I met a wonderful man who is.....

[1QTPie]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

I'm going to be blunt. Get over it and have fun with your new friend. BUT don't expect some sort of magical miracle just because he's white either. ALL MEN operate by the same manual. Some just know how to follow their better.


Good luck.

 

[gmw]

Sis,
Please go for it. This may be someone that simply opens your heart up so that your blessing come in a most unexpected way. It could be him, or it could be that he is simply giving you the chance to do what you say you want to do, providing the way to what you want. Then he could be the one... either way it all sounds good to me.

If he is into you, and you are attracted to him, simply open to the situation....and tell him....


Your moms is funny....

Go for it...

 

[Connie]

So you asked God to send you a good man and forgot to mention what color, huh? LOL!!

I co-sign with the rest; go for it. Take it slow and see where it leads you.

 

[january noir]

OK. Would you want him not to consider you because you are black?

I wanted to be with a black man but God sent me a white one. I am not mad.

Go for it. Sometimes you have to just take a chance. All men (any color) can take advantage of you; you have to be smart with any man. Don't let color keep you from finding happiness.

Be a part of the "change" we say we want in this world where people are judged by the content of their character and not their outer appearance.

 

[january noir]

I'm going to be blunt. Get over it and have fun with your new friend. BUT don't expect some sort of magical miracle just because he's white either. ALL MEN operate by the same manual. Some just know how to follow their better.


Good luck.

Well said!

 

[Lindy]

Awwww shooot, I live in NY and I'm about THROUGH with these black men out here these days!!! I am more than happy to give any other race a try. Just TIRED of trying to hold out for my own!!

I have just three words:

GO FOR IT!!!

 

[tilati]

you prayed for a good man and that seems to be what GOD sent you so ummmm..... don't complain you better keep that good man cause some other sister out there will get him if you don't want him

Im just happy and blessed that God sent me a good man. What more can anyone woman for? I didnt ask for a good black man, white man, or blue man...just a good man. And that is what I got. And I thank God everyday for it.

That's pretty much my story right there.

 

[berry87]

He sounds like a great guy. Give it a shot!

 

[VeryBecoming]

It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".

OMG! My mom tells me this all the time. Especially while watching Dateline or 20/20 and some white guy has killed his wife. It sounds ridiciculous to me but yeah....sometimes I get worried.

Anyway, give him a chance! If you don't you're always going to wonder what could have happened...

 

[Overjoyed]

I want to thank you ladies for all of your responses. Every single piece of advice given put things into perspective for me. I can't live my life worried about who will think what about me or otherwise I will be alone and miserable. Besides, lately I have noticed a lot of sisters are spreading their wings, dating outside of their race and having the best time of their lives. So I am going to throw caution to the wind and explore dating a white man......I will definitely keep you ladies updated.

 

[carcajada]

I want to thank you ladies for all of your responses. Every single piece of advice given put things into perspective for me. I can't live my life worried about who will think what about me or otherwise I will be alone and miserable. Besides, lately I have noticed a lot of sisters are spreading their wings, dating outside of their race and having the best time of their lives. So I am going to throw caution to the wind and explore dating a white man......I will definitely keep you ladies updated.

Good for you! According to this board, a white man is the prize of all prizes anyways. Good luck with happiness and your new guy.

 

[nodisrespect]

I cannot WAIT to start dating outside my race!

Lemme tell you something... I gave these n-words 21 years of my life (including my father) and what do I have to show for it? Nothing really but a lot of cynicism. I'm just waiting for the day when someone calls me a sell out - when I wanted a black man it seemed like they didn't want me so I had to do what I had to do.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm interchangeable - I have met and dated some nice men but the ones I like, who have a lot going for themselves, have an unseemly ass conceit because they know the pool for accomplished black men a.) is not that large and b.) black men can date a white woman once they're "somebody" and no one will say anything about it. Strong, successful black women are everywhere and are probably less likely as a whole to date interracially, so to a eligible bachelor black man... he feels like he can have his pick of the litter cuz the demand way outstrips the supply, right? Very conceited, don't want to settle down, always think they can do better, and that's asking a lot for a girl to put up with, never mind all the wrong he might to do you even if you're with him...

