You've Never Been To His Place - What Does That Signal?

I'm just curious about where they are going to live when they get married. :look: I mean, is he selling his house, are they moving in together?? What's the deal? :ohwell: This is so discombobulated... The next thing will be that they got married, but still ain't living together. :nono:
 
loved said:
They live in a metro area that's big enough so that he really doesn't have to hide. No hotel, they're staying with her daughter.

I didn't think he could be married and spend the holidays with her.

She tells me about other guys that seem decent and are into her, but she's not into them. I told her that her heart would not be open to any1 as long as he is in the rotation. He seems to assert his territory whenever it seems like someone else may be interested in her.

Can she really believe something is up if she's telling everyone about a spring wedding? He did not give her a ring.
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Yes, she can believe it because she's delusional. :lachen: How can he marry someone that he doesnt want at his house? I mean really.
 
He's deep undercover. :look:

Call me a prude, but I don't see anything wrong with not inviting a man you've only been dating a short time into your home...especially if you live alone. Several months is fine, but years :nono:.
 
This guy is a suspect character...he definitely has some shade...perhaps, he is married, living with someone or really does not have a place of his own. He could be sleeping on someones sofa or floor. Does she have his home address?Has she seen atleast the street/outside of the house? How and when do they communicate? Has she been around any of his relatives/friends (this really has no bearance because they will lie and coverup for you)? When and where do they meet? Does he lay up in her place all the time? There are lots of questions to be answer and tooo many to ask. Bottom line, three years of being ridiculous, desperate and naive!
 
loved said:
They live in a metro area that's big enough so that he really doesn't have to hide. No hotel, they're staying with her daughter.

I didn't think he could be married and spend the holidays with her.

She tells me about other guys that seem decent and are into her, but she's not into them. I told her that her heart would not be open to any1 as long as he is in the rotation. He seems to assert his territory whenever it seems like someone else may be interested in her.

Can she really believe something is up if she's telling everyone about a spring wedding? He did not give her a ring.
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In an ideal world, your thoughts are true however we don't live in an ideal world. My father once asked me to tell his girlfriend, whose now his wife, that he spent Thanksgiving with me if she asked but he didn't spend Thanksgiving with me he spent it in a state where I know he doesn't have any relatives. He spent it with his other girlfriend and her peoples. His girlfriend, whose now his wife, hasn't bother to have any kind of relationship with me so of course she didn't ask me whereas I would have told her the real deal about my father.

Point is this if a man can get one or more women in denial,which is not too hard to find, the man can do whatever he pleases. These men are counting of the fact that their women hate other women and assume the other woman is a wh**e instead of questioning the man.

This sounds like a case where the guy may be married or he may not be but he has at least two simple minded women in his harem.
 
loved said:
They live in a metro area that's big enough so that he really doesn't have to hide. No hotel, they're staying with her daughter.

I didn't think he could be married and spend the holidays with her.

She tells me about other guys that seem decent and are into her, but she's not into them. I told her that her heart would not be open to any1 as long as he is in the rotation. He seems to assert his territory whenever it seems like someone else may be interested in her.

Can she really believe something is up if she's telling everyone about a spring wedding? He did not give her a ring.
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*smh* first if you have been dating a man seriously for 3 years and haven't been to his home and he hasn't provided you with a ring...run for the darn hills! Holidays don't mean crap to people anymore. I know numerous people that unfortunately travel alot due to business and will sometimes be away during holidays. doesn't mean they are cheating, but it is possible to be married and not be with the wife for the holidays.

secondly you never want to suspect just one thing (like him being married etc.) it could be a range of things. something is definitely wrong though. numerous break ups/arguments and he still cant tell her truth spells out the "it's too late" nature of the situation. by that I mean he will never tell her the truth because she has accepted his BS for 3 years, what makes her think he will tell her truth and he can't even give her a ring? puhlease; she has bent over for 3 years and he knows he can get away with a lot. tell her don't tell too many people about that wedding date, she doesn't want to look a fool; but then again she just may stick around after that hoping maybe the same date the next year.


Has she atleast met any of his fam?
 
frankie said:
He's deep undercover. :look:

Call me a prude, but I don't see anything wrong with not inviting a man you've only been dating a short time into your home...especially if you live alone. Several months is fine, but years :nono:.
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ITA, i remember meeting a guy once and after just 1 day of friendly phone conversation that fool asked me for my address (where me and my children live!) i'm telling you that did it for me. Didn't know that fool from a can of paint and knew he was up to no good to even fix his mouth to ask me some crap like that *smh* That 1 day of freindly phone talk was the first and the last.
 
Like everyone else already said, he is married or has a live in girlfriend :yep: I have a friend who is in a similar BS situation. It's going on 4 years, she has never been invited to his home, and he lives locally, and supposedly by himself...she has also never met any of his family or friends...he has also done other shady stuff, yet she continues to play dumb by pretending like she doesn't know what's up :crazy:
 
I have a friend who has been dating this guy for a whole year and never invited him to her house. Her situation is that she brought a house with an ex, the ex moved out but still has alot of his stuff there. The ex still feels it's OK to drop by from time to time to pick up stuff or to do maintanence on the house....legally they both still own it.

