I'm in a situation right now with a friend who is going through a very tough time.
I'm not even sure I can call her a friend. We hung out a bit during college but she was closer to other people. Now that she's going through a tough time, she's latched on to me. Her other friends have either abandoned her or their lives are in shambles as well. Since I'm the only person in her life on an upswing, I'm her only positive influence.
There is a lot going on. Failed marriage, bipolar disorder, lost custody of children, alcohol abuse, money problems, spousal abandonment, non-supportive family, the list goes on. When she was happily married I never heard from her. Now that everything has fallen apart, I've spent the last 2 years listening to her problems just about every single day. Whether it was at 2 am, noon, or while I was at a concert, on a date, etc... I was always there to step out, answer the phone, and motivate her. But by the next day, she'd be back in a slump. I've given her money and have helped with bills.
She's at rock bottom now and I can no longer help. I've done everything I can do. I also suffer from depression that I spent years trying to get under control and this situation is triggering me and sending me back into a low place. I can't relate to spousal abandonment or losing custody of children so my advice now falls on deaf ears because what do I know?
Last year I offered to let her come live with me (in another state) once I got settled in. I was going to help her get a better paying job, get into some classes, and get on her feet but in the months following that offer, she turned so dark that it completely turned me off from the idea. I can't do it and now I don't know how to break it to her. She is fully capable of making the move on her own and getting her own place (she doesn't pay rent where she is now), but she's never lived by herself. She's always been a slacker and lacked motivation so she needs people to hold her hand. I've offered to send her resume around to people I know who can secure her a job that pays more-- but a year later and she hasn't even sent me her resume.
I'm out of energy. Now I rarely answer when she calls because it is always bad news. I've suggested resources but she doesn't follow through. She went years without taking her medication and she's now back on them but will soon stop taking them because there is no consistency. She slacks on going to counseling. I've suggested inpatient treatment but she keeps shutting it down. She's not going to AA. She won't go to group therapy. Aside from me, everyone else she talks to is in a bad situation, and all they do is share how terrible their lives are.
For anyone who has gone through this, is there something I haven't done? Have you ever just given up?
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