"I'm Not Stealing Your Men"

fletches said:
I feel the same way. I wish she'd just date her BM, and STFU.

Don't try to tell me how I should be thinking.
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I agree, and I'm saying this as a woman who is about to be married interracially.

In theory, I agree with the general concept of not seeing individual white women as women who are "stealing" black men. They aren't stealing anything... black men are choosing to be with them... Plus, I've never personally felt a claim on random black men that I don't know.


That being said, I find it interesting that black men and white women want to ignore the big ole' elephant in the room in a decent number of these relationships and play the kumbaya, oh it's just love card. No one wants to talk about how a growing number of black men are deliberately choosing to exclude black women from their dating pool AND they're not shy in telling black women this.

White women don't want to address the fact that sometimes, their man selected them because they hate black women... or maybe they know this and just don't care. But either way, THEY don't need to be telling black women a darn thing about "accepting" their relationships with BM.

I don't think that all black men in IR relationships fit this mold, so therefore, I make no assumptions unless I hear from the horse's mouth that he doesn't like black women. But I've heard enough of it in my own life to know the deal.

This is why I say that black women, while entitled to feelings of hurt and pain, need to find a way to move on. As long as black men have the upper hand by knowing that we're hurt, sad, in pain, but we still will scream our love for them from the rooftops, things aren't going to change.

I'm not saying that black women have to date IR as a solution (although I encourage those who want to do to so), but in general I do think that black women need to take their anger, hurt, pain, etc., and find a more constructive way to address it. If a black woman wants to be with a black man, then she should spend time only focusing on the black men who uplift her and want her... make sure she's in the company of those men and reject all others who want to poison her spirit. And she doesn't need to shout from the rooftops how much she loves "black men" -- save those accolades for the good black men in her life who deserve such praise.
 
I respect her opinion as it’s expected and understandable because it’s not the first time I’ve ever come across someone who feels this way. It just makes me sad.
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Sounds like the typical whiny white woman. It just makes her sad ya'll. Awww. Poor thang. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

All interracial couples have the most beautiful children and I think this says something.
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*Side Eye*

Why can’t we rise above the hate?
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No she didn't.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
I have to agree with her. I don't see how a black man choosing a white woman is supposed to be a rejection of me when I don't even KNOW dude. Black men don't belong to me any more than I belong to them. No one can steal something that isn't yours.
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I totally agree. And on a side note, saying a white woman (or any other race for that matter) wouldn't understand where a black woman is coming from when it upsets them to see "their" men with other races..is completely not true. Dating does go the other way. White men with black women...and every other race out there. It can cause that "sting" among any race if the person believes in dating only within your own skin color. We're all human. Love is love. If we were absolutely supposed to only stick to our own, we probably wouldn't be able to produce children with others. But we can. Because we are all human. And beautiful children come in EVERY skin color.


I do agree that its stupid to want to be with someone simply because you think you'll produce better looking children or some other gain in life. You should be with that person because you fit together and make each other happy.
 
She's naive and she sounds like all other white women who speak on the topic.

"People stare at us--black women glare at us!!"
"Biracial babies are sooooooooooooo cute"
"I don't get mad when I see white guys with other races" And? They make up what percentage compared to black men?

Sit down. I don't know what sort of black women people are hanging around, but I have never (!) heard a black woman even kiss her teeth seeing an interracial couple. I certainly don't care.
 
THE number of wealthy, rich and/or extremely successful black men are who Jill Scott primarily was speaking of ....people often use Celebs as example because we are slammed with their images (television, movies, internet). The upper echelon of our culture marry/mate outside of their own culture UNLIKE ANY OTHER KNOWN RACE. I won't speak for Jill, but I've read ample research supporting these numbers, repeatedly. It's not the neighborhood drug dealers that are marrying white women.....moreso your high profile society members. It's undeniable. Perhaps....to them we are a dying breed??? :lachen::lachen:

i think Kanye has s famous reference in his song saying as much :lachen::lachen::lachen:

Not that many of us in rock, pop videos as leading ladies, love interests....but whoa the rap & r&B leading ladies & love interests are not the brown skin sisters (unless upside down doing a booty bounce)
 
DarlingNikki said:
I agree with most of what she said but she lost me at this part:
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Oh yeah... as for that biracial kids part, I guess I'm feeling a little salty right now because my future mother-in-law said somthing like this.

