'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

barbiesocialite said:
Also, there's also a l other ugly truth that's rarely discussed. Most aren't genuine housewives , past, present or future. If they aren't working full time as a career professional in a demanding white collar profession to rival that of their man'so job for about 80% of their lives they wouldn't even be with that guy. That said, what some women thinks is being treated good or a man's effort I personally consider the bare minimum.
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This post is what I'm referring to. Not the men's bare minimums, ours.
 
barbiesocialite said:
I don't think I want to be a house wife. Any man who thinks I'll be cleaning up after him and his badass children for a career will be sadly mistaken.

I want to be a trophy wife. If I can't be a trophy wife I just want a rich man who thinks I'm a trophy. I don't like working or paying bills. It's not really me. I haven't really done a lot of it so I don't think I could ever really be good at it.
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:The way you wrote it made me laugh.

I kinda feel you. I don't think I could stay at home because I love what I do too much and my mom was a SAHM until almost 2 years ago and I watched her struggle to have something of her own aside from being a wife and mother. I'd like to work part-time or from home or something where I can do both.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Are you kidding me???

There is literally an ocean of these men. I dont get why women act like these guys are scarce or hard to find. They are everywhere!
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Girl, no there are not. Especially not with those strict age limits that you posed. You're describing a small set of men, most likely entrepreneurs. How do you gauge if they are worth a million on first pass?
 
Sky said:
I wouldn't want to be one for the following reasons :

* my sister spends an enormous time at the gym and looking on point. She is a former model and is very pretty. But she has to stay on point. This is very important to her husband. Like perfect as far as weight , skin , etc. it's a job y'all.

* she knows nothing about his money except he has lots of it. She doesn't pay a bill or have to worry about anything finacially. But she's not privy to anything. They do have a pre nup and she gets a nice allowance. But just the whole allowance and me not knowing what's going on would bother me. But then again she has a condo he bought for her in her name and they have a prenup that leaves her with stuff so she won't be walking away broke if that happened.

* she has to be available for all his events , many of which she doesn't sometimes want to go. And she has to smile , say the right thing , etc. she's very smart but again can't have an off day and can't ever have like an attitude or be seemingly ungracious.

* being available for him means his events take priority. So if she has something planned of course it's not as important as whatever he's got going which is always tied to money even if it seems like it's not. So she has to check his calendar when making plans , if that makes sense.

* all the places they go have to be upper upper echelon which is nice but because of his position and future ambition ( he's not famous just rich) they can't just go anywhere. Like so he has a long list of places that " oh I could never be seen there " which sounds "cool" at first until you realize that you may have regular folk who just want to meet for a meal at red lobster or stay at the Marriott residence inn instead of the ritz Carlton. Like he would never do those regular things. He will not fly south west for example. Some of these things he just would never have to do because of perks he gets with the major airlines but it's a long list of things they don't do that us regular folks do. And they can afford to be that way and aren't at all extravagant but the
standards for everything always apply without exception. It's the without exception I don't like.

That's all I can think of that are the main things right now ... I'm sure there's more if I thought about it. He's a really nice guy though.
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LOL, I like how at the end you wrote "He's a nice guy though." I was tired just reading alladat. I have to be able to be me. That means if I don't want to go to your umpteenth job function to smize and small talk, then I don't have to go. Or if I don't want to cook, I ain't cooking. Sorrynotsorry. I know women who jumped through so many hoops for these dudes and the men peace out whenever they're ready. Both people have to work and want to be in a marriage for it to work. It can't be so lopsided where one spouse is doling out so much emotional currency for financial stability…JMO.
 
Menina Preta said:
Girl, no there are not. Especially not with those strict age limits that you posed. You're describing a small set of men, most likely entrepreneurs. How do you gauge if they are worth a million on first pass?
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If you own a publicly traded company, have a business with more than one location and own more than one home it's pretty easy to estimate worth. Just google him.

Also high performing men are rarely employees. theyre usually the boss/owner. So if someone starts being worried about any kind of boss, manager or being beholden to someone you know he's probably not important. And, honestly, by the time a man is 35 if he isnt actively running his own ship to a profitable capacity chances are he's an underperformer and, isnt a millionaire and likely will never be a millionaire either.

The only employee exceptions are government employees and they can be quickly assessed by clearance level without knowing anything else about them.

honey, in DC. Maryland and Northern Virginia there are a crazy number of entrepreneurs. Also I only use dating websites that require paid memberships and have income listed as a part of their profile. Two sites in particular also have networth. I don't respond to anyone on places like match.com that make less than $150K (thats the max they have as option) and do not have at least 2 or 3 international photos ( I need proof that he collects passport stamps). On the other sites with networth, I do not respond to anyone who makes less than $250K with a net worth less than $2 million at minimum. I cant say Ive experienced this as rare. Seems pretty common and normal to me based on my dates and inboxes.
 
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Menina Preta said:
LOL, I like how at the end you wrote "He's a nice guy though." I was tired just reading alladat. I have to be able to be me. That means if I don't want to go to your umpteenth job function to smize and small talk, then I don't have to go. Or if I don't want to cook, I ain't cooking. Sorrynotsorry. I know women who jumped through so many hoops for these dudes and the men peace out whenever they're ready. Both people have to work and want to be in a marriage for it to work. It can't be so lopsided where one spouse is doling out so much emotional currency for financial stability…JMO.
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But aren't they both working? Financial stability doesn't come out of thin air. I don't think the husband asking for much considering what he did or does to get there
 
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barbiesocialite said:
If you own a publicly traded company, have a business with more than one location and own more than one home it's pretty easy to estimate worth. Just google him.

