I Chose Me

[tiara76]

I went and got the closure I needed. I think it was necessary, even though I keep breaking out in tears and feeling the need to make it my fault for various reasons. We spoke. He had no reason for pulling away except that he just didn't love me anymore, so I was right to break it off with him. This has been the most hurtful experience of my life, but I learned alot. My love for him was very innocent, too innocent. I didn't know the warning signs to heed them and was too busy being caught up in the relationship to acknowledge our concerns sooner. But now I know better.

My heart is breaking over and over again. I haven't been able to eat a whole meal in days. I can't stop crying and the pain and sadness is overwhelming. It hurts the most to know that he can delete my number, photos and trash my letters and I'm out of his life. Just like that, as if our relationship never happened. A part of me feels guilty for forgetting for a few minutes, like I feel this bizarre burden to carry the torch of our relationship in my heart. But I am completely out of sight, out of mind for him.

He was my first real love, and the first one to do everything as I wanted. He courted me the way I felt I should be courted, loved me the way I dreamed of being loved, and touched me with nothing short of reverence-even when simply holding my hand. Now, I am terrified that I may never be able to love so freely and innocently again. In matters of the heart I fear he has completely robbed me of my innocence.

There was no positive outcome for my situation, but I am glad to have the closure I needed. Otherwise, my mind would have never stopped racing with possibilities and unanswered questions.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

You got me all teared up over here, your emotion is felt thru the computer screen....you already are exibiting signs of more strength than you may think you have....you made the decision to walk away because he wasn't man enough to just be str8 and honest with you, already not a quality you deserve in a husband....admitting fears is a step alot of folks can barely get, facing them is even scarier.....the pain and hurt will pass will heal if you let if pass through you....feel it, experience it and when you are ready resolve to let it go, don't let it weigh you down in life any longer than it has too, happiness is easy, letting go of unhappiness is hard, it takes time but intend to move forward and up.....what you truly want out of life, love and a man is not what you would have been getting with him, your best interest and grandest blessings are what ultimately every experience you go thru that isn't a "positive" is letting you know.....THAT THIS ISN"T IT.....

create a new, grander, bigger vision of love, create a new dream, create new feelings of what you feel it should be....what you created before may have been "good".....now create something greater

what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, when you are ready to open yourself up again you will only be able love stronger..the more you are able to love, the less you will be able to be hurt....there is alot to be discovered about yourself from this outside of blaming yourself for anything....and he didn't do you n e thing but a favor and one day you will find yourself sending him a blessing of thanks for the favor, so take blame out of the whole situation.....there is nobody to blame for anything.....

pray for understanding and insight and be open to receiving the answer

you will get it

e hug mama

cry your eyes out till you can't cry anymore

 

[tsturnbu]

i am so proud of you for making the decision to move on. The healing will be slow, but the results and lesson will last forever.

 

[chiprecious]

Peronally, I think all women have milestones and sista girl, you knocked out a couple in one bang!

1. Finding your first love
2. having your first love break your heart
3. Having the balls to know when to leave
4. Loving yourself more

If will take a long time, like others said, but loving yourself will help a tiny bit in getting over this and learning from this. Meeting not so good men makes us realize when we've found a gem AND when to keep it moving when the next nut (and there will be a few) come around.

Keep ya head up and rediscover how wonderful you are! My most empowering moment after a breakup was going to dinner a lone. Yes I chickened out and sat at the bar, but it still was a whole mindset change.

 

[CookieLAD]

I'm so sorry for your pain.