I don't like the person I am becoming...in my relationship

redRiot said:
So OP, let me see if I understand this.

You two met when you were 16 and he was 20. You two fell in love and you decided to go ahead and elope so he could get his papers and therefore work and all that stuff.

Now, because you two 'eloped', you don't feel married because there was no wedding and engagement, and at the time there just wasn't the traditional 'journey to the altar'. You two have basically been living as boyfriend and girlfriend with some legal paper as a favor to him.

is that correct?
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Honestly... I would like OP to explain everything as it is to date so she can get some honest unbiased advice...In 1 paragraph... You've got some twists and turns here and it does not seem truthful. It does not all make sense at this point and there could be a logical explanation... That way, people who want to help will be able to chime in properly...
 
A few months ago we were not living together and I was living in oblivion. Things have changed quite a bit since then
 
shawny86 said:
Sorry, we were together since I was 16
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You know, for a sec I thought it was a typo. But then, i read your post again and wondered how you could mistakenly put the "we" AND "were" (both indicative of plural meaning) in the sentence. That's why I asked.
 
shawny86 said:
A few months ago we were not living together and I was living in oblivion. Things have changed quite a bit since then
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Did you move in together after you got pregnant? Whose idea was it to combine household? Where did ya'll live before then?
 
yea but she listed her reasoning for getting married was for him to get papers, not because they were in love or anything else. but in a totally seperate thread she got married because it was time and she love the man he became :rolleyes:

redRiot said:
My understanding is that he was a TOTALLY DIFFERENT person before he got his papers. Then things changed...:nono:
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OP,

You would do yourself (and others) a WORLD of good if you would tell the WHOLE story instead of select bits and pieces, especially if you are going to state words to the effect of, "well, I didn't tell y'all this, and then there's that." I mean, we don't have two full pages here and you've had to explain just about every post you've made.
 
so wait...ya'll been married 2 yrs and just moved in a few months ago?!?!? how in the hell did he get papers with u being married and not even living together?!
 
JustKiya said:
Did you move in together after you got pregnant? Whose idea was it to combine household? Where did ya'll live before then?
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secretdiamond said:
You know, for a sec I thought it was a typo. But then, i read your post again and wondered how you could mistakenly put the "we" AND "were" (both indicative of plural meaning) in the sentence. That's why I asked.
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FlawedBeauty said:
so wait...ya'll been married 2 yrs and just moved in a few months ago?!?!? how in the hell did he get papers with u being married and not even living together?!
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Girls...Calm down lol... We know it's not adding up...

OP...Your turn.
 
shawny86 said:
A few months ago we were not living together and I was living in oblivion. Things have changed quite a bit since then
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Okay, you got pregnant and you two moved in together. Things moved way too fast for him. He's rethinking everything. He just wasn't ready.

OP, I'm sorry that all of this is happening at once. You might need to seek some individual counseling as well. If you are religious it might be time to get into church and take advantage of some of the counseling programs churches have for first time mothers (I'm assuming that it's free of cost or at least affordable in churches). If you are not religious, there are group counseling options out there for EVERYTHING, I'm sure you can find one for first time mothers. Where do your friends/family stand on this?
 
ReaLuvsAOxymoron said:
My advice: This is the land of LHCF. Some of these chicks eat liars for dinner.
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This, made me :giggle:

LisaLisa1908 said:
And some don't mind eating early.
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This, made me :rofl: :lachen: :dead:

I really think you can get the help you need Shawty80 - but you've gotta be honest, and you've gotta give us the whole story, and you've gotta be honest.

Based on the bits and pieces you've given so far, I'm leaning towards the 'prepare for single motherhood' side of things, honestly. :look:

He's not American - what is he? Are there any family pressures from his side that can be brought into play?
 
WOW!!! Ladies cut OP a break. Sounds like she's confused a bit. This really seems to be a difficult time for her atop pregnancy hormones (all not good for the baby) yall can send a person into a deep depression......
 
This has nothing to do with confusion. The OP is lying. You have been caught in a lie......just leave it alone because at this point its just going to be a rough interrogation w/o lube.
 
I'm confused......like really confused.


BUT Whatever the case maybe...I hope that he is gainfully employed and will continue to be AND that his actions/feelings will change once the baby makes his/her grand entrance.

Take care of you and the unborn baby. Eat right, get some rest and stress as little as possible..which I know is easier said than done.

If you are indeed married, please remain that way until the baby is born at least. And yes it is quite normal for baby hormones to have you loving your mate one minute and ready to stab him the next. In fact, you might feel that way about alot of people....

Good luck OP.
 
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amara11 said:
Does he read books? :look: I have a book recommendation if he is a reader. Of books.




:dead:
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Oooh, do share for the rest of the thread, Amara..... I'm sure she's not the only young lady pregnant with a man who isn't totally sure about this whole father/husband gig...... ;)
 
JustKiya said:
Oooh, do share for the rest of the thread, Amara..... I'm sure she's not the only young lady pregnant with a man who isn't totally sure about this whole father/husband gig...... ;)
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LMAO.
Actually it's a book for blacks/depression period. But it has a decent section committed to black men.

"Black Pain" It Just Looks Like We're Not Hurting. (Terrie M. WIlliams)

I like the book because it goes beyond whats often always clinically noted as prototypic "depressive symptoms" and focuses on the black community and how/when/why our signs and symptoms may be different from other groups (and therefore why we are so largely undiagnosed).

Another great thing is the personal anecedotes--> I think this is key, especially for the folks who don't think they need counseling. There's tons of examples of ppl going thru what you (general) may be going through and reading about them may help the stubborn/hard-headed folks see a need for help themselves.

Not to mention the behaviors that are endemic to the black community are correlated to untreated/undiagnosed depression. Interesting stuff.
 
Here's what I think it is:

OP was dating her boo for years.

Boo needed papers and married OP. Op loved him & she felt it was the right time anyway so she did it. (He just felt it was right to correct his situation). OP on cloud nine she is married and "had no regrets", got pregnant and they moved in together. OP= really proud of relationship & posting on LHCF .....

....Until he started showing his a$$ recently. Pregnant OP is now acting "clingy" (I'm sure this is Boo's word); Boo reminds OP this only a "legal" marriage, not "religious" so it's not real anyway.

OP is not liking this new situation & now states she doesn't want "marriage", insecurities, it complicates things, is not happy with Boo, yada, yada. Thanking God she didn't really marry Boo. :rolleyes:

Posts her new dilemma here. People realizing this is not making sense. OP trying to fill the gaps in because it's all not making sense to her either it seems.
 
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