"I'm Not Stealing Your Men"

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT

tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT

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what do u ladies think of this "response" to Jill Scott's article in Essence

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rachel.jpg

I don’t even know where to begin on this subject. As a white female who dates men of all races, I have heard this often—“you’re stealing our men.” I’ve seen that look of disgust on some black women’s faces when they see me walking hand-in-hand with one of “their own.” But the truth is I don’t understand this whole feeling of ownership. Is a person really a traitor if they decide to date outside of their race? I am not writing this for negativity, I’m simply expressing my opinion. Not only do I NOT think interracial dating is wrong, I promote it.

After reading Jill Scott’s blog for Essence I was disappointed to hear someone with her level of success, talent and knowledge could feel this way. I understand this is a sensitive subject as most racial, religious, political and sexual conversations are. In this respect I think Jill Scott handled the subject as best as she could. It is hard to discuss this topic without someone getting offended. She made her opinion clear while making sure to explain herself as to not be misunderstood as some type of racist-which I don’t think she is.

Her point was made well enough so that someone like me, who does not agree could understand where she is coming from. The truth is I really do understand where she is coming from although I don’t agree with it. I respect her opinion as it’s expected and understandable because it’s not the first time I’ve ever come across someone who feels this way. It just makes me sad.All interracial couples have the most beautiful children and I think this says something. Why can’t we rise above the hate? It’s 2010-our president is the product of an interracial couple, so are we really still struggling to accept interracial dating? It all comes down to a difference of opinion. The way we were raised, experiences we’ve had, etc. It doesn’t make one opinion better than another-it just proves the point ‘to each his own.’

Whether a person is black, white, Asian, Spanish, Native American, purple, striped-you get the point, I don’t think it should matter. I think we should look at it as if a person is open enough to become a part of an interracial relationship, then more power to them. To me it’s worse if people aren’t open to the idea of different races mixing together-we all want to be treated equally, so how is looking down upon people who see everyone as the same making things any better? I think if people want to date outside their race, that's their own choice-who are we to judge?
romeo-kaitlyn-najjir.jpg

What I am curious to know is if there are people who find it wrong for white women to date successful black men, do they also feel it is wrong for black women to date successful white men? This isn’t as common but of course it still exists and as a white woman I don’t see why this would ever be an issue for me. I feel comfort in seeing different types of people mixing together. I don’t feel betrayed by my own when I see a white man date someone other than a white woman. I think it’s beautiful-finding a common ground with someone "different" from you, because are we really even that different? Relationships are about learning and growing as a person, and what better way to be able to do this than with someone of a different race?
A little over a year ago I remember reading an article online about Russell Simmons where he discussed his opinion on interracial dating. It really stood out to me and so I’ll leave you with his quote, which I found to be well-thought out and inspiring…

“Some people believe that if you date a person from another race you are somehow denying who you are. They believe that dating someone with a different skin color somehow makes you a self-hater, loathing that which makes you yourself. They believe that it’s an insult to your parents, ancestors, heritage and community. I find this view much more telling about the people who say this than about those who do find a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with someone who looks different than themselves. Choosing someone who I am physically attracted to and who also inspires, uplifts, educates and keeps me interested is my first priority- not their race.”

Let me know what you think…
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http://globalgrind.com/channel/culture/content/1493586/exclusive-im-not-stealing-your-men/
 
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I have to agree with her. I don't see how a black man choosing a white woman is supposed to be a rejection of me when I don't even KNOW dude. Black men don't belong to me any more than I belong to them. No one can steal something that isn't yours.
 
I just scanned the article but the bottomline is: you can't steal anyone who didn't want to be stolen to begin with.
 
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Jill Scott original essay for Essence Magazine :
jill-scott.jpg

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.


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^^^ CouldnT agree more, but hey maybe Im biased since I am in a interracial marriage. But I think she made her point- to each his/her own.
 
As someone that agreed with Jill Scott's stance, I don't expect a white woman to understand. It's comments like "all interacial couples have the most beautiful children," that make me question the motives of some men that choose to date/marry outside of their race. I can't even count the number of times I've ignorant people proudly declare that they will date/marry other races simply to have a "pretty baby."

However, if someone is truly in love, then race is irrevelant. True love is a beautiful thing, but it's the absurd motives of some that I don't agree with.
 
Is that picture photoshoped? Jill's skin looks AMAZING!!!!!

No comment on the topic at hand.
 
I see nothing wrong with interracial dating the only thing that annoys me is some peoples reasons for looking outside their race. I have heard all kinds of degrading reasons for why a black man doesn't want a black woman. That is what really hurts and makes me upset. It's not the relationship itself it's the reasons. It's like a man is telling me he went and got himself a white/latina/asian/mixed woman because I, a black woman, wasn't good enough and could not be fixed.
To me you shouldn't purposely look for someone inside or outside your race, religion, class, and so on it should just happen. There shouldn't be a pros and cons list about why you will or won't date a certain race of people. It should just be.
 