Also high performing men are rarely employees. theyre usually the boss/owner. So if someone starts being worried about any kind of boss, manager or being beholden to someone you know he's probably not important. And, honestly, by the time a man is 35 if he isnt actively running his own ship to a profitable capacity chances are he's an underperformer and, isnt a millionaire and likely will never be a millionaire either.

The only employee exceptions are government employees and they can be quickly assessed by clearance level without knowing anything else about them.
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This makes sense.

On another note, this thread is interesting. When I was dating, I always wanted a man who was equal on my level and had ambition. And I just wanted a guy who I felt comfortable with and whom I was attracted to physically and mentally. Someone I could let my hair down with and just be me. Ya know? Don't get me wrong, I make an effort and keep myself up b/c it's important to me to look good. And I will make the effort to cook and make sure the home is taken care of overall. But I see some women going through hoops and contorting themselves into something they are not and I just wonder if they ever wake up and think "is this me?"
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
But aren't they both working? Financial stability doesn't come out of thin air. I don't think the hyoid asking for much considering what he did or does to get there
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He's working a job. He's not directly working on the relationship. He's basically saying "here is this lifestyle that I give you with my money. My job is to work. Your job is to do ABCDEFG and XYZ on occasion." Putting his wants and desires above her own all the time just b/c he's the one bringing in most of the money? I don't think that's fair. And she may grow resentful when she tires of the jetset lifestyle. It just does not sound equal in an emotional sense. Sounds like she's doing all the relationship work and he just goes to work to make money.
 
Menina Preta said:
This makes sense.

On another note, this thread is interesting. When I was dating, I always wanted a man who was equal on my level and had ambition. And I just wanted a guy who I felt comfortable with and whom I was attracted to physically and mentally. Someone I could let my hair down with and just be me. Ya know? Don't get me wrong, I make an effort and keep myself up b/c it's important to me to look good. And I will make the effort to cook and make sure the home is taken care of overall. But I see some women going through hoops and contorting themselves into something they are not and I just wonder if they ever wake up and think "is this me?"
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I'm with you on that. It's important that I enjoy myself and I'm quirky so I have to be able to be myself.

However, can't be attracted to, let alone comfortable, around a man that makes less than a certain amount. I will never be able to be myself and let my hair down if a man cannot take me to places I'll enjoy to inspire me to do that.
 
Menina Preta said:
He's working a job. He's not directly working on the relationship. He's basically saying "here is this lifestyle that I give you with my money. My job is to work. Your job is to do ABCDEFG and XYZ on occasion." Putting his wants and desires above her own all the time just b/c he's the one bringing in most of the money? I don't think that's fair. And she may grow resentful when she tires of the jetset lifestyle. It just does not sound equal in an emotional sense. Sounds like she's doing all the relationship work and he just goes to work to make money.
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Sounds to me like they both have jobs only he works outside the home, and she works for him. Emotionally I'm sure there is support he provides when he's not working just like the rest of us.
 
Menina Preta said:
No, it's not unreasonable to be expected to go. What's unreasonable is to be expected to go to every single one or to cancel her own plans in favor of his all the time. That is unreasonable to me.
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I'm not married to a millionaire by a long shot but I am expected to show up and show out whenever he request that I do so. Luckily he married someone who enjoys that type of thing. Dh misses stuff due to work and while I don't like it I do like his check so I deal.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
:look:
What if I told you I know women who work who have to do all these same things. Now that's what I find unreasonable...for your sisters situation I think it's pretty standard.
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This is exactly what I was talking about in the Serena thread when folks were asking why did he break up with his ex gf. I doubt Serenas fiancée was looking for a trophy but if this ex girl was serious about her PhD/research she can't adhere to his self-made millionaire I can do what I want schedule.
 
BillsBackerz67 said:
This is exactly what I was talking about in the Serena thread when folks were asking why did he break up with his ex gf. I doubt Serenas fiancée was looking for a trophy but if this ex girl was serious about her PhD/research she can't adhere to his self-made millionaire I can do what I want schedule.
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That's what they really want...they want a woman who is available. I don't see Serena playing much longer...
 
Menina Preta said:
He's working a job. He's not directly working on the relationship. He's basically saying "here is this lifestyle that I give you with my money. My job is to work. Your job is to do ABCDEFG and XYZ on occasion." Putting his wants and desires above her own all the time just b/c he's the one bringing in most of the money? I don't think that's fair. And she may grow resentful when she tires of the jetset lifestyle. It just does not sound equal in an emotional sense. Sounds like she's doing all the relationship work and he just goes to work to make money.
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This situation would only work for me if he were gone for months at a time. That way I could have some time to myself. I can't be on beck and call 24/7.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
:look:
What if I told you I know women who work who have to do all these same things. Now that's what I find unreasonable...for your sisters situation I think it's pretty standard.
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yes standard for her type of situation. All her friends have similar situations. That's another thing - she grew apart from her friends that have "normal" lives because there was now a disconnect.
 
BillsBackerz67 said:
Now I see why the trophy relationships do not last too long. It sounds very exhausting. I think I only have the mental capacity at most to do this for 5 years. After that I'm good with a severance package :lachen::lachen::lachen:
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I think that's how some people go into it, they know it's going to be short term and do do the guys.

Can anyone think of any long term marriages like that? Like 25+ yrs?
 
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