GOLD DIGGERS: Hate or Congratulate?

[Reslnt1]

I dont see anything wrong with having a preference for dating men in a certain tax bracket. Financial problems are the primary reason for divorce. Not to mention that being with someone that has bad credit can ruin your life. It makes sense for a woman to want a man that is financially stable who will bring less stress in her life. There is no reason to settle when you can have the best. Why go to Macy's when you can go to Neiman Marcus?! Why have Red Lobster when you can have Nobu?! Why settle for sightseeing in NY when you can vacation in Santorini?!?!?

Men arent forced to spend money on a woman if they dont want to. They choose to. Any good business-minded woman knows that a man needs to bring something worthwhile to the table or take his brokea** elsewhere. Come correct or dont come at all. Life is hard in itself, there doesnt need to be two struggling ppl in a relationship. That broke sh*t is for the birds, I dont care how nice you are.

Besides, if you are a beautiful, educated woman that carries herself with grace and class you are automatically going to command the attention of men with assets bc not only do you want the best, they do too.

My best friend is a prime example of an uncompromising woman that knows what she wants and demands that someone else give her nothing less. She works hard to maintain a certain lifestyle and if a man wants to date her he knows he have to be at her level and prove that he can support such a lifestyle. She is a confident, accomplished young woman so a man that is some average joe living pay check to pay check has never been worth her time. Dating down or mediocre is never an option.

Case in point: One day while we were shopping at the mall she met a guy that essentially paid her way through college. This man had BREAD!!!! She took full advantage of it too. He paid off all of her credit card debt, sent me money while I lived in Italy, took her shopping, bought her VS CARATS and had his driver come pick her up from campus during the week. I remember when Valentine's Day rolled around this guy flew her to NY for the day, took her shopping and to dinner, stayed in the Waldorf and flew her back to Baltimore in time for her 12 o'clock class the next day. This woman is the TRUTH! You have to respect a woman like that. Now she 22, debt-free, making 70G/yr, going to Harvard Law in the fall and walks around with Burberry on her back and a Hermes Birkin on her arm (and still has men throwing money at her even tho she has a boyfriend)

its hard being a student, you deserve to be pampered and doted on....life is short, just live your life on your own terms with no regrets

I hear that!!!!

 

[Adgirl]

Delete........................................................................

 

[SleepyJean]

You summed it up quite nicely. I believe that men secretly like gold diggers. Gold diggers appeal to the captain-saveahoe in men.

There is a thin line between gold diggin and "marrying well". I don't think there is anything wrong with either now. I wish that I was more open to it when I was younger. So many opportunities passed up because I considered myself too moral to just be with someone for money. Hmph let me meet somebody now that wants to take care of me. . .

@ bolded!!!

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

Okay! It makes no difference to me how another woman chooses to get her money. I wish I would sit around angry because she gets money how she chooses.erplexed Step ya game up and you can get it too, LOL.

I dont see anything wrong with having a preference for dating men in a certain tax bracket. Financial problems are the primary reason for divorce. Not to mention that being with someone that has bad credit can ruin your life. It makes sense for a woman to want a man that is financially stable who will bring less stress in her life. There is no reason to settle when you can have the best. Why go to Macy's when you can go to Neiman Marcus?! Why have Red Lobster when you can have Nobu?! Why settle for sightseeing in NY when you can vacation in Santorini?!?!?

Men arent forced to spend money on a woman if they dont want to. They choose to. Any good business-minded woman knows that a man needs to bring something worthwhile to the table or take his brokea** elsewhere. Come correct or dont come at all. Life is hard in itself, there doesnt need to be two struggling ppl in a relationship. That broke sh*t is for the birds, I dont care how nice you are.

Besides, if you are a beautiful, educated woman that carries herself with grace and class you are automatically going to command the attention of men with assets bc not only do you want the best, they do too.