My friend explained this to her boyfriend, but he doesn't care. He wants to see where and how she lives. She told him she's not comfortable having him over because of the ex's stuff and the fact that he may just pop over. When she does have him over she wants both of them to be completely comfortable in her environment.

It's been a year and he has not been over her house. She is being up front with him and seems to have a legit reason for not having him over after a year.
 
Perhaps he's ashamed of how/where he lives

Like he doesn't have a bed to sleep on,plates to eat off of,window coverings etc.....

everybody's situation is different
 
Phoenix11 said:
I have a friend who has been dating this guy for a whole year and never invited him to her house. Her situation is that she brought a house with an ex, the ex moved out but still has alot of his stuff there. The ex still feels it's OK to drop by from time to time to pick up stuff or to do maintanence on the house....legally they both still own it.

My friend explained this to her boyfriend, but he doesn't care. He wants to see where and how she lives. She told him she's not comfortable having him over because of the ex's stuff and the fact that he may just pop over. When she does have him over she wants both of them to be completely comfortable in her environment.

It's been a year and he has not been over her house. She is being up front with him and seems to have a legit reason for not having him over after a year.
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That sorta reminds me of a scene in Burn After reading in which George Clooney plays a cheating husband and tells women that he and his wife are in the process of a divorce. When a women visits the house when his wife is out of town he brings out large cardboard boxes and tells a visiting woman that his wife still hasnt gotten all her things.
 
nappi said:
Perhaps he's ashamed of how/where he lives

Like he doesn't have a bed to sleep on,plates to eat off of,window coverings etc.....

everybody's situation is different
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That's the first thought that came to my mind. He might be one of those bachelors that have a dirty, hardly furnished home with only a bed and a TV.

But why doesn't the girlfriend just ask him why she's not welcome? Or just drop by his place one day? It can't have taken her 3 years to invite herself to his place?
 
Well even if marriage is the real answer or a harem of women. She needs to get tested, regardless. Just nasty and trifling!
 
gabulldawg said:
I'm just curious about where they are going to live when they get married. :look: I mean, is he selling his house, are they moving in together?? What's the deal? :ohwell: This is so discombobulated... The next thing will be that they got married, but still ain't living together. :nono:
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I know I shouldn't be laughing but :lachen:.


I will not believe that she hasn't at least FOLLOWED him home in 3 years. I just can't believe it. How do you lay up with someone that you can only reach via a phone that can be disconnected at any moment? :nono:
 
I've known bachelors that are not as clean as I would like, but the same thing that causes them not to clean leads them to not want to drive to your place, so
I can't imagine that would be a long term deterrent because at some point laziness would move them to ask their woman to drive to his home.


About a year & a half ago she was really upset and gave him an ultimatum - she would come to his house or they would break up. If I recall she got there and the address was no good. I remember her calling me and I mapquested and found that it was not a legit address. There was always some reason why she should not come - traffic tolls, etc., After she left him, he would call and ask her to stop by. I told her not to bother unless he had months of leases/mortgage statements/utility bills, because otherwise he was just setting up shop at one of his boys' homes to give the appearance that this was his home.

I talked to someone else in our group today who was not happy to hear from her that she invited him for the holidays and that he was there. We said we would talk to her when we were together. Even if she continues with it, she should be honest about it. Telling us that we're invited to her wedding lets us know that she has her blinders firmly in place.

I've never heard her talk about his friends and family. I can recall it with other guys but not this one. Honestly, I thought she was done with this one for good, but I guess she wasn't talking about it until he decided to make his appearance official during the holidays.
 
loved said:
I've known bachelors that are not as clean as I would like, but the same thing that causes them not to clean leads them to not want to drive to your place, so
I can't imagine that would be a long term deterrent because at some point laziness would move them to ask their woman to drive to his home.


About a year & a half ago she was really upset and gave him an ultimatum - she would come to his house or they would break up. If I recall she got there and the address was no good. I remember her calling me and I mapquested and found that it was not a legit address. There was always some reason why she should not come - traffic tolls, etc., After she left him, he would call and ask her to stop by. I told her not to bother unless he had months of leases/mortgage statements/utility bills, because otherwise he was just setting up shop at one of his boys' homes to give the appearance that this was his home.

I talked to someone else in our group today who was not happy to hear from her that she invited him for the holidays and that he was there. We said we would talk to her when we were together. Even if she continues with it, she should be honest about it. Telling us that we're invited to her wedding lets us know that she has her blinders firmly in place.

I've never heard her talk about his friends and family. I can recall it with other guys but not this one. Honestly, I thought she was done with this one for good, but I guess she wasn't talking about it until he decided to make his appearance official during the holidays.
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wow!:nono::nono::nono:
 
loved said:
I've known bachelors that are not as clean as I would like, but the same thing that causes them not to clean leads them to not want to drive to your place, so
I can't imagine that would be a long term deterrent because at some point laziness would move them to ask their woman to drive to his home.