I understand COMPLETELY what Jill is saying. As a race, we cannot thrive in this white man's world. The way he lives is not inherent in us, that's why we are having so many problems trying to live their way. We were systematically kept down and that has wreaked havoc on our psyche. It's a huge thing to understand, most black folks refuse to try to wrap their mind around it, it's enough to just live in this world. I am sad for my race, this war of attrition against my race has truly taken its toll. ...and I will not be satisfied until the 'ultimate prize' for the black man is the black woman...
 
I think the woman in the OP presented her point very well, but she still doesn't show a deep understanding of why black women react the way they do--she doesn't address what Jill was really getting at. She probably also has little conception of all of the illegitimate reasons that black men date outside of their race...white women speaking to this topic can be somewhat naive in that way. If racial issues could be solved with a simple "We're all the same--love has no color," then they wouldn't be so persistent.

Also, I just find it interesting the obsession with biracial children. Personally I would love to have a brown skinned baby with dark brown eyes and kinky hair that I could put into cute little afro puffs. I don't understand how it would be political anathema to say white children are the most beautiful or Asian children are the most beautiful, but white/black children can be the "most beautiful"?
 
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displacedcreole said:
I understand COMPLETELY what Jill is saying. As a race, we cannot thrive in this white man's world. The way he lives is not inherent in us, that's why we are having so many problems trying to live their way. We were systematically kept down and that has wreaked havoc on our psyche. It's a huge thing to understand, most black folks refuse to try to wrap their mind around it, it's enough to just live in this world. I am sad for my race, this war of attrition against my race has truly taken its toll. ...and I will not be satisfied until the 'ultimate prize' for the black man is the black woman...
Click to expand...


Have you read The Miseducation of the Negro?
 
sorry for the rant... this subject hits a nerve for me. I work in fashion and the images of skinny white women are constantly shoved down my throat. My boss asked my opinion on something this morning (he didn't really care, don't know why he asked). Then he commented on the model (of course, skinny and white) "Isn't is hard to be that beautiful" he says. So I reply, "Just because you are white and skinny doesn't make you beautiful." Don't care if he ever asks for my opinion again, just tired of his narrow mind.
 
displacedcreole said:
I understand COMPLETELY what Jill is saying. As a race, we cannot thrive in this white man's world. The way he lives is not inherent in us, that's why we are having so many problems trying to live their way. We were systematically kept down and that has wreaked havoc on our psyche. It's a huge thing to understand, most black folks refuse to try to wrap their mind around it, it's enough to just live in this world. I am sad for my race, this war of attrition against my race has truly taken its toll. ...and I will not be satisfied until the 'ultimate prize' for the black man is the black woman...
Click to expand...

u think u're sad for our race.....LOOK AT THIS DISGUSTING SHYTE
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh9GZ7XQ01FWD7KHm2
 
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cheetarah1980 said:
I have to agree with her. I don't see how a black man choosing a white woman is supposed to be a rejection of me when I don't even KNOW dude. Black men don't belong to me any more than I belong to them. No one can steal something that isn't yours.
Click to expand...

EXACTLY!!!!:clap:
 
She comes off naive with that kumbaya we are the world crap.

I am convinced white women will never truly understand the complexities of Black women in this country. They don't understand our history, the breakdown of the Black family structure, the Euro standard of beauty in this country and how it affects women of color, the wealth gap, our culture, our hair.....NOTHING.


Side note: It does not bother me to see a BM/WW union, but I understand if for another Sister it stings.
 
An interracial union does not bother me. At all. Its the ignorance that some people will shout in order to justify black womens supposed "inferiority." For those unions born out of love, I salute. She needs to get over herself. After reading her twitter, she seems to push the same agenda also, i.e black men are better than white men...etc. Chick please.
 
Please stand back and look at the bigger picture. Black men choosing outside of their race IS an affirmation that black women are not beautiful. It is plainly stating that what we look like is not acceptable. He may not be rejecting you, but he's clearly saying that you are not beautiful enough to be with him/have his children. It is (loudly) saying that 'my vision of beauty is NOT the black woman! Personally, I think it's a form of self hatred. This image that they run from, the black woman, is not good enough for them. Well it was good enough to give birth to them, but not good enough to share his life with. Everyday, we are constantly barraged and battered by the white man's images of beauty. It can be (and is) very damaging to our delicate souls. I've dated outside my race before, I even have white associates; because of my personality, I get along well with (most) whites. (I can't stand ghetto-ness). But I will consciously choose black in an effort to save my race.
 