I do love and adore good black men. I do feel that in the end I would prefer to marry a black man (black love is beautiful). But that's not going to stop me from exploring my options with men of other races. I was surprised when it seemed like all out of nowhere I was attracted to all types of white men lol. I'm thinking right now bout how to approach my friend that I have a crush on And he's tall and gangly and blonde and even a little pimply and I just find him adorable. Bowl cut or not. I'm definitely right now looking to see what variance, if any, there is to men of other races... and if nothing else, like someone said upthread, I think there's an excellent chance I will learn a lot about men and relationships and what I should expect and not ACCEPT. Black men may have missed out on me (and yup I mean that spitefully!)

 

[SEMO]

Shoot, I ain't never had a problem dating a white man. At the end of the day, he's a man, and I've never had this natural affinity toward black men just because they're black.

(And just in case anyone misinterprets that, I'm not saying anything bad about black men. It's just that I've never thought that I could only find love in a black man.)

I just met a wonderful man earlier this month who does all the things you said and he's white too. He wants to take me to Chicago to meet his family and everything... you better believe I'm holding on to him!

I guess I've never felt more comfortable with a black man just because he's black, so it's kinda hard for me to totally understand.

Gon head and hold on.

 

[graCeful_89]

Girl, date the friggin' man. Life is too short. Your mother will see how happy you are and eventually come to her senses. Remind her that the Lord has no color and we are all the same. YEEEESH.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

I say date him. What is the worse thing that could happen that wouldn't happen if he was black?

 

[Allandra]

Love is color blind. I wouldn't worry about him being white (or any other color for that matter). Enjoy.

 

[MD_Lady]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

Hey, you gotta get in where you fit in. I’ve dated white men and, in my opinion, one of the reasons that race is such an issue in interracial relationships is because people (unnecessarily) make it one. Don’t get me wrong, other people may have an issue, but who cares, this is your relationship, not theirs, right? You and this man are compatible with one another and you should enjoy each other. If you want to walk away from him because you aren’t comfortable, that’s your choice. Keep in mind that, just like you had one year that “wasn’t a good year for you and black men”, you could have another…

 

[Divine_Order]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white. erplexed

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout.

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you".


I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

Girl, I'm waiting for the problem!

Gotta love momyys, but unless you would like to possibly end up like Sophia and Dorothy off Golden Girls (I love that show by the way!), I think this may be a decision that you need to make on your own. I think this would be a good bet to place!

 

[slimting]

Your just dating him. You are not marrying him, having a kid for him, or giving him an organ. If he is not all that you want in a man after a few weeks of officially dating, then cut him loose. You have no obligation to him in anyway, if at anytime you are unhappy just leave.

However don't dwell so much on the color difference. It will come thru in your relationship and show when you guys are out together.

 

[metamorfhosis]

Do you!! Do what makes you happy!

Black women have heard that there is a shortage of black men. You know they are in prison, drug addicts, gay, bisexual/down low, married, dating other races, etc. I rarely see a decent professional looking man. And when I do, the first thing I do is check for a wedding ring and about 98% of the time he's married.

I think that black women need to be open to love. It may appear in a package that we aren't expecting.

And some black women are reluctant to date white men because they fear that he just wants to have sex with a black woman to fulfill a fantasy. But don't black men fantasize about going to bed with us too?

I have a good male friend. We can talk about anything. We had not seen each other in a long time and went out to the movies and dinner. I was disappointed because I was thinking he could be the perfect guy. But I wasn't attracted to him--AT ALL. Anyway, I enjoy talking to him and getting a male's perspective on things.

I haven't dated in awhile. I have encountered guys but they are just into playing games. I'll just wait for the man who GOD created for me.....

 

[metamorfhosis]

I have a true love story to share with you:

There was a lady who used to persue men. Then she changed her life and grew closer to GOD. One day, she prayed to GOD for a husband.

Time passed......

One day, she walked in the surgery room and prepared to assist the doctor. The doctor saw her and wanted to know who that lady was.

Time passed.....

The doctor went over to her house one night. She opened the door and he said, "I can't do this without you." She said, "What--are you talking about surgery?" He said, "No, I'm talking about you and me."

The rest is history. They got married less than a month ago!
_______________

*This story wasn't about an interracial couple but it is about praying to GOD for the desire of your heart, waiting for love, falling in love, and GOD being the best matchmaker ever.

 

[Divine_Order]

Awwwww!!!! That's beautiful! ^^^^

 

[DayStar]

I cannot WAIT to start dating outside my race!