My best friend is a prime example of an uncompromising woman that knows what she wants and demands that someone else give her nothing less. She works hard to maintain a certain lifestyle and if a man wants to date her he knows he have to be at her level and prove that he can support such a lifestyle. She is a confident, accomplished young woman so a man that is some average joe living pay check to pay check has never been worth her time. Dating down or mediocre is never an option.

Case in point: One day while we were shopping at the mall she met a guy that essentially paid her way through college. This man had BREAD!!!! She took full advantage of it too. He paid off all of her credit card debt, sent me money while I lived in Italy, took her shopping, bought her VS CARATS and had his driver come pick her up from campus during the week. I remember when Valentine's Day rolled around this guy flew her to NY for the day, took her shopping and to dinner, stayed in the Waldorf and flew her back to Baltimore in time for her 12 o'clock class the next day. This woman is the TRUTH! You have to respect a woman like that. Now she 22, debt-free, making 70G/yr, going to Harvard Law in the fall and walks around with Burberry on her back and a Hermes Birkin on her arm (and still has men throwing money at her even tho she has a boyfriend)

its hard being a student, you deserve to be pampered and doted on....life is short, just live your life on your own terms with no regrets

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

Thank you, i'm reading some of this like wha????

It doesnt seem like everyone is working on the same definition of what a gold digger is.

 

[vestaluv1]

This is a tricky one... at what point does it become gold digging?
I mean, I've had many an opportunity to be a "gold digger" and 'use' men for money or whatever, but i refuse to sell myself short for the sake of something I can eventually get on my own... I'm better than that.
I know what they are hoping to get in return... and my conscience will not allow me to take materialistic things from a man especially, when I'm not even attracted to him.
In the past I've been offered money, a car (it was a nice convertible too ), a flat... . I'm not an emotional or physical prostitute yo', so I did not take them. But if it is offered, and you do take it, are you a gold digger ?
Or is the definition of a gold digger someone who asks and pushes for materialistic things ?

But see, on the other hand, I've been with my SO for over 7 years and he's always helping me out financially and he has bought every car I've ever owned, pays for my insurance, etc.
(I've just finished university and things are tough).
So some people would say I was using him or "gold-diggin", even though that is totally not the case .

Oh, I ain't knockin' gold diggers, but it ain't for me... I don't think I could ever feel good about it.

 

[MD_Lady]

Congratulate. Those women couldn't be gold diggers without the man's permission. Besides, it's a win-win situation: He gets to be with a "hot" woman, she gets to have the "finer" things. Just another day in the life of consenting adults.

 

[genesis132]

always get "something out of it"...whether that's a dinner and a movie, or a paid shopping spree, or special attention..or whatever your seeking....just dont give nothing up for free...

 

[GoingNatural]

can i hate and congratulate???

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Clearly, I do not see anything wrong with it at all. Fair exchange, and why should a woman settle for nothing but the finer things. If a man is willing to pay, do you honestly think I will say NO? Are you kidding me? I pick up my new car (Volvo) in two weeks..on order. He offered, I said yes, didn't have to lay with him, went to the dealership in Fairfax, VA and it's a done deal. And its mines. WHAT?

I don't call it Gold diggin, diggin for gold or however you want to describe it... I look at it as my blessings.....

 

[lexi08]

Clearly, I do not see anything wrong with it at all. Fair exchange, and why should a woman settle for nothing but the finer things. If a man is willing to pay, do you honestly think I will say NO? Are you kidding me? I pick up my new car (Volvo) in two weeks..on order. He offered, I said yes, didn't have to lay with him, went to the dealership in Fairfax, VA and it's a done deal. And its mines. WHAT?

I don't call it Gold diggin, diggin for gold or however you want to describe it... I look at it as my blessings.....

Hey I ain't mad at you at all. I would have done the same. I just need to move though cause where I currently live and back home most dudes are broke down Tyrone/Pookie types

 

[Divine_Order]

I say congratulate...but also envy! I wish I knew at 18-21 what I know now at 28....I woulda been set for life!!!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

The only gold diggers that I will ever hate on are the ones who 1) are deceptive or 2) do not use their digging to really move up in life.

