I met a wonderful man who is.....

[Mystic]

"Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

 

[erokawa]

Stop worrying; he's just white. Haha. they're just like any toher guy, they can he douchebags and nice men. Give him a chance if you like him. He's obviously not worried about the color difference so why should you be? It shouldn't matter AT ALL.

 

[princesslocks]

Love has no color...stay with your new guy and remain in the present. Enjoy the wonderful relationship that God has sent you.

When you have a moment pick up Michelle Stimpson's novel Boaz Brown. I think you'll enjoy it.

 

[sweetwhispers]

I cannot WAIT to start dating outside my race!

Lemme tell you something... I gave these n-words 21 years of my life (including my father) and what do I have to show for it? Nothing really but a lot of cynicism. I'm just waiting for the day when someone calls me a sell out - when I wanted a black man it seemed like they didn't want me so I had to do what I had to do.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm interchangeable - I have met and dated some nice men but the ones I like, who have a lot going for themselves, have an unseemly ass conceit because they know the pool for accomplished black men a.) is not that large and b.) black men can date a white woman once they're "somebody" and no one will say anything about it. Strong, successful black women are everywhere and are probably less likely as a whole to date interracially, so to a eligible bachelor black man... he feels like he can have his pick of the litter cuz the demand way outstrips the supply, right? Very conceited, don't want to settle down, always think they can do better, and that's asking a lot for a girl to put up with, never mind all the wrong he might to do you even if you're with him...

I do love and adore good black men. I do feel that in the end I would prefer to marry a black man (black love is beautiful). But that's not going to stop me from exploring my options with men of other races. I was surprised when it seemed like all out of nowhere I was attracted to all types of white men lol. I'm thinking right now bout how to approach my friend that I have a crush on And he's tall and gangly and blonde and even a little pimply and I just find him adorable. Bowl cut or not. I'm definitely right now looking to see what variance, if any, there is to men of other races... and if nothing else, like someone said upthread, I think there's an excellent chance I will learn a lot about men and relationships and what I should expect and not ACCEPT. Black men may have missed out on me (and yup I mean that spitefully!)

 

[honeybadgirl]

all that really matters is how a man treats you. if he's good to you, respectful, attentive, loving and giving....then stick in there.

 

[chinadoll]

ITA with everyone. any updates???????

 

[Overjoyed]

ITA with everyone. any updates???????

Chinadoll,

As of yet, no updates. Due to my hectic schedule we decided not to go out until May, but I will most definitely keep everyone updated.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^May is only two days away, so you betta give us an update soon!

 

[Overjoyed]

^^^May is only two days away, so you betta give us an update soon!

LOL, wow you just reminded me!

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I agree with the bolded. Also I have never dated a white man and I totally understand where you are coming from, but this guy sounds like a keeper, especially since you are attracted to him.

I totally agree.

I think that you didn't expect to go thru what you did with your exes, and that you didn't wanna give up on Black men. Which you probably haven't, but since a great guy came along in the package that you didn't expect, you still better unwrap it!

I always "saw myself" with an American guy, but I married the best Haitian man!...in fact, he could be better, but he's better than many of West Indian men I've ever met.

 

[Mystic]

After all of these great advice, wouldn't it be something if some time WAY in the future you report back that you and Mr. white decides to tie the knot. That would be something! Maybe you should keep this thread - just in case.

 

[Overjoyed]

After all of these great advice, wouldn't it be something if some time WAY in the future you report back that you and Mr. white decides to tie the knot. That would be something! Maybe you should keep this thread - just in case.

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

That's very sweet...I like Mr. White already. And he obviously really likes you.

Just relax, and enjoy yourself. He's nothing but a man. You are going to have a good time.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

YAY!!!!!

I really do wish you the best. Even if he doesn't end up being "the One" I hope that overall it ends up being a good experience for you, hopefully one that will open your mind and heart.

 

[Lucia]

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

Good for you, he sounds nice, have fun.

 

[Magus484]

He sounds like a nice guy! I hope it works out.

 

[Opalsunset]

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

That's fantastic! I'm so happy to hear the good news!

 

[Mystic]

What's the update on the date, Overjoyed? I hope it went well.

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

 

[mingming3]

Are you crazy!!!! What do you mean you feel like a sellout? He is a human being is he not? He has two eyes ,two arms 3 legs etc. ( one of the legs is shorter. LOL
I don't care what ethnic background a man is. If he is going to treat me right and we are happy. Then black men can gawk all they want and give the stare down. As far as I am concerned they can kiss my royal black behind!

 

[geishagrrl24]

My 2cents is...if he treats you right and respects you go for it...like my mom always told me

A MAN IS A MAN IS A MAN...the only thing different is their bank accounts! okay so my mom didn't say the last part that was my 2cents ha!


ciao bella!

 

[january noir]

LOL, Mr. White. I have a mini-update. Since our last date we hadn't spoken. I was tempted to call him, but I really wanted to see if he would follow through with us going out in May. About an hour ago he called and says,"You said the next time I would see you would be in May and I'm just calling you because tomorrow is May 1st". I told him I was free to go out whenever and to choose a time convenient for him since he is always working and he said tomorrow. This week for a hell-ish week for me so I told him that next Thursday would be good. Well, all through the conversation he kept saying so I have to wait until Thursday, not tomorrow, but next week? Right about now he is a keeper!

Sigh.... brings back fond memories of when my SO and I started dating. Enjoy yourself. You are a lovely woman and any man would be proud to have you on his arm!

 

[Overjoyed]

What's the update on the date, Overjoyed? I hope it went well.

