i hate online dating

[Carrie A]

exactly!! and i'm not going to waste my precious hours in public with some fuggo dude who emails me and 200 other women per day just to see who bites first.

Well I'm biased against online now, but you might get more responses by adding some "action" pics to the mix. Do you have pics with a cool travel related background. How about of you doing some activity- like biking, or skiing. Can you post your profile write up? You'll probably get more responses with POF, but...........Well NM I'll leave it at that

 

[runwaydream]

i used to get a crap load of responses on okcupid. i have pages full. but i think what messed me up is that stupid response thing.
what i mean is when you're browsing profiles you can see who responds often, who responds sometimes, and who rarely responds.

i have been trying to figure out why all a sudden i dont get any msgs anymore. and i came up w. two possibilities.

1-i've been on there so long the ppl who are in my area have already seen my profile and have decided they were not interested, or they wrote me and i didnt reply, or they saw my profile and saw that they didnt meet my qualifications or ..
2-my response rate is 'rarely'-which im pretty sure it is bc i hardly ever respond to anyone, and they've decided i most likely won't respond to them anyway.

i know when i see that a guy rarely responds to a girl i think they're full of themselves and just move on to the next profile. so they're probably thinking the same thing about me.

IME, pof has a greater variety of men, and it seems like a new crop of men are constantly joining, so you dont always see the same ppl over and over again.
okcupid is funner to navigate tho. and i like the compatibility tests and all the other stuff they have on there. it also looks like they spent more time designing the site

 

[simone103]

Are you a member of meetup.com? That's a great way to meet people and find common things/activities that you like to do. Not to mention it's also a good way to meet men. I average at least one date per meetup that I attend that are coed. I don't go to the events looking solely to meet men, but when I go I usually go alone.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Are you a member of meetup.com? That's a great way to meet people and find common things/activities that you like to do. Not to mention it's also a good way to meet men. I average at least one date per meetup that I attend that are coed. I don't go to the events looking solely to meet men, but when I go I usually go alone.

Not to be funny, but I've only met other women at meetup.com events - and no, these weren't single-sex events . . . many of them were advertised as "singles" events, but yeah, it ended up being a bunch of single (black ) women lookin' at each other like But I met cool people and had fun just the same. *shrug*

 

[runwaydream]

Are you a member of meetup.com? That's a great way to meet people and find common things/activities that you like to do. Not to mention it's also a good way to meet men. I average at least one date per meetup that I attend that are coed. I don't go to the events looking solely to meet men, but when I go I usually go alone.

isn't that awkward for you? are you really sociable? see that's my problem, im such a wallflower, and i'm so awkward when it comes to talking to strangers.
idk why for some ppl it's just so difficult. i'm sure i wouldn't even need dating sites if being sociable wasnt so darn draining for me.

 

[lovely008]

The above describes my exact experience with Okcupid. And no, I'm not facially challenged and my profile has been reviewed many times.

It's funny. Change your picture to a woman of European or Asian persusain and watch the messages start pouring in. That's why I think okc is a scam, purposefully making sure the results of their research are true.

I no longer us okcupid at the moment or any online dating site for that matter. (I had the same experience on POF and afroromance.) I'm focusing on working my charm in real life. Online dating is for the birds.

Some black women do have success on okcupid. I wonder what makes us different from them. I sometimes think the owner of Okcupid preselects which black women he will allow to get messages.

With Okcupid, it definitely depends on the area....
I like mingle2 but in my area, there's barely anybody on there, the people I noticed on there seemed pretty normal and nice so you might check that site out.

Personally I'm totally done with online dating. The same type of guys that completely snub me online are the same ones that try to talk to me in real life so it just makes no sense. It's been proven that both sexes are MUCH more pickier in online dating, I do it and i've noticed it happen to me. In my opinion, It's not even worth the time as a secondary source of dates.

 

[LivingDol1]

I can tell that you are frustrated but the more you talk about the type of men contacting you, the more that particular type will. I have been there. Do you use other online dating sites? What type of man do you want to contact you? And then get excited about that type of man contacting you or meeting that type of man in real life. When they start popping up, there is nothing you can do to stop them. And yes, I had to do this myself and it worked for me. Summer was nice

sounds like more of The Secret type of talk but i'll try it. Maybe I need to make a visualization board of my dream man. (That sound so Charlotte...)

Maybe this is why I always see my boy bands or can get special access to them. I always know I'll see them and it's not a matter of "if" but "when". Positivity and boy bands go hand in hand. real guys... hardly.