Mmmmm. Looks like Ashley wants to get herself a name and some fame by adding her 2 cents on the hottest topic of the month. Yawn. I'm supposed to give a fiddler's fart about what Becky thinks because....????
 
displacedcreole said:
Please stand back and look at the bigger picture. Black men choosing outside of their race IS an affirmation that black women are not beautiful. It is plainly stating that what we look like is not acceptable. He may not be rejecting you, but he's clearly saying that you are not beautiful enough to be with him/have his children. It is (loudly) saying that 'my vision of beauty is NOT the black woman! Personally, I think it's a form of self hatred. This image that they run from, the black woman, is not good enough for them. Well it was good enough to give birth to them, but not good enough to share his life with. Everyday, we are constantly barraged and battered by the white man's images of beauty. It can be (and is) very damaging to our delicate souls. I've dated outside my race before, I even have white associates; because of my personality, I get along well with (most) whites. (I can't stand ghetto-ness). But I will consciously choose black in an effort to save my race.
Click to expand...
As someone who dates interracially, I have to disagree with you completely. A black man dating or marrying a white woman does NOT mean that a black woman is not beautiful or good enough to be with him. Why does liking someone white automatically mean you have to DISLIKE something black. I love a chocolate brownie more than I love vacation. But that doesn't mean a maple blondie won't make my mouth water too (food references make me happy).
Do some black men choose non-black women because they are rejecting black women? Yes. But I would venture to say that the majority would be with their white girlfriends/wives if she had happened to be black too. To me, it's a first come-first serve proposition. If a white woman met and connected with that black man BEFORE he ever met me why should I feel some kind of way about it? Me personally, I'm not going to forgoe a relationship with a white man who I am attracted to, share values with, and feel connected to just so I can wait for a black man who I don't even know to come along and offer what I'm already getting. That just doesn't make sense.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
As someone who dates interracially, I have to disagree with you completely. A black man dating or marrying a white woman does NOT mean that a black woman is not beautiful or good enough to be with him. Why does liking someone white automatically mean you have to DISLIKE something black. I love a chocolate brownie more than I love vacation. But that doesn't mean a maple blondie won't make my mouth water too (food references make me happy).
Do some black men choose non-black women because they are rejecting black women? Yes. But I would venture to say that the majority would be with their white girlfriends/wives if she had happened to be black too. To me, it's a first come-first serve proposition. If a white woman met and connected with that black man BEFORE he ever met me why should I feel some kind of way about it? Me personally, I'm not going to forgoe a relationship with a white man who I am attracted to, share values with, and feel connected to just so I can wait for a black man who I don't even know to come along and offer what I'm already getting. That just doesn't make sense.
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I have also dated outside my race. I'm not against that, never said I was. That was due to the fact that I was raised around all whites. I never even saw my first chitterling until I was about 16 years old!! What I'm saying is that it is a shame that black men do not hold their black woman in the same regard as other races. This is NOT an issue in other races... Please stand back and look at the bigger picture. We are the only race that is cracked and broken, please see that...

I respect all opinions...
 
SOME black men do not hold black women in high regard. MANY do! Lest we forget 92% of married black men are married to black women. Less than 1 in ever 10 black men is married to a non-black woman so I think the sweeping generalizations about how black men feel about us are WAY exaggerated.
This actually is an issue in other races as I have seen many Asian men/women feel some kind of way when the opposite sex from their race dates/marries interracially.
I guess I just refuse to see myself and others like me as cracked and broken. Do certain issues affect blacks at a higher rate than other races? Yes. But I'm not letting that define me and why should others. Are we not worthy of love from other races. Do we need to keep our "pathology" to ourselves?
My issue with your initial statement is that it sets up an either/or proposition. A Black man can either desire a black woman OR a white woman, but not either or both? Just because a man is dating a white woman today doesn't mean that he won't date a black woman tomorrow. That's why I don't see it as a rejection of me or his race. Unless a black man pulls a Wesley Snipes and specifically dates outside of his race as a statement AGAINST black women then why should any of us care?
 
ChanelNo5 said:
She comes off naive with that kumbaya we are the world crap.

I am convinced white women will never truly understand the complexities of Black women in this country. They don't understand our history, the breakdown of the Black family structure, the Euro standard of beauty in this country and how it affects women of color, the wealth gap, our culture, our hair.....NOTHING.


Side note: It does not bother me to see a BM/WW union, but I understand if for another Sister it stings.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way. I wish she'd just date her BM, and STFU.

Don't try to tell me how I should be thinking.
 
ChanelNo5 said:
She comes off naive with that kumbaya we are the world crap.

I am convinced white women will never truly understand the complexities of Black women in this country. They don't understand our history, the breakdown of the Black family structure, the Euro standard of beauty in this country and how it affects women of color, the wealth gap, our culture, our hair.....NOTHING.


Side note: It does not bother me to see a BM/WW union, but I understand if for another Sister it stings.
Click to expand...


BUT yah sis, they don't have to....B/C APPARENTLY OUR BLACK MEN DON'T EITHER:nono::nono::nono::nono:
 
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