Is He Stingy Or Broke?

G

greenmetro99

Well-Known Member
7-28-2018--- Update! I have not spoken to him in a while now. I have not replied to text or responded to his calls. I don't even miss him!


Ok ladies, how would you feel about a nice man that you have been dating for 10 months that is very loyal, pays you attention, calls and text regularly. He has a degree, He's 35, an office job, no kids. He moved back home 1.5 years ago. I had no problem with that. But obviously that was a red flag. He has some student loan debt , but we all do! He wont discuss finances with me, and says its too soon to talk. 10 months is too soon to talk finances????


He’s cheap as ever or broke as ever. I’m not sure which one it is. At first, he was taking me out on real dates, to decent restaurants….But after 3 months he slacked off. I though he was going to be a great boyfriend!!!!!!Now he only wants to go out on a date once a month, but wants to hang on the sofa and watch tv other nights. He’s not all about sex, so it’s not on the level of Netflix and chilling. But I’m bored of this!


I dont believe in spending money on men, and I haven't in the past. With him, I tried it. Many times I will plan dates that cost 20 bucks or less. Often times I would use a groupon, or get some cheap or free tickets somewhere and invite him. The places and events are always nice or fun like a play, concert, museum, lounges, etc. He wont offer to buy drinks or food. He will say, well you invited me. UGH! He likes to say why should I be the only one that pays, when women can treat too.

He gave me a 8 dollar dress from amazon.com on my birthday last month. I actually searched for the dress and found it! It said free shipping and everything. It was cheap, felt like paper, too big....awful.


He will park 20 minutes away in the cold, and make us walk to the destination instead of paying 15 dollars for parking.

He's had the same empty container of dollar store lotion in his bathroom since I met him. One day, I asked him for some lotion and he handed me the empty bottle. I forced the tiny little squirt of lotion out and it burned my skin.... It stung so bad.

I’m not use to this at all. I’m very successful at 36, college degrees, career, and I have my own money. I am not cheap on myself, and I don’t feel comfortable with a man being cheap with me. I really hate it.

Would you stay or leave ladies? Be honest. He’s a sweetie 75% of the time. He's got a new job, which will be a career for him. Is he stingy or broke? I would hate to dump him, then he goes on to spoil the next chick.
 
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It really doesn't matter if he's cheap or broke. What matters is that he seems thoughtless and inconsiderate. It cost nothing to be thoughtful and considerate. Instead of dropping you off at the front so that you don't have to walk 20 minutes in the cold is inconsiderate. Handing you an empty bottle of lotion is inconsiderate. He knew the bottle was empty. What has he been using on his skin? Why not let you use that? He could have bought you a decent bouquet of flowers and written you a romantic note for $8. Instead he wasted $8 knowing that the quality would probably not be to your liking. You've been together almost a year and he won't discuss finances. He doesn't have to go in to detail, but he could offer a little insight since his lack of finances is impacting your relationship. He moved home a year and a half ago. Does he have plans to move out or is he there indefinitely? After 10 months you deserve more and if he is like this without money, having money is not going to change that.
 
Thank you ladies. I'm listening.... keep the advice coming if you having anything to add. I use to date men that had minimal wage jobs, but yet they still found a way to take me out and buy me decent things. Im not asking for vacations or car payments..... That would be nice, but at least just take me out once a week and show me a nice time. I've already express this to him. I told him I was bored to death 2 months ago and that I need to go out and have fun with him. After that he took me to applebbees lol.

I was hoping he was just broke, and that after he changed jobs he would change a little. But I guess he is just stingy now.
 
awhyley said:
Depriving himself is one thing, depriving you both is entirely different. After that $8 dress issue, he'd be gone.

(eta: mrselle hit the nail on the head with this one)
Click to expand...
Girl, I had heels on. In 30 degree temps. That was the longest walk of life. I could have easily paid for parking, but I refused to do it on a date when he drove. About the dress, he ordered it and didnt take it out of the plastic wrap. He put it in a gift bag with cheap wine, card, etc. He was like go ahead and open it..... I was looking like WTF is this!

On valentines weekend, he told me that my gift was dinner. After i snapped off, he called me the day of and had some balloons for me. No gift, bear......just a card and balloons.
 
greenmetro99 said:
Thank you ladies. I'm listening.... keep the advice coming if you having anything to add. I use to date men that had minimal wage jobs, but yet they still found a way to take me out and buy me decent things. Im not asking for vacations or car payments..... That would be nice, but at least just take me out once a week and show me a nice time. I've already express this to him. I told him I was bored to death 2 months ago and that I need to go out and have fun with him. After that he took me to applebbees lol.