On one hand, I know she doesn't mean anything by it (she's 60 years old) and she has been more than welcoming and kind to me. BUT, I attempted to nip this "biracial kids are so beautiful and a sign of what the world should be" mess in the bud.

She said she thought that biracial kids were striking AND probably because they reflected the fact that love overcame soooo many boundaries to flourish, etc.

I said, "Well, that's possible, or someone wanted their babies to look as far from black as possible, so they found a white woman to procreate with. So actually, biracial babies could be a sign that certain groups are going backwards in their thinking and projecting more self-hate than anything."

She got really quiet.

Then I said, "Our babies would indeed be beautiful. However, if I had babies by a man who looked like Michael Jordan, they would also be beautiful. But... I'm sure most people wouldn't be so quick to call my dark-skinned babies beautiful, would they?"

Her: "No, they wouldn't."

Me: "You're a teacher. When was the last time someone praised a little dark-skinned black girl in your class for being beautiful?"

Her: "I honestly can't remember."

Me: "I rest my case."
 
Like many of you, I was lost by her statement that biracial children are the most beautiful. :perplexed I was ok until she went overboard with that statement in an effort to promote interracial relationships/love. That statement was a moot point. :yep:

I don't oppose Black men dating women of other ethnic groups or white women. What bothers me is the black men that belittle black women while dating outside their race! :wallbash: Men that are degrading or complaining about Black women, they are using these other women to say they are better than you, they are more submissive, they cater to my needs, they don't complain, they take care of me and so on and so forth (i.e. Slim Thug) AND that's why I think so many Black women take issue with the interracial relationships involving Black men. So, it makes you think are these men really dating these women because of love or because they think they will get better treatment?! :scratchch

Not to say that it's not about love for some of them, but it's not simply black and white. Many black men are looking for trophies and they believe that they are finding it in women outside of their race. And to be honest, these men aren't worth "stealing." These are the men that will find every flaw in a black woman, just looking for excuses to date others.

I say, you don't need excuses - keep it moving. For every man that is looking for the "other" there is another man praising the black woman. :grin: So, why be angry?! For the other women it may be love or it may be that she's just a trophy piece. Either way, smile and wish them all the best.
 
Bunny77 said:
I agree, and I'm saying this as a woman who is about to be married interracially.

In theory, I agree with the general concept of not seeing individual white women as women who are "stealing" black men. They aren't stealing anything... black men are choosing to be with them... Plus, I've never personally felt a claim on random black men that I don't know.


That being said, I find it interesting that black men and white women want to ignore the big ole' elephant in the room in a decent number of these relationships and play the kumbaya, oh it's just love card. No one wants to talk about how a growing number of black men are deliberately choosing to exclude black women from their dating pool AND they're not shy in telling black women this.

White women don't want to address the fact that sometimes, their man selected them because they hate black women... or maybe they know this and just don't care. But either way, THEY don't need to be telling black women a darn thing about "accepting" their relationships with BM.
Click to expand...

Bunny, the flip side to this is that white women are choosing black men because of their members. Yes, I said it. Many want black men because of the "mandingo complex". There is a whole underground of white women, majority of whom are married, who treat and view black men as their chattel with the sole purpose of wanting to experience a black man.
 
Rastafarai said:
Bunny, the flip side to this is that white women are choosing black men because of their members. Yes, I said it. Many want black men because of the "mandingo complex". There is a whole underground of white women, majority of whom are married, who treat and view black men as their chattel with the sole purpose of wanting to experience a black man.
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ITA... I've heard this too from the horse's mouth!

And I really could have gone there with future MIL, but that would have been too much for one conversation...

