‘i Feel Betrayed.’ Husband Splitting His Estate — Should I Find Another Man?

MizAvalon said:
I think David Bowie did this. Half went to Iman, the other half went to his children. One his and one theirs together.

$100 million dollars in that case.
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Although, I'm sure she'd rather have her husband back, Maynnnn, if I was Iman, I'd be like....
DefiantSmartKingsnake-size_restricted.gif

nyeredzi said:
The idea that I could build wealth with my husband, die, and then he leave it all to some other woman who will leave it to her children while mine have nothing got me hot. Let me do a proper will. Right now my life insurance and retirement go to him, and they get it if he dies, but I'm not sure on the details. Better do what I can about this house, too.

Let me also call my father, lol. Who is considering getting married again but told me he wants me to have the house, just let her live there as long as she wants.
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THIS is why I'm posting these articles. A lot of women don't think about this stuff until it's too late to do anything about it.
 
Maybe some of her attitude is from her being an only child? I am trying to be nice here.

I agree with the above posters. They don't sound as if they have been married long. It does sound as if she was never involved in the daughter's life when she was younger. Which makes the Husband's decision smart.
I just wanted to say she doesn't have to leave him everything. And I write this I wonder what her everything is compared to his, but I digress.
She could leave her money to charity ect if she wanted to, but I would leave my kids something. Or there would be the expectation to do so. It sounds like he is making p for not getting a prenup.

I have said for a while and it is more true everyday if I get married I would need a very strong prenup. Maybe something that has phase outs? I would want my assets protected for my kids. And lik some one else siad up thread they weren't there for the struggle.
 
If she wanted it all, she shouldn't have married a man with a child. She shouldn't have assumed that he felt the same way about finances as she did, this is something that should have been talked about before marriage, especially since they are approaching retirement age and certain financial and health matters need to be discussed and put in writing. And it's very telling that she doesn't consider the step daughter as part of her family since she states as soon as her parents die, she will have no family left. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't hide how she feels from her step daughter.

What if the husband's estate contains money/real estate/etc from his first wife? Is it fair that the second wife receive any inheritance from that? Maybe the husband realizes that his current wife won't turn over anything to the daughter and he wants to forestall any problems. It also seems that the wife is willing to discuss this issue with everybody else but the person who could answer her questions about why the husband set up his will that way. Lady, go talk to your husband.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
I think the concern is that the step parent may not have a bond with the kids. Is she going to pass it to them when she dies? The idea that they're grown so they don't need or deserve anything is weird to me. Wealthy people leave inheritances to their kids all the time. It's never about need. More like love or birthright.
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This is my issue with her email. The husband KNOWS that his wife doesn't have an affinity for his daughter, which is why he's created his will like this. The wife's real question should be--why did I foster such a poor relationship with my step-daughter that my husband didn't feel confident I'd pass along his assets to her at my death? Even in my Husband's life insurance policy I own (separate from his own policy) to benefit my bio kid I ensured there was a percentage left to my bonus daughter too. Why would I leave her hanging at her dad's demise? She'll also receive some of my liquid assets at my death and clearly would receive a portion of our joint assets (along with our other kid) at our deaths.
 
He’s not covering his wife. He is her priority but she is not his. That’s what the issue actually is...regardless of her tone and delivery. Now that she knows for sure, she can plan accordingly.

As a stepdaughter: I expect to get less than what my dad leaves my stepmother. I assume he would leave her almost everything, if not everything. It has nothing to do with how long they’ve been married, whether she has ill intentions, if we get along, or his background with my mother. She is his wife and I don’t expect anyone to get more than her (or equal to) from him.

OAN: In Bowie’s case, if true, half went to Iman and 1/4 to each child. Neither child got more than or equal to Iman.
 
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Some years back, I knew of a pair of siblings that lost their family home that had been in their family for generations to their adult step-siblings that had no connection to it.

The property belonged to their mother, who received it from her parents. Their mother died while they were in their 20's and left everything to her husband (their father). He re-married shortly after she passed, then died himself only a couple of years into the marriage. The family property was in another state so no one was currently living in it. I don't know if he had a will but somehow his new wife ended up with everything including the first wife's land and house. She then tried to give it to her own grown kids she had from a prior marriage.

They all went to court over it, but it got very expensive and very ugly just for them to try to retain what should have been theirs. The kids made no claim against what belonged to their dad. They just wanted what was their mother's.
 
