Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

[yaya24]

I believe your friend is battling addiction, and addictions nearly always impact relationships. I assume you link up to connect and spend quality face to face time. It's hard to forge a connection with someone who's constantly thinking about their next "hit", whatever form that takes.

During those moments you are being abandoned and reprioritised - at the same time, it's not purposefully done or personal. Just a symptom. The actions aren't rude in this context (unless this is one of her characteristics generally). I noticed you put that in caps. That look of stress in her face when she has to put her phone away is giving me - pathological issue. Possibly if you reframe the behaviour away from rude to cell phone addiction symptoms you may start to feel less triggered. Depending on how strongly you tend to feel about rude behaviour.

If you were one of those people who cant stand for people to ever divert attention temporarily, I'd say to explore that. Constant diversion though - IDK. I feel that it could even be wired into us as humans. Maybe evolutionary. The way we seek connection, trust and security tends to have eye contact as a critical component.

Has she always been like this with her phone?

Love this. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I will definitely explore refraining the behavior as it is happening. That will help me from the emotion of annoyance / frustration.. but to that of grace. I don't have to have constant attention, but now that I think about it- it is definitely something she has done (with the phone) as long as I've known her.

 

[discodumpling]

@yaya24 How much younger than you is she. As I get older I cannot tolerate the shenanigans of those who are 35 & under. They are different folks.

 

[yaya24]

@yaya24 How much younger than you is she. As I get older I cannot tolerate the shenanigans of those who are 35 & under. They are different folks.

She's 35 (36 in November).
I'll be 40 in October.

My youngest sister is 30 and does not do this at all

 

[discodumpling]

She's 35 (36 in November).
I'll be 40 in October.

My youngest sister is 30 and does not do this at all

My 30 yr old son doesn't do it either...but he may be different around friends.
You might have to ease up on the friendship. No use in trying to change someone you're not emotionally or otherwise invested in. She can't help herself & it's stressing you out.

 

[yaya24]

My 30 yr old son doesn't do it either...but he may be different around friends.
You might have to ease up on the friendship. No use in trying to change someone you're not emotionally or otherwise invested in. She can't help herself & it's stressing you out.

Thank you for replying.
True, my sister knows that we (the older siblings) aren't glued to the devices when we are together, so she naturally does the same..and she's had a cell phone since she was in the 2nd grade.

My friend is back in town (shes a travel nurse and landed back in Dallas this morning). She wants to link up before I leave to Chicago on Friday. [That's what made me post about it].

We agreed to Thursday dinner..

I'll see how it goes with the addiction reframe ..

 

[GGsKin]

@yaya I like what @PeaceFlow said about reframing her behaviour. That’s a great take and allows you to give grace, and not take her ‘need’ for her phone personally. At the same time, her actions could be something that continue to annoy you.

Like you, I also considered her behaviour RUDE! lol upon initially reading your post (and still do, to a point of addiction). I like to be present and in the moment whether one on one, or in groups, and especially with those I consider friends. When conversation is flowing there is rarely time to even think about checking socials or scrolling. I can scroll when I’m by myself.

But the point that she may be addicted is great one.

Spending less time in-person with her might just be the thing you need. Maybe the friendship would serve you (and her) better if your time with her was via the phone more often than in person.

 

[yaya24]

@yaya I like what @PeaceFlow said about reframing her behaviour. That’s a great take and allows you to give grace, and not take her ‘need’ for her phone personally. At the same time, her actions could be something that continue to annoy you.

Like you, I also considered her behaviour RUDE! lol upon initially reading your post (and still do, to a point of addiction). I like to be present and in the moment whether one on one, or in groups, and especially with those I consider friends. When conversation is flowing there is rarely time to even think about checking socials or scrolling. I can scroll when I’m by myself.

But the point that she may be addicted is great one.

Spending less time in-person with her might just be the thing you need. Maybe the friendship would serve you (and her) better if your time with her was via the phone more often than in person.

Even during some of our phone conversations it's obvious when she's drifted and her attention is elsewhere. I'll have to repeat whatever I previously said.. I don't call it out on the phone but in person it's in my face. Lol

 

[Plushottie]

@yaya24 Yea see you being evolved deeply healed you are present. The social media thing is a hard pull almost unconsciously tethered. Most can’t be present as much as we may like people the energy exchange is deep. Like you could go to dinner and not once look at your phone. Most ppl could not.

Many people can’t communicate what they feel so that pacifier is hard to let go. Your growth no matter how it’s packaged can be a light that shines in areas she may not be ready to clear. You aren’t doing anything to trigger but our light like the sun uncovered just activates. Like recently all the things I use to go to like coffee, carbs, alcohol all became horrible. I had to accept I’m no longer able to pacify and must be raw. It’s not fun but is what is now required for growth.

 

[yaya24]

@yaya24 Yea see you being evolved deeply healed you are present. The social media thing is a hard pull almost unconsciously tethered. Most can’t be present as much as we may like people the energy exchange is deep. Like you could go to dinner and not once look at your phone. Most ppl could not.

Many people can’t communicate what they feel so that pacifier is hard to let go. Your growth no matter how it’s packaged can be a light that shines in areas she may not be ready to clear. You aren’t doing anything to trigger but our light like the sun uncovered just activates. Like recently all the things I use to go to like coffee, carbs, alcohol all became horrible. I had to accept I’m no longer able to pacify and must be raw. It’s not fun but is what is now required for growth.

Thank you ♡.
I'm definitely still healing, growing and evolving every day. #LifeSchool