we were slow and some other inflaming things. I got what you were saying. Like I told MPJ I though we were all were probably saying the same thing but in different ways. Nobody ever said she wasnt wrong for her part. All we were saying (I mean most of us) is that it should havent gotten to that point. This is were the mix up is.

Like tocktick said

"grown adults need to know when to exit a situation before it results in hands being waved in front of someone's' face, neck rolling and "yo momma" taunts."

 

[Ramya]

But my thing is that it is a shame that she even had to break it down like that after that post you made, cause if you read most of my posts and some of the other ladies that is the EXACT same thing we were saying. It was common sense and you basically insulted us saying we didnt understand like we were slow and some other inflaming things. I got what you were saying. Like I told MPJ I though we were all were probably saying the same thing but in different ways. Nobody ever said she wasnt wrong for her part. All we were saying (I mean most of us) is that it should havent gotten to that point. This is were the mix up is.

Like tocktick said

"grown adults need to know when to exit a situation before it results in hands being waved in front of someone's' face, neck rolling and "yo momma" taunts."

Exactly. The discussion seemed to be going fine with me. yes, there were some extreme examples but it still added to the conversation.

 

[Mortons]

ITA!!! And yeah I was going to leave it alone too. I honestly believe that some of these "grown" women do not know what a healthy relationship is and their track record shows it. SMH I take that back, they can have all of the sorry men that they're with, even the ones who beat women, so that there will be one less stupid, weak man for the real ladies to have to weed out.

....................................

 

[DSP]

Consider your sources. Some quick searches on other threads dealing with relationships and it all becomes clear. Some people's track record speaks for itself.

I didn't want to go "there", but I agree with you 100%...

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept physical violence and later find yourself in a violent relationship.

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept whatever life throws your way whether it may be multiple marriages, children left and right, men cheating on you and you taking them back, men who do all kinds of **** and then say they have turned to Jesus and you forgive them everything etc.

I realize that some people can't imagine a relationship without physical violence or cussing out eachother etc so it's hard to understand for such a person that it can actually be calm and peaceful in the home 24/7. But if only one of you realized that, that's one life changed...hopefully!

Thank you both for saving me some keystrokes. People (plural) need to stop posting about the crazy men they put up with one day then the next day rolling up like Dr. Phil giving relationship advice.

It is very possible to have a sane, passionate, long-term relationship without Fatal Attraction bunny-boiling behavior on her part and Ike Turner style behavior on his part.

 

[justNikki]

But my thing is that it is a shame that she even had to break it down like that after that post you made, cause if you read most of my posts and some of the other ladies that is the EXACT same thing we were saying. It was common sense and you basically insulted us saying we didnt understand like we were slow and some other inflaming things. I got what you were saying. Like I told MPJ I though we were all were probably saying the same thing but in different ways. Nobody ever said she wasnt wrong for her part. All we were saying (I mean most of us) is that it should havent gotten to that point. This is were the mix up is.

Like tocktick said

"grown adults need to know when to exit a situation before it results in hands being waved in front of someone's' face, neck rolling and "yo momma" taunts."

Actually, I haven't insulted ANYONE in this thread. If you felt slow, well, that's on you. And several folks just skipped right over "women have some responsibility" part and hopped right on "he's ain't right for hitting a woman" part, when if you read what I said, I have agreed with that ALL ALONG! Emotions!

ETA: Don't come at me with all kinds of slick comments, implying that I am a victim of abuse or that I condone abusive relationships. I started this discussion to try to figure out if women really can see how we can add to a recipe of disaster, and it's pretty clear that a lot of women can't handle such a discussion.

 

[justNikki]

I didn't want to go "there", but I agree with you 100%...

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept physical violence and later find yourself in a violent relationship.

PLEASE don't cry out to the board when you accept whatever life throws your way whether it may be multiple marriages, children left and right, men cheating on you and you taking them back, men who do all kinds of **** and then say they have turned to Jesus and you forgive them everything etc.

I realize that some people can't imagine a relationship without physical violence or cussing out eachother etc so it's hard to understand for such a person that it can actually be calm and peaceful in the home 24/7. But if only one of you realized that, that's one life changed...hopefully!

Hmmm...you CAN'T possibly be referring to me, since I haven't shared one bit of personal information about my relationships. So....what is this all about, really?