As far as #1, if you're all about the money, just freakin' say so. Don't play head games. This is what leads many men who do enjoy treating women well to become bitter (among other things). There are men out there who are fine with a woman who is straightforward about gold digging. She's with him for the money. He's with her for her looks. And it suits both of them just fine. Hell, some of these relationships are more honest than others...LOL!!!

As far as #2, if a guy is hooking you up and you aren't using it to move forward, then you are STUPID. I know it's hard for young women to see past the present (especially when that present is full of bling, vacations, fine dining, and designer duds). If you're getting your needs (and then some) met by someone, then use that to get ahead of the game.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Besides, if you are a beautiful, educated woman that carries herself with grace and class you are automatically going to command the attention of men with assets bc not only do you want the best, they do too.

This is absolutely true.

Refined, well to do men pick up on these kinds of women instantly. The moment they notice her, they want to know all about her.

 

[MuseofTroy]

Personally I don’t have much respect for Gold Diggers. We are in the day and age where a woman can build a career and make money instead of depending on a man for it. In my eyes a Gold digger is someone who dates solely for material gain or status. People have feelings and using someone to gain material possessions is dog behavior. Now there is nothing wrong with dating someone who is on your economic level. I have a lifestyle to maintain and in my eyes it wouldn’t make sense for me to date a man who can’t keep up. However I wouldn’t be with someone based on what he can buy me. That’s wrong and gives women a bad name.

 

[GoingNatural]

Don't women work for material goods and status? To afford their homes, clothes, cars? Take care of their kids? I mean as long as you aren't an embarassment aka h-o-e like Karrine Stephans, then I see no problem with being a gold digger.

 

[MuseofTroy]

Don't women work for material goods and status? To afford their homes, clothes, cars? Take care of their kids? I mean as long as you aren't an embarassment aka h-o-e like Karrine Stephans, then I see no problem with being a gold digger.

There is a difference between building a life for yourself and your family and striving to bag a man only for what he can offer you material wise. It's wrong and people end up hurt. I also want to add that I think women who expect a man to give them a lifestyle they can't obtain themselves are losers.

 

[cocoberry10]

There is a difference between building a life for yourself and your family and striving to bag a man only for what he can offer you material wise. It's wrong and people end up hurt. I also want to add that I think women who expect a man to give them a lifestyle they can't obtain themselves are losers.

Muse, I appreciate what you are saying on this thread. And I am not a golddigger myself. However, I have come to the realization that people often have SOME ulterior reason for marrying aside from love.

In my humble opinion, most women who are true "gold-diggers" are marrying men who are WELL AWARE of what the woman's motivation is. And quite a few men in this world are happy to oblige a gold-digger because of the return benefits they will obtain (a beautiful "trophy" like wife, a much younger wife, etc.).

I personally believe it's rare for a man to marry a true gold-digger and have no idea. Although I know that SOMETIMES it happens.

I analogize it to John Keats famous saying that "beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know," and replace beauty with money when it comes to men.

Look at the society we live in. You have people equating personal characteristics with things like wealth, beauty, celebrity, educational background, career choices, and position. That's disgraceful IMO. Simply because a person is beautiful, wealthy, well-educated, a celebrity or poweful does not mean that they are a good person (of course they might be). It's too easy for us to make those types of assessments about people. Likewise, if they are a good person, it should not be equated to the things mentioned above.

As I said, although I am not a gold-digger myself, I cannot hate on a woman who desires to live a certain lifestyle, even if it's on another man's dime. Especially if that woman also feels that she brings something to the table. However, even if she does not bring equal status to the table, I don't think she should be automatically excluded from consideration (especially if the man is not doing the excluding). I will marry a man that I want to live with and enjoy my life with. However, if a woman can live with marrying a man for money, and that man is okay with it, I guess both parties are getting their "needs" met

 

[chelsea1]

I don't agree with someone seeking another out for the sole purpose of "What can you do for me or what can I get out of you?" (Gold Digger). I think In the long run it comes back to bite you in the ......you know what!

