I don't like the person I am becoming...in my relationship

Personally, I'd suspect your clingy because your subconscious is screaming at you that while you are, without a choice, totally committed to the child in your belly, he, on the other hand, is not.
He's not married to you, which might give you a bit of a feeling of peace, as that is an indicator of commitment, and having a child is no certainty of a father sticking around.
The fact that he is now 'changing', as well - going out, spending money that might be better saved towards baby needs, and basically not changing into a role of father/provider, while you are, by force, changing into the role of mother/provider.

Nah, you aren't being a paranoid pregnant woman at all. You are seeing that your partner isn't as invested in being a father as you are invested into being a mother - and that's some scary ish.

I'd suggest sitting down and talking to him - on a regular basis over a long period of time, in fact - the next 6 months sounds about right - what he feels that fatherhood is all about. Starting from birth, how does he see himself involved in rearing, protecting, nuturing, and providing for both you - who will be very occupied in childcare, and y'all child. I would talk with him about finances, schooling, clothing, carseats, daycare, college funds, etc, etc, etc. I'd also be sure to focus on the fact that you are going to be changing as well, and that you will be leaning on him a lot more for support, and that you are going to need a lot more of his time, too. Fatherhood is NOT just about money.

And personally, I'd take my tail to the courthouse and get married, too, but that's just me.

Good luck. I hope he realizes it's time to grow up and be a father and provider - and not think that now that you are irrevokably tied to him, now is the time to act a fool. :hug2:


Yeah...this is it right here. I cannot imagine being pregnant unmarried. Not making a judgment call, just being honest that it would HAVE to make a woman feel some kinda way (as you are feeling).

He's out and about and enjoying life. You are living with a constant reminder that your life will never be the same. He's newly fly and flossing...you're unsettled and anticipating the impending MAJOR changes that your body be subjected to.

You guys are supposed to be enjoying this pregnancy together in JOY...but you can't because you are seeing the sheer permanence of it all. And suddenly, your six year romance just isn't enough anymore...now you need something more permanent and it hasn't occurred to him. You should feel the way you feel. It's your spirit telling you to pay attention and start making some plans...
 
Here's what I think it is:

OP was dating her boo for years.

Boo needed papers and married OP. Op loved him & she felt it was the right time anyway so she did it. (He just felt it was right to correct his situation). OP on cloud nine she is married and "had no regrets", got pregnant and they moved in together. OP= really proud of relationship & posting on LHCF .....

....Until he started showing his a$$ recently. Pregnant OP is now acting "clingy" (I'm sure this is Boo's word); Boo reminds OP this only a "legal" marriage, not "religious" so it's not real anyway.

OP is not liking this new situation & now states she doesn't want "marriage", insecurities, it complicates things, is not happy with Boo, yada, yada. Thanking God she didn't really marry Boo. :rolleyes:

Posts her new dilemma here. People realizing this is not making sense. OP trying to fill the gaps in because it's all not making sense to her either it seems.

Thanks for breaking it down, because I was very, very confused:look:.
 
Honestly... I would like OP to explain everything as it is to date so she can get some honest unbiased advice...In 1 paragraph... You've got some twists and turns here and it does not seem truthful. It does not all make sense at this point and there could be a logical explanation... That way, people who want to help will be able to chime in properly...

oh lawd...we doin this again? I should have read before I posted. :perplexed
 
i thought u were married :ohwell:



http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=5808765&postcount=81

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=6008115&postcount=136



I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.
[/quote]

In the OP's defense I know some cohabiting couples that refer to themselves as married. I work with a woman who does this without thinking. Her boyfriend also refers to her as his wife.
 
In the OP's defense I know some cohabiting couples that refer to themselves as married. I work with a woman who does this without thinking. Her boyfriend also refers to her as his wife.[/quote]


My BIL has been with his girlfriend for over 20 years. He and his family refer to her as his wife.
 
no defense needed...she said she married him for him to get his papers they are married.

says they have been married 2 yrs and living together a few months, it is what it is :rolleyes:

In the OP's defense I know some cohabiting couples that refer to themselves as married. I work with a woman who does this without thinking. Her boyfriend also refers to her as his wife.[/quote]
 
no defense needed...she said she married him for him to get his papers they are married.

says they have been married 2 yrs and living together a few months, it is what it is :rolleyes:

In the OP's defense I know some cohabiting couples that refer to themselves as married. I work with a woman who does this without thinking. Her boyfriend also refers to her as his wife.
[/quote]

Ah, okay. I didn't read the rest of the thread. Carry on then, lol.
 
Here's what I think it is:

OP was dating her boo for years.

Boo needed papers and married OP. Op loved him & she felt it was the right time anyway so she did it. (He just felt it was right to correct his situation). OP on cloud nine she is married and "had no regrets", got pregnant and they moved in together. OP= really proud of relationship & posting on LHCF .....

....Until he started showing his a$$ recently. Pregnant OP is now acting "clingy" (I'm sure this is Boo's word); Boo reminds OP this only a "legal" marriage, not "religious" so it's not real anyway.

OP is not liking this new situation & now states she doesn't want "marriage", insecurities, it complicates things, is not happy with Boo, yada, yada. Thanking God she didn't really marry Boo. :rolleyes:

Posts her new dilemma here. People realizing this is not making sense. OP trying to fill the gaps in because it's all not making sense to her either it seems.

Why are you ****** if it's a just a "legal" marriage?:look: Cause if someone paid me to marry them, I would get the money and go
 
Why are you ****** if it's a just a "legal" marriage?:look: Cause if someone paid me to marry them, I would get the money and go

It's just a 'legal' marriage, but she has feelings for him. This wasn't a 'legal' marriage planned from the beginning--it was a legitimate relationship where the woman chose to rush and marry the guy as a favor to him. Guy gets papers and he's ready to hit the road.

Young hearts. :nono:
 
For some strange reason, I just think the OP is a lost- naive girl. That's why the story is so sketchy.
 
((((shawny)))) I hope everything works out for you. The whole situation is very confusing so I won't even attempt to figure out exactly what is going on here, but I hope you can get the help and support you need. Do you have any older relatives (mother/aunt/sister) that can help you sort through all of this? In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself.
 
If you ARE married, legally, your bargaining chip in the relationship is now not marriage but DIVORCE. I would hate for you to have to go that route, as you would not want your child's father to ultimately end up being deported, but if you are married, and he is doing his thing as if he is single (and I assume that means he gets involved with women other than you), you need to hold him accountable as a married man. I think there is some self-esteem issues here as well, why you don't think you deserve emotional support and are labelling yourself as "clingy" and hating yourself. I think I agree with PP in that you need to work on yourself right now, making sure you are in the correct mindset going into the rest of this pregnancy, laying down the law with your husband, and getting your nest in order. Love and pregnancy IS a good enough reason to get "married" or I guess it would be act married in your case. Don't lie to yourself and tell yourself that there is something higher that needs to be achieved before you are worthy of "marriage."
 
Maaaan.

I came in this thread when no one had replied. And I WAS going to say something. LOL

I knew this would turn in some kind of way, but not this. lol

I was just going to say "I was here".
 
I will say it, "Plain and simple, you got played". You two collectivelly messed up his roll. It was never his intention on getting your pregnant. I see it as I see it.
 
I think the problem is how can you acknowledge a marriage one day but things get rocky and suddenly it's ur not married or it's "just for his papers". If it was only for his papers then why are you having his child? Clearly you expect to have a life with this man sooooo I dunno if you were just trying to omit certain things and then got put under pressure, but you gotta be consistent cus people have great memories, there are but so many posters in the relationship forum.
 
Back
Top