Should She Lunch With Her Bro-in-law?

[hopeful]

Totally agree. These are the type of men that do this...then go home and bash and triangulate their wives. I'd venture to say that the wife has been made painfully aware of what she doesnt do, wear and who she is being compared to.

Right. When he met her he loved how she didn’t wear make up and make a fuss, but now he wants to ogle women who are the opposite of her. He can pound salt. Men like him make me sick.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Right. When he met her he loved how she didn’t where make up and make a fuss, but now he wants to ogle women who are the opposite of her. He can pound salt. Men like him make me sick.

On top of it all, most women do not think like @Southernbella. They eat that mess up and walk around thinking he is such a great and complimentary guy. Little do they know...which is why I generally tell random sweet talkin' men, "dont compliment me, go home and tell your wife that mess."

 

[CoilyFields]

Most of my husband’s brothers have creeped outside of their marriage and his sister’s husband definitely has as well (though no one talks about it). I wouldn’t feel comfortable meeting any of them for lunch by ourselves.

I know a lot of people here dont agree, but I feel that a lot of time spent with someone of the opposite sex can easily develop into something that neither party may have been searching out. I’ve seen it happen too many times.

I agree

Overall I think;
1. Family dynamics matter. It's a case by case decision.
2. We are only looking at this through female eyes. My views on how men see women tell me that a SIL is still just another women and developing close independant relationships can be risky.

I haven't been in that situation before. My brothers-in-law are significantly younger than me so we aren't close. But I don't think my exDH would have been ok with it unless it happened organically (i.e. we run into each other and eat together vs. plan a lunch date).
But I have a cousin whose husband I've gone out to eat with and would probably hang with occassionally...but once again, dynamics matter.

 

[GreenEyedJen]

On top of it all, most women do not think like @Southernbella. They eat that mess up and walk around thinking he is such a great and complimentary guy. Little do they know...which is why I generally tell random sweet talkin' men, "dont compliment me, go home and tell your wife that mess."

I actually think the women do know and would take the boost to their self esteem over the feelings of a friend. Women can be mean like that.

I'm friends with this couple but was actually friends with the guy first. He's been doing this lately, badly. He'll do it in the middle of conversations, like "Jen can drive. You can't" or "Look, look, Jen thinks it's funny! You don't get jokes". I stick up for her all the time and he still isn't getting it. The last few times we (as couples) hung out I purposely called the girl to make plans and left my original friend completely out of it. Then, I remembered why I had my rule of not being friends with both parties in a relationship. I made ONE exception and look where it got me. If my SO and I meet them as couples and we do "couple things" together, that's one thing. Anything deeper than that, I'm taking a hard line on which one is my friend and sticking to it.

But back on topic...I'm naturally good with families and families tend to like me a lot so I'm usually open to hanging out with someone from the family alone, but I'm big on intuition. If it feels weird, stay away.

 

[Evolving78]

There ya’ll go thinking like women again... unless it is business related, men don’t just wanna go to lunch with you because you are a cool person, especially if he asks you out to lunch.

 

[Farida]

Are there families where people hang out alone and nothing ever happens? Sure. Just like there are married people who have BFFs of the opposite sex with whom nothing has ever happened and will never happen.

At the same time, there are countless of relationships that have been ruined by affairs which started as innocent rendezvous with no intention of either party becoming romantic. Do what honors YOUR relationship whatever that is and always trust your gut 150%. And even when you are 100% sure of your own intentions you will never know the real intentions of another person unless you can read minds.

As I get older I have become better at making snap judgments about people and circumstances. Every single time I tell myself "stop being judgmental" 99% of the time my initial thoughts end up being confirmed. I now understand why old people are wise, cynical and stubborn.