I think deep down inside we as women all want to be taken care of by a man...financially, emotionally, physically. But it's all how you go about it.

My husband was/is well educated in the beginning of our relationship but was not well paid. I made more money then he did at one point. But I wasn't with him for what he had ,I was with him because I cared for and loved him. Well things have changed 10 years later...and just let me say we do well. But I was there from the beginning when he was driving his old Corolla, renting and just trying to make it day to day.

We build this thing together! I make no apologies for my lifestyle, but I also know it wasn't always pretty. So, I appreciate the female who knows what she wants...but I don't know if I agree with how she goes about it all the time!

I know how hard my other half works for our lifestyle and to take that for granted is no right!

 

[cupcakes]

In high school I was one of the most gold digging chicks you could ever meet. I talked to guys just for what they could spend on me. I was proud of it too because i never gave up my body or anything like that. They just liked having me on their arm so to speak. I grew out of it tho..

 

[MuseofTroy]

Every woman has a responsiblity to herself to properly vet her potiential mate/husband. From what I've been told by other married individuals is that in order to a marriage to work it takes more than just having "feelings" for that individual. Love should be the foundation, however finance, value systems/core values, religion,personality, and culture also playd a role. I don't have an issue with women who want to marry well and have financial stability. My issue is with women who would overlook other important qualities and just go after a man soley based on his financial status. In this day and age, woman can have their own stuff so why not pursue it instead of depending on a man? Now if a woman is already living a certain lifestyle, there is nothing wrong with her desiring a man who is at least on the same level. I wouldn't call a woman who is a Doctor a gold digger because she wants to date an investment banker over a store clerk.

 

[Windsy]

Don't women work for material goods and status? To afford their homes, clothes, cars? Take care of their kids? I mean as long as you aren't an embarassment aka h-o-e like Karrine Stephans, then I see no problem with being a gold digger.

Exactly. If you are a professional Gold Digger, then I say Dig On - the men allows you to dig, so DIG!!!

 

[Ramya]

I'm a gold digger according to certain folks but I see it this way, I came from a certain lifestyle, I like a certain lifestyle and I plan to live a certain lifestyle. If he can't meet those requirements then we have nothing to talk about. Love is not on my must have list for marriage. I can learn to love anyone who treats me the way that i deserve to be treated.

 

[ebonylocs]

This is an old thread, but I'm with SleekandBouncy on this one.

There is a difference between wanting to enter into a genuine *partnership* with a financially stable or wealthy man where you support each other, build each other up, and build something together, as opposed to goldDIGGING, a term which reflects it's exploitative nature. I.e. you're in the relationship solely / primarily for what you can get out of it, without much or any genuine affection and/or respect for the man, or any attempt to *contribute* anything. True, if he's down for it, then they are both getting their needs met. (I see well-to-do older men all the time advertising for young beautiful women to "spoil", so they know the deal they are getting.) But I wouldn't "congratulate' a woman in such a situation, because I don't think its the best way to live your life.

Apart from the implications that it would have on my self esteem (I don't like taking anything I haven't earned) and my feeling of autonomy, there is the precarious nature of it, as SleekandBouncy and that guy on Craiglist pointed out. You have to accept the deal you're making. Because if you're trading youth, beauty and sex for a guy's money, it's a bargain of depreciating value for him with each second that you age. So be prepared for the moment when, in the true spirit of the deal you've made, he trades you in for a younger and prettier model. This applies even if he does marry you, and even if he stays married to you. You have built-in obsolescence. There will come a day when you will be curled up with your bon-bons and no emotional companionship (unless you too go out and buy it). Yes, this happens all the time even when people marry for love, compatibility and companionship. But if you marry to dig gold, it is *built in* into the model.

Feminism effed up women...especially black women. Because we went from one side of the spectrum to the other - we rejected everything that was FEMININE about us and did everything we could to emulate.

