He wants to help pay some of my bills...

[blackmaven]

It is okay,for your man to give you money. I was use to handling my business without assistance from a man. I too was reluctant at first,until an elderly woman schooled me.

 

[TayMac]

Take it. I let my man pay whatever bill he likes, put tires on my car, etc. It is a way to show he cares. He isn't taking over your life.

 

[mscurly]

I'm sorry OP I don't understand what the problem is?????


If you dont want that bill paying man I'll take him

 

[yynot]

I agree with this above posts, accept the money girl. This is how a lot of men express their feelings towards a woman. Nothing wrong with it. Same as when they open doors, wash your car, change a tire, etc. Yeah you can do it yourself or pay for it to get done, but men like to do those things for their lady. Let him catch a few things here and there, express your gratitude and make him feel special.

 

[gabulldawg]

I think I made a similar post when I started dating my now-dh. Seeing your post made me realize how crazy I was. Op take that money and just remember to say thank you. That will make him want to give you more!!!

I dated a real loser before dh. A sorry excuse of a man who had no problem taking money from me and didn't apologize for mooching off of women. My stupid self used to think that type of thing was okay. It was a big change to have a man who wanted to pay for things and give me money and not ask for anything in return. But it was a beautiful thing to get used to.

 

[Evolving78]

he is paying the cost to be the boss!....well he might just being trying to help his woman out. i would take it in a heart beat. when a man is trying to show that he can help you and he's got your back, you need to be able to be open to receive that. don't let that strong black woman mentality get the best of you. if you know he is a good dude and doesn't have a hidden agenda, you are good and should be able to trust that.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

he is paying the cost to be the boss!....well he might just being trying to help his woman out. i would take it in a heart beat. when a man is trying to show that he can help you and he's got your back, you need to be able to be open to receive that. don't let that strong black woman mentality get the best of you. if you know he is a good dude and doesn't have a hidden agenda, you are good and should be able to trust that.

you hit the nail on the head shortdub78. He pretty much said how i never accept help when it's right there, that i always want to to stuff on my own.

And it's true because thats how i as raised. My mother was a single parent and reared two children by any means necessary. That is all i know so it's hard for me to accept it. But when i talk to him tomorrow i'm going to ask him for help with my move. I want to be open to my so financially helping me out. I do allow him to do other things, fixit type things and he looooovvveess to do that though he makes it sound like a big deal

 

[Evolving78]

^^^i had to get over that too! my mother taught me the same way. my mother told me don't ever put yourself in a position where you become dependent on someone. well, i took what she said to a whole different level. and i have been on that side of the tracks when i depended on my husband. when a man came my way and wanted to help me out, i didn't know how to take it. i thought he was out to get me, keep me under his thumb. he just wanted to help. i get it now, slowly, but i am getting it!

 

[NefertariBlu]

I would feel the same way about taking money. l remember one dude used to offer all the time. It was his way of showing me how much he liked me. l refused most of the time because I just wasn't comfortable taking money from a guy.

I remember when we broke up he said that he was hurt that l didn't allow him to help me. l was just too scared that things were going too fast and l didn't want him thinking I'm just after his money. I had not too long come out of a long term relationship and my son wasn't even 2 when we started dating, so a lot of things were going on with me. l just wasn't comfortable taking it.

After we broke up I realised that he was just a generous person.

But l will say just be careful as some men use money as a way to control you. see how he behaves after you except it. lf he brings it up in an argument then you know it's about control.

 

[Lilmama1011]

My mom always taught me not to take nothing from a man because majority of the time they want something out of it. They might downplay that fact they do but let you tell him you don't want to do something and he might throw it in your face. The only way I would take something is if it's my man. And if we just going out for dates I will let him pay, but something as big as paying for my livelihood, heck no. Some dudes think they have you wrapped around their finger after that. Til this day, no man can never list major things they have ever done for me because if I needed it, better believe I got it myself . And sometimes specially if a guy pay the bills, it code for I'm moving in with you and next thing they know they saying its my house and I pay the bills and so on. But you know him better than we do so you should be able to tell his motive

 

[ManeStreet]

I wont really speak on the $ portion too much. Are you being accurate when you say he is acting "pissed" & "annoyed"? How is he showing those behaviors? Is he yelling? Talking down to you? Pulling away?