I was hoping he was just broke, and that after he changed jobs he would change a little. But I guess he is just stingy now.
Click to expand...
He may not be either just doesn’t see the point to spend money on you past the 3 month mark. Some guys try to woo women in the beginning and then taper off once they “get you”. That’s what you fell for but it’s ok to get up and find the man for you.
 
greenmetro99 said:
Thank you ladies. I'm listening.... keep the advice coming if you having anything to add. I use to date men that had minimal wage jobs, but yet they still found a way to take me out and buy me decent things. Im not asking for vacations or car payments..... That would be nice, but at least just take me out once a week and show me a nice time. I've already express this to him. I told him I was bored to death 2 months ago and that I need to go out and have fun with him. After that he took me to applebbees lol.

I was hoping he was just broke, and that after he changed jobs he would change a little. But I guess he is just stingy now.
Click to expand...

The bolded gives you your answer. At 35/36 years old time is of the essence. No need in wasting time on someone who has already shown you who he is.
 
mrselle said:
It really doesn't matter if he's cheap or broke. What matters is that he seems thoughtless and inconsiderate. It cost nothing to be thoughtful and considerate. Instead of dropping you off at the front so that you don't have to walk 20 minutes in the cold is inconsiderate. Handing you an empty bottle of lotion is inconsiderate. He knew the bottle was empty. What has he been using on his skin? Why not let you use that? He could have bought you a decent bouquet of flowers and written you a romantic note for $8. Instead he wasted $8 knowing that the quality would probably not be to your liking. You've been together almost a year and he won't discuss finances. He doesn't have to go in to detail, but he could offer a little insight since his lack of finances is impacting your relationship. He moved home a year and a half ago. Does he have plans to move out or is he there indefinitely? After 10 months you deserve more and if he is like this without money, having money is not going to change that.
Click to expand...

Every time I bring up finances, he states that is rude for me to ask...and he would never ask me that question. I told him " If he did ask me it wouldn't matter because I have nothing to hide. I have great credit and am gainfully employed. After all these months, I need to know what I'm getting myself into! He has never told me a plan to move out. Im starting to think that he may be paying his mothers bills, because she doesnt work.
 
greenmetro99 said:
One day, I asked him for some lotion and he handed me the empty bottle. I forced the tiny little squirt of lotion out and it burned my skin.... It stung so bad
Click to expand...
I'm sorry but this part made me laugh so hard! :lol: :lol:


But in all seriousness, there is nothing sweet about how he's treating the woman in his life. He should be trying to make you happy.
Sounds like a breakup is in order.
 
Others have made great points so all I’ll add here is that you deserve transparency. At this point he’s borderline gaslighting you about the money situation. I’m guessing you had better dates in high school when no one had any money and it’s crazy for him to act like this is normal without offering an explanation. Like you, I might work with him if I thought it was temporary and he knew better but without having an honest conversation you’ll never know if this is the case.

Also, it’s rude Af for him to not drop you off at the door especially in cold weather and heels. This is where the gaslighting behavior surfaces because he’s normalizing things that aren’t normal and making it seem like you’re out of order for wanting to discuss the real problem.
 
greenmetro99 said:
Girl, I had heels on. In 30 degree temps. That was the longest walk of life. I could have easily paid for parking, but I refused to do it on a date when he drove. About the dress, he ordered it and didnt take it out of the plastic wrap. He put it in a gift bag with cheap wine, card, etc. He was like go ahead and open it..... I was looking like WTF is this!

On valentines weekend, he told me that my gift was dinner. After i snapped off, he called me the day of and had some balloons for me. No gift, bear......just a card and balloons.
Click to expand...

Girl, he deserved one of these;

giphy.gif


greenmetro99 said:
Every time I bring up finances, he states that is rude for me to ask...
Click to expand...

So it's rude to want to know where this relationship is going? Uh-uh. I don't think he's paying his mother's bill either. He's trying to save money for sure, but either he had a setback that he's trying to bounce back from, and no exit plan on moving out is concerning in itself. Yall on Dead end street. You deserve better.​
 
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I co-sign with what previous ladies have said so there's no reason to repeat it. My first thought was there's no need for him to be so secretive about finances. The fact that he is, is a red flag. He's not being transparent which makes me think he's hiding something and/or he's one of these men that doesn't think a man has a responsibility to provide for his woman. o_O Or he's not taking the relationship as seriously as you are and is just enjoying the companionship until someone else comes along.