Lemme tell you something... I gave these n-words 21 years of my life (including my father) and what do I have to show for it? Nothing really but a lot of cynicism. I'm just waiting for the day when someone calls me a sell out - when I wanted a black man it seemed like they didn't want me so I had to do what I had to do.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm interchangeable - I have met and dated some nice men but the ones I like, who have a lot going for themselves, have an unseemly ass conceit because they know the pool for accomplished black men a.) is not that large and b.) black men can date a white woman once they're "somebody" and no one will say anything about it. Strong, successful black women are everywhere and are probably less likely as a whole to date interracially, so to a eligible bachelor black man... he feels like he can have his pick of the litter cuz the demand way outstrips the supply, right? Very conceited, don't want to settle down, always think they can do better, and that's asking a lot for a girl to put up with, never mind all the wrong he might to do you even if you're with him...

I do love and adore good black men. I do feel that in the end I would prefer to marry a black man (black love is beautiful). But that's not going to stop me from exploring my options with men of other races. I was surprised when it seemed like all out of nowhere I was attracted to all types of white men lol. I'm thinking right now bout how to approach my friend that I have a crush on And he's tall and gangly and blonde and even a little pimply and I just find him adorable. Bowl cut or not. I'm definitely right now looking to see what variance, if any, there is to men of other races... and if nothing else, like someone said upthread, I think there's an excellent chance I will learn a lot about men and relationships and what I should expect and not ACCEPT. Black men may have missed out on me (and yup I mean that spitefully!)

you took the words right OUT MY MOUTH!

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I honestly think that you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you didn't give this guy a chance. You never know what could come of it and you also never know what you could learn about yourself and what you want in a man in the process.

And if he's been around for 3 months without you two being intimate, then there's a REALLY, REALLY good chance that he's looking to get to know you for YOU and not for the "you know what"...

Ditto. And the Black men are not thinking about you when they dip in the swirls also. You are not selling out; you're expanding your options. If you refused to date Black men period without valid reasons, then you would be a sell out.

 

[Casarela]

In my opinion I would say go for it ...
I dont understand why you would limityourself to black man there are several man from all races including black man that can treat you right and if your cutting out on man because of color you might miss Mr.Right . You never know what life holds for you. See ive dated a white man like a white quebecor and Ive never thought I would why ??? because usually not to stereotype they dont have the same family values as we do in my family and I thought that they are way to different than I am . Guess what?? The white man I was dating was one of my best relationship and was very respectful and was very open minded on other cultures. he had all a woman could ask for... GO FOR IT? You dont have to feel like a sellout as long as you stay who you are. Ive seen sisters dating white man and acting like black britneys and thats not because of the man they were dating ..but because of their fakeness and they were not staying true to theirselves.

 

[Lucia]

handsome, educated, sweet, owns his own home, owns properties, takes me out, adores me and has stuck around for 3 months even though we haven't been intimate, but he is white.

erplexed

sounds like he has good qualities. Without focusing on the "white" thing, are these the qualities/virtues that you prayed to God about? (be honest with yourself and forget about other people's opinions)

I have been hoping and praying for a good man I don't know for how long, but I thought it would be a black man. I have never dated out of my race so this is new to me. He has never dated a black woman, but he seems to have no problem with it - I feel awful and most of all I feel like a sellout

You prayed for a good man, period. Did you specify to God that he had to be black? I hate to put it this way but maybe there's not a "good" black man in the cards for you. Maybe that black man is "good" for someone else. Maybe you should ask him what it is he likes about you and I'll bet that most of the things he'll state will have nothing to do with color, he's looking at you as a woman, a person to love, not a color since you said he doesn't seem bothered by race. About being a sellout, what makes someone a sellout if you do what's right for you and live happy by getting the love and respect you deserve from someone outside your race or getting disrespected by men within your race (I don't know your story but it's an example).

I am annoyed with myself because this last year has not been a good year with me and black men. For the last 8 months I had been threatening to make the switch, but to be completely honest it was all talk(be careful of what you ask for you just may get it!). In fact, when I met this guy I assumed he & I would just be platonic friends who hang out, but after our date last week I realized he wants more from me like a relationship and I am now paralyzed with fear

Unless there's a valid reason to be afraid, other than he's a different background, then consider giving him a chance. I think you subconsciously wanted this even if consciously your rejecting it.

