smoothie696
New Member
..................
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My man finds out he has a...
- Thread starter petiteNunique
- Start date
petiteNunique
New Member
Do you know that he had the nerve to want an apology from me from bringing up the subject matter to him again?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
whoo chil' he's funny! 
He's kidding, right?
He really doesn't want to deal with this does he? I don't curse much or often but...he needs to gtfooh
.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
But seriously, I would tell him that the issue is very important to you and that his opinion on the matter hurts your feelings and is offensive. Tell him you would like to talk to him about it later in a calm manner and respectfully. Tell him that your feelings matter and that you expect your man to care about how you feel. Tell him you believe he can do better and that you've invested two years in the relationship because you love him and care about him deeply. Tell him you appreciate all of the wonderful things he does for you, etc. but this matter is troubling and is important to you.
ETA: I wrote this before she revealed that he smoked weed daily, wouldn't go back to school when he promised he would, that he moved into her apartment, and some other mess. I take the above post back.
ETA: I wrote this before she revealed that he smoked weed daily, wouldn't go back to school when he promised he would, that he moved into her apartment, and some other mess. I take the above post back.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
OH. HELL. NO.
Girl, if you apologize to that man, I will find you and choke you myself!
I'm just kidding. But for real, you don't have anything to apologize for.
PeopleTalkDaily
Well-Known Member
pack yo bags and be out...
I know its hard and you feel you won't find anyone better..
But do you really want to deal with someone that doesn't appreciate the beautiful black woman that you are?
I know its hard and you feel you won't find anyone better..
But do you really want to deal with someone that doesn't appreciate the beautiful black woman that you are?
awhyley
Well-Known Member
That is true!.
No, it's not the wordiness. It was very expressive, but I feel that the less words she uses with him, the better.
(He'll only try and twist what she says anyways, and turn it against OP).
vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
i would dump him. i would not want to have black children with this nignorant negro. i don't want the other parent teaching my sons that black women are gold digging and underserving of good men, and damn sure don't want my daughters taught that they are less desireable to black men. *** that ish. ♥
Fab_Nikki
Well-Known Member
So my man just found out he has a 7 year old child. I am 24 years old and he is 28. Honestly, this is not what I wanted, as I wanted to start a family with someone who does not have kids...i just don't know what to do. A lot of times the whole situation bothers me a lot. Sometimes I do not know if I want to stay but at the same time he is a really good man. Another thing that bothers me is that he has the mindset that most black women are gold diggers and that white women are not like that. He says this is the reason why black men marry white women when they get rich. He says that i am different from most of the black women he has dated. But still, im like don't diss my race of women. All of this just really bothers me. I asked him if he will teach his future black daughters that black women are gold diggers and he said no, but that if they ask for his opinion, he would say yes. His current child is biracial but appears to be white. I don't think that he would tell her the same thing. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation...i don't know whether to stay or what. How would you all feel about all of this?
He calls me a black panther since i stick up for my race of women
Whaaaaaaaaatttt? So THIS is the good man you referenced in the other post? Girl stop! The MINUTE you and him have a SERIOUS falling out, YOU will be in the same category he puts other black women.
This guy has got you guilted into putting up with his crap! If you leave now, he'll make you believe it's because your a black women and because other black women tried to turn you against him. Everyone has said everything that needs to be said. I'm just going to repeat it.
1. He may (un)intentionally treat his "white" looking daughter better than your children!
If he prizes whiteness over blackness, he's going to put her on a pedastal.
2. Long term baby momma drama with the YT momma.
Look for kid ditching, demands for payment, and guilting from that one. Not to mention all the fighting because of her and her family, him and his family, and you are always going to be an issue. No mother wants her child "raised" by step mother. That's not even including when she hooks up with another man. Expect a lot of ish when that happens!
3. Him ignoring/neglecting his black daughter.
I don't know what he's going to tell them, I just can't imagine it'll be a lot of 'beautiful' and 'I love you's. Fathers are very important in the role of a daughter, they define how they'll see themselves in the eyes of men. If they believe their beautiful and worthy, they'll have a healthy self esteem, they'll be able to handle rejection, loneliness, and strife well. In his case, I can see them becoming a baby momma in a hurry. A friend of mine has a father that neglected her, she clings to bad men like white on rice. It's just painful to watch. She never needs to feel like less of a person. Parents need to uplift their children! I don't think he's capable of doing that for a dark skinned daughter. Ditto for the sons.
4. Him leaving you and never looking back.
You are just WAITING for this day. When he gets tempted by just the right woman. When he finds that your behavior is becoming to "black" for him. What ever the reason, you are still a representation of a woman that he despises. If you have children by that stage, he may very well leave him and never look back. We have enough abandoned black children already.
5. You are YOUNG. 24 is NOTHING. You have so much time to recover from this one and move on. Focus on yourself for a while. Your job, hobbies, aspirations and get yourself in a good place. Don't let manufactured fears like growing older or being alone control your life. You owe it to yourself to find a man that loves you but does not hate your blackness. And also, without the baby mama drama.
1. He may (un)intentionally treat his "white" looking daughter better than your children!
If he prizes whiteness over blackness, he's going to put her on a pedastal.
2. Long term baby momma drama with the YT momma.
Look for kid ditching, demands for payment, and guilting from that one. Not to mention all the fighting because of her and her family, him and his family, and you are always going to be an issue. No mother wants her child "raised" by step mother. That's not even including when she hooks up with another man. Expect a lot of ish when that happens!