 

[tocktick]

Hmmm...you CAN'T possibly be referring to me, since I haven't shared one bit of personal information about my relationships. So....what is this all about, really?

read the previous posts; especially the early ones. you were not the only person saying that if a woman continues to run her mouth that she should expect/shouldn't be surprised if her man reacts with violence. also, i believe one person actually condoned women getting a little smack if they got "out of line" with their words.

 

[prettypuff1]

Consider your sources. Some quick searches on other threads dealing with relationships and it all becomes clear. Some people's track record speaks for itself.

yeah... i was thinking the same thing

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

read the previous posts; especially the early ones. you were not the only person saying that if a woman continues to run her mouth that she should expect/shouldn't be surprised if her man reacts with violence. also, i believe one person actually condoned women getting a little smack if they got "out of line" with their words.

Yet another thing that tocktick has to spell out.

 

[justNikki]

...and how 3rd grade is this conversation becoming? More evidence...

 

[firecracker]

Can't nobody drive you to **** but a jail cell if a foolish **** uses provocation as a damn excuse. I dont' agree with the behavior you listed but domestic violence is a **** as well as the ramifications.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

This debate, and my thoughts on it, are quite similar to the half-naked woman in a dark alley scenario. I think we all (almost all) agree that a man is dead wrong for slapping a woman, or raping a woman. How much consolation is that to the woman after the fact when she's getting stitches? I might have lost 3 teeth, but at least he's the only one who's morally wrong?

It is UNWISE to put oneself in a position in which you are likely to be harmed.

My wife-beating story:
My great-grandparents came to America from Slovakia right before the Great Depression. He comes home after tying one on :alcoholicand she voices her displeasure So he slapped her. She is NOT ok with this. She waits till he passes out , and then sews him into the bed, sews the sheets around his body and he can't move a muscle. She then beats the tar out of him with the mop handle. He never raised his hand ever again.

 

[MizzBrown]

Hmmm...you CAN'T possibly be referring to me, since I haven't shared one bit of personal information about my relationships. So....what is this all about, really?

Nah, they were probably talking about me. So what. Only i know the full story. And yeah i'll continue to "give advice". Internet peeps don't bother me. Toodles!

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

A woman has no responsibility for anyone else's reactions other than her own. I do not own anyone else's body. I do not own anyone else's reactions.

If I follow a man down the street nagging him (I don't), cussing him (I haven't said a cuss word since age 16 and I'm 38), taunting him, or throwing a brick and hitting him in the head - I own my OWN actions. His reaction to that by slapping me - is not a reflex. It is thought out. Why? Because THIS is a NOT a normal reflex.

Scenario:

Brick comes flying towards your head and hits you.

Reflex: hand flies up to head and holds it because it's painful.
Reaction: Man turns around, walks up to the woman and cold-cocks her.

MY actions did NOT contribute to HIS actions. He did that ALL.BY.HIMSELF. Because my brain does NOT control his arm. Because MY hands did NOT move his hands to cold-cock me.

Did I put myself in a precarious situation? Sure I did. But it's NOT a situation like I'm teetering over the edge of a building where I should very well expect myself to possibly fall. That's a reasonable result of MY actions. A reasonable result to MY actions of throwing a brick and hitting him in the head is that he calls the police on me and I go to jail. THAT'S a reasonable reaction by a MAN.

And I did think we were talking about men and not issue-ridden males.

I don't think a MAN's reaction is EVER hitting a woman.

ETA: I have NEVER been hit by a man. And am not married to a man who would EVER go there. No matter what. But then again, I think about EVERYTHING that I say and I don't ever say anything that I don't mean. EVER. So I'm not going to say anything that I will regret later.

 

[mshoney2u]

EDITED QUESTION: Let me reword this from DESERVE to get to hit to can you understand why some women end up getting hit by a man?

If I see woman constantly berating a man, pushing hit buttons, pushing and pushing until he reaches his breaking point where he feels backed into a corner and he lashes out and hits her, I don't feel sorry for her at all. I don't think a man should be hitting on women, but I also don't think a woman should treat a man as if he's not a man by constantly picking and picking until....

Examples...

- following him around the house nagging and nagging

- talking an issue to death when he's shown you he's done with that convo

- running up on him with your hands all in his face

My question ultimately is...what's worse...a man hitting a woman or a woman driving him to it?

Your thoughts?