I dated a guy who was divorced with 4 kids (2 adults, 1 older teen, and a preteen). I have 1 adult daughter. When I considered our long term prospects, I knew that we would have issues talking about estate planning because I intended for all of my premarital assets to go to my daughter and for any marital property to be specifically owned 50/50. I thought that it was unfair for my daughter to go from 100% stake to 20%. Not happening.
 
So let me get this straight... a man and a woman have a child that they love and care for and vow to protect and nurture that child and give it the best life possible. They expect to pass in their wealth to this child, and that child grows up believing that her parents will pass on their assets to her so that she can continue the tradition and pass on this her own daughter in the future.

However later that man and woman divorce and marry other people. Those parents have to abandon their promise to their child that they love so much because the new husband and new wife deserve most, if not all, of their assets when they pass. That child should be okay with that and should be thankful for any scrap of inheritance that the step parents would allow them to have.

So this man’s daughter, who is his blood and first love compared to this new wife of the moment, should not be given half of his estate because the 63 year old step wife left him 100% and expects him to do the same. Can people really blame him for wanting to provide for his daughter (as he originally intended) or make sure that is granddaughter his is taken care of?

As a second wife to a man with a kid (hypothetically), I would not expect to be given any assets he owned before my time as I expect his kids get that. For assets developed after we were married, I don’t even expect 100% of that. I still only expect 50%. Together with my life insurance policy on him and half his assets I’d be more than okay to maintain my lifestyle or even live better. And isn’t that the point? If I don’t have to suffer and I actually come out ahead, why does it matter that the kid gets half?

This is why people should have these conversations before they get married. Blended families or not. First marriage or not. Too many people talk about the important things that matter to them after they walk down the aisle.
 
guudhair said:
He’s not covering his wife. He is her priority but she is not his. That’s what the issue actually is...regardless of her tone and delivery. Now that she knows for sure, she can plan accordingly.

As a stepdaughter: I expect to get less than what my dad leaves my stepmother. I assume he would leave her almost everything, if not everything. It has nothing to do with how long they’ve been married, whether she has ill intentions, if we get along, or his background with my mother. She is his wife and I don’t expect anyone to get more than her (or equal to) from him.

OAN: In Bowie’s case, if true, half went to Iman and 1/4 to each child. Neither child got more than or equal to Iman.
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Re: the bolded, I meant to comment on that yesterday, but got distracted. Even with 100 million dollars, and Iman having her own millions, David knew better than to split the estate into thirds. His wife got the larger piece of the pie, and rightfully so. Even at that level of wealth, it’s still about the principle and respect for your spouse.
 
Some more thoughts...

The woman has no children. If she dies 100% is going to her husband and when he dies, 100% will be going to the daughter anyway. Why is she so mad?

She complains that she treats him like family and he doesn’t treat her the same. But hello, his daughter is his family too?? Should he ignore that he has more family members than just his wife? I can understand if it his ex wife or some random man from the street, but she acts like the only people who are family are the ones you share a marriage license with.

She is 63 years old. What was she going to do with the other half that she couldn’t do now? Based on her beneficiary choices it doesn’t seem like she was going to pass it on to someone else. If she was a gold digger than she played her cards wrong and should have tried to get a man without kids. But at that age I guess it may be hard...
 
Sorry one more thought...

It’s like that meme I saw on Facebook. Very similar.

Soon to be Parents: I love you and I’ll die for you to get here, healthily and safely.

New parents: I’ll protect you and guide you through the world. Everything I have is yours.

Adult parents: You’re on your own and I’m cutting you down on your inheritance because I just don’t love you as much as I used to and I have a new old wife who deserves this money more than you because she is magic and made me fall for her. Sorry to have lied to you all those years, but it was necessary to give you a happy childhood.

I don’t understand these types of parents.
 
I don’t see the big deal. I live in a community property state and if I died and I had no will my husband would only be entitled to half my estate unless I had no other next of kin. So if I had kids my kids would get half. This is a pitfall of remarriage especially when you are much older. Your relationship is no longer about building an empire or legacy but companionship at that point. If I were married for the second time I’d bet when I was accumulating my wealth during my first marriage I was thinking about my kids. So just because someone else swoops in late in the game doesn’t give them precedence over my kids. Sorry not sorry.
 