I've heard this said many times, and I don't think it's borne out by historical fact. Black women didnt suddenly become do-it-all independent women at the turn of the 20th century with the first wave of feminism, or the 1960s/70s with women's lib. The roots of our "independence" go way further back in our history.

1) The West African societies that we came from were agrarian societies, requiring a large amount of manual labour, and *women* (and children) were usually the *primary* source of this labour. Read accounts of West African society before contact with Europeans (and even now) and this is as clear as day. (One example is Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart"). Women, even when they didn't own land, were assigned their own allotments which they would farm along with their children. IMO, that is one of the reasons why men would pay brideprice / dowry to the bride's family on marriage - they were getting a worker, AND the promise of more workers when she bore children. This can be contrasted to aristocratic Europeans in the past (think Jane Austen novels), where it was the *bride's* family who paid dowry to the groom. In that context, since she didn't work/ generate wealth) the woman was essentially an expense, so her father had to compensate her prospective husband for taking on the burden of caring for her.

2) There was this little thing called slavery, where Black women were expected to do physical work - mainly in the fields and sometimes in the house, and weren't allowed to sit on the porch drinking iced tea or rum punch and being decorative.

So, I think there is a tendency to over-estimate the effect of any Western feminist movement on the current nature and habits of black women.

it's hard being a student, you deserve to be pampered and doted on

I can learn to love anyone who treats me the way that i deserve to be treated.

I've seen a couple of these statements about "deserving" things. Why? How do you determine that? Does everyone deserve the things that you deserve? Does everyone of the same upbringing, degree of beauty, educational level, whatever, deserve these things?

It's one thing to speak about *wanting* a certain lifestyle. That's honest, and perfectly fine. But talking about "deserving" it is just an untenable argument IMO unless you've been working hard for it for long period of time, have made sacrifices, or are Mother Teresa.

 

[Ramya]

I've seen a couple of these statements about "deserving" things. Why? How do you determine that? Does everyone deserve the things that you deserve? Does everyone of the same upbringing, degree of beauty, educational level, whatever, deserve these things?

It's one thing to speak about *wanting* a certain lifestyle. That's honest, and perfectly fine. But talking about "deserving" it is just an untenable argument IMO unless you've been working hard for it for long period of time, have made sacrifices, or are Mother Teresa.

I deserve it because it's the lifestyle that I want, that I come from, that I work hard for and that my family believes in. My great-grandfather was raised to care for his woman a certain kind of way, my grandfather on down to my brothers. It's natural for me to have those kind of expectations. I want what my aunts and grandmothers have, what my sisters-in-law have ect. I can't determine what anybody else deserves, it's up to the individual to figure out for themselves. I know EXACTLY what I want and I don't think anything is wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like I have been shown a woman should be. About 80% of the marriages in my family were more of business mergers or arranged. I value that type of relationship moreso than love. Love doesn't create stability, pay bills or allow me to live the life that I've worked for. I would much rather have the above qualities and respect than love.

 

[awhyley]

I deserve it because it's the lifestyle that I want, that I come from, that I work hard for and that my family believes in.

Believe me when I tell you that wantin ain't gettin.

If you want to aspire to live a certain lifestyle, you and you ALONE need to work on how that will be achieved. Then, if your man can assist you, (without putting his lifestyle in jeopardy), then that's fine. I have seen too many good men become miserable because their better half put too much financial pressure on them.

 

[Ramya]

Believe me when I tell you that wantin ain't gettin.

If you want to aspire to live a certain lifestyle, you and you ALONE need to work on how that will be achieved. Then, if your man can assist you, (without putting his lifestyle in jeopardy), then that's fine. I have seen too many good men become miserable because their better half put too much financial pressure on them.

I get what I want, period in every aspect of life. I'm not preying on men. I date a certain type of man, the kind that comes from a similar background as I do. He already knows what is expected of him. I won't date a man who doesn't.