.....and what's surprising about this thread is that the majority of women (some of you got it, some of you really do understand the point, thank goodness), that as a woman, you can do things that can take a situation too far and in the heat of the moment, just like you're flying off the handle with your weapon (words) he could fly off the handle with his weapon (and what if his weapon isn't words, what if it's strength)?

Most of this thread is further evidence that most women don't really understand men too well. And this is why I'm witnessing the trainwreck coming right now with one of my friends. She just won't stop constantly pushing.

And all of this "he should just leave" stuff...comon', let's keep it real, most of the time (FOR THE SITUATION I'M TALKING ABOUT) the man THINKS she can't push him that far, he THINKS "I don't hit women" so he THINKS he will never do it, until she goes too far one night and he goes too far too...

Funny how it's virtually impossible for women to accept responsibility in our actions. You CANNOT DO AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN in a relationship with a man. It's your responsibility to NOT GO TOO FAR because you could end up in a situation where you bring harm on yourself. No he shouldn't hit you, but you also shouldn't disrespect him to the point where he can't control himself, for your own sake.

If you're a woman who is in an abusive relationship, this ain't about you. You should get the hell out. Actually, I have a pretty good instinct that some women in this thread have pushed those buttons with men who would never have hit them if they hadn't pushed him, but I think only one woman owned up to it.

First off you come up in here asking our thoughts. It is clear that you really didnt want our thoughts. You have a stance on this subject and it is pretty bold and clear. Women on here like you need a disclaimer " I dont want your thoughts. I just want to be co-signed and if you dont I will argue you down to prove how right my point is. Then point out why women really dont know this, that and the other. I said you were acting like we were slow for not getting your point. WHEN WE DID! I never said you made ANYONE feels slow you not that brilliant sweetie! Just for your info. I do know men, probably better than you. I WAS RAISE BY A DAM man. I got all my dam game from a man. A REAL MAN. Something you seem to no little about. Cause if you did you would know a REAL man would have reconized what kind of woman you are speaking about is and bounced a long dam time ago. So he wouldnt have to be put in a situation like that in the first dam please.

 

[MizzBrown]

Why yall still arguing about this?!! Let's go and talk about hair and shampoo and whats going on in the Entertainment forum...

Geez, one person likes Vanilla, another person likes chocolate. Thats just they way their taste buds flow.

You cant change peoples opinion. Who wants to? What for?

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

First off you come up in here asking our thoughts. It is clear that you really didnt want our thoughts. You have a stance on this subject and it is pretty bold and clear. Women on here like you need a disclaimer " I dont want your thoughts. I just want to be co-signed and if you dont I will argue you down to prove how right my point is. Then point out why women really dont know this, that and the other. I said you were acting like we were slow for not getting your point. WHEN WE DID! I never said you made ANYONE feels slow you not that brilliant sweetie! Just for your info. I do know men, probably better than you. I WAS RAISE BY A DAM man. I got all my dam game from a man. A REAL MAN. Something you seem to no little about. Cause if you did you would know a REAL man would have reconized what kind of woman you are speaking about is and bounced a long dam time ago. So he wouldnt have to be put in a situation like that in the first dam please.

You know how some women have a girlfriend who is being abused by her man and time and time again you try to convince her and tell her to leave him and the deserves better, yet no matter how well you reason with her, she just doesn't get it and decides to stay with him?

This is one of those times. Save your keystrokes.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Why yall still arguing about this?!! Let's go and talk about hair and shampoo and whats going on in the Entertainment forum...

Geez, one person likes Vanilla, another person likes chocolate. Thats just they way their taste buds flow.

You cant change peoples opinion. Who wants to? What for?

Who's trying to change someone's opinions? This is a discussion. People who no longer wish to participate do not have to.



I feel sorry for the impressionable young ladies and women on the board who are reading this thread.

 

[MizzBrown]

When the dicussion borders on aggression which is what i've noticed then it seems as if someone is trying to sway another person.

Thats my take on it.

I also feel sorry for the young and impressionable ladies. But its nice to see different sides of the story.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

When the dicussion borders on aggression which is what i've noticed then it seems as if someone is trying to sway another person.

Thats my take on it.

I also feel sorry for the young and impressionable ladies. But its nice to see different sides of the story.

I sensed FRUSTRATION, not aggression. Many posters here were frustrated with the responses with good reason.

You almost have 2000 posts.