3. Him ignoring/neglecting his black daughter.
I don't know what he's going to tell them, I just can't imagine it'll be a lot of 'beautiful' and 'I love you's. Fathers are very important in the role of a daughter, they define how they'll see themselves in the eyes of men. If they believe their beautiful and worthy, they'll have a healthy self esteem, they'll be able to handle rejection, loneliness, and strife well. In his case, I can see them becoming a baby momma in a hurry. A friend of mine has a father that neglected her, she clings to bad men like white on rice. It's just painful to watch. She never needs to feel like less of a person. Parents need to uplift their children! I don't think he's capable of doing that for a dark skinned daughter. Ditto for the sons.
4. Him leaving you and never looking back.
You are just WAITING for this day. When he gets tempted by just the right woman. When he finds that your behavior is becoming to "black" for him. What ever the reason, you are still a representation of a woman that he despises. If you have children by that stage, he may very well leave him and never look back. We have enough abandoned black children already.
5. You are YOUNG. 24 is NOTHING. You have so much time to recover from this one and move on. Focus on yourself for a while. Your job, hobbies, aspirations and get yourself in a good place. Don't let manufactured fears like growing older or being alone control your life. You owe it to yourself to find a man that loves you but does not hate your blackness. And also, without the baby mama drama.
Wow, that was a really defensive and immature way to respond. I don't know, this guy doesn't sound that great to me. The kid would have been enough for me, though. Do you really want to deal with that? Moving on seems like the best option from the outside looking in, but only you really know how things are.
On the flip side, I just wanted to point out something. There are many women in this very thread who will say all sorts of things about black men in general and have what seems to be a pretty negative opinion about black men (their ambitions, work ethic, values, child rearing or lack thereof, etc.). That doesn't seem to stop them from wanting a particular black men and allowing for particular black men to be exceptions in their minds. So the very same thought patterns he is displaying - making a negative generalization about black people but excluding you (or so he says) - is the same thing I've seen on this forum multiple times. All that to say, be mindful that advice is just that: advice. It can come from any source (especially given this in the 'net), and only you can best decide. Given what you've told us, though, I agree with the consensus.
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petiteNunique
New Member
Ok you guys after putting everything together, I don't know if i can do this anymore. However, I told my mother one day about how he stated that most black women are money hungry compared to white women, and she said that I shouldn't even be discussing the topic with him. She also said that its not easy finding a decent man. My best friend told me that at least he was honest. Then, other people are saying how slim this dating field is....Im scared as heck to get back out there. But at the same time, enough is enough. Its like I just feel like I've settled in this relationship....before we got together, he told me that he was going back to school. He lied. Two months into the relationship, I find out that he smokes weed everyday. So thats two things that I had to settle for....Then, we find out he has a 7 year old child. Do you guys think this is settling?
it_comes_naturally
Well-Known Member
, cause it's not what you wanted.~Sparklingflame~
New Member
YES!!!!
........
Honi
There is no board.
stop playing! You know you are. When you settle you always get less than what you asked for and even LESS than what you deserve. You are starting to rationalize as to why you should stay. If you do....and it sounds like you possibly leaning that way, you will resent him and regret that decision. Know your worth! PERIOD!
Dak
Well-Known Member
Yes, you are settling. Do you want every disagreement you have with this man to come down to him acting like your father and telling you how you can think? And what about the children you might have? From what you've described, you don't have discussions with him, he just blows up and then runs away. Think about a lifetime with someone like that.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
A decent man IMO is at least very nice and doesn't make you feel bad even if he doesn't have a lot going on in the other areas.
This guy doesn't meet the minimum requirements IMO but it is up to YOU. You are already living together so that just makes it harder but somebody has got to make a decision.
Are you happy?
This guy doesn't meet the minimum requirements IMO but it is up to YOU. You are already living together so that just makes it harder but somebody has got to make a decision.
Are you happy?
awhyley
Well-Known Member
The people around you are desperate for you, but in the wrong way. They're so focused on you snagging a (black) man, that they're not focusing on the TYPE of man that he is. Smokes weed every day and NOT going back to school; that dog is already showing you his tail and it sounds like you're ready to pet him. This is settling, in the worst way.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
It's not. But he's not one of them so what's the problem again?
You keep posting about this dude and we keep telling you the same thing over and over and over again. No one is going to come in here and tell you that you should continue with this dude so if that's what you're waiting for, you're wasting your time.
I'm not trying to be mean at all, that's not my style, but this is getting redundant.
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petiteNunique
New Member
Honestly, I don't have that many people to talk to about this or anything in general...heck, i can barely get in contact with my best friend. Sometimes I just need someone to tak to about this...i was just trying to weight out everything to make sure im making the right decision in leaving...that's all.
petiteNunique
New Member
And once again, thank you guys for all of the advice you have given me. I really appreciate it.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Oh, I understand this, BELIEVE ME. But there's only but so many ways and times we can tell you that this is not the guy for you. Starting mulitiple thread stating all of the things wrong with this person and this situation should be a dead giveaway that this is probably not where you need to be.
petiteNunique
New Member
yea, you're probably right.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
Yoshi3329
Well-Known Member
If you have to ask, you are.
This is not your family's life. This your life!!! I know there are so many stats out there that say that you'll better off settling but don't listen to them. It's a lot worse in a bad marriage. Don't let them run your life. You need to think about your life and how this affects you. Furthermore you could lose everything being involved with a man that uses drugs. That alone should cement you decision.
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