 

[ebonylocs]

I deserve it because it's the lifestyle that I want, that I come from, that I work hard for and that my family believes in. My great-grandfather was raised to care for his woman a certain kind of way, my grandfather on down to my brothers. It's natural for me to have those kind of expectations. I want what my aunts and grandmothers have, what my sisters-in-law have ect. I can't determine what anybody else deserves, it's up to the individual to figure out for themselves. I know EXACTLY what I want and I don't think anything is wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like I have been shown a woman should be. About 80% of the marriages in my family were more of business mergers or arranged. I value that type of relationship moreso than love. Love doesn't create stability, pay bills or allow me to live the life that I've worked for. I would much rather have the above qualities and respect than love.

It seems like you didn't read these two little lines of my post, which basically nullify your entire response:

It's one thing to speak about *wanting* a certain lifestyle. That's honest, and perfectly fine.

Everything in your response is about wanting or expecting. It proves nothing about "deserving". Life doesn't owe any of this to you. No man owes any of this to you. This is what you WANT.

Definition of deserve: "To earn or merit a reward or punishment"
So you deserve something good as a reward for expending some effort or showing some virtue in connection with that thing.
E.g. "I deserve to get an A because I studied really hard for the test."
"She is a self-sacrificing and loving wife and mother so she deserves the adoration of her husband and children."
"She deserves that promotion because she is an exceptional employee and brings the firm lucrative clients."

See the connection?

To elaborate further, expending effort in connection with one thing, doesn't translate into deserving another completely unrelated thing. I.e. studying hard in school doesn't translate into deserving some of Mr. Man's money. (although you may deserve an A or a vacation).
You're what? An undergraduate in university? I seriously doubt you have so far in your life expended any effort to deserve any form of high flying lifestyle.

You may want it, you may expect it, it may be the lifestyle to which you are accustomed, you may feel you will shrivel up and die without it, but you still haven't shown me how you "deserve" it.

 

[Ramya]

It seems like you didn't read these two little lines of my post, which basically nullify your entire response:

Everything in your response is about wanting or expecting. It proves nothing about "deserving". Life doesn't owe any of this to you. No man owes any of this to you. This is what you WANT.

Definition of deserve: "To earn or merit a reward or punishment"
So you deserve something good as a reward for expending some effort or showing some virtue in connection with that thing.
E.g. "I deserve to get an A because I studied really hard for the test."
"She is a self-sacrificing and loving wife and mother so she deserves the adoration of her husband and children."
"She deserves that promotion because she is an exceptional employee and brings the firm lucrative clients."

See the connection?

To elaborate further, expending effort in connection with one thing, doesn't translate into deserving another completely unrelated thing. I.e. studying hard in school doesn't translate into deserving some of Mr. Man's money. (although you may deserve an A or a vacation).
You're what? An undergraduate in university? I seriously doubt you have so far in your life expended any effort to deserve any form of high flying lifestyle.

You may want it, you may expect it, it may be the lifestyle to which you are accustomed, you may feel you will shrivel up and die without it, but you still haven't shown me how you "deserve" it.

See the thing is, I don't have to show you. I'll just show the people who actually have an effect on whether or not I receive what I "want". And I repeat "I get what I want, WHATEVER I want" I don't have to put forth any effort unless I just want to. I'll have the same lifestyle regardless of whether or not I marry. If I do marry it will be someone on my level. I highly doubt I'll marry down. And for the record, I deserve it because I'm a woman, plain and simple.

 

[ebonylocs]

See the thing is, I don't have to show you. I'll just show the people who actually have an effect on whether or not I receive what I "want". And I repeat "I get what I want, WHATEVER I want" I don't have to put forth any effort unless I just want to. I'll have the same lifestyle regardless of whether or not I marry. If I do marry it will be someone on my level. I highly doubt I'll marry down. And for the record, I deserve it because I'm a woman, plain and simple.

You don't seem to be getting what I'm saying, so I'll just leave it alone. I wasn't saying you or anyone should marry down. The first paragraph of my initial post makes that clear.