 

[LivingDol1]

Originally Posted by simone103
Are you a member of meetup.com? That's a great way to meet people and find common things/activities that you like to do. Not to mention it's also a good way to meet men. I average at least one date per meetup that I attend that are coed. I don't go to the events looking solely to meet men, but when I go I usually go alone.

Not to be funny, but I've only met other women at meetup.com events - and no, these weren't single-sex events . . . many of them were advertised as "singles" events, but yeah, it ended up being a bunch of single (black ) women lookin' at each other like But I met cool people and had fun just the same. *shrug*

see, yeah, i have enough vaginas in my life... i've heard of meetup.com and looked into it i could go to something like that alone esp if everyone else is alone but... i don't want to run the risk of spending the event with older dudes and chicks. i took a photography class and that's what it was too.... old men and chicks.

a friend of mine plays on a volley ball team. co ed team and sometimes the teams they play against have young guys. i will go and watch said games...

still researching options...

 

[simone103]

isn't that awkward for you? are you really sociable? see that's my problem, im such a wallflower, and i'm so awkward when it comes to talking to strangers.
idk why for some ppl it's just so difficult. i'm sure i wouldn't even need dating sites if being sociable wasnt so darn draining for me.

I wouldn't say that I'm a overly sociable person, but I'm not shy. I think if you want to meet people sometimes you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. I find that when I'm alone as opposed to being with some girlfriends - men are a lot less apprehensive to approach me.

 

[simone103]

see, yeah, i have enough vaginas in my life... i've heard of meetup.com and looked into it i could go to something like that alone esp if everyone else is alone but... i don't want to run the risk of spending the event with older dudes and chicks. i took a photography class and that's what it was too.... old men and chicks.

a friend of mine plays on a volley ball team. co ed team and sometimes the teams they play against have young guys. i will go and watch said games...

still researching options...

They have meet up groups out there that are targeted for specific age groups. I'm just using this as an example, but there may be a meet up group in your area that's named "20's and 30's going out group" or something with a similar title. That should limit the potential to run into older men. You can also look at the member list (most people have pictures) and see who's in the group.

 

[afrochique]

LivingDoll,
How about taking a break from the frustration of online dating and just do things that you like, you know to get your mind off things? Or develop new passions? You never know who you could meet!
I haven't been to OkCupid but I'm thinking that there might be a way to set it up so that you only receive messages from men in a certain age range?

 

[LivingDol1]

LivingDoll,
How about taking a break from the frustration of online dating and just do things that you like, you know to get your mind off things? Or develop new passions? You never know who you could meet!
I haven't been to OkCupid but I'm thinking that there might be a way to set it up so that you only receive messages from men in a certain age range?

my passions? my passions are fashion, theater, and boy bands. i see regular concerts that straight guys go to as well but my PASSION is 5 guys dancing in unison(sometimes with a chair or top hat involved) while singing saccharin sweet cheesey mid tempo pop songs...

i should be a gay man.

i lie. i like dogs. everyone likes dogs. i should volunteer more or something. i will have to find some solutions. the program i had finally started volunteering for shut down like 95% of their dog walking opportunities. i'm kinda miffed about that.

i don't think straight guys do anything in Manhattan besides make money, have empty, drunk induced sex with strangers, and lie to women... especially if they are over 6 feet tall, have all their hair, make 6 figures or was a former child star on a hit canadian teen drama...

anyway, positive thoughts, positive thoughts... think think think.

i will find something. thanks for the suggestion. i need more manly passions, maybe. it's a shame i don't care for sports... or wearing sneakers. i'm such a girl.

OH, i have my POF profile set up to only accept emails from men between 27-37 who aren't looking for or have emailed anyone for casual sex.... but now i get no emails. i got 3. i wrote back to one of the guys. ugh.

 

[hopeful]

You must learn to love sports...at least a little.

 

[lushcoils]

I don't think you have to fake liking sports or wearing sneakers to get a man. I would stay off line and think of ways you can mix your passions with co ed activities.

For dogs.. what about volunteering at a animal shelter? Or hanging out in dog parks? Go to dog shows? Lot's of guys there I would think.

For theatre, join a community theatre group where they help set stages for plays. Plenty of guys there.

For boybands, when I go to BSB concerts, most of the guys there are either gay or taken or on stage. lol. Are you open to listening to more pop rock/alternative rock boy bands? If so you can go to their concerts and music festivals, I think there would be more of a balance of straight single men there.

 

[LivingDol1]

I don't think you have to fake liking sports or wearing sneakers to get a man. I would stay off line and think of ways you can mix your passions with co ed activities.

For dogs.. what about volunteering at a animal shelter? Or hanging out in dog parks? Go to dog shows? Lot's of guys there I would think.

For theatre, join a community theatre group where they help set stages for plays. Plenty of guys there.