I'm about to hit the 5 month mark with the man I'm dating now and I have a pretty good idea of his finances/assets. At 36, seeing a man for 10 months means marriage is in consideration, assuming you both want that which it sounds like you do. You have every right to know what he's working with financially.

Dump him. It's an easy call.
 
greenmetro99 said:
Ok ladies, how would you feel about a nice man that you have been dating for 10 months that is very loyal, pays you attention, calls and text regularly. He has a degree, He's 35, an office job, no kids. He moved back home 1.5 years ago. I had no problem with that. But obviously that was a red flag. He has some student loan debt , but we all do! He wont discuss finances with me, and says its too soon to talk. 10 months is too soon to talk finances????


He’s Fu*king cheap as ever or broke as ever. I’m not sure which one it is. At first, he was taking me out on real dates, to decent restaurants….But after 3 months he slacked off. I though he was going to be a great boyfriend!!!!!!Now he only wants to go out on a date once a month, but wants to hang on the sofa and watch tv other nights. He’s not all about sex, so it’s not on the level of Netflix and chilling. But I’m bored of this!


I dont believe in spending money on men, and I haven't in the past. With him, I tried it. Many times I will plan dates that cost 20 bucks or less. Often times I would use a groupon, or get some cheap or free tickets somewhere and invite him. The places and events are always nice or fun like a play, concert, museum, lounges, etc. He wont offer to buy drinks or food. He will say, well you invited me. UGH! He likes to say why should I be the only one that pays, when women can treat too.

He gave me a 8 dollar dress from amazon.com on my birthday last month. I actually searched for the dress and found it! It said free shipping and everything. It was cheap, felt like paper, too big....awful.


He will park 20 minutes away in the cold, and make us walk to the destination instead of paying 15 dollars for parking.

He's had the same empty container of dollar store lotion in his bathroom since I met him. One day, I asked him for some lotion and he handed me the empty bottle. I forced the tiny little squirt of lotion out and it burned my skin.... It stung so bad.

I’m not use to this at all. I’m very successful at 36, college degrees, career, and I have my own money. I am not cheap on myself, and I don’t feel comfortable with a man being cheap with me. I really hate it.

Would you stay or leave ladies? Be honest. He’s a sweetie 75% of the time. He's got a new job, which will be a career for him. Is he stingy or broke? I would hate to dump him, then he goes on to spoil the next chick.
Click to expand...

That mindset alone makes him undatable in my opinion.
 
We could be cool....I guess, but even then I'd wonder why I was hanging with someone who treats me so vastly different than all of my other friends let alone someone who wants sleep/be with me. Reading these stories wouldve dried me up and so I wouldn't have been able to open the cookie jar anyway. Lol.

He's undateabe to me. I honestly don't think he'd treat his dream girl like that and if he would he's still not the man for me. Its not just the money it's the fact that hes perfectly fine spending yours and he doesnt want to make you feel special or covered. Even if a man wouldn't mind walking 20 min and was trying to be cheap, he would drop me off so I didn't have to walk in the cold.

I had a cheap male friend. We had a few conversations about it and he even thanks me for enlightening him. He used to be so bitter about feeling that courtship was one sided and having to spend money and now he looks at it differently. His dating experiences are more positive as well. We've been best of buds these last few years. Thank God it didnt take long to see the light. He's still frugal in many ways, just adjusted.
 
greenmetro99 said:
Every time I bring up finances, he states that is rude for me to ask...and he would never ask me that question. I told him " If he did ask me it wouldn't matter because I have nothing to hide. I have great credit and am gainfully employed. After all these months, I need to know what I'm getting myself into! He has never told me a plan to move out. Im starting to think that he may be paying his mothers bills, because she doesnt work.
Click to expand...

Bet he has no problem bringing up sex though. I have been there -never again. I can't feel sexy unless the situation is going in my favor.
 
You’re treating him to a nice time and probably exposing him to things he’s not use to. Stop. Let him hang out on the sofa and watch tv.

If you choose to keep dating him then date other men as well. Don’t use another free ticket or spend another penny on him. Don’t invite him to anything else (free or not). Don’t try to find anything else for him to do with you. He has the same resources as you do to find things for the two of you.

greenmetro99 said:
He likes to say why should I be the only one that pays, when women can treat too.
Click to expand...

:rolleyes:
 
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