I'm not crazy I know a good man is hard to come by, but the color factor is really eating me up. I have spoken to my friends and they have told me to not be a fool and just go with it and see what happens.....easier said than done!!! In fact, some of them have jokingly said that if I don't want him that they will gladly take him. It doesn't help that over the years my mother has always suggested, "Don't marry a white man because all they will do is marry you, take out a large life insurance policy unbeknowst to you and then kill you"

I think that recording of your mom's voice is doing you more harm than good, like it's holding you back or keeping you in your place. Stop that negative dialogue replace it with positive ones. You need to shake your head, wake up and go for yours. Do you think somehow that your not good enough for this guy because he's white? nonsense.
Just affirm to yourself you're deserving, you're beautiful, you're even too good for any man, cause women are queens and men are our humble servants.

I was talking to my friend the other day and she said any man who sticks around beyond 30 days and doesn't get the booty is a keeper - funny, but in my neck of the woods so true. Ladies I am hoping what I am feeling is normal, but then on the other hand if it isn't I do not want to waste this man's time. Please talk some sense in me(if it is at all possible)

I can understand the race thing to a point but really I don't get what the big deal is, he's a man who cares about you, you're a woman who self-admittedly is not having the best of times with men of her own race, ummm. it's a no brainer IMO.
Even if this guy isn't "the one" you'll know how you should be treated by a man, not looking for the "right" superficial package ie black man and trying to get what you want from him and suffering. You shouldn't settle for less (and I mean being unloved and unappreciated)just to please family, society or whoever just cause they want you to be with a black man. I don't see black men having any problems getting what they need or want outside why should you.
Then again he may be the guy you prayed to God about, God sees no color, that's why he made us in all colors.

 

[Casarela]

erplexed

sounds like he has good qualities. Without focusing on the "white" thing, are these the qualities/virtues that you prayed to God about? (be honest with yourself and forget about other people's opinions)



You prayed for a good man, period. Did you specify to God that he had to be black? I hate to put it this way but maybe there's not a "good" black man in the cards for you. Maybe that black man is "good" for someone else. Maybe you should ask him what it is he likes about you and I'll bet that most of the things he'll state will have nothing to do with color, he's looking at you as a woman, a person to love, not a color since you said he doesn't seem bothered by race. About being a sellout, what makes someone a sellout if you do what's right for you and live happy by getting the love and respect you deserve from someone outside your race or getting disrespected by men within your race (I don't know your story but it's an example).



Unless there's a valid reason to be afraid, other than he's a different background, then consider giving him a chance. I think you subconsciously wanted this even if consciously your rejecting it.



I think that recording of your mom's voice is doing you more harm than good, like it's holding you back or keeping you in your place. Stop that negative dialogue replace it with positive ones. You need to shake your head, wake up and go for yours. Do you think somehow that your not good enough for this guy because he's white? nonsense.
Just affirm to yourself you're deserving, you're beautiful, you're even too good for any man, cause women are queens and men are our humble servants.




I can understand the race thing to a point but really I don't get what the big deal is, he's a man who cares about you, you're a woman who self-admittedly is not having the best of times with men of her own race, ummm. it's a no brainer IMO.
Even if this guy isn't "the one" you'll know how you should be treated by a man, not looking for the "right" superficial package ie black man and trying to get what you want from him and suffering. You shouldn't settle for less (and I mean being unloved and unappreciated)just to please family, society or whoever just cause they want you to be with a black man. I don't see black men having any problems getting what they need or want outside why should you.
Then again he may be the guy you prayed to God about, God sees no color, that's why he made us in all colors.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Stop stressing, have a good time continue praying.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I cannot WAIT to start dating outside my race!

Lemme tell you something... I gave these n-words 21 years of my life (including my father) and what do I have to show for it? Nothing really but a lot of cynicism. I'm just waiting for the day when someone calls me a sell out - when I wanted a black man it seemed like they didn't want me so I had to do what I had to do.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm interchangeable - I have met and dated some nice men but the ones I like, who have a lot going for themselves, have an unseemly ass conceit because they know the pool for accomplished black men a.) is not that large and b.) black men can date a white woman once they're "somebody" and no one will say anything about it. Strong, successful black women are everywhere and are probably less likely as a whole to date interracially, so to a eligible bachelor black man... he feels like he can have his pick of the litter cuz the demand way outstrips the supply, right? Very conceited, don't want to settle down, always think they can do better, and that's asking a lot for a girl to put up with, never mind all the wrong he might to do you even if you're with him...

 

[UmSumayyah]

Lucia and others gave some good advice.