I Paid Bfs Rent And Bills To Improve His Credit Score. He Buys A House Without Telling Me!

[WhereItsAt]

I paid my boyfriend’s rent and bills to improve his credit score — then he bought a house without telling me

MoneyWatch

By Quentin Fottrell

Published: Mar 10, 2018 8:29 a.m. ET

Dear Moneyist,

I am a 47-year-old woman living in New Jersey. Currently, I own a duplex with a family member.

My boyfriend and I had been looking at houses for about six months. We finally found one we both liked. After the home inspection, it seemed to be out of reach with all repairs it needed. At this point, he wanted to take out the mortgage himself and put me on the deed, with the agreement that the money I got from the sale of my home would go into the new house. He also asked me take out a $20,000 loan to renovate my home to make more on the sale.

Since the original deal fell through, I decided not to look at more homes with him. He is extremely picky and the process was just too much. I told him to go with the realtor and, if he found a property he liked, then I would look.

Meantime, he is moving my household into a storage unit for easy moving.

The first time out without me he made an offer on the original house. He refused to show me paperwork and, when I asked him to call the lawyer to see what I needed to sign, he refused. He told me that he was only putting the house in his name and I would still be required to pay money from my sale into the house.

As an aside, I had been paying all his bills on time so that he would have a better credit score for our future purchase, he paid a nominal amount of rent and I paid all his bills. Then he started texting me to buy this or that on Amazon for him.

I had him leave on our fourth anniversary as he told me about his plans to not include me and had not paid his bills for 3 months.

Do I have any recourse on the loan he insisted I take out for renovations? Is there anything I can do? I am unemployed. We had no contract regarding rent. I did not sign the contract for the home he is now buying. Or do I just suck it up and take it as a life lesson?

Signed- Jobless and Boyfriendless in New Jersey

 

[WhereItsAt]

 

[UmSumayyah]

No "build-a-man" projects. This is especially egregious given her age.

 

[isioma85]

Sis. At 47.

SIS.

 

[lavaflow99]

She is taking so many Ls, I don't even know where to start.
Good luck to her.

 

[crlsweetie912]

She is taking so many Ls, I don't even know where to start.
Good luck to her.

Hustling backwards like a mutha....

 

[Evolving78]

Sis. At 47.

SIS.

That sounds about right. Those are the ones already stable and start trying to work with a brother because they don’t wanna grow older alone.

 

[GraceJones]

I really this on the other board lol

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I wish I would

 

[Charmingchick1]

What’s wrong with women like this? This is beyond low self-esteem.

 

[Lymegreen]

If you can’t get him to marry first at least get a domestic partner agreement.

Putting the cart before the horse.

He did all that because he could. Hard lesson to learn.

 

[shortycocoa]

No "build-a-man" projects. This is especially egregious given her age.

Right...she is too old for this foolishness and should know better. If anything, she should be with a man that is helping her improve her financial standing, not the other way around.

He probably had another woman the whole time and if not, soon he'll have one living in a house she helped him acquire. This can't be life.

Are these white people???

 

[ArrrBeee]

That sounds about right. Those are the ones already stable and start trying to work with a brother because they don’t wanna grow older alone.

I'm close to this age and I'll be dipped in dog doo doo before I subscribe to some foolery like this. Me and my good credit will die alone.

 

[Theresamonet]

This doesn’t sound like a typical ‘work with a brother’ situation. It sounds like he has some means and some know how. He was just conning her out of hers too. My aunt who is in that age group had a similar experience with her first boyfriend, after coming out of a 20+ year marriage. He had her taking out loans for ish too (for what exactly, she has never disclosed). That man had a great job, a home and would not look like a “project” to many. But when some men see a desperate and vulnerable woman or a “Mark”, they will take advantage.

 

[PeaceLover]

Chile...

 

[Black Ambrosia]

At least the loan was for her own property. I’d hate to be making payments on a loan and have nothing to show for it.

I really want more details because he clearly had the means to make those payments. If his credit was bad before then her making payments for 3 months wouldn’t be enough for him to qualify for a mortgage so he was clearly hustling her. How does someone convince you to take over their payments when you’re unemployed. It would’ve made more sense for him to move in and reduce his expenses.

ETA: Was she paying for 3 months or 6 months? I’m confused by the way it’s worded. 6 months might be long enough to boost his score. This is a hard and expensive lesson but it could’ve been worse. I’m sure he paid too much for that house and will be hurting without her additional funds.

 

[awhyley]

She is taking so many Ls, I don't even know where to start.
Good luck to her.

Final L's - Life Lesson Learnt

 

[WhereItsAt]

Sis. At 47.

SIS.

This has me dying laughing! She’s entirely too old for this type of L.

 

[Evolving78]

I'm close to this age and I'll be dipped in dog doo doo before I subscribe to some foolery like this. Me and my good credit will die alone.

It happens too often around this age. Something similar just happened to five different women I know. They future fake you. Make all of these plans with your house and your money. Have you taking out loans for their businesses. They got all of this know how, but just need somebody to believe in their dreams. They prey on older single women. Especially the handy man ones. He start fixing crap around your house for free, and your friends will tell you he is a keeper.

 

[FlowerHair]

Why doesn’t she just pay back the loan with the loan money?

I’m glad she didn’t pay his bills for more than 3 months. Some women pay all the bills for years, while their boyfriend/husband is lying on the couch.

 

[movingforward13]

If you can’t get him to marry first at least get a domestic partner agreement.

Putting the cart before the horse.

He did all that because he could. Hard lesson to learn.

Why would she want to marry that?
She would become his wife/mother, still pay all his bills and he would just turn around a cheat. Then she would have to entangle herself out of a marriage with a man/child.

 

[TCatt86]

She is too old for this

 

[Evolving78]

She is too old for this

Ya’ll keep saying that, but this stuff happens to older women. Lol like all of the time. You don’t hear of younger women 20-30s being swindled out of their finances. These women are still establishing themselves. Graduating, careers, buying their first home, getting married, etc. younger women that deal with younger guys who will move into your apartment, run up your utilities bills, drive your car and steal out of your purse! Lol older women are more established and stable.

 

[greenmetro99]

Damn, Being in a relationship is not that serious. I rather be single than **** up my money over a man.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Why doesn’t she just pay back the loan with the loan money?

I’m glad she didn’t pay his bills for more than 3 months. Some women pay all the bills for years, while their boyfriend/husband is lying on the couch.

I think she may have already used that money to update her home and was planning on paying off the loan from the proceeds of the sale which won't be happening since he bought the house on his own and they broke up.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I hate to think this way but I think women need to consider the real possibility that they will be alone and supplement their lives with more interaction with family, friends, and maintenance men.

 

[Zaynab]

This is so ridiculous. And what's sad is there are many women doing exactly this.

 

[007PMP]

This is so ridiculous. And what's sad is there are many women doing exactly this.

Exactly and will defend what they’re doing and his trifling donkey butt.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I hate to think this way but I think women need to consider the real possibility that they will be alone and supplement their lives with more interaction with family, friends, and maintenance men.

Well, the key is to cultivate your own happiness and not rely on anyone to fill that space. Women who are fulfilled are way less likely to fall for this nonsense. You'll be able to see the foolishness from miles away.

 

[Lymegreen]

Why would she want to marry that?
She would become his wife/mother, still pay all his bills and he would just turn around a cheat. Then she would have to entangle herself out of a marriage with a man/child.

That was the point I was trying to make. She was never going to marry him because he didn’t want her.

If she had thought about putting protections in for herself first. I bet she would have realized that getting that loan was a bad idea if for nothing more than he wasn’t willing to commit.