I don't like the person I am becoming...in my relationship
- Thread starter shawny86
- Start date
DayStar
Well-Known Member
FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
*raised eyebrow*
Urm, okay. So the courts see you as married, but you don't see yourself as married? Interesting.
I'll repeat - marriage counseling. You're never too young.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.[/quote]
Since you have a child coming, now is not the right time to 'judge' you or your situation, especially since you trust us enough to ask for our advice
. It's best to do what's right for the child. Marriage=Life-Long Commitment
Bringing a child into a household where you two aren't sure if you'll be together in the long run is not a better option. Marriage doesn't complicate things any more than having a child. A man who is 100% dedicated to raising a family is ready to get married.
Understandably, you two might be realizing that things are changing too fast and aren't ready to introduce yet another change into your lives. Well that is why I suggested counseling. The good news is that you have some time between now and when the baby is born to get things straightened out. It's time to make those hard decisions and talk about what the two of you want in the future. If he really wants a family, he will openly talk about marriage and the two of you can look into pre-marriage counseling. I'm not saying rush into it, but he doesn't deserve to have a few more years to decide if he's ready to settle down. A child deserves to be in a household with some stability. He needs to realize that he had a part in this and he will have to sacrifice some things.
What kind of papers did he need?
1Aleeesha
New Member
perplexed
please excuse my tone if it comes off wrong, but..you live with him, having sex with him, having a baby with him....why cant yall tie the knot? Is it because he just doesnt want to marry you? I mean why have a baby if you cant get married?....
Precisely.
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.[/quote]
[/quote]i thought u were married
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=5808765&postcount=81
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=6008115&postcount=136
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.
Interesting, investigative work might I add...
Dang, you put that out there
Oh, hunny. There are a whole lot of people who 'want' children but don't 'want' to be parents, as well. And being a big kid is not a good indicator as far as a good father.
And I suspect that this thread is going to take an interesting turn in a bit, so I'm going to give you one more bit of advice.
Next time he comes home and kisses your belly, sit his tail down and work out a five year plan for your little family - that'll get the baby to kindy.
I don't get it...
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
erplexed *sigh* And it's a worthy task, considering you're pregnant with his child, married to him, and yet still concerned about his role/interest in you and your childs future. Cry at him, if need be, and blame it on the hormones, but girl TALK to him. Now. BEFORE the baby gets here and you are distracted by other, more pressing things - and he runs even 'freer'. You're going to have to do a lot of growing up, ASAP. Let me rephrase - hopefully Y'ALL will do a lot of growing up, ASAP, but for you - you have no choice.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
Oh, hunny. There are a whole lot of people who 'want' children but don't 'want' to be parents, as well. And being a big kid is not a good indicator as far as a good father.
Next time he comes home and kisses your belly, sit his tail down and work out a five year plan for your little family - that'll get the baby to kindy.
Wow, we must have been typing our messages at the same time. Excellent advice.
FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
ur contradicting urself all over the place!!
"I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot."
****but tying the knot so he can get his "papers" is??
"and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage."
****um, but bringing a child into a marriage that was performed for fradulent reasons is cool??
"The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time"
****if you haven't figured it out, ur already married
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.[/quote]
"I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot."
****but tying the knot so he can get his "papers" is??
"and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage."
****um, but bringing a child into a marriage that was performed for fradulent reasons is cool??
"The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time"
****if you haven't figured it out, ur already married
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.[/quote]
1Aleeesha
New Member
[/quote]ur contradicting urself all over the place!!
"I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot."
****but tying the knot so he can get his "papers" is??
"and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage."
****um, but bringing a child into a marriage that was performed for fradulent reasons is cool??
"The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time"
****if you haven't figured it out, ur already married
I had questions about this and although I love him with everything I have, I dont think its the right time. I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot. We have been having problems lately and marriage only complicates things, and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage. It's the most painful thing for the child (From personal experience). The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time.
You're good.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
I'll also add this. Right now is the time to consider what options are out there in case things don't work out. Do you have some support in case you two decide to not stay together? I know the thought of single motherhood is scary, I grew up in a single-parent household, but taking care of business now, just in case, will make things go by a lot smoother.
I wish you the best of luck in all this!
I wish you the best of luck in all this!
Last edited:
secretdiamond
Well-Known Member
Huh? Aren't you 22? So if you 2 got together when you both were 16 how is he 26?
FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
there's nothing right about this...i like to call this.................gettin hit with the okie doke!
LisaLisa1908
What 40 looks like.
Ridiculous.
You are married to him, REGARDLESS. Papers or not, you can't marry someone else until you divorce him, so guess what? YOU'RE MARRIED.
You need to figure out what you want. Marrying him to keep him in the country was obviously more important that some other stuff, and now that you're pregnant, you're re-evaluating?
Good luck. I have no other advice for you other than to make sure you're in the best position to take care of yourself and your child. If your "husband" isn't ready to grow up, there's nothing you or anyone else can do until HE decides he is. One good thing about all this is that at LEAST you can file for child support should things get ugly.
You are married to him, REGARDLESS. Papers or not, you can't marry someone else until you divorce him, so guess what? YOU'RE MARRIED.
You need to figure out what you want. Marrying him to keep him in the country was obviously more important that some other stuff, and now that you're pregnant, you're re-evaluating?
Good luck. I have no other advice for you other than to make sure you're in the best position to take care of yourself and your child. If your "husband" isn't ready to grow up, there's nothing you or anyone else can do until HE decides he is. One good thing about all this is that at LEAST you can file for child support should things get ugly.
DayStar
Well-Known Member
Carrie A
Well-Known Member
Alrighty now. How can advice be given if the story is off.
Last edited:
FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
shawny86
New Member
[/quote]Let me re-iterate, that I an aware marrying for that reason was incredibly irresponsible but i thought it was the right thing at the time.ur contradicting urself all over the place!!
"I dont believe having a child is a sufficient reason to tie the knot."
****but tying the knot so he can get his "papers" is??
"and I would never want to introduce my child into a unhappy marriage."
****um, but bringing a child into a marriage that was performed for fradulent reasons is cool??
"The thought is there when the time is right though...I love the thought of being his wife, in due time"
****if you haven't figured it out, ur already married
Maybe I should walk as a married woman...idk, I'm still trying to figure things out and make rational decisions here on out.
shawny86
New Member
Sorry, we were together since I was 16
DayStar
Well-Known Member
BroadstreetBully
New Member
So OP, let me see if I understand this.
You two met when you were 16 and he was 20. You two fell in love and you decided to go ahead and elope so he could get his papers and therefore work and all that stuff.
Now, because you two 'eloped', you don't feel married because there was no wedding and engagement, and at the time there just wasn't the traditional 'journey to the altar'. You two have basically been living as boyfriend and girlfriend with some legal paper as a favor to him.
is that correct?
You two met when you were 16 and he was 20. You two fell in love and you decided to go ahead and elope so he could get his papers and therefore work and all that stuff.
Now, because you two 'eloped', you don't feel married because there was no wedding and engagement, and at the time there just wasn't the traditional 'journey to the altar'. You two have basically been living as boyfriend and girlfriend with some legal paper as a favor to him.
is that correct?
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
shawny80 said:
You ARE a married woman. You are, you are, you are, and I don't know what kind of tale has been told to you to make you think you aren't. You got a marriage license that you signed and he signed? Guess what, you're MARRIED.
End of story.
So, now that we are clear that you are married to the father of your child (woot, by the way), you need to figure out if your husband is actually interested in being an adult husband and father, or if he's now getting cold feet and trying to run the streets like he doesn't have a wife and child.
Based on your initial post, I'm assuming it's the latter. And can't nobody make him decide to be an adult, a provider, a husband, and a father - he's gotta make that choice for himself and see the value in it. *sigh* And hun, that's gonna be an uphill battle if that desire ain't in him.
Do you have any older cousins/sisters/brothers/friends who are married, married & had kids young, that can sit down and talk to ya'll? Good gods, I know I sound like a broken record, but you need more help than the LHCF sistern can give you, because HE needs to hear this just as much - hell, more than - you do. Ya'll need counseling. If you have to tell him ya'll are going out to dinner, and drive him there, and trick him into going the first time - ya'll. need. HELP.
If not for you, to at least give the baby a chance to have a two parent household. Because, keeping it real, the way your tale is sounding so far?
I'll give it six-nine months after that baby is here before your 'husband' loses his damn mind.
Last edited:
FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
so when did u realize it was wrong?? just a few months ago u were sayin u had no regrets and felt it was time.
time for what?? him to get his papers??
time for what?? him to get his papers??
Similar threads