I could have said, "Or biracial babies are just a signal that more white women want to have sex with black men and vice versa, and there's nothing deeper to their relationship than that. Which is why they're alone and ringless with their brood of beautiful biracial babies at Wal-Mart. I don't think that's a sign of racial progress."


:p
 
Bunny77 said:
I agree, and I'm saying this as a woman who is about to be married interracially.

In theory, I agree with the general concept of not seeing individual white women as women who are "stealing" black men. They aren't stealing anything... black men are choosing to be with them... Plus, I've never personally felt a claim on random black men that I don't know.


That being said, I find it interesting that black men and white women want to ignore the big ole' elephant in the room in a decent number of these relationships and play the kumbaya, oh it's just love card. No one wants to talk about how a growing number of black men are deliberately choosing to exclude black women from their dating pool AND they're not shy in telling black women this.

White women don't want to address the fact that sometimes, their man selected them because they hate black women... or maybe they know this and just don't care. But either way, THEY don't need to be telling black women a darn thing about "accepting" their relationships with BM.

I don't think that all black men in IR relationships fit this mold, so therefore, I make no assumptions unless I hear from the horse's mouth that he doesn't like black women. But I've heard enough of it in my own life to know the deal.

This is why I say that black women, while entitled to feelings of hurt and pain, need to find a way to move on. As long as black men have the upper hand by knowing that we're hurt, sad, in pain, but we still will scream our love for them from the rooftops, things aren't going to change.

I'm not saying that black women have to date IR as a solution (although I encourage those who want to do to so), but in general I do think that black women need to take their anger, hurt, pain, etc., and find a more constructive way to address it. If a black woman wants to be with a black man, then she should spend time only focusing on the black men who uplift her and want her... make sure she's in the company of those men and reject all others who want to poison her spirit. And she doesn't need to shout from the rooftops how much she loves "black men" -- save those accolades for the good black men in her life who deserve such praise.
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You know Bunny, I have to say I pretty much agree with everything you said. The bold is what I take issue with when talking about this subject. The whole trying to convince me the grass is red, when I can clearly see it's green just annoys me. I have an issue accepting the kumbaya message from white ppl on how we should all just be color blind esp. when they're addressing black ppl. So why don't you (in general) go tell white ppl we should all just be color blind. :look: I find it rather condescending to tell BW how they should think/feel.

And then she goes on to say this: "It’s 2010-our president is the product of an interracial couple, so are we really still struggling to accept interracial dating"? What does the Presidents racial makeup have to do with IR dating:look: He's married to a black woman.

IDK, I'm irked that she feels the need to promote IR dating. Ppl should date who they like, but I just feel some kind of ulterior motive when ppl feel the need to promote certain things.
 
If all the whites guys starting dating Asian women....women other than white and then we can have a discussion. She is culturally ignorant. On the surface, Affirmative Action and many more things seems very unfair. It is unfair for only Blacks to get to say the N word.

...

Side note, I don't mind people dating outside their race it is the reasons and the vitriol that comes with it.
 
Nobody's mind changes thru these IRR discussions..we also can't change someone's motivations for who they date or whether or no they want "pretty babies." maybe I'm wrong? I mostly agree with her but she's just another voice who will preaching to her own choir on this topic.
 
Bunny77 said:
Oh yeah... as for that biracial kids part, I guess I'm feeling a little salty right now because my future mother-in-law said somthing like this.

On one hand, I know she doesn't mean anything by it (she's 60 years old) and she has been more than welcoming and kind to me. BUT, I attempted to nip this "biracial kids are so beautiful and a sign of what the world should be" mess in the bud.

She said she thought that biracial kids were striking AND probably because they reflected the fact that love overcame soooo many boundaries to flourish, etc.

I said, "Well, that's possible, or someone wanted their babies to look as far from black as possible, so they found a white woman to procreate with. So actually, biracial babies could be a sign that certain groups are going backwards in their thinking and projecting more self-hate than anything."

She got really quiet.