Theresamonet said:
Re: the bolded, I meant to comment on that yesterday, but got distracted. Even with 100 million dollars, and Iman having her own millions, David knew better than to split the estate into thirds. His wife got the larger piece of the pie, and rightfully so. Even at that level of wealth, it’s still about the principle and respect for your spouse.
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I don’t know what state their probate or trust was done in, but barring the existence of a prenup, it is quite likely he have Iman half because that was required by law. California for example would require him to leave 1/2 to his wife so 1/3 wouldn’t be a legal option even if he wanted it unless Iman signed off on it.
 
I'm a second wife so I'll admit my bias upfront. That said, I will preface what I'm about to say by quoting myself from the other second wife/stepmother thread.
Crackers Phinn said:
Every mother must look out for the financial interest of her kids first and not assume anybody else will including a father who is no longer connected to those children through continued use of her vagina.
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I think that people are conflating divorce and death into one marital situation. When you get divorced in a community property state (no prenup) the judge divides community property down the middle because during the marriage it's assumed that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. If a spouse dies without a will, the principle of "Survivorship Marital Property" kicks in and 100% of community property goes to the surviving spouse because again, the assumption is that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. Marital law addresses the spouses and nonadopted children from a prior marriage are not factored into the community property equation. Separate property is treated differently.

If we are talking regular people money, i.e., an average price house for the area lived in, emergency fund savings, retirement savings, life insurance that pays off the house and covers funeral expenses with a lil something to help the surviving spouse live on then the second wife should inherit 80-100% especially if she got significant time invested in the marriage and they weren't trying to leave each other. The deceased leaving momento's and breaking of some change to the children of the first marriage or situationship is fine. Again, I'm talking regular people money because even though everybody swear they go die a millionaire
Half of Americans die with almost no money

If we are talking life changing money, the table is open for negotiation. There's times when it makes sense for the surviving second (or tenth) wife to settle for 20% vs 50% vs 80%.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
I'm a second wife so I'll admit my bias upfront. That said, I will preface what I'm about to say by quoting myself from the other second wife/stepmother thread.


I think that people are conflating divorce and death into one marital situation. When you get divorced in a community property state (no prenup) the judge divides community property down the middle because during the marriage it's assumed that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. If a spouse dies without a will, the principle of "Survivorship Marital Property" kicks in and 100% of community property goes to the surviving spouse because again, the assumption is that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. Marital law addresses the spouses and nonadopted children from a prior marriage are not factored into the community property equation. Separate property is treated differently.

If we are talking regular people money, i.e., an average price house for the area lived in, emergency fund savings, retirement savings, life insurance that pays off the house and covers funeral expenses with a lil something to help the surviving spouse live on then the second wife should inherit 80-100% especially if she got significant time invested in the marriage and they weren't trying to leave each other. The deceased leaving momento's and breaking of some change to the children of the first marriage or situationship is fine. Again, I'm talking regular people money because even though everybody swear they go die a millionaire
Half of Americans die with almost no money

If we are talking life changing money, the table is open for negotiation. There's times when it makes sense for the surviving second (or tenth) wife to settle for 20% vs 50% vs 80%.
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]]

True. And that is a point i was wondering. We don't know what happen to the DGT mother. Were they married did they get a divorce or did her die? (don't rememenr if they siad but I am going to admit I am not looking back). If there was a divorce that was still amicably, some states are werid, then the woife did get something int he divorce that she may or may leave to her DGT.

There are layers to this and the conversation. Which is what makes this such a good conversation.
 
Farida said:
I don’t know what state their probate or trust was done in, but barring the existence of a prenup, it is quite likely he have Iman half because that was required by law. California for example would require him to leave 1/2 to his wife so 1/3 wouldn’t be a legal option even if he wanted it unless Iman signed off on it.
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For me, it’s a problem if my husband sits down to write out a will, and I end up with less than what the government would give me if he’d died without one.

A lot of you are speaking from the perspective of the first wife, and coming up with dramatic narratives about the pacts that were made between husband and wife #1 as new parents... You want your child to get all you they can, and you don’t give a damn about the next wife. Got it. But in reality, once your husband remarries, his first obligation is to his wife, not y’all’s grown child. His wife, his other half, should be getting the majority of what’s left of him. The government agrees with this.
 
guudhair said:
He’s not covering his wife. He is her priority but she is not his. That’s what the issue actually is...regardless of her tone and delivery. Now that she knows for sure, she can plan accordingly.

