Is Marriage for White People? by Ralph Richard Banks

vtoodler

vtoodler

New Member
Last month, Stanford law professor, Ralph Richard Banks, released a provocative book entitled, "Is Marriage for White People?: How the African-American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone".

In it, he discusses the marriage gap between blacks and other races and the fact that so many successful black women are single. When such women do find husbands, the men whom they marry often come from a lower educational and/or professional background. This can be problematic since most women (of all races) like to marry up. In addition, men tend to marry down and can feel insecure when with a woman from a higher educational/professional background.

For these reasons and many others, Banks advises black women to consider dating outside their race. Due to sentiments of racial unity, however, many black women feel that they must keep to black men. In doing so, Banks claims that black women often end up hurt and alone. Black men have been outmarrying for a long time. Why shouldn't black women exercise their options as well?

What do you think of his book? Do you agree with him, and why do you think that black women hesitate to date outside the race, unlike black men?
 
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Sad how I checked to see if he had a black wife... :look: LHCF got me shooked, for realz.

I think he was discussed before. I'm going to read this book. It'll be something for November.
 
EDITED POST, SINCE NOT CLEAR...

I saw this, the video but opted not to post, so disparaging... :perplexed...

Him and Fam... For those that would like to see what he and fam looks like...
banks.jpg



ETA:

I was referencing the ABC video posted down thread, the above Link.. I just finished watching and the Ladies voice/disposition kinda annoyed me...
 
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Aha, I knew it! The Professor blew apart the much discussed OKCupid study that "proved" :rolleyes: that nobody wants BW. I KNEW that study was on some BS. Of course the study chose to emphasize the worst aspects... there must have been a black man involved in there someplace :nono:

I like that he pointed out (however subtly and gently) the racio-misogyny going on WITHIN the black collective. I had to SMDH when he said the only hateful enraged emails he gets talking trash about black women come from BLACK MEN :nono:
 
actually I opted to turn off these video's... I felt something in me just get down... I just turned 30 in July...
 
LadyPaniolo said:
Wait, why is this pic ":perplexed" ??? It's him with his wife and children :yep: Nothing wrong with that at ALL. That's the goal, right? :look: Married parents raising kids together.
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LadyPaniolo, Huh?! confused.... I was stating that I opted not to post article before...

I then posted picture to give a visual on Dude, so there would be no ensuing questions like what he look like, is he married, what his wife look like, etc... No slight at family at all... :yep:
 
AnjelLuvsUBabe said:
@LadyPaniolo, Huh?! confused.... I was stating that I opted not to post article before...

I then posted picture to give a visual on Dude, so there would be no ensuing questions like what he look like, is he married, what his wife look like, etc... No slight at family at all... :yep:
Click to expand...

oh, ok... I use --> :perplexed to mean the gas face or screw face. So I didn't get why you were using it in your post.

Yeah, he even said in the vid that the first things people ask are if he is black, if he is married, and if he married a BW :lachen: so I guess you were trying to save folks some steps by providing those answers!
 
LadyPaniolo, the screw face was to article... Although, homie is stating the obvious, it is just like comeon with the Therapy for BW route everyone wants to take part of... Lo
 
My mom is going to have Ralph Richard Banks on her radio show on November 1, I might post the link here or anyone can PM me if you're interested in listening/calling in. My mom read the book and doesn't dispute the facts he gives but questions why he wrote it. He's a law professor, not a sociologist or psychologist so she's skeptical about his motives for writing the book since it's not in his expertise.:ohwell:

I've also read the book and whether you agree or disagree with his message you can't contest the statistics. However they are only one side of the story. Not all BM fit into the descriptions Banks describes. It's a little unsettling that Banks doesn't acknowledge that. I agree BW need to date interracially but I didn't like that Banks mostly focused on white men as potential suitors when according to his own research, non-black/non-white men are more willing to date BW than WM.:perplexed This irked me because in the black community we assume interracial dating means with a white person. As a result, the vast majority of the criticism of Banks' focuses on telling BW to get with WM and not on the real issue. Not to mention for a growing number of BW (myself included), I'm interested in men who are neither black nor white.:look: I think I'll stop there.
 