About a year & a half ago she was really upset and gave him an ultimatum - she would come to his house or they would break up. If I recall she got there and the address was no good. I remember her calling me and I mapquested and found that it was not a legit address. There was always some reason why she should not come - traffic tolls, etc., After she left him, he would call and ask her to stop by. I told her not to bother unless he had months of leases/mortgage statements/utility bills, because otherwise he was just setting up shop at one of his boys' homes to give the appearance that this was his home.

I talked to someone else in our group today who was not happy to hear from her that she invited him for the holidays and that he was there. We said we would talk to her when we were together. Even if she continues with it, she should be honest about it. Telling us that we're invited to her wedding lets us know that she has her blinders firmly in place.

I've never heard her talk about his friends and family. I can recall it with other guys but not this one. Honestly, I thought she was done with this one for good, but I guess she wasn't talking about it until he decided to make his appearance official during the holidays.
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C'mon!! A fake address and now she wants to marry dude? What a circus!:lachen: The things some women put up with just to have a man.
 
Phoenix11 said:
I have a friend who has been dating this guy for a whole year and never invited him to her house. Her situation is that she brought a house with an ex, the ex moved out but still has alot of his stuff there. The ex still feels it's OK to drop by from time to time to pick up stuff or to do maintanence on the house....legally they both still own it.

My friend explained this to her boyfriend, but he doesn't care. He wants to see where and how she lives. She told him she's not comfortable having him over because of the ex's stuff and the fact that he may just pop over. When she does have him over she wants both of them to be completely comfortable in her environment.

It's been a year and he has not been over her house. She is being up front with him and seems to have a legit reason for not having him over after a year.
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That still isnt any better. :nono: Why did she purchase a home with someone she wasnt married to?

Even if your senario is whats going on with OP's friend, I would still question his judgement. Buying a home with someone you're not married to isnt very wise. That said, she still should drop him. Too much baggage.

Off Topic: What happened with you and your evasive Professor?
 
loved said:
Thanks for that idea & the feedback ladies. When they're on a breakup moment, I'll ask if she's ever checked him out. I'm not pleased that my family is getting excited about the idea of a family wedding this year. It would be the first family gathering since a relative died this year. They don't know about this and I don't think it's a small thing.

I have a friend who had a suspicion and used 1-800-US-SEARCh to run a check on her SO while she was pregnant. She found out he was married.
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I strongly encourage every woman to do this. These days, you can never be too safe.
blue_flower said:
I know that's right. I do searches too. I discovered this one fool I was talking to had a PFA against him from his ex. It was time to move on after that.
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Good for you! He'd have never told you that...and if he did, it would've been too late.
Bint Yusef said:
By chance has she ever followed him back to his place? :look:
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LMAO, now that's gangsta....
justNikki said:
OP, your friend already knows what's up. She's just playing crazy like we do sometimes when we're in denial, but trust, she knows.
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I agree...she can't NOT know. Let her be in denial. Reality will set in one day and it won't be pretty. She's gotta learn this lesson.
Phoenix11 said:
I have a friend who has been dating this guy for a whole year and never invited him to her house. Her situation is that she brought a house with an ex, the ex moved out but still has alot of his stuff there. The ex still feels it's OK to drop by from time to time to pick up stuff or to do maintanence on the house....legally they both still own it.

My friend explained this to her boyfriend, but he doesn't care. He wants to see where and how she lives. She told him she's not comfortable having him over because of the ex's stuff and the fact that he may just pop over. When she does have him over she wants both of them to be completely comfortable in her environment.

It's been a year and he has not been over her house. She is being up front with him and seems to have a legit reason for not having him over after a year.
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If I was the new guy, I'd have to bounce, no offense. Seems like ya girl and the ex still have some relationship baggage to work out and in the meantime, no thanks. I'd have a problem with the ex just popping up, I don't care whether or not the house is still his. If the agreement is that we don't live together anymore and I'm still staying in the house, the boundaries are that it's MY home now and you are now a guest/visitor. The ex also needs to be respectful of the new relationship your friend is in and shouldn't just be popping up in the event your friend has company. If I was the new man, I'd also have to insist that dude remove all his stuff like yesterday. Cause to me it sounds as though ex is still in and out of the house and that things might not be finished yet. I'm surprised a man is okay with this scenario...
 
Ok, so let me get this straight. 3 years, and she doesn't know where he lays his head at night? :ohwell:

Wow. I don't know what to say. My first inclination would be to think that he's married. Married travelling salesman, married businessman, married truck driver, but married nonetheless. Even if he was single, lived in a bad area, had a triflin apartment, etc. he should at least want to silence the doubts about his living situation and their relationship status. Again, I'm speechless.
 
I am not buying the dirty place argument because he would have mentioned within the 3 years together and/or he would have wanted his girlfriend to "help" a.k.a. clean his house for him.

I have had idiots asked me to clean their house, cook them food, and wash their clothes.
 
You know my aunt dated a dude who didnt want to bring her to his place due to filth.. But she went over there and helped him clean up so i don't buy that filth...

balls to bones dude is extra married...
 
It is insanity that she would put up with that for SO LONG. This is all on her. He obviously had the upper hand in this 'relationship'.
 
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