For boybands, when I go to BSB concerts, most of the guys there are either gay or taken or on stage. lol. Are you open to listening to more pop rock/alternative rock boy bands? If so you can go to their concerts and music festivals, I think there would be more of a balance of straight single men there.

i had been volunteering at a dog shelter. not for long but then they stopped the program. must find another...

i go to my friends' improv shows. lots of guys do improv. a friend met her last boyfriend through it. i'm not one for public speaking though (haha, i almost typed pubic)... but i'll still go b/c it's fun and maybe i'll meet a guy who isn't a douche.

i definitely enjoy other concerts that are not boy band related.... small venue type of shows... but even there, i wind up talking to guys in the band. lol. maybe i need to meet a european dude. i had fallen off the boy band scene for a while back in the mid 00s and i went on a random movie date with a blonde swedish "manny" and he kept talking about BSB, NSync, and Take That... he wanted to be a producer a la Max Martin. I thought it was awesome. He put me back on my obsession.

 

[VelvetRain]

You must learn to love sports...at least a little.

I agree. A few girls and myself meetup at a sports bar a few times a month on Sunday to drink beer and have appetizers and watch football. Because it's a sports bar men usually flock to this place to watch the game too. Football is not my love but basketball. It sure beats sitting at home watching the game when you can have some company and perhaps strike up a nice conversation with a gentleman too.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I agree. A few girls and myself meetup at a sports bar a few times a month on Sunday to drink beer and have appetizers and watch football. Because it's a sports bar men usually flock to this place to watch the game too. Football is not my love but basketball. It sure beats sitting at home watching the game when you can have some company and perhaps strike up a nice conversation with a gentleman too.

This is a a very good idea. I read somewhere in an article that you can meet men at sports bars. I'm already a big football fan myself (Go GIANTS!) so it's nothing to new to me. One of fav spots is Hooters and another is called Buffalo Wild Wings. Men galore are there, lol. Go on Sundays and Monday nights and you're good!

 

[hopeful]

To me it's not about being fake, but being open. Sports IMO casts the widest net because the majority of men like some type of sport. I have always loved basketball and over the years have come to really enjoy baseball & football. I enjoy sports with dh and he goes to see Mary J. Blige and the Color Purple with me. We enjoy sharing each others passions. I hate when couples do everything separately. It makes life fun and interesting to do things you wouldn't do otherwise. Also, it's not like you have to completely understand any particular sport, the basics are enough, and an open mind.

 

[Glib Gurl]

i go to my friends' improv shows. lots of guys do improv. a friend met her last boyfriend through it. i'm not one for public speaking though (haha, i almost typed pubic)... but i'll still go b/c it's fun and maybe i'll meet a guy who isn't a douche.

I've met a couple of guys doing improv . . . and if you're afraid of public speaking, improv, in general, would be a good way to overcome that fear. Plus it's loads of fun!

 

[HoneyA]

Maybe this is why I always see my boy bands or can get special access to them. I always know I'll see them and it's not a matter of "if" but "when". Positivity and boy bands go hand in hand. real guys... hardly.

And there you have it! Just try it with real guys...lol

 

[Glib Gurl]

Welp, I just got my first proposition on okcupid

I quickly clicked that right X in the top of my screen and called it a day. *lol*

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Welp, I just got my first proposition on okcupid

I quickly clicked that right X in the top of my screen and called it a day. *lol*

I told you okcuypid is evil.... I don't take anyone serious from there. One guy who tries to talk to me is 23, lives in a run down apartment, and drives an astro van that he refers to as the "spaceship" and claims it's cool. Sadly, he's the most likeable and sane one on there

 

[LivingDol1]

You must learn to love sports...at least a little.

I agree. A few girls and myself meetup at a sports bar a few times a month on Sunday to drink beer and have appetizers and watch football. Because it's a sports bar men usually flock to this place to watch the game too. Football is not my love but basketball. It sure beats sitting at home watching the game when you can have some company and perhaps strike up a nice conversation with a gentleman too.