LMAO, Mystic done put me on front street. Well, initially we agreed to go out today, but I called him earlier in the week and we ended up going out yesterday. It's amazing the things you notice when you become interested in someone because he has been attractive from day 1, but yesterday I noticed how handsome he is. We went out to dinner and as usual we had a great time.

He walked me to my car since I had met him at the restaurant and got in the car with me to talk. Well, all he did the entire time was hug me, kiss me nearly what seemed like a thousand times and held my hand. The sexual tension between us is ridiculous, but he NEVER oversteps his boundaries. In a round about way I asked him what would his role be in my life without actually being direct about it so he asked me what did I want. Not wanting to appear foolish and desperate I told him that I didn't know in which he responded that he did not know what he wanted either.

His response kind of worried me, but then I thought either he was following my lead or maybe he is not looking to get serious. Also I get the feeling that he has not ever been in a serious relationship and shockingly may still be a virgin(not a problem for me).

I think it may take some time for him to open up to me because he's a bit on the shy, quiet, reserved side, but based on what he has shown me so far I think he's worth it. He called me today and we are going out on a date again tomorrow. I sure didn't expect for it to be this soon since he lives an hour away from me, but it's all good because I'm beginning to look forward to spending time with him.

 

[Overjoyed]

Sigh.... brings back fond memories of when my SO and I started dating. Enjoy yourself. You are a lovely woman and any man would be proud to have you on his arm!

Ahh thanks! To hear you say that means a lot to me

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Overjoyed he sounds like such a nice guy!
I'm glad you two had a good time.
Just keep taking it slow...don't rush into anything, enjoy the anticipation and romance. Ahhhh, young love!

 

[Mystic]

Sorry dear but I was dying to hear feedback, and when i didn't see any..., well .

Sounds like a great first date to me. Just take it slowly and one day at a time. Have no expectations initially just get to know him as a friend first - this is very important. Don't read into anything too much because reading into things means you are having expectations, and if that doesn't go according to plan, you will get disappointed. Overtime, the relationship will find itself and then you will clearly know where things stand. The more you go with him, the better feel you will have of him and vice vera. Don't give it up too quickly. Good luck, and keep us informed. I am a sucker for good people getting connected and finding love.

LMAO, Mystic done put me on front street. Well, initially we agreed to go out today, but I called him earlier in the week and we ended up going out yesterday. It's amazing the things you notice when you become interested in someone because he has been attractive from day 1, but yesterday I noticed how handsome he is. We went out to dinner and as usual we had a great time.

He walked me to my car since I had met him at the restaurant and got in the car with me to talk. Well, all he did the entire time was hug me, kiss me nearly what seemed like a thousand times and held my hand. The sexual tension between us is ridiculous, but he NEVER oversteps his boundaries. In a round about way I asked him what would his role be in my life without actually being direct about it so he asked me what did I want. Not wanting to appear foolish and desperate I told him that I didn't know in which he responded that he did not know what he wanted either.

His response kind of worried me, but then I thought either he was following my lead or maybe he is not looking to get serious. Also I get the feeling that he has not ever been in a serious relationship and shockingly may still be a virgin(not a problem for me).

I think it may take some time for him to open up to me because he's a bit on the shy, quiet, reserved side, but based on what he has shown me so far I think he's worth it. He called me today and we are going out on a date again tomorrow. I sure didn't expect for it to be this soon since he lives an hour away from me, but it's all good because I'm beginning to look forward to spending time with him.

 

[oooop2]

He sounds like a nice guy. Enjoy this new chapter in your life.

 

[Overjoyed]

Sorry dear but I was dying to hear feedback, and when i didn't see any..., well .

Sounds like a great first date to me. Just take it slowly and one day at a time. Have no expectations initially just get to know him as a friend first - this is very important. Don't read into anything too much because reading into things means you are having expectations, and if that doesn't go according to plan, you will get disappointed. Overtime, the relationship will find itself and then you will clearly know where things stand. The more you go with him, the better feel you will have of him and vice vera. Don't give it up too quickly. Good luck, and keep us informed. I am a sucker for good people getting connected and finding love.

You are definitely 100% right. BTW, this isn't our first date it is like our 4th date and the 5th date will be tonight.

 

[Mystic]

Sweet!! Sounds like you are well on your way.........

You are definitely 100% right. BTW, this isn't our first date it is like our 4th date and the 5th date will be tonight.

 

[locabouthair]

Sorry dear but I was dying to hear feedback, and when i didn't see any..., well .

Sounds like a great first date to me. Just take it slowly and one day at a time. Have no expectations initially just get to know him as a friend first - this is very important. Don't read into anything too much because reading into things means you are having expectations, and if that doesn't go according to plan, you will get disappointed. Overtime, the relationship will find itself and then you will clearly know where things stand. The more you go with him, the better feel you will have of him and vice vera. Don't give it up too quickly. Good luck, and keep us informed. I am a sucker for good people getting connected and finding love.

This should be the number one rule of dating!

Glad things are going well for you, OP.

 

[Islandgurrl]

Girl you need to stop tripping. Love knows no color. God knows no color too and he sent you the man you've been dreaming of you better recognize! Trust me after a while you will look past the color and know him for the person he is on the inside you won't even notice he's white. Don't be scurrd give it your best shot.

I so second your post, love knows no color. You've found someone by chance that likes you for you - that is a plus. Months from now you'll look into his eyes and see him for the person he is - not his color. As long as he is not mistreating you and he has a descent head on his shoulders and the feelings are mutual - honey child you have nothing to worry about. I say throw your red towel in and surrender to your heart. Remember you only live once - follow your heart. If it feels right to you, then it's probably. Do not let anyone tell you how to live your life. At the end of the day when the door is closed - YOU are the only one that can live your life. Don't worry baby - BE HAPPY! I am happy for you and what is to come!