It isnt so much that he's offering $ but the attitude & motivation behind it to be cautious of & to evaluate?

When someone offers to do something nice for you because they have the proper intentions, they offer with a joyful & happy spirit. It sounds sumthin like, "I know money is tight for you right now & I care about you so I'd like the help you out with some expences".

If you say no, then a reasonable response would be "Ok but if you change your mind, let me know & I'm still willing to help you any way I can."

But getting angry or agitated is concerning. It could be he's pissed simply because you arent doing what he wants you to do a.k.a "controlling". And if so thats serious red flag.

I would ask a few questions before accepting it to try & pinpoint his intentions.

Follow your gut feeling.

 

[Fine 4s]

Mane those are good questions-

You just zoomed in on that- when people respect you and your thoughts and decisions they don't shove their views down your throat. It would be an important differentiation to make.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I wont really speak on the $ portion too much. Are you being accurate when you say he is acting "pissed" & "annoyed"? How is he showing those behaviors? Is he yelling? Talking down to you? Pulling away?

It isnt so much that he's offering $ but the attitude & motivation behind it to be cautious of & to evaluate?

When someone offers to do something nice for you because they have the proper intentions, they offer with a joyful & happy spirit. It sounds sumthin like, "I know money is tight for you right now & I care about you so I'd like the help you out with some expences".

If you say no, then a reasonable response would be "Ok but if you change your mind, let me know & I'm still willing to help you any way I can."

But getting angry or agitated is concerning. It could be he's pissed simply because you arent doing what he wants you to do a.k.a "controlling". And if so thats serious red flag.

I would ask a few questions before accepting it to try & pinpoint his intentions.

Follow your gut feeling.

Great points! No, he doesn't yell but I can tell he gets his lil feelings hurt and is disappointed. He always says "you have someone here willing to help you but you never take it. I'm not going to offer anymore" but he does. He has offered a ton of times to do things, like buy me a bike, pay certain bills , give me a little money when things are tight, but each time I shined him off.

 

[ManeStreet]

Great points! No, he doesn't yell but I can tell he gets his lil feelings hurt and is disappointed. He always says "you have someone here willing to help you but you never take it. I'm not going to offer anymore" but he does. He has offered a ton of times to do things, like buy me a bike, pay certain bills , give me a little money when things are tight, but each time I shined him off.

Its good if a man wants to provide & protect. I hope you have good one & everything turns out great.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I made some good strides today. Slowly but surely ...

 

[madamdot]

If you are not comfortable then you are not comfortable.

Maybe this is his way of expressing his love language (acts of service etc). If you don't want to accept the money then figure out what it is he can do to help or feel less rejected.

I have found when men are into a relationship they want to help. Money if often the easiest option, but there are other ways.

 

[BrownBetty]

As long as you feel that this isn't a way of controlling you then let him help you. Someone above stated this maybe is love language, this is who he shows you he cares and appreciates you.

I too was raised to be independent, to a fault. My mom admits that she wasn't right for pushing me the way she did (that is another post).

My ex looked me dead in the eye when we were together and told me "I feel like you don't need me, there is nothing that you will let me do for you." That woke me up, who wants to feel useless in a rlp? I let him help, always telling him how much I appreciated him. I didn't want him to feel as if I was using him.

Start small it will get easier....

 

[kandake]

I really, really wish I had this problem

 

[itismehmmkay]

I agree with the previous poster who said, take the money for the movers and then observe. See how he acts knowing that he's paid for something. If he doesn't do the power-crazy, random ownership, or indian-giver thing, then let him help out with a few utility bills.