As a stepdaughter: I expect to get less than what my dad leaves my stepmother. I assume he would leave her almost everything, if not everything. It has nothing to do with how long they’ve been married, whether she has ill intentions, if we get along, or his background with my mother. She is his wife and I don’t expect anyone to get more than her (or equal to) from him.

OAN: In Bowie’s case, if true, half went to Iman and 1/4 to each child. Neither child got more than or equal to Iman.
Click to expand...

She is covered just fine. She comes off like someone who married for a come up and now is mad because the dollars aren’t adding up.
 
Theresamonet said:
But in reality, once your husband remarries, his first obligation is to his wife, not y’all’s grown child. His wife, his other half, should be getting the majority of what’s left of him. The government agrees with this.
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I have a very loving relationship with my step daughter, not so much with my step son. My relationship with my stepson is better now that he is grown and out of our house but there would probably be some warfare if my husband wasn't in the picture. The old man knows what kind of kid (and wife :look:) he got so the option to fight was taken away when my husband sat the three of us down and gave us 60 days to sign an Agreement Not To Contest. If any of us chose not to sign then his will would be rewritten and that person's portion of his separate assets would be divided by whoever did sign. He and I talked about this beforehand and I was fully supportive because I don't want any headaches. Even so, I still expect drama.
 
I am literally living this right now with my father, who is 77, and his wife of 4 years. It's really ugly. Lol, a lot of this applies to me: I am an only child(only brother died many years ago) and my dad's entire estate was to pass to me and he established a an estate plan that spelled it out clearly, including naming me as trustee. My father is still living but was admitted to a nursing facility after drinking himself into dementia. Then forged documents and a completely different estate plan emerged after he was admitted to the hospital. Bottom line is we are in court now with depositions and trials happening in the next few weeks.

My concern was never what I stood to inherit. My father shared with me prior to his illness that he knew she was manipulating him(undue influence) and that he felt pressured to marry her. But he did it anyway. ((Sigh)) This has been a loooong, expensive BS of a mess. But even with documents signed, notarized, filed and all, stuff still happens.
 
LivingInPeace said:
I don’t understand how you can talk about the importance of legacy building but then say that children should expect to inherit little from their parents if there’s a new wife.
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For me, death is not the point in which children finally receive what they are entitled to and have been waiting on from their parents their entire life. I would expect that to be an ongoing exchange long before the final act. For me when someone dies it's a time to grieve not a time to scramble to bridge the gaps that have been left as a result of the passing. For me it's not a matter of being left with nothing it's consistently having what you need from them and what they believe you are entitled to before they pass...especially if you are grown and raised well before they go.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
I'm a second wife so I'll admit my bias upfront. That said, I will preface what I'm about to say by quoting myself from the other second wife/stepmother thread.


I think that people are conflating divorce and death into one marital situation. When you get divorced in a community property state (no prenup) the judge divides community property down the middle because during the marriage it's assumed that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. If a spouse dies without a will, the principle of "Survivorship Marital Property" kicks in and 100% of community property goes to the surviving spouse because again, the assumption is that both spouses have access to 100% of marital property. Marital law addresses the spouses and nonadopted children from a prior marriage are not factored into the community property equation. Separate property is treated differently.

If we are talking regular people money, i.e., an average price house for the area lived in, emergency fund savings, retirement savings, life insurance that pays off the house and covers funeral expenses with a lil something to help the surviving spouse live on then the second wife should inherit 80-100% especially if she got significant time invested in the marriage and they weren't trying to leave each other. The deceased leaving momento's and breaking of some change to the children of the first marriage or situationship is fine. Again, I'm talking regular people money because even though everybody swear they go die a millionaire
Half of Americans die with almost no money

If we are talking life changing money, the table is open for negotiation. There's times when it makes sense for the surviving second (or tenth) wife to settle for 20% vs 50% vs 80%.
Click to expand...

It might start happening more and more (dying with a chunk of money), as the burden of saving for retirement has been shifted from employer pension to individual retirement. I'm unlikely to die a millionaire, but in the sad event of me dying around the age of 62, now the entirety of my 30 years of retirement savings is there, without me having spent it. Yeah, people on average don't have much, but more and more of them will have at least a sizable chunk by retirement because that is the new era. Most of us, hopefully, will not die within a year of retirement :lol: But some of us will ...

Is it not true that most states are not community property? Though, that's a digression ...
 
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