This is a a very good idea. I read somewhere in an article that you can meet men at sports bars. I'm already a big football fan myself (Go GIANTS!) so it's nothing to new to me. One of fav spots is Hooters and another is called Buffalo Wild Wings. Men galore are there, lol. Go on Sundays and Monday nights and you're good!

i admit i did cringe at the first post in reference to sports. sports is not one of my passions. i only got into the super bowl last year because of the Saints... my mom is a huge Saints fan. i have been to some sports bars but i usually stand out because i'm the only non-preppy/frat person in there. its just not a thing i'm into and i've never met guys there. i don't care about college basketball or football and i can't pretend to care.

i did watch the World Cup... lots of hot euro boys who play that sport. if i could find some bars that play soccer on tv, i would go there with some friends...

one of my fears though is meeting a guy who actually cares about big sports. soccer is tolerable and i enjoy the style (i'm a fashion girl after all). but i am not going to sacrifice watching my favorite prime time shows every Monday so that the ogre can sit in front of the big screen and watch Monday night football and crush beer cans over his forehead. i've never dated a guy who cares about sports. the men in my family aren't passionate about sports. most of my guy friends are into watching and playing soccer or going to the US Open... they don't have fantasy football leagues... i'm not going to pretend to care about something to get a man's attention. we are different and that's fine. *shudder*

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I told you okcuypid is evil.... I don't take anyone serious from there. One guy who tries to talk to me is 23, lives in a run down apartment, and drives an astro van that he refers to as the "spaceship" and claims it's cool. Sadly, he's the most likeable and sane one on there

This whole post made me LMAO!!!!! Esp. the astro van!

 

[hopeful]

That's why I added the part about sharing. The right guy will want to go to the things you love because he cares about you and is open. If he is only interested in sports well then you know he is not your guy. Fortunately, most men are not ogres. Keep an open, positive mind chica.

 

[BGT]

I deleted my Zoosk profile because I kept getting nobodies. I had 2 prospects on OKCupid but they stopped talking to me. This guy messaged me a few days ago, and looking at his picture and profile, I have no intentions of replying. This was his message:

i really dont know what to say in these things hi i'm broc im 25. I'm a nice guy that know how to treat a lady right.im kinda a nerd but i got a big heart. i like cooking, video games, bowling, i try anything once and i like to get to know you better

I thought that was kind of sweet. Then I read his profile and had a big ole laugh!

i have bipolor, ocd, adhd, and insomnia.

also i did drugs a got into it bad for 3 years

He's also 25, unemployed and makes less than $20,000 a year. Now why on earth would I want to go out with you?

 

[LivingDol1]

I deleted my Zoosk profile because I kept getting nobodies. I had 2 prospects on OKCupid but they stopped talking to me. This guy messaged me a few days ago, and looking at his picture and profile, I have no intentions of replying. This was his message:

i really dont know what to say in these things hi i'm broc im 25. I'm a nice guy that know how to treat a lady right.im kinda a nerd but i got a big heart. i like cooking, video games, bowling, i try anything once and i like to get to know you better

I thought that was kind of sweet. Then I read his profile and had a big ole laugh!

i have bipolor, ocd, adhd, and insomnia.

also i did drugs a got into it bad for 3 years

He's also 25, unemployed and makes less than $20,000 a year. Now why on earth would I want to go out with you?

25 and making 20K per year??? what??? that's like, weekly allowance money.

yikes.

see, this is the downside of free dating websites because anyone can join... regardless of income.

 

[lushcoils]

I deleted my Zoosk profile because I kept getting nobodies. I had 2 prospects on OKCupid but they stopped talking to me. This guy messaged me a few days ago, and looking at his picture and profile, I have no intentions of replying. This was his message:

i really dont know what to say in these things hi i'm broc im 25. I'm a nice guy that know how to treat a lady right.im kinda a nerd but i got a big heart. i like cooking, video games, bowling, i try anything once and i like to get to know you better

I thought that was kind of sweet. Then I read his profile and had a big ole laugh!

i have bipolor, ocd, adhd, and insomnia.

also i did drugs a got into it bad for 3 years

He's also 25, unemployed and makes less than $20,000 a year. Now why on earth would I want to go out with you?

typical okcupid message and profile. Hot mess.

 

[londontresses]

"just have a hard time telling myself that guy exists"

Sorry to get all law of attraction on the matter but this could also be part of the issue. You have to believe he's out there otherwise how will you meet him, online or IRL

 

[fatimablush]

The above describes my exact experience with Okcupid. And no, I'm not facially challenged and my profile has been reviewed many times.

It's funny. Change your picture to a woman of European or Asian persusain and watch the messages start pouring in. That's why I think okc is a scam, purposefully making sure the results of their research are true.

I no longer us okcupid at the moment or any online dating site for that matter. (I had the same experience on POF and afroromance.) I'm focusing on working my charm in real life. Online dating is for the birds.

Some black women do have success on okcupid. I wonder what makes us different from them. I sometimes think the owner of Okcupid preselects which black women he will allow to get messages.

I didn't get any results either...i decided to do an experiment and said i was a european woman with long blond hair gave measuremnts and all of that..the next morning my mail box was swamped.

My sister best friend met someone online..i will ask her the name when she comes home.

I did meet my SO...thru my brother!!