ScorpioBeauty,

I think he probably focuses on WM for the following reasons:

- there are tons more WM available than men of other nonblack races

- a shared American culture could (possibly) make for a smoother union

- lots of BW don't live in areas of the country where a statistically significant number of nonBM and nonWM live. When I was in Oklahoma and Louisiana for instance, I went MONTHS without seeing a single asian man ( :cry3: )

You are I are >>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<< about men who are neither white nor black :yep:

As to the "they aren't all like that" argument... :ohwell: I think it's basically a straw man. BM dont' have to ALL be like that for BW to make the choice to fish in other seas. Even the ones who are marriageable (precious few) do not and will not marry a BW. Plus there are 50 billion BW competing for those men already, and only one can win. That is a losing game. It's like investing your 401(k) money in lotto tickets. The odds are not in your favor, why would you do that?

There's also the racio-misogyny to consider. The men with the most disdain for BW are BM. So why would you choose to select a mate from the group most likely to, well, :look: hate you?
 
Like Lady Paniolo said, I think he focuses on WM because there are so many of them in this country. There are over 100 million WM and slightly fewer than 20 million BM.
 
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LadyPaniolo said:
There's also the racio-misogyny to consider. The men with the most disdain for BW are BM. So why would you choose to select a mate from the group most likely to, well, :look: hate you?
Click to expand...

But wouldn't that be the same for everyone. White men/Asian men/Indian men have the most disdain for women of their own race. :\
 
Views similar to Banks' always interest me.
The belief is that black men as a whole have a disdain for BW. The answer: date WM.
But um, are wm as a whole approving of BW? (For most BW, not referring to the ones on this board who get asked out by them several times a day).

IME, no, wm in general are not uplifting BW. If fact, most prefer to date their own race. That's why I never get the simple of answer of, oh, just date wm and problem solved. It's not that simple.
 
lushcoils said:
Views similar to Banks' always interest me.
The belief is that black men as a whole have a disdain for BW. The answer: date WM.
But um, are wm as a whole approving of BW? (For most BW, not referring to the ones on this board who get asked out by them several times a day).

IME, no, wm in general are not uplifting BW. If fact, most prefer to date their own race. That's why I never get the simple of answer of, oh, just date wm and problem solved. It's not that simple.
Click to expand...

I've been watching the videos and I'm going to read the book.

But Banks isn't really downing black men per se (re: your bolded). He's really on the numbers game and gives statistics as to why he concludes to date interracially. He's not saying that black men aren't good and BW should run for the hills. He's saying that statistically speaking, BW are outpacing BM in many categories (education, income, etc).

So people are going in on him when there are facts that back up his claims. Yes, there are good/educated BM (I'm dating one and have had done so in the past) out there. BUT, if you are a BW interested in marriage, you should consider dating interracially.

You are not going to be compatible with all men, even BM, so don't restrict your dating pool. I find it fascinating that only 9% of BW date outside the race versus nearly half for women of other races. I wonder what he says/argues for why this disparity exists.

It's not even talking about whether or not BM or WM approve of us as much as giving BW the opportunity, if they REALLY want to be married, to consider a wider dating pool.
 
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ScorpioBeauty09 said:
My mom is going to have Ralph Richard Banks on her radio show on November 1, I might post the link here or anyone can PM me if you're interested in listening/calling in. My mom read the book and doesn't dispute the facts he gives but questions why he wrote it. He's a law professor, not a sociologist or psychologist so she's skeptical about his motives for writing the book since it's not in his expertise.:ohwell:

I've also read the book and whether you agree or disagree with his message you can't contest the statistics. However they are only one side of the story. Not all BM fit into the descriptions Banks describes. It's a little unsettling that Banks doesn't acknowledge that. I agree BW need to date interracially but I didn't like that Banks mostly focused on white men as potential suitors when according to his own research, non-black/non-white men are more willing to date BW than WM.:perplexed This irked me because in the black community we assume interracial dating means with a white person. As a result, the vast majority of the criticism of Banks' focuses on telling BW to get with WM and not on the real issue. Not to mention for a growing number of BW (myself included), I'm interested in men who are neither black nor white.:look: I think I'll stop there.
Click to expand...

Ooooh, do tell me more!

Personally, that would weaken his argument. But then again, I wonder how he positions WM since they are a sizable majority in the country versus men of other races and backgrounds.

When you say that non-black men are more willing to date BW, what research did he do?

I also think that Banks probably wrote it because he was primarily interested in family law and race law. Here is his bio from Stanford.

Professor Banks teaches and writes about family law, employment discrimination law, and race and the law.
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So it seems to intersect directly into the black family. But it'd be interesting to hear why he wrote the book because to be honest, it seems weird getting this type of stuff from a BM raising black sons.
 
Do not believe the ridiculous notion that black men do not want black women. Date good men. Date good men of any race if it is what you want but do not let others brainwash you into thinking that most black men do not want black women. This is a lie.
 
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