Then I said, "Our babies would indeed be beautiful. However, if I had babies by a man who looked like Michael Jordan, they would also be beautiful. But... I'm sure most people wouldn't be so quick to call my dark-skinned babies beautiful, would they?"

Her: "No, they wouldn't."

Me: "You're a teacher. When was the last time someone praised a little dark-skinned black girl in your class for being beautiful?"

Her: "I honestly can't remember."

Me: "I rest my case."
Click to expand...


IF YOU'RE GONNA SELECT FROM OUR CULTURE...BY ALL MEANS, FREE COUNTRY (kind of)........but I DEFINITELY WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE NON-BLACK WOMEN IN OUR "HOODS" FALLING "IN LOVE" WITH THEM FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE....BEFORE ANY OF THE EXTRAORDINARY ACCOMPLISHMENTS ....EH?


i just don't remember many, and I promise you i was always apart of the 5-10% who were black ALL of my classes
 
cheetarah1980 said:
Lest we forget 92% of married black men are married to black women. Less than 1 in ever 10 black men is married to a non-black woman so I think the sweeping generalizations about how black men feel about us are WAY exaggerated.
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The latest figures say 14% of married black men are married to white women. (According to the article below. However, it could be that it is 14% are in mixed marriages period. The way it is worded appears, however, that 14% are married to white women, + the smaller percentage married to Hispanic/Asian/others.)

Source: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iuya8xlYZXj_bz-rWLB_WYmwq1HQD9FUFV8O1
In contrast, blacks are now three times as likely to marry whites than in 1980. About 14.4 percent of black men and 6.5 percent of black women are currently in such mixed marriages, due to higher educational attainment, a more racially integrated military and a rising black middle class that provides more interaction with other races.
 
thank you Umsumayyah for the stats!

And let me say, while I respect all of my sistas opinions, if we were more cohesive as a people, we wouldn't have these issues... I'm jus sayin...
 
cheetarah1980 said:
SOME black men do not hold black women in high regard. MANY do! Lest we forget 92% of married black men are married to black women. Less than 1 in ever 10 black men is married to a non-black woman so I think the sweeping generalizations about how black men feel about us are WAY exaggerated.
This actually is an issue in other races as I have seen many Asian men/women feel some kind of way when the opposite sex from their race dates/marries interracially.
I guess I just refuse to see myself and others like me as cracked and broken. Do certain issues affect blacks at a higher rate than other races? Yes. But I'm not letting that define me and why should others. Are we not worthy of love from other races. Do we need to keep our "pathology" to ourselves?
My issue with your initial statement is that it sets up an either/or proposition. A Black man can either desire a black woman OR a white woman, but not either or both? Just because a man is dating a white woman today doesn't mean that he won't date a black woman tomorrow. That's why I don't see it as a rejection of me or his race. Unless a black man pulls a Wesley Snipes and specifically dates outside of his race as a statement AGAINST black women then why should any of us care?
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I appreciate your commentary on the subject matter as I feel the same way. Just cause Im married to a white man now doesnt mean I wont ever date another Black man (if my marriage failed God forbid).... I think the hold mindset of thinking that way is a bit woe is me..
 
displacedcreole said:
Not 'woe is me' but rather 'woe is my people'
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I see your point and agree Blacks in this country is broken in a million fragmented pieces. What I wish we could realize is there is no way to fix it. The problems run too deep. We cant undo what our people have faced in this country nor can we get the Beckys and Jim's to truly understand it. Why? Because they cant remove the ingrained mindset or filters that would allow them to see how it is to be a Black person in America. All you can do is appreciate the effort to try to understand and move on.


No I dont think the OP in the article addressed the type of out Black men marrying out that Jill was speaking about , and honestly I dont think she or any other white women could. Why? Because their experience in life hasnt given them the fortitude to even grasp how that would feel. What I think she did speak to well was, hey you cant blame the white women for dating Black men. We all have personal choices in life (free will) and that goes both ways.
I understand its a bitter subject for some people, really I do. As a Black women from Detroit who went off and married the